Out flanked and assaulted. . .

[siera63 94]

Lmao @julia37. I'm with you on that!!!!

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[LisaMergs 2,854]

I hate bras more than anything in the entire world. Once I lose this weight I'm getting a breast reduction so I can wear those teeny tiny bullshit triangle bras that weigh like 1 ounce. I don't care if it makes me flat as a 10 year old boy, my husband is going to have to get over it.

Sister! I am SO with you on this! I was hoping the girls would go down as I lost weight. Nope. Of course, they've always been "there", but a girl could dream the impossible dream.

Meanwhile, I think I've lost my arse- maybe I could self donate from one body area to another someday.

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I hate bras more than anything in the entire world. Once I lose this weight I'm getting a breast reduction so I can wear those teeny tiny bullshit triangle bras that weigh like 1 ounce. I don't care if it makes me flat as a 10 year old boy, my husband is going to have to get over it.

I've considered just strapping them in with a belt, personally. They hit at about waist level anyways...

[AudreyDarling 46]

All my bras are barely holding on by a string by I'm waiting on approval from insurance company. So I've not wanted to buy any clothes because I won't need them long! (Trying to keep up hope I'll be approved) my little sister (21 and the size of a string bean) always is like omg you need new bras and I'm like NO I'll buy bras when I'm smaller! Lol

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[ella37 455]

I hate bras more than anything in the entire world. Once I lose this weight I'm getting a breast reduction so I can wear those teeny tiny bullshit triangle bras that weigh like 1 ounce. I don't care if it makes me flat as a 10 year old boy, my husband is going to have to get over it.

I've considered just strapping them in with a belt, personally. They hit at about waist level anyways...

Oh yeah, mine too. My mom (who has no shame) was talking to me the other day and started changing her shirt. She was just standing there facing me without a bra or shirt on, I was like, mom, GROSS! The sad part is I realized that her boobs at 64 are still higher than mine.

[siera63 94]

UPDATE !!

A new hostile undergarment action report has been filed by the Canine Security Forces Team.

Earlier this morning, Ofc Maltipoo burst into my office breathless and yip-yapping his butt off, quickly followed by Sec Supr Schnauzer, also yapping.

As the Commanding General of Canine Security Forces, I followed my troops into the bedroom. It was the scene of the most recent terrorist attack. The disaster that was my bedroom, dresser and wardrobe was gutting.

Realizing I am one Canine Security Officer short, I demanded the other two show me where Ofc Yorkie was immediately!

Apparently, Supr Schnauzer decided it was a good time to assert her Alpha Female Challenge. She sat down, cocked her head to one side, woofed and low growled at me. This could have been interpreted as a scene from 'A Few Good Men' where Jack Nicholson yells: 'YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!'

But a small bark and whine can be heard from under a pile of clothes. Ofc Maltipoo breaks ranks and begins to dig at the pile of clothes. His head buried deep, he emerges slowly with a strap in his mouth, using all the might of his 7 pounds to pull it out from under.

Supr Schnauzer is not impressed and merely yawns at me. Bitch...

Helping Ofc Maltipoo, we successfully locate Ofc Yorkie in the pile. Pulling him out, rear first, the full extent of the attack could now be seen.

Ofc. Yorkie must have been patrolling when he discovered the escape attempt of the hostile undergarment. Reliable intel suggests that hostile underwires gather together in clothes dryer lint filters.

Using every ounce of his 10 pounds, he asserted his dominance over the hostile undergarment. Ofc Yorkie is completely wrapped and twisted in the aggressive underwire bra.

He yelps in pain as I carefully unravel him. I look at his face and see the wire from the bra clenched in his mouth. OMG. He has sustained combat injuries in the battle. The battle must have been brutal. Free from the bra, the wire still in his mouth, he limps off the battlefield. Its a leg injury. He has his leg curled up under his belly as he walks away. My heart sinks. I call the vet.

Once the Vet and her asst. can pull themselves together from hysterically laughing at my story, a $230 office visit, $192 xray, $64 shot of doggy advil, $73 Rx for 16 days of oral doggy advil, Im on the way home with Ofc Yorkie and his sprained butt. (Actual medical terminology and diagnosis)

Once home Supr. Schnauzer happily inspects and sniffs Ofc. Yorkie.

What happened next can only be described as divine retribution.

Ofc Yorkie 'hmphfed' at Supr. Schnauzer. Schnauzer put her paw on his shoulder as a show of compassion, I suppose.

