Should I Tell my Young Children about the Surgery?

[cahollin 0]

I haven't had lapbanding yet, and if I do, I can't decide if I am going to tell my kids about it. My daughters are 7 and 10 yrs old. The 10 year old has a weight problem, and I don't want to send either of my children the wrong message about being overweight. However, I don't want to feel like I'm lying if I have the surgery. The kids will wonder where I am the night that I stay in the hospital. They will also notice that I'm not eating the same kinds of foods that they are eating during meals. What has anyone done in this situation?

[mollytimes 0]

Boy, did I struggle with this one! My kids are 13, 11 and 1. I know if I sat down and explained it too them it would be okay... But I chose not too for several reasons. 1) I didn't want them to think that surgery was the answer for losing weight... I don't think they are mature/old enough to understand how hard I have struggled over the years with dieting. and 2) I really only planned on sharing this with my family (mom, sisters, etc) not necessarily neighbors and casual friends. I think it is a lot to ask of a 11 keep a secret like this from her friends. What I did was to explain to them I was having surgery and when they asked why, I told them it was a female thing and kind of personal. But added that it was nothing major and I would be healthier when it was done. Just enough but not too much information. Then I explained the early eating/drinking as necessary to help my surgery heal. Now as I've moved on to mushies, I've told them that I'm healed but now I'm going to watch what I eat and eat better so I can be even healthier. I hope this helps.

[madfroglady 0]

My 6.5 year old son overheard me telling my sister about it and freaked out. He was scared that something would happen to me during surgery. But after some reassurance, he was fine. I had to do a pre op liquid diet so both my kids (3 and 6.5 years) noticed right away and had questions. I told them "mommy needs to get more healthy." Now they know why Mommy does some strange things (like drinking my dinner and not sharing it) and importantly for the 3 y. o., why I can't pick him up yet.

the mad frog lady.

[blushn 0]

I told my kids that I am planning to have this done. They are 13 and 14. My daughter(13) is overweight herself and has heard of a number of people having this done before, along with some of her extended family members. She is also a big fan of the show Big Medicine. I have taken every precaution to make her understand this isn't an easy fix for weight problems. I suppose I haven't been a very good role model previously but going forward that will change that so that she won't end up in this same situation one day.

I guess depending on the kids age I would limit the amount of information you want them to have, however if they are old enough, I find no value in sugarcoating the explanation, they should know what is happening.

[Band-aided 0]

I haven't told my kids, for similar reasons to Mollytimes. Don't want them to think an op is a quick fix to weight loss and my daughter as most girls loves a good gossip and to keep a secret like that would be too much to ask of a 11 and 13 year old. What I did was start off about 3 months pre surgery with life style changes, started walking with the kids, taking them food shopping and we all managed to lose weigh pre op. I said I needed a womans op and would have to take it easy for a while with food. I was very lucky my kids were a way at camp during my liquid and mushy faze. Now they just think Mum is on a healthy eating stint and has lost weight, So has all my family! I find it hard to eat in the mornings but by evening I can eat a reasonably amount of food, not huge by any stretch of the imagination but enought for the kids not to notice. I can't eat bread or stuff like that. I now also give my kids a much for sensible portion size as I myself think, "my goodness they'll never eat that much", it seems to have worked. Hope this helps!

[mumof2boys 71]

I have two children...ages 7 and 4. I told both of them that I was having a surgery to help me get healthier. I told them that it would give me more energy to play with them. I let them see my incisions when I came home and I have let them feel where the port is. I also show them the little hole from the needle following a fill. It's kind of funny because my 4 year old will be eating a snack and he'll say..."Mommy, can you eat this...how many calories is in it?" Or...he'll see a number on a package and say..."Mommy, you can eat this, it only has 2 calories".

[I'm still here 0]

Often times I keep my opinion to myself, but I think I'll jump in here . . .

I am the Mother of two awesome kids - a daughter who is almost 14 and a son who is almost 9. Both of my kids play sports, are very athletic and have no issues with their weight or food. Thank God. That being said, I didn't either at their age.

I chose not to tell them for many of the same reasons Molly said above. In fact - I chose not to tell MOST people. I felt (and still feel) like this is MY little deal and I don't want to be constantly in the 'spotlight' so to speak with it . . . Now, there may come a day when I tell the whole world, but I'm not there yet. My story is that I am eating less and exercising more, which is true.

My kids have never heard of the Lap-Band. I didn't want them to think it was a quick fix. I didn't want them to have to keep Mom's secret. I didn't want them to worry about me. I didn't want my daughter to start obsessing about food. I didn't want my son to pepper me with a zillion questions . . . .

I was not hospitalized overnight. My surgery was in the morning and I was home by 4pm. The kids went to school normally that morning and went home with friends afterschool as had been previously arranged. When we got home my husband went to pick them up and brought them home. We told them that I'd had a little 'woman procedure' that day and needed to rest. NO BIG DEAL! When they left for school that morning they had no idea anything was going on . . . Yes, of course I worried about that - but I KNEW I was going to be fine.

