I should be happy right?

[crissyboo 63]

I'm back again, but not doing too well. I finally got my official approval date for surgery yesterday and I thought this was supposed to be a happy moment/day for me, but it hasn't. My fiancé and I aren't really on speaking terms and we had an argument (not wls related) two days ago and haven't really communicated much since then. We speak, but it's not our normal conversations and its to the point where we're sleeping in two different rooms. I feel overwhelmed and a bit depressed. I feel like now a part of me is ready to walk away and then part of me wants to try and work it out. I've built so much with him that just the thought of walking away scares me especially with me about to go into surgery. I need all the positive energy I can get, but I am not getting that currently and I feel like I need to get away before I have surgery, because all this stress/depression is going hinder me and my success. I'm just so confused, hurt, sad. I apologize if I sound like a brat I just don't know what to do.

[SuperSparkly72 116]

You don't sound like a brat at all. You sound like a woman on the precipice of an enormous life change who is trying to figure out a very complex situation. This is a highly emotional time in your life and, I'm sorry to say, after surgery it will continue to be so for several months because on top of the physical changes your body will go through you will also being dealing with a flood of hormones from the rapid weight loss. You're right, you need all of the support and positive energy you can get.

Which is not to say that you should walk away from your relationship right now. . . or that you should stay. A few questions: When is your surgery? How long have you and your fiance been together? How long has this distance been between the two of you? (Is he usually supportive and this fight atypical?) What do your family and friends think about him and your relationship? Sometimes people outside of situation can offer a different perspective.

The two of you need to sit down and really talk. Maybe you could go away for a weekend, maybe with a couple's counselor . . . something that will help you communicate with one another. I know from 21 years of marriage that you can't just ignore a problem and hope that it will somehow fix itself.

Congrats on getting your surgery date. I'm sorry your joy is being stifled by your current situation. Stay strong and keep reaching out to people for help. And never apologize for how you feel. Life is rarely as simple as happy or sad; there's just too much going on. We care about you here and I'm wishing you all the best.

[LisaMergs 2,854]

What she said^^ except I only have 20 years married under my belt.

You made the decision to have this surgery for many reasons- reexamine them and see how he fits into the equation. The ONLY person you should be having this surgery is for yourself, and that CAN tie others into it- don't get me wrong. For some, it is to be healthy and active to be around to see grandchildren. Others, to play a more active role in relationships, but ultimately, it is for yourself.

Having the support of the person you are closest to is so important in even the most basic ways- holding your hand as they wheel you down the hall to the operating room, spending the night in the hospital sleeping in the chair next to you, helping you move around and getting you things when you first get home.

After, like Sparly said, the hormones after- whoa!!! Lol. Like a tidal wave! I found myself bouncing between joy, being easily angered, and (this was nice!) a surge of libido! It evens out, but knowing it can happen ahead of time and being supportive and recognizing it is paramount to getting through those days/weeks. On both your parts.

If your surgery is soon, I implore you not to make any more life-altering decisions right now. If they NEED to be made, put the surgery off a few weeks. You need a clear, peaceful mind sweetie. Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[crissyboo 63]

@@SuperSparkly72

When is your surgery?

I am scheduled for September 13th.

How long have you and your fiancé been together?

We've been together for 3 years.

How long has this distance been between the two of you?

Just started really Thursday Of course he has reservations about this surgery which I kind of believe is causing a bit frustration in our relationship. He says he doesn't want to lose me and feel like he will once I have surgery I won't make it home. He feels like I didn't give him a chance to tell me how he feels about the surgery. I started not to tell him about it at all until it was all said and done because I knew how he would feel about it. But I didn't want him to be left out and in case something was to happen he wouldn't have a clue as to what was going on or that I wasn't coming back home.

(Is he usually supportive and this fight atypical?)

Typically he is very supportive, we've had a fight like this once before, but it was for something totally different.

What do your family and friends think about him and your relationship? Sometimes people outside of situation can offer a different perspective.

​My mom likes him (she's the type of person who thinks as long as he treats me good then she is happy with whomever I'm involved with), my dad likes him, my two older sisters I am assuming like him never stated otherwise. However my third oldest sister don't think he's the guy for me and that she doesn't see me with him in the long haul. She doesn't have an issue with him, but just doesn't feel like he's "the guy" for me.

[crissyboo 63]

@@LisaMergs

We've kind of worked out the issue and talked it out, but it just sometimes when we try to talk it always turns into a disagreement which then turns into an argument. I have a strong personality which makes it even harder to communicate with him because he's like passive aggressive to the point where he won't make a big deal out of something until I do. So whenever I bring up an issue with him that I don't like he'll wait until this time to tell me how he feels about a previous incident or current issue. Which then drives be bonkers. I just feel like I have a lot going on mentally I am taking everything personally.

[SuperSparkly72 116]

I'm glad to hear that the two of you are finally talking. It's hard when one partner goes all quiet on you. There are a lot of SOs who struggle with the risk of surgery and it takes a very secure person not to have doubts about how he will relate to the new you once you start losing weight and feeling better. It's a big change for everyone in a household.

I remember those last few weeks before my surgery. I was a wreck. Excited, anxious . . . hungry from my 2-week liquid diet which made me grumpy. You are in a very emotional and vulnerable state. The key for your relationship is honest, open communication. Your fiancee needs to know what to expect from you (As in "Hey, babe, I'm a bundle of emotions, it's going to last for a few months but it will get better"). And you need to be straight up about what you need from him.

The good news is, it sounds like the two of you have a solid relationship and that when he isn't in a funk, he's a pretty good guy. Hang in there. I agree with LisaMergs, now is not the time for you to be making any more life-altering decisions. Get through your surgery, the healing and the hormone dump and then re-evaluate where you are in life. There are a lot of changes ahead and you don't want to make an emotionally driven decision that you might regret six months from now. You've got time. This is your life and you are in charge of how it plays out. Take a deep breath and be really good to yourself. Wishing you all the best.

[crissyboo 63]

@@SuperSparkly72 Thank you so much for your help and support. You truly don't understand how much your wisdom has helped me. Everyday is a battle and I'm trying to take it one step at a time. I'm trying to keep myself from doing something drastic, but my emotions are going haywire right now lol. Thank you for your kind wishes. I will you all the best as well throughout your journey.

[SuperSparkly72 116]

You are very welcome. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Take each day one moment at a time. Before you know it, you'll find your balance again.