Ofc Yorkie would have none of it a promptly turned his head and emptied the contents of his stomach on her. Supr Schnauzer howled in what I can only describe as 'screaming like a teenage girl over justin bieber'. Ofc Yorkie limped away, head held high and went to his bed.

I would laugh at all this but I now have to bathe the vomit covered schnauzer without adding to it and clean my room.

And its only 10:30 am....

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[highfunctioningfatman 2,675]

Please tell me that you are an author, journalist or a part time contributor to mad magazine!

[KristenLe 5,979]

Lmao. You need to write books if you don't already! This made my night!

[OzRoo 1,492]

Too funny! Keep them coming

[LisaMergs 2,854]

UPDATE !!

A new hostile undergarment action report has been filed by the Canine Security Forces Team.

Earlier this morning, Ofc Maltipoo burst into my office breathless and yip-yapping his butt off, quickly followed by Sec Supr Schnauzer, also yapping.

As the Commanding General of Canine Security Forces, I followed my troops into the bedroom. It was the scene of the most recent terrorist attack. The disaster that was my bedroom, dresser and wardrobe was gutting.

Realizing I am one Canine Security Officer short, I demanded the other two show me where Ofc Yorkie was immediately!

Apparently, Supr Schnauzer decided it was a good time to assert her Alpha Female Challenge. She sat down, cocked her head to one side, woofed and low growled at me. This could have been interpreted as a scene from 'A Few Good Men' where Jack Nicholson yells: 'YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!'

But a small bark and whine can be heard from under a pile of clothes. Ofc Maltipoo breaks ranks and begins to dig at the pile of clothes. His head buried deep, he emerges slowly with a strap in his mouth, using all the might of his 7 pounds to pull it out from under.

Supr Schnauzer is not impressed and merely yawns at me. b***h...

Helping Ofc Maltipoo, we successfully locate Ofc Yorkie in the pile. Pulling him out, rear first, the full extent of the attack could now be seen.

Ofc. Yorkie must have been patrolling when he discovered the escape attempt of the hostile undergarment. Reliable intel suggests that hostile underwires gather together in clothes dryer lint filters.

Using every ounce of his 10 pounds, he asserted his dominance over the hostile undergarment. Ofc Yorkie is completely wrapped and twisted in the aggressive underwire bra.

He yelps in pain as I carefully unravel him. I look at his face and see the wire from the bra clenched in his mouth. OMG. He has sustained combat injuries in the battle. The battle must have been brutal. Free from the bra, the wire still in his mouth, he limps off the battlefield. Its a leg injury. He has his leg curled up under his belly as he walks away. My heart sinks. I call the vet.

Once the Vet and her asst. can pull themselves together from hysterically laughing at my story, a $230 office visit, $192 xray, $64 shot of doggy advil, $73 Rx for 16 days of oral doggy advil, Im on the way home with Ofc Yorkie and his sprained butt. (Actual medical terminology and diagnosis)

Once home Supr. Schnauzer happily inspects and sniffs Ofc. Yorkie.

What happened next can only be described as divine retribution.

Ofc Yorkie 'hmphfed' at Supr. Schnauzer. Schnauzer put her paw on his shoulder as a show of compassion, I suppose.

Ofc Yorkie would have none of it a promptly turned his head and emptied the contents of his stomach on her. Supr Schnauzer howled in what I can only describe as 'screaming like a teenage girl over justin bieber'. Ofc Yorkie limped away, head held high and went to his bed.

I would laugh at all this but I now have to bathe the vomit covered schnauzer without adding to it and clean my room.

And its only 10:30 am....

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This maltipoo would like to offer up a favorite blanket to Ofc Yorkie to to aide in the recovery, pain and suffering.

Finally, she was wondering if he'd like to go out on the town sometime- since he's already familiar with her "kind" She's sitting pretty for him.

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[shoodle72 61]

I love the references to your fur babies. I only have one concern post op. My Shih-Poo has a sense of entitlement combined with "I will get you back for leaving me". She pees on my bed when I don't come home. I spent a week in hospital for a spinal fusion and at 1am on the day that I came home, well you can guess what happened. Her cute little face is very deceiving!!

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[siera63 94]

@@shoodle72 I feel your pain. I had a spoiled rotten schnauzer years ago who would jump on my bed and leave 1 turd on my pillow when she was annoyed with me. She also dug a 6 inch by 4 inch by 3 inch deep hole in the wall while i was out getting her dog food.

