Enormous Weight Loss: Just the Tip of the Iceberg.

[Caroline G 25]

You are beautiful! I am so glad you handled it so well. There are always going to be people out there who don't understand, haters, etc. I love your attitude and think you are a great inspiration!

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[Abs02 17]

Thank you for this. I'm a pre-op Abby (diff spelling) and this summarizes my fears so well. The fears won't change my decision, but I can foresee the some of these emotional challenges down the road. I highly recommend a podcast for anyone pre-op, post-op, and even family and friends who don't understand what we experience every day..."Tell Me I'm Fat" from This American Life. Thanks for this little piece of reality!

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[beezy8 41]

Bravo, Abby! Thank you for sharing your feelings so eloquently.

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[kerber 22]

Abby that was very well written. You can't change the past and you can't fix stupid. For your peace of mind, block those negative people. There is a meme and I can't find it. But it said it's okay to remove the negative people from your life so that you can enjoy your happiness.

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[johnny207 30]

Keep Rising and Grinding Girl!

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[Shi-Shi80 73]

As stated by several others, you are absolutely beautiful and you are amazing at writing. I'm sorry you had to endure that on FB. Like you said some people are just clueless sometimes while others are just hateful and hurtful. I just had wls and already have 2 people in my life that I had to remove one being a "friend" of 33 years because the comments about me being skinny in the future and slick remarks about them going to gym and working hard was already too much. They are both obese as well and the thought of me someday being smaller than them is frightening I guess, but I don't need that mess in my life so if cutting them is what I need to ensure a healthier, happier me then I consider it a "great loss". Thank you for this post because I know one day I will encounter this ignorance and I need to be prepared. You keep working hard and letting your beauty and words inspire us. Don't allow anyone's ignorance put you back in the place you've fought so hard to come from.

[lelewatson 51]

You are a beautiful person inside and out. Remember that for your self. I am famous for eraseing people comments I don't like on my Facebook post. That will give him an idea that was the wrong thing to say. Yes people look at our outer shell but what's important is the inner person and forget that guy.

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[luckylucy 0]

Well said???? we got your back beautiful girl????

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[ramona5555 36]

Our self talk can be really harsh towards ourselves. You are you, beautiful before and beautiful after. I decided to use the hurtful things people said(whether intentional or out of ignorance) to fuel compassion towards others that are in the nightmare of obesity. I know better than anyone what it feels like and I'm going to do my best to treat everyone with the love and respect we all deserve.:-) congratulations on conquering this debilitating disease!

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[Hadenough2 13]

Afternoon all.

I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.

Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."

Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.

Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.

I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"

I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.

I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.

Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.

Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.

Cervidae

you are beautiful no matter what size you are, you just chose to make a change in your life...i know, society's perception makes me angry, i know several "thin" people who are unhealthy with diabeties, high blood pressure, cancer, etc... i was 100 lbs overweight and i was considered healthy- blood pressure, cholesterol, sugar...etc....surgeon said my organs looked very healthy....weight doesnt equal unhealthy...i remind people that i do have feelings, no matter what size i am...if you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all.

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[sunflower* 1]

Afternoon all.

I wasn't quite sure where to put this post, but it seems here is the best place, as what I'm going to be talking about today is a huge part of the wls journey and I'm betting everyone here can either relate because they have experienced it, may experience it in the future, or can sympathize because, honestly, I don't know a single overweight person who has not had to deal with the pile of bullsh*t that I've been dealing with lately at some point in their lives.

Last night, I posted a new selfie to Facebook. I've been updating them right along because my face is still changing so much, and I really like being able to see my progress and to quietly share it with my friends and family. I guess this particular selfie made my weight loss especially noticeable, because I woke up this morning to a message from a "friend" on Facebook that essentially said "wow! I'm so happy to see you're getting so healthy! It's so bad that you let yourself get that fat though."

Upon reading this horribly cruel message, I was shocked, humiliated, and for a moment I felt myself blown right back to the place I was two years ago, a place I've worked tirelessly in therapy to climb out of: I felt that I was a worthless, hopeless human being who deserved to be treated this way. When people were cruel to me before, it devastated me because deep down, wayyyy deep down in the darkest and most painful parts of me, I agreed with the horrible things they said to and about me. I must be disgusting, gluttonous, lazy, pathetic, not even worthy of any kind of basic human kindness. After all, I led myself here, right? It's my fault that I'm super-morbidly-obese. I deserve this treatment.

Now, two years later, I more or less look like a normal person. I wear a size 12/14 jeans, a large or medium shirt. I've even gotten to the point where I can sometimes look in a mirror and think "hmm. I think I may feel beautiful today." But messages like the one I got today derail me in a fantastic way, and remind me of that raw, horrible feeling that I'm still struggling with every single day to overcome. His message was almost conspiratorial; like, oh, you're not fat anymore, so we can ridicule and shame your former self together. Like I would agree with him and say "OMG you're right! Fat Me was f*cking disgusting and pathetic. I totally agree with you." Like I was not a person before and now that I am "normal", I am. I hate it more than I can even begin to describe.

