Weight Loss and Sadness

[OnMyWayCO 15]

I am so confused. I didn't realize how much of an emotional roller coaster this whole weight loss thing was going to be. I'll try to keep this short. But I would love to hear from anyone else who has had similar emotions and is willing to share. I feel like a freak.

I am 8 months post-op and have lost about 80 pounds. I've been hovering around 160 for the last two weeks and I am pretty sure I am self-sabotaging at this point. After months and months of excitement and enthusiasm over my success, I have suddenly begun to feel sad and scared over my weight loss. I am about 15-20 pounds from my ultimate goal (although my nutritionist would say I've reached goal) and I am scared. And sad. About losing weight. What is that all about?

About two weeks ago I weighed myself and had dipped down below 160 to 159. And for some reason that number terrified me and depressed me. That same weekend I discovered I am now in a size 10. Which should be cause for celebration but it makes me very sad. I've never in my adult life been below a size 14. And I feel like I am mourning those lost years. My youth, my 20s, it was wasted as a fat girl! And it is almost as though I don't WANT to lose anymore weight. As punishment for wasting my years? There are some issues of not feeling worthy of this new body, for sure. But also longing to re-experience my youth in this new body.

So my eating habits tanked. I knew I was making bad choices but didn't seem to care. I started saying things like, "I'm happy at this weight. If I don't lose anymore I'm fine." Which is partially true. But mostly not. I DO want to get down to 140 if I can. So then I battled myself and tried to make better choices, determined to see the scale move again. This morning, after going up to 160-161 over the last couple weeks, I was down again to 159 and all of a sudden I'm feeling sad and depressed again!

Oddly enough I also look in the mirror and don't think I look that different than I did 8 months ago. I am appalled at my old photos but for some reason I don't really see much difference in the mirror.

I am emotionally a mess. And I don't feel like any of my support system (which has been awesome and extensive) understands what I'm going through. I've been so fortunate to have friends and family rally behind me in this journey. But this odd emotional trip I'm on right now baffles them (and me). Has anyone else been here? Or am I truly just a little crazy?

[Valentina 2,642]

You are not alone. No matter what you're feeling---no matter how silly, ridiculous, wrong, isolating, self flogging you are feeling just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If ever you needed someone to share what you are experiencing with----the time is NOW.

Please make an appointment with your therapist --one who specializes with bariatric issues.

He/she will be able to help you sort your feelings out and how to move forward.

WLS is a roller coaster. Mourning for food is normal for most. Not seeing the "new body" in the mirror is echoed by most of us. Not "knowing" the new body and feeling uncomfortable with it is real. ( I wonder if your body is just not comfortable at your lowest weight---just a thought)

BUT, it ALL of those feelings can be isolated and dealt with , with the help of a professional therapist. I'm five years out and I'm still seeing my therapist regularly. No shame in the telling--in the sharing.

Above all,I guess what I want to get into your head is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Along with some therapy, keep posting here. There are members here who will care and emphalize. I certainly do.

Hang on and keep talking.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@OnMyWayCO I'm pre-op and can't really relate at all but it might not be a bad idea to get some counseling (with someone who has Bariatric experience). Have you had recent blood work to make sure you have no Vitamin deficiencies (that can often mess with your moods)? I hope you can soon be happy with your tremendous success!!!

[Christinamo7 4,042]

well, I think what you are feeling is completely normal. it's a wild ride! first all the hoops we jump through to get approved, then the rapid changes. now settling in - and you have to figure out who you are now (body wise) it's like the changes we go through when puberty hits. as far as looking in the mirror and not seeing the changes, I think that is very common. I picked up a pair of size 12 pants the other day and thought these won't fit, look how small the rear is? and guess what? they do fit perfectly. I am used to being much larger. it takes a while for our minds to catch up.

take a deep breath and get used to where you are currently before moving on to 140. you've got plenty of time.

I was wondering how I would handle not having a belly that looked pregnant. side sleeper, used to resting my arm on my tummy. turns out it's been fine, my arm figures out where to go and rest comfortably.

[OnMyWayCO 15]

Thank you all for the support. I think talking with a bariatric therapist is probably a good idea. I'm just not sure how to find one. I am planning to attend a support group (hosted by my nutritionist) later this month. I will ask her if she can recommend anyone.

It's good to know I'm not alone. I still feel a little crazy though.

[Babbs 14,681]

This may be a personal question, but were you abused as a child? Or even as an adult?

Sometimes we like to keep our "barrier" of fat because it makes us feel protected and safe. Maybe you seeing those numbers and pictures are just fear of feeling too vulnerable as the new, thinner (and unprotected) you?

But yes, I cuncur that seeing a therapist would be the best way to get to the bottom of how you are feeling and hopefully overcome it so you can enjoy your new life to the fullest.

[OnMyWayCO 15]

This may be a personal question, but were you abused as a child? Or even as an adult?

No, I've never been the victim of any sort of abuse. That is an interesting theory though.

I think many of us (meaning obese and overweight individuals) use our weight as a sort of guard though. I'm not sure what I have been guarding myself from, but I have no doubt that my weight shielded me from something.

[Valentina 2,642]

Thank you all for the support. I think talking with a bariatric therapist is probably a good idea. I'm just not sure how to find one. I am planning to attend a support group (hosted by my nutritionist) later this month. I will ask her if she can recommend anyone.

It's good to know I'm not alone. I still feel a little crazy though.

Feeling a little crazy??? Well, welcome to the zoo, Girlfriend!!!

Really, I know that I have trouble finding my "bubble" sometimes. What I mean by that is remember on a carpenter's level there is a little bubble that when is between two lines means that whatever the carpenter is working on is "level"? Well, Friend sometimes my bubble isn't even in the same county!!! All I do is take a deep breath, smile to myself and try to enjoy my "uniqueness".

How boring life would be if we were all clones of one another. Be kind to yourself. Take some alone time and learn about YOU. ----how special you are----what really interests you----just to daydream.

Crazy???? maybe, but delightfully so!!!

You'rel going to be fine----more than fine----you're going to be PERFECTLY YOU!!!!

PS: Your bariatric team's office folks will have names of bariatric friendly therapists.

I look forward to following your journey. We can "skip" along the path together if you'd like.

[tfarr 270]

@@OnMyWayCO wow

I feel I just read my own story. Everything you said is me right now. Everything.

I too feel alone in this and a huge emotional ball. I sabotage myself just like you. It's crazy!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[soundview 8]

I am 16 months out and took a break from actively loosening the past three months I've needed to wrap my head around some similar feelings. I've never been below 160 since early teen years and I'm now low 154ish. I'm just now ready to kick back into gear and see where my body weight ends up. I think your might just take some time to process your new body and let go of how you thought you would feel.

Sent from my LG-K550 using the BariatricPal App