Pushing my surgery date back.... I'm so scared

[Marie1120 9]

I'm so scared I feel like crying!

I've pushed my date back to November as I'm trying to find a place I'm comfortable with and make sure my job can get me a week off. But last night I just found out a family friend died during gastric bypass. She had sleep apnea as well and ended up dying after the surgery. The doctors don't know when she stopped breathing but she was taken off of life support yesterday.

This scared me so much. I was deciding on going with Doctor Fernando Garcia at CER Hospital but I feel like this is a sign. I keep trying to convince myself that it will be okay. The surgery is minimally invasive. I'm so scared that I wish I could be awake for the operation just to make sure everything is going fine. I need to get it done. I'm just so unhappy with my weight and tried soooo many times I feel as if I can't do it on my own not only that but the weight is piling on slowly every year. Yet I keep thinking what if I don't wake up? I'm only 22 and I have major plans for myself. I need to be okay.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am so sorry for your loss!

I know that it is a scary step and honestly having gastric bypass has less risk than having a hip replacement.

You have to remember that chances of dying of obesity is a much more realistic risk. Have you heard what happened with your friend that caused her death? It would be important for me personally to understand the bigger picture there. And it your point you really have to find a doctor that you are comfortable with.

Most Bariatric centers of excellence really do such extensive pre op testing before they will even consider doing this surgery. I have a problem with low heart rate and boy did they put me through the ringer before they would even consider touching me. Because they did such a thorough examination I wasn't scared at all.

In the end, you have to be comfortable. I would just caution you to look at the facts around your friends surgery and the data that is available on the surgery and on the surgeon you choose. Ask them their mortality rate if anyone has passed away, ask what happened. It will make you feel better.

Best of luck to you!

[Josey Quinn 187]

Hearing about tragic outcomes can be very scary, especially when it is a family friend. Keep talking to your doctor's office and any other support people about your fears. No one can guarantee a positive outcome, but they can help you minimize risk and address your anxiety.

[kimini 175]

I am so sorry to hear about your friend!I think that is something that would cause anyone to pause and really think about it for a while.

Here are a few things you might consider:

1. There are thousands of us on here who have had successful surgeries with minor or no complications.

2. Lightning generally doesn't strike twice in the same place. If you now someone who has had the worst outcome, what are the odds that it would happen to you as well?

3. You are in control of your decision, so you can and should do the research and find a surgeon you feel comfortable with.

I had heard about a friend of a friend who also died after major complications from surgery, and it definitely made me stop and think about whether surgery was something I wanted to pursue. There is always a risk with any surgery and it's a big decision, so I hope you are able to make the decision that is right for you.

[Pescador 1,374]

My husband and I were scared to death but more afraid of the diabetes and health problems that WILL come with obesity. We are loving life, at 69 and 70 years old now. Live while you are young. Thankful we didn't let fear stop us. We celebrated with new kayaks!

[Valentina 2,642]

When you're ready, you will know.

When you're brain finally convinces your fears to "see reason", then you will be ready.

After you have researched more, read more, watched more videos, talked with more post ops, listened to more speakers, listed all of the pros/cons over and over and over, then prayed more and then some more, then and only then will you be ready-----at your own pace---in your own time.

Be patient with yourself, Grasshopper. You will know---when the time is right.

[catwoman7 11,210]

Weight loss surgery is one of the safest surgeries there is. That may not have been the case 30 years ago, but it is now. As djmohr said, it's safer than hip replacement surgery. Yes - of course people can die - people can die from *any* surgery (remember that little girl who died while having her tonsils out a couple of years ago?). Like having your tonsils out, though, the risk from dying while having gastric bypass is ridiculously low - 0.3%. For gastric sleeve, it's even lower. That means you have 99.7% chance of NOT dying. I'd say those are pretty good odds!!! Dying on the table is REALLY rare. I'm sorry it happened to your friend, but it's just something that almost never happens. My surgeon has been doing these for 15 years and has never lost a patient - and i'm sure he's far from alone.

[JamieLogical 8,708]

The mortality rate for WLS is extremely low. I can imagine that it is very very scary when someone close to you dies. But you have to assess you OWN risk, independent of the anecdotal evidence you may see. And remember, you need to factor in the risk to your life if you DON'T have the surgery.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@Marie1120 I'm sorry for your loss! That really has to scare you as you prepare for surgery. Take some time to clear your head and remember why you started this journey. Mortality rate from WLS is less than gallbladder surgery. It's extremely rare and usually is due to underlying complications. Mourn your friend and take your time to decide what's best for you!

[The Candidate 3,215]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's always especially heartbreaking whenever you are directly touched by the possibility that exists with every surgery, that of a devastating complication.

My father died from a surgery complication in 2000, and that horrible experience weighed heavily on my ultimate decision to go through with WLS. I worried too about putting my family through the possibility as well. I did a lot of soul searching and talked with my family members one on one to make them understand why this was so important to me, even though we all knew firsthand that something could go terribly wrong.

The day of my surgery I had zero doubts. So if you have doubts, postponing your surgery was the best thing you could do. Take as much time as you need to reconcile the decision within your own heart and mind. There is no right or wrong here, only what is best for you personally. Don't go through with the surgery until you are 100% sure, either way.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

[mantjievanikap 36]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is normal to ponder over the passing of your friend. Your will go through the stages of grieve but you will make the choice that is right for you. Pray about it and do what is right for your health. God bless.

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