Pre Op feeling of FAILURE

[krissyleigh 30]

I recently have come to terms that I will never be able to achieve my weight loss goals without the help of wls. That sentence alone, portrays such a defeatist attitude (in my mind). But after a lifetime of being overweight, 15+ years of dieting ups and downs, and a recent PCOS diagnosis, that's where I'm at. Since my earliest memories as the "fat kid" I've always had dreams that I would be able to take off the weight and be the person I knew I was meant to be. There have been times where I have been close (usually via unhealthy means). Recently, I've been trying to not obsess about weight and embrace my body. I've been eating mostly very healthy the last few years even though i have given up trying to count calories. I also excercise regularly. Unfortunately, even with my healthier lifestyle I've still managed to pack on pounds.

I've been approved for VSG.

My dilemma is that even though I'm now more hopeful than I've been in a long time, I'm overwelhmned with a feeling of failure that I'm not doing it on my own, so to speak. Also, I feel a bit like I'm turning my back on my body positive (fat acceptance) friends. Has anyone else felt this way?

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

You aren't a failure. I am not a failure. Our bodies needs are just not compatible with the modern food-abundant society. We evolved to survive times of famine. Unfortunately (or fortunately) most of us in developed countries will never have to experience true famine. Our bodies are not aware of this.

[Genr2d2 21]

@krissyleigh: You are NOT a failure! You've made an informed decision and have decided "enough is enough"! You've tried many different ways to achiever weight loss and it has not worked. This is a hormonal problem-PCOS, for example. You've taken proactive steps to get to this point. Don't fool yourself-this is no easy way out. You have to work. VGS is the tool that's going to help you lead the life you know you're meant to lead. I struggled with your same feelings it's all perfectly normal-even thinking about what our friends will think. But you can't let that get in your way.

[Djmohr 6,965]

Honestly I have not felt like a failure having WLS. I have a metabolic disease that required surgery to resolve. Obesity is a disease and the practice of yo yo dieting only makes it worse.

Once you get the point of acceptance you can move forward.

I would also say in my opinion fat acceptance is great until to reach the point where all that weight starts doing real long term damage to your body. It is naive to think you can get through life without long term damage that will ultimately make life much more difficult.

I have said this no less than a thousand times since surgery. The only thing I regret is waiting too long to have the surgery.

Carrying around 150 extra pounds damaged my spine, my joints and my kidneys. This damage is irreparable.

Having WLS is one of the best decisions I have made but it is important to be very ready because you will work very hard to get there.

Best of luck to you!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I recently have come to terms that I will never be able to achieve my weight loss goals without the help of wls. That sentence alone, portrays such a defeatist attitude (in my mind).... I'm overwelhmned with a feeling of failure that I'm not doing it on my own, so to speak. Also, I feel a bit like I'm turning my back on my body positive (fat acceptance) friends. Has anyone else felt this way?

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Woah nelly!! I don't mean this to sound harsh, but ... HELL NO!

I had this surgery at 42. I tried every diet out there and successfully lost 60, then 80, then 90 pounds "on my own". All those lost pounds struggling through diets killed my metabolism and the regain was fast each time.

My mind was on food constantly and that alone was unhealthy, not to mention the damage I was doing to my back, knees and feet. I lost years of opportunities because I was too fat to participate fully in my life and the lives of my kids. I tried and I was always active but it wasn't what it could have been.

I look back through pictures of my family and I was "missing" for a good decade because I didn't want to be caught on film. How sad is that?

WLS gave me back the fullness of my life and I DID "do it on my own". Seriously. I did the pre op, I had the procedure, I followed my post op diet, I literally exercised my ass off ... Tell me who did it for me. No one. I did it ON MY OWN.

My sleeve is a tool. Hearing aids are a tool. Your car is a tool. Washing machines are a tool. Insulin pumps are a tool. Defibs are a tool. Air Conditioning is a tool.

Why would you not utilize a tool if you honestly need it?

As far as "fat acceptance"? Tell me one good thing being fat ever did for me. Oh wait. I floated better in the pool and big waves didn't knock me over. Other than that? Being fat -- accepting fat -- did nothing for me physically or mentally.

Doesn't sound like it's doing anything for you, either.

[DeletedMember 715]

That thing about floating better in the pool is absolutely true. It's really hard to float now, my legs completely sink, and I have to keep air in my lungs to stay above Water.

I think this is a really under discussed part of massive weight loss

[LisaMergs 2,854]

I look back through pictures of my family and I was "missing" for a good decade because I didn't want to be caught on film. How sad is that?

