I need help keeping this secret!

[laceemouse 631]

Hi everyone! I am new here. My name is Lacee and I am an over-sharer. Yep, I am a big mouth, in real life and on Facebook (I have over 600 FB friends) I am an extreme extrovert who just tells everyone everything. I don't usually worry about how they will take what I say, they are free to avoid me in the future or unfriend me on Facebook or whatever.

I have been thinking about/researching WLS for a couple of years. For a while I was just under 40 BMI and really don't have any co-morbid issues so I was told my insurance would not pay. My husband and I discussed self-pay but decided to think about it and research more.

Now, since I haven't even been trying to lose weight for the past couple of years, I have hit the magic 40 BMI. Have had my first appointment with my surgeon (the one my insurance recommends, I did visit a couple of others but have decided to go with him) and have my psych eval this Thursday. My surgeon's office thinks approval will be easy and quick. I am excited and scared!

Anyway, I have gone over and over this a million times but I have decided not to share this decision with anyone. Well, my husband knows of course. We have 4 adult kids and I have mentioned it to a couple of them but they still don't know for sure and I may not bring it up again until maybe the night before I go for the surgery, not sure???

I really don't know very many other obese people. I have one friend who had the surgery but won't admit it (she told one other friend who accidentally spilled the Beans to me) and another friend who has lost over 250 pounds on her own (awesome, but really hard work and she has lost and gained many times before, like most of us)

I just know too many people who will try to sell me Plexus or magic oils or tell me to try whatever crazy diet they are currently on (all meat, all raw, etc, etc)

Maybe I will tell people after?? Do most people keep this secret? Does anyone else out there have trouble keeping this secret?

[smellslikecoffee 43]

I had the lap band surgery in 2012. I told my parents, two or three close friends and my husband. Eventually my mom told my grandmas and some cousins and I was mad for a while. I have decided to have the sleeve in a few months and I have decided to not tell a soul, except my husband. Eventually, I'll tell people. But since the band failed me, or I failed the band, I'm hoping the sleeve will work and j won't be embarrassed to tell people. It's your choice. If you don't want people to know, then you won't say anything. But deep down, if you do want people to know, you'll tell than. Good luck

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[KristenLe 5,979]

@@laceemouse I have only told my SO, mother and one sister as I go through the pre-surgery steps. I will tell other family members once I have a date (or post-op) and I will be telling people at work only because I have never been successful at losing weight and I've worked with many of these people for 20 years - they're going to know that something is up when I come back from FMLA and start losing weight. I have a much higher BMI though - so it may be possible for you to get away with not telling anyone about surgery and that you are just losing by eating healthy. I will not be broadcasting to anyone on FB. If someone asks me how I've lost weight - I will be honest. I really don't care if they don't approve - I'm not doing this for them - I'm doing this for ME and to be healthy. To tell or not to tell is a very personal decision. Whatever you decide - never feel ashamed to be getting surgery - it is a tool to help you lose weight. Only 5% of obese people who lose weight on their own keep it off (that's not good odds) - so why wouldn't we get help to lose and keep it off! Good luck!

[laceemouse 631]

Thanks guys! Part of the struggle for me is I am such a big mouth. The other is that I feel kinda angry at my one friend who had the surgery but kept it secret, mainly because I would love to pick her brain about who did her surgery, how things went, etc. I also have a group of friends I go out to eat with monthly. They are going to guess something is up. But for now I am not telling, guess I will decide later if I want to share and who to share with.

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[higher 966]

Hi there, I'm a blabbermouth myself in general but I had surgery and didn't tell a soul. It's doable.

[PNWsleever 44]

I said I wasn't going to tell people but I've told 6 people already. Only close friends. I'm going to try not to tell any more. It's hard because big life changes can be exciting!

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[laceemouse 631]

Yes, it is exciting! However, most of my friends are not overweight, neither is my husband. He is supportive but I know none of my friends will "get it" if I tell them. I am glad I found this site to ask questions and read about other experiences, and I also plan to start visiting a support group at the hospital next week.

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[finding_onederland 226]

I have only told 5 or 6 people, plus my husband. The people I have told have either had the surgery or are close with someone who has had the surgery (and my HR rep). I have not told anyone in my family yet (other than my husband). People at work know I will be out for surgery, but I have not volunteered the details.

[amyflores 23]

I tell anyone who wants to listen to me go on and on about endless appt and frustrations

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

I am an extreme extrovert with 1700 FB friends, 500+ insta/twitter followers and I told 6 people (3 who live in my home). Social media and WLS does not define me. It's just a circumstance.

[Valentina 2,642]

Now I share my experience with anyone who asks---up front and factual.

You know as well as I that a group of friends who as a group, want "information" about a "secret" that another friend is keeping from them, they will walk through a bed of hot coals to find out the "nitty gritty".

Worried about FB and /or any social media? It's all "smoke and mirrors", my friend. ---all nothing but "smoke and mirrors".

Don't worry yourself about somethings or somebodies who are not really real at all.

Enjoy your decision, whatever it is. It is yours to make.

[laceemouse 631]

It's not that I care what others think as much as I like sharing. Like PNWsleever says, it's exciting! I also value honesty, like I said it kinda bugs me that the one friend keeps it secret. I know it is her decision to make but I asked and she flat out lied. THAT is not my style, I share. Especially if the person asking would benefit from the info. So yep, pretty sure I will share after it is done, if people ask.

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[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@laceemouse

It has been shockingly easy to keep a secret. I'm actually surprised. I have a lot of friends and know a lot of people but luckily most people think diet and exercise work, so they don't really think my weight loss is magical. My close friends all know but they all live out of state, and they don't care beyond being happy for me. I'm a year out, 4 people know and they live in 4 different states and don't know each other.

If you are open about changing your lifestyle. "I'm low carbing/ eating keto" "I'm trying to be more active" People just think that is working, because you know biggest loser. Everyone thinks all you have to do is be serious and work hard.

Also, think about WLS are a serious medical issue. No other surgery that people need, this isn't really an elective surgery for those of us who have been obese for a long time, gets debated like this. No one tells someone to skip their heart surgery.

You just have to decide you want to keep it a secret and know what that means. Keeping it a secret means you tell no one, beyond your husband. NO ONE. Anyone you tell can tell someone else and they can tell someone else. Secret means secret.

I'm a year out, 4 people know and they live in 4 different states and don't know each other.

[Kitty7926 7]

Girl I'm the same way! If you must share, just say you are having hernia repair surgery. I've only told about 6 people, closest friends and hubby. My parents are big on Plexus. I've tried it and I'm not consistent enough with that. My BMI is close to 40 but I also have sleep apnea. Surgery scheduled for 9/13.

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[laceemouse 631]

Girl I'm the same way! If you must share, just say you are having hernia repair surgery. I've only told about 6 people, closest friends and hubby. My parents are big on Plexus. I've tried it and I'm not consistent enough with that. My BMI is close to 40 but I also have sleep apnea. Surgery scheduled for 9/13.

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Good luck to you, I hope to have a surgery date soon. I haven't even tried Plexus, I know I need something more.

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