Non supportive spouse

[Omieliz 213]

Geez - I feel really bad for you! I thought my husband was bad for driving me to the hospital, and practically shoving me out onto the curb while I tried to stay in the car having "second thoughts." Anyway, I honestly didn't need his help (other than driving me back for the hospital and carrying groceries). I was taking care of him and the grand babies the day I returned from the hospital on 9/2. Good luck to you!!!!

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[Jim Paulette 12]

My wife was initially not supportive, but I more or less decided unilaterally that I was going to get this done. She's (mostly) come around, but she doesn't say much when I bring it up.

[ella37 455]

I think it's sad so many of you have spouses who are not supportive. I hope you aren't offended by this, but it makes me wonder how strong those relationships are in the first place. Most marriage vows have some wording to the effect of "in sickness and in health". To me, this is a Health issue just like any other surgery except maybe cosmetic. It's YOUR health.

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I seriously doubt all of these people are in bad marriages. Just because your spouse thinks that you should go about something a different way doesn't mean that he doesn't care about your health. You have to remember that surgery is risky too and to a lot of people who haven't dealt with weight problems it sounds scary and extreme. It's like any other struggle, whether it's with alcohol or anxiety, people just don't get it unless they've been through it.

I will say that my husband has mostly been great. When he first heard the idea he was totally against it, having only heard of WLS in reference to people who are hundreds of pounds overweight. Once I explained it more and he learned more he got on board, but I will say that if I were to cancel tomorrow he'd probably be relieved. I am self pay so it was a big decision for us even on top of the usual fears of surgery. He also put his foot down on Mexico and said no way.

Yes, WLS is about health but there ARE other ways to lose weight. Most of us have done them all and been successful for an amount of time. People close to us see it and think, "well obviously he/she can lose weight on their own, they've done it before!". Like I said, they just don't get it. Especially people like my husband who can eat anything they want and never exercise and be in great shape. They just can't wrap their minds around it.

After a few days of talking about the money I just told him, "I'm not going to do this without your support, so you make a decision. If you decide to support it I don't want to hear anything other than encouragement from you after this". He decided we should go forward with it and has been great, but I know he'd still be fine with me not doing it.

It's okay for spouses to disagree, especially about major medical decisions.