We traveled to NY from GA on leave one time to see family. My parents had just re modeled their house completely with new carpets throughout. My schnauzer was left in the front hall barricaded in 'just in case'. While we were gone she managed to eat and destroy about 2 feet of carpet on the other side of the barrier. She met us at the door on the hall side with raspberry pink carpet and underpadding pieces in her beard wagging her tail 'look what I found! Concrete!' My dad was livid.

@@LisaMergs Ofc Yorkie has discovered that there are perks to being an injured combat vet. He whines and limps he gets extra attn from my son and nephew. He slept on my nephews chest last nite. Spoiled rotten.

He just conquered the sofa in the living room and is actively denying Maltipoo and Schnauzer place on it. His limp is miraculously better as he paces back and forth. But he is watching us carefully to see if we are looking so he can limp and look pitiful. Sneaky lil mutt. I think he is grounded for a couple weeks. There will be no dating or home nursing visits for a little while.

Now I'm not sure who was the culprit behind the terror attack yesterday...

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[siera63 94]

So just in case ya'll think I am entirely too wrapped up in the canine members of my family, I'll share a glimpse into the other side of this circus family.

I drop off and pick up my son every for school day. Over the course of the last 6 months of school (last year and this one) the number of 12y/o boys to be picked up has increased to 4. I don't mind, it gives me insight to my son's social circle listening to them talk as I drive. A scary but important thing. (the talk not my driving)

Yesterday, my son and 1 other 12 y/o come running down the stairs to my car. Following behind a ways are 2 other boys running and spitting. I'm horrified, my son yells 'Jack jump in, mom step on it' I pull away and get the story from them.

So Claude and Antonio, the spitters, thought it would be funny to spit at my son and Jack cuz my son and Jack are 'skinny weaklings and won't fight back'. (They are both super skinny, each having the blessed metabolism of a humming bird.)

It seems that these spitting boys need to be reintroduced to me. They certainly must have forgotten my 'parenting style'. You see, I use a more demonstrative approach with children. For example, if I catch them without seat belts in the car, I do not remind them for the hundred thousandth time. I simply make sure that the next right/left turn firmly plants them into the door panel. Then look in the rear view mirror and tell them they wouldnt have to be peeled off the door panel if they used seat belts. My son calls it the seat belt demonstration. His nose print can be seen there too.

So now my son and Jack are worried about the next day and are planning on bringing umbrellas,rain gear, etc. to school. The spitting boys are right, these 2 won't fight back. Hmmmm, I'm sure I only have 1 side of the story but I am still revolted and angry. I am good friends w/ both spitters parents, but im thinking this isnt a parental discussion matter.

I tell them I'll take care of the situation and to relax rain gear won't be necessary. My son's eyes are bugging out of his head. He knows this is not a good statement. He knows I have a plan. We speak no more about the incident.

This afternoon after school I pick up my son and the 2 spitters, Jack is no where to be seen. I pull away and the boys are talking amongst themselves. As I turn down the side road, I lock the doors, a few more feet I lock the windows. Spitter 1 says, 'are you making sure we don't fall out cuz we aren't in seat belts?' Noo, not at all, I reply as I pull over.

I reach down next to my leg and pull out a Double Barrel Super Soaker Water gun fully loaded with ice Water, point it at both spitters and fire. Both barrels, charged and pumping ice water into the back seat hitting them both square in the chest.

They are shocked, not even putting up their hands to defend. I am sure they never thought I'd use a water gun in my new car. They were wrong. They are soaked, the back seat is soaked, the ceiling is soaked in strafe marks, even my son in the front is soaked. And the water gun leaks, so I am soaked too.

Its then that they get the 'come to Jesus' talk. 'Don't either of you ever,ever even form your lips into the shape of spitting ever again. Blah blah blah.' Bugg eyed and wet to their drawers, they quietly respond, 'yes, Ms Terry'. I pull away and drop them off.

Tonite, both spitters have txt'd my son asking if I'm still mad at them. I'm not mad, but I bet they won't mess with me or my skinny kid anymore.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@KristenLe spent I've tried them. They do nothing but give me uniboob

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@@Jane1979 I can't help but laugh all day today! I bought some front enclosure sports bras for post-op and wanted to see if they were comfortable so I wore one to work today. MAJOR UNIBOOB!!! Every time I look down I laugh and think of your comment!