I hate that to many people, fat people not only deserve to be treated this way, but also need to be treated this way. There are whole (densely populated, I might add) forums scattered around the internet dedicated to posting pictures and videos of fat people for the sole purpose of shaming and hating them, and the excuse is to somehow motivate fat people into not being fat anymore. That's ludicrous, of course. The real reason is simple. It's pure hate, ignorance, and insecurity on their part. I know this. I believe this. But there is still a little part of me that feels nothing but shame and humiliation in situations like this. Will I always just be "Fat Abby" to the people around me? Am I ever going to escape her? And why should I even hate her in the first place? "Fat Abby" was incredibly sick with a severe hormone disorder, so poor I starved just as often as I gorged on cheap white Pasta and bread, and suicidally depressed. "Fat Abby" had no hope and so did the only logical thing in her mind: she tried to speed up the process of dying young by eating more. That doesn't sound like a lazy, gluttonous piece of crap to me. That sounds like a person who was suffering intensely, every moment of every day. I want to be kind and loving to that hurt former self, not look back and think "man, you were gross. Good thing you're skinny now!"

I've said it before and I'll say it again many times, I'm sure, but I love where I am now. I am so, SO happy that I've made it here, and grateful to everyone and everything the led me here, including my own strong self. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But it's also important for me now to express these things here, to people who have or will experience them. Losing hundreds of pounds is a completely incredible feat! But it's just the tiny tip of the iceberg compared to the changes your life will go through after surgery. Do these experiences somehow negate my progress or my pride and joy? Absolutely not. They are just part of the story, and part of the journey.

I am not who I was. I will never be that person again. HOWEVER, being happy that I am not there anymore does not mean that I hate "Fat Abby", nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of her. Nor does it mean I deserve to be treated like an object that everyone gets to stare at and judge. Old Me, and I suspect all the Old Yous who are reading this, were just people who were doing the best they could and were suffering, and so we sought weight loss surgery to heal ourselves. We've done amazing things and changed in ways most other people have not even fathomed.

Remember the Old You without the hate and stigma attached to him/her, and the shame and pain that surrounded living as an obese person in a world that absolutely despises and dehumanizes obese people. Love the Old You just as much as you love the New You, and maybe someday you'll reach a point when you see the entire You with the kind of hope, love, and clarity that will keep you healthy and happy forever.

Attached is the selfie that started this. I love you all.

Cervidae

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Congratulations on your HEALTHY and BEAUTIFUL life change!!!

From my personal experience just want to tell you, that people, who make that kind of comments, simply find YOU as a TREAT to THEM and the way to feel better about themselves is to put you down. SO, by posting that kind of comments to you, is just admitting that you WON and YOU ARE BETTER THEN THEM. I think today for you is the day to Celebrate YOUR SUCCESS and block them out of your life. DON'T LET THEM EVER RULE YOUR LIFE! EVER AGAIN!

Good luck! Be strong and happy!

[Gorgeous Girl 2]

I could write a book in how badly I was treated while overweight.

People post things on Facebook shaming overweight people all the time. I no longer scroll through my newsfeed, limit the amount of time on Facebook and only check out people's profiles that I am close to. I have found this the best way to deal with the nasty things I see on Facebook about overweight people.

People show their true colours on this journey. I look at them as being uneducated.

My family liked it when I was overweight as they had control over me. My family no longer speaks to me and it really hurts.

Chin up honey. You have put the work in. Any gutless person can write a message like that but it takes effect to do what you have done.

BE PROUD!

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[gina171 626]

Abby, Abby, Abby.....you need to write a book.

Seriously, even if you self-publish on Kindle. I purchased more than one WLS memoir on Kindle from people who self-published, and none of them had the gifts of reflection, insight, and command of prose that you have. You're talented, don't hide it.

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[olliesoda 174]

Abby wow.

I have my op next Tuesday's my biggest fear is that I change who I am. Since I was 5 my nickname is Ollie everyone calls it me my family friends colleagues all. I'm not sure people even know my name is Anthony. Why Ollie? Oliver hardy. I love it ...Ollie is me. I can't be call Stan!

I go on this journey to get healthier, fitter to prolong my life. A life that I love. I can't wait for my NSVs I have a list of them. I know a new life awaits....

But I will always be Ollie. I'm not ashamed, it made me know I am. I love me, others love me. Abby I have seen you before an afters..... You have inspired me and I have one more guilty secret...... I saved the picture of your eyes... They are amazing... The gateway to your soul.. Beautiful. They have always been your eyes... Always beautiful.

Along our life journey we encounter assholes. Ignorant, total disregard for effect that words can have.

You have been strong to do what you have done, achieving so much. Use that strength to counter said assholes, they will never understand.

You are beautiful, amazing, inspirational to 1000s of us but most of all you are you.

Thank you, if I achieve part of what you have achieved I will be very happy.

[connie2166 21]

Don't let people make u feel bad about your success they don't have a clue about your weight loss journey u look amazing so they can go to hell

IMSTLHR