Yes this! For me- the same over the last 9 years. Now, 90 lbs down (40 to go!) I take every opportunity to get in pictures and to take pics with my kids- ad naseum. Too bad! I want them to have pics to remember me by, not wonder where I was in them after I'm gone!!!

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[2twinkle 86]

Krissy

Hey I relate!

As strict as I have been with my diets,

Cabbage, Weight Watchers, Atkens,

South Beach, calories counting, etc.

I started to gain weight after the initial loss of 5-10 pounds.

This also happened in the pre-op stage of my WLS.

I lost 5 pounds, then stabilized for 6 months.

It made me feel determined, by pretty unworthy.

I was under the care of the world's best docs at the mayo clinic

who told me not to worry about it.

The thing is, they also measured me.

And, I was loosing inches.

They told me my body knew what to do,

and as long as I followed their guidelines

it was all good.

Well, I was very determined.

And, have now lost over 100 pounds.

NEVER have I regretted my decision.

Just that I hadn't done it sooner.

I feel (and look) fabulous.

[2twinkle 86]

I should say,

to be more honest,

I lost 10 pounds, gained back 5 pounds,

THEN stabilized.

[Jane1979 270]

I woke up a few days ago wondering the same thing. But then I thought back to being 15 and starving myself to lost 10lbs only to gain it back. Then after having a baby and gaining 80 lbs and taking fastin losing 60 but feeling like I was having a heart attack. Then I thought about all the other diets I had been on did okay only to gain back and become depressed.

I have not had my sleeve yet. But I am not viewing it as a magic wonder. YOU are still responsible for your decisions of how you eat. You still decide if your going to exercise. So YOU are in control.

Personally I am looking forward to being full after just a few bites. Do I love food? Yes. Yes I do. But I love my family more and want to be around to see my sons become husbands and fathers.

Sending you positive vibes and wishing you good luck on your journey, wherever it may take you.

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[krissyleigh 30]

I woke up a few days ago wondering the same thing. But then I thought back to being 15 and starving myself to lost 10lbs only to gain it back. Then after having a baby and gaining 80 lbs and taking fastin losing 60 but feeling like I was having a heart attack. Then I thought about all the other diets I had been on did okay only to gain back and become depressed.

I have not had my sleeve yet. But I am not viewing it as a magic wonder. YOU are still responsible for your decisions of how you eat. You still decide if your going to exercise. So YOU are in control.

Personally I am looking forward to being full after just a few bites. Do I love food? Yes. Yes I do. But I love my family more and want to be around to see my sons become husbands and fathers.

Sending you positive vibes and wishing you good luck on your journey, wherever it may take you.

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Thank you so much, right back at you.

I have similar dieting memories and I'm pretty confident that wls is my best option. I'm just going through lots of emotions right now. It's nice to know there are others out there. When is your surgery?

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[Babbs 14,681]

Would you feel like a failure if you needed open heart surgery after a heart attack? Or if you had cancer, would you feel like a failure going through chemo? Taking meds for diabetes? Getting a cast for a broken leg?

Treat this as what it is. Medical intervention for the disease of obesity. It has absolutely nothing to do with being 'weak willed' or a failure. The strongest people I know are the ones who can recognize they have a serious problem and tackle it head on.

You know the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Those of us who decided we needed WLS suddenly became sane when it came to this issue.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@krissyleigh Only 5% of people who lose weight on their own keep it off! The odds are against us! I'm sure you've had PCOS that caused weight problems and it's extremely difficult to lose weight even when eating healthy. You are treating a disease - nothing about that says failure!

[Jane1979 270]

@@krissyleigh I don't have a surgery date yet. I have my first meeting with the surgeon next week.

I can totally understand being emotional. A few months ago I cried so hard I gave myself a Migraine and an anxiety attack. Beating myself up emotionally screaming "how did I let this happen". I felt like such a loser. I'm so thankful that these surgeries exist to help the us gain our lives back and allow us another chance at taking full control being armed with a very powerful tool. I have full confidence that we will make better decisions on what we put in our mouths. Will it be difficult? Of course! But look at all the others on this site. All ready and willing to guide us and help us stay on track.

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[tenseintexas 182]

@@LipstickLady that was perfect!!!

I had my surgery three weeks ago and can't say that at some point I didn't feel everything you are feeling ..... My relationship with food was so unhealthy and I can already see that only after three weeks:) good luck to you. I hope you feel encouraged and hopeful after reading these posts

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