Exactly one year before we'd lost my only sister to breast cancer and the year before that their grandfather dropped dead from a heart attack. The year before that an uncle was killed in a car accident. My kids have had enough to worry about and I knew I was going to be fine. I chose not to have them spend the day at school worrying about mom. They came home, mom was resting . . . everything was fine. A couple of days later we were back to normal.

That is our story . . . while it may not work for everyone, it worked for us.

Good luck in whatever you decide . . .

Lynn

[Wendell Edwards 73]

I haven't had lapbanding yet, and if I do, I can't decide if I am going to tell my kids about it. My daughters are 7 and 10 yrs old. The 10 year old has a weight problem, and I don't want to send either of my children the wrong message about being overweight. However, I don't want to feel like I'm lying if I have the surgery. The kids will wonder where I am the night that I stay in the hospital. They will also notice that I'm not eating the same kinds of foods that they are eating during meals. What has anyone done in this situation?

I would tell them for a number of reasons.

For one thing, if you don't tell them, when have your first "SLIME" episode, they are going to freak out.

Here's what I suggest to people:

Take a full loaf of bread out of the kitchen. Put the loaf of bread in the wrapper on the table in front of the kids. Explain that "Mommy's stomach is too big, it's like this loaf of bread, and that's a lot"

then open the loaf of bread and remove the majority of the bread, putting the wrapper back on two or three pieces.

"This is what the operation will do for Mommy, it will make my stomach smaller, so I don't eat as much food, see?"

By focusing on the size of your stomach, as opposed to focusing on losing weight, the daughter with the weight issue will be less likely to internalize the discussion.

Ultimately, whether to tell them or not is up to you, just be aware that they may feel that their trust in you has been violated if you do not tell them.

[Cerrin 3]

It may be none of my business because I dont have kids. But I remember when my mom had to be rushed to the hospital for her galblader. They didnt tell us kids until after she was better. we knew something was going on but as kids we were self-absorbed and just knew mom was sick and would be back in a few days. when she got home everything was normal it didnt disrupt our lives too much. After a few years mom told me. I was older and we were talking about hospitals or something and that is when she told me I dont believe their was ever a trust issue because she didnt tell us then. I was 8 or 9 at the time my sister would of been 11 and my brother about 15 I think my brother knew she was in the hospital but was not told it was life threatning.

This is just me and my experience.

[TracyinKS 7]

My 4 year old was at the hospital with us and he just knew that mommy was seeing the doctor and that she would have Owies on her belly. He didn't like me in the bed but after I was out of recovery and he got to hug me he was ready to go off with grandpa.

The step son's 7, 10, 12....... think I had the same surgery as their mother did (gallbladder)......... we didn't tell them because I didn't want them blabbing it to their entire town....... I have pb'd infront of them and they just think it was something that didn't set well.. since my stomach is now finicky..... really they don't think anything about it because thats the way kids are.. self absorbed...... when we go to buffets they don't notice that I'm not eating some of the things i used to eat... not a big deal at all.

[I'm still here 0]

I do not think this is going to end up being a trust issue with my kids.

In the long-run, I think they will be grateful that I did not subject them to every little hang-nail that I had like their grandmother did me . . . Oops, that's another thread.:girl_hug:

Lynn

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

My kids were 5 & 7 when I had surgery last year. We debated on telling them, but did ultimately. They understand that I had surgery on my stomach that helps me to eat healthier. That is about it. They were thankful I told them and trusted them to try to understand, a year later they tell me about my band! Good luck! :girl_hug:

[globetrotter 0]

I was 14 when my mom had gastric bypass. I was fully aware of what she was doing. I don't know how it influenced me, but I was thin for the next 20+ years.

I am going in for lap-band next month, I don't think that I will tell my 5 year old, but I will tell him later, and I will make sure that I position it as my screwing up to get to the point where I needed so much help to get back on track.

[Lorsbander 1]

My kids are 8, 4 and just turned 3. I did not tell the 4 and 3 year old, as they really are not old enough to get it. I had not told my 8 year old my plans to get the band. One day we were watching tv and the Lapband commercial came on. She turned to me and said, "Mommy, you should get that!" I couldn't believe it! I explained to her that I was looking into it. She wanted information about it, too, so I showed her pictures and read to her about the band. She went to the hospital with us on surgery day and did great. She is one of my biggest supporters. (She is obviously a very mature 8 year old.) I think every kid is different as far as their maturity and life experiences. Everyone should look at each kid individually to see if they can handle the information, because it can be pretty deep!

Also, my band is not a secret, as I am not a good liar! Plus, what if you lie to someone and they find out? They are gonna think you are trying to hide something. I don't wanna look like a dumbass, just a skinny ass!!!

[I'm still here 0]

Wow Lori - that is awesome, and under those circumstances, I would be completely honest with my kids too. That didn't happen at our house.

I take exception to your 'liar' comment because I have not lied to anyone. I AM eating less and exercising more - that is the truth. No one has asked me if I got the lap-band, therefore I have not been put in a position to lie.

Lynn