Should I Tell my Young Children about the Surgery?

[mceni 0]

I have 3 kids. 13,9, & 8. I just had surgery on 8/23. I explained the surgery to my 13 year old separately than the smaller ones. He was all excited, he had seen commercials on tv. The other 2 I told in a very relaxed setting in very simplistic terms they could understand. My middle son, was the most concerned about a doctor cutting me open, When I explained that the doctor was making small holes sticking a camera in, he was just fine, after I showed them the small incisions. In retrospect, I am very glad i told them. They have been helpful with the liquid diet and bring alot of joy to me when they are joking about Soup and Jello. I am not sure if I would have discussed it with younger children. I think this is really a personal desicion and depends on each families level of communication. I think they were glad that I was honest with them and ultimately I want to foster that type of honestly from them to me, i think if i felt as if I were hiding something, they would have sensed it.

Good Luck it is a difficult decision

[jsrico 1]

I have a 6 yrs old daughter and a 10 year old son! They actually went to the seminar w/ me. They had seen me struggle w/ my weight and doing different diets. I told them I wanted to be healthy so I could do stuff with them. I didnt want to be fat momma! Well they were both very scared the day of my surgery....just nervous because hospitals are scary. After surgery they were both so helpfull...my tummy was real sore so I had a hard time getting out of bed or off the couch so my son would give me a boost. They have been awsome. Like I have gotten food stuck and ended up throwing up because I forget and dont chew good. Well they remind me....they both will say..."Mom small bites and chew alot or else". When we go out to eat...they say Mom can you eat that???? or if they see me get up real fast...they say oooohhh no is it stuck?? So they keep me on track....I told them the rules of lap band.....and they will not let me forget them or break them. When I hit onederland last Satarday 199 pounds I was sooooo excited that when I came out of the bathroom they said are you in onederland yet mom??? I said yes...I finally made it....and they both hugged me and started jumping up in down saying Mommy is in onederland...Yea Mommy!!!!! Then my husband got home and as soon as he opened the door they ran over and told him. I felt so accomplished and there support means the world to me! My kids watch BIg Medicne and Doctor 90210...so they know a little about it.....so the other day they ask me "Mom are you gonna have to have a Tummy Tuck ?" I said well you guys look at my tummy and tell me....they did and diagnosed me as YES...too much loose skin. LOL!!! So they know thats next!!! LOL

Sandra

255h/242s/199c/165g

[Louisianagirl 0]

I told my 7 year old daughter and she proberly told the whole school. She also trys to act like me when I eat, sometimes when things get stuck you grab your chest and she does the same thing. She says oh my chest hurts too and grabs her chest which she are I never done before being banded. It is really cute but you may just want to keep it to yourself that you are having surgery.

[madfroglady 0]

My son (6.5 years) definitely told every kid in his class. :omg: All their parents are coming up to me and asking how I am doing, etc. I won't be surprised if the teacher has me come in for show and tell. LOL

the mad frog lady

[I'm still here 0]

Uh huh . . . that would be my luck, and I'm not ready for that!

Having worked with children for the past 18 years, I have not found many of them to be equipped with a very good filter between their brain and their mouths . . . . Come to think of it ~ lots of adults aren't either!

I stand by my decision to keep my band 'my little deal' for now, and still have no concerns that my kids are going to feel in any way like I 'lied' to them.

We live in a small community, and once you tell you can never take it back.

Lynn

[cahollin 0]

Thank you to everyone who responded to this thread. All of the words of support and advice given have been very helpful.

Lynn

[Michee 2]

I dont have kids but a good friend of mine who is a single parent decided to get her tubes tied. Her daughter was seven at the time, and she knew that her daughter would broadcast to the neighbourhood. Of course not wanting speculation about her sex life and reproductive organs to be the gossip of the week, she needed an explanation. She told her daughter that mommy had a problem with her tummy and the doctor was going to fix it. She showed the daughter the scar, and explained that the doc fixed it. That explanation seemed to satisfy, although the daughter was more interested in the fact that mommy had bought her a new DVD movie that day. I am sure this will work for lapband surgery too.

