Enormous Weight Loss: Just the Tip of the Iceberg.

[Cervidae 2,389]

Afternoon all.

I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.

Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."

Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.

Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.

I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"

I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.

I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.

Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.

Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.

Cervidae

[northcountyr1 199]

You ate absolutely beautiful. And yes we've all been there. Thank you so much for sharing this. And continued success in your journey...oh and ps, I'd block that d-bag from my fb page..lol

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You are absolutely beautiful. And yes we've all been there. Thank you so much for sharing this. And continued success in your journey...oh and ps, I'd block that d-bag from my fb page..lol

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using the BariatricPal App

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using the BariatricPal App

[KristenLe 5,980]

Abby - you are an inspiration to so many of us! Keep your head up and stay happy and strong! I honestly don't know what type of asshole could say that to anyone - clearly he's not worth your time or energy!

[Cervidae 2,389]

@@KristenLe I honestly think he truly did not understand how what he said was incredibly offensive and douchey. SO many people just think it's normal and okay to make comments like this. Some people even believe it's somehow helpful! It's crazy!

[judy vsg 126]

Afternoon all.

I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.

Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."

Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.

Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.

I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"

I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.

I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.

Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.

Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.

Cervidae

Abby, you are a wonderful writer! I truly enjoy reading your posts. And, you look fantastic! Wow!

You have been through so much and are all the more strong for it. Comments like the one you received need to be tossed into the shredder.

Go, girl!

make it a great day

[HorsecollarMinnie 45]

Wow. I'm literally crying at my desk at work. Such a gutting post. Thank you. Keep rocking it.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Cervidae 2,389]

@@HorsecollarMinnie sorry! I cried a little while I wrote it. Hope you have a lovely rest of your day. <3

[siera63 94]

You are beautiful both inside and out. I'm happy that you were able to see that comment for its ugly worth. I have 2 of those people stuck in my life too. Not everyone is beautiful like you inside and out.

Hmmmm, we should feed make up to those ugly on the inside people.

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[siera63 94]

And you have the most stunningly beautiful eyes in that pic.

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[SuperSparkly72 116]

Thank you so much for so articulately sharing what many of the rest of us are feeling but can't quite put into words. Fat-shaming is that last bastion of the bigotted; the one thing people are allowed to show prejudice towards. I hate it. And I work hard at not hating many things. It never ceases to amaze me how differently I am treated now that I am a "normal" size. But, I know the people who have loved me big and small and that is who I choose to focus my energy on.

You're right. We're all incredible! Thanks again. And good for you, catching yourself before you went too far down the rabbit hole of self-doubt. Thanks for helping the rest of us.

[craftygamerchick 14]

Thank you for sharing;this will be a post to reread when I start losing noticeable weight. My oldest son is struggling because he's never had a "skinny" mom. He knows I will change physically, but even at 13,he doesn't realize I'll still be his awesome mom--just healthier.

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[Loudy227 96]

Your post reminds me of why I don't want to keep a pair of my "fattest" pants. To me if someday I put both legs in one pant leg to show off my weight loss it would be like making fun of my former self. That's just my take on it. My fattest self was still deserving of respect and love.

I've endured many of those type of statements as all of you probably have in the past. I used to tell my father about how I'd lost 50 lbs. on a diet and he would always respond with, "well, you know what to do... (stop eating, of course.) I'd feel completely deflated. Like it was so easy to lose weight I must be really stupid, lazy, etc.

We have to accept that most people who have never been obese are ignorant of our plight. How our bodies fight to regain weight. How our brains are obsessed with food even while we would do anything just to stop overeating. It's a complicated problem that no one, doctors and scientists included, really understands.

As one who was bullied and tormented in school for being fat, I've never understood what was so funny about my obesity or why it brings out the worst in some people.

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[rose10 3]

You are a beautiful person inside and out. The old you deserves love and respect just like the new you. Keep going and enjoy life!

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[Tiffgetnthin 9]

You are so beautiful! Don't let ANYONE label you as anything! I think all of us going through this struggle need to just be happy with who we were and who we are. Screw the people that don't understand, and love the people who have not started the journey and struggle every day.

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[mk2766 1]

Thanks for sharing, it was very inspiring!!

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