Self sabotage - realization

[HopeandAgony 566]

As many of my posts indicate I have struggled to recognize my weight loss. My weight has been steadily holding at a number that leaves me classified as obese on the BMI chart (I've lost 80 lbs since the journey started, 90 lbs total). I am 9 months post op. Between my jacked up mentality due to real life mental health issues and the honest struggle to visually see mentally weight loss I have come to understand I am fighting an every day battle with self sabotaging behavior. The past two weeks I have been on a downward spiral...pretty much since I got into a size 6 jeans. I've been demonizing my own success by eating like a human garbage disposal suddenly. Why? Because that size 6 didn't hit home with me. I wanted it too. I even made a post about it (starting posts is an infrequent occurrence for me). But it didn't. And now I've managed to put back on 5 lbs from my lowest weight (my lowest lasted 1 day by the way - 174 lbs).

Does anyone else self sabotage? What did you do to change it? Why do we do this? How did you beat it? I'm already regularly medically treated for my mental health. I have to find a way to beat this monster without having to call my shrink every day. I plan to get back on track. Tracking my food. Avoiding the sweets. Exercising even when I don't want to.

Please share your reminders with me that you tell yourselves of why we did this in the first place.

[katiecem 24]

HopeandAgony

Do have a current psychotherapist? If not, I would suggest trying to find one that uses Internal Family Systems. This is what helped me to understand the part of me that sabotages and how to find out what that part really needs and wants. You can go to centerforselfleadership.org and there is a "find a therapist" function.

[HopeandAgony 566]

HopeandAgony

Do