[Lorsbander 1]

I live in a very small community in Iowa. You know, where everyone knows everyone?! Word travels fast here. So, I can assume that 1/2 the town knows about my band that I got a couple of weeks ago!

That's life, I guess!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!

[jclue 0]

I just got banded on Wed. 8/29. I have a 13 year old son, 10 year old daughter and 3 year old son. I chose to tell my kids. Secrets cause stress in my family, you have to worry about when your talking about it, etc. what you are going to make up when things happen etc. I did not make a big deal out of it, just told them I'm getting this surgery because I've tried everything else and nothing worked long term and I'm concerned about my health and hope that this helps me to live a healthier, more active life and that I will be able to do more things with them. The 3 year old doesn't understand and is not overweight, but both of my older children are overweight and I think ultimately (I had a very hard time with if I should have the surgery, what my kids would get out of it, etc. etc.) If I'm healthier and more active and eating better that hopefully it will rub off on them too so that they can get their weight under control now when they are young and not be in my shoes when they are older.

[Sooverit! 1]

I do like Wendell's explaination of lap band with the loaf of bread ...very simple, smart and honest. I am tempted to do as I have a 10 year old daughter who is very inquisitive and doesn't miss a thing. We are very close. She hears me unfortunately complain about my weight and always tells me I'm not fat. In her eyes I'm not. I wish I never complained in front of her but it just comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.

If I tell her I am getting the surgery she will be very worried and probably confused for a while and afraid she will have to do this when she is older as she is somewhat overweight now. But she will notice if I eat differently and if I am feeling sick...which I pray I won't be but as someone here said what if she sees you slime~! Ehh gads I don't know now which is worse hating being overweight or going through all this. I am leaning toward not telling her as I have read that kids should never have to be put in a position of worring about adult problems ...they should just be kids having fun and learning. BUT then again I just remembered that she sees me on this web site all the time and already knows I'm intersted in it. I think I'm tired of of all this thinking about the lap band. :faint:

[madfroglady 0]

ANother thought. Your expereince may be different...

I believe a huge reason for my weight problems were that from a very young age, I watched my mother diet constantly. She tried every fad diet, WW, fasting, you name it. As a chubby kid (my family first told me I needed to go on a diet when I was 4 and forced me to go on Weight Watchers at 13.) the message I took to heart was that none of that stuff works. By the time I was 14 I decided that since none of worked, why bother. I didn't try to lose weight again until I was in my mid20s.

I would rather have my kids know that I have a tool that helps me, and I still have to make smart choices about how I use that tool. That way if they ever need help with their weight (they are beanpoles at the moment) they'll know they can talk to me about smart ways to manage it.

just my $0.02...

frog

[Sooverit! 1]

I slept on this topic and feel different this morning...Frog I really did feel the way you did before I asked this question actually; I do want my daughter to know there is a way out of obesity if she is plagued with it and she doesn't have to suffer too much with it down the road, that there is a permanant tool that will help. Also I think I will remind her of the time when mom was paralysed with back problems for 3 days a while ago and how it was brought on by excess weight. Also I will tell her about how her aunt Kathy died (my sister) of sleep apnea caused by obesity. I will also explain how it can shorten a person's life.

With all this said I believe she will undestand (hopefully) and go on being a kid. They are resiliant I know. I will be careful not to "burden" her though with any of the side effects I might get. I think that's the key as long as we do it, get on with it and feel good about doing it ourselves ..kids will follow and go on with their active fun new lives! Thanks Frog :nervous

[k2k07 0]

I told my 11 year old son that I want to have it done. He doesn't understand why I want to because he doesn't think I'm 'fat'. I guess he's love for me has blinded him of my extra 100 lbs on my frame... I haven't told my 4 year old because she wouldn't understand anyway. Neither of my children have weight problems and I'm hoping that this surgery will keep it that way.

[cahollin 0]

I would really like to tell my 10 year old daughter. She's very mature, and I believe that she would understand, but my seven year old is still a little young. Another problem with telling them is that they would probably talk about it in front of family members. I'm going to continue to think about it, and focus on what would be in my children's best interest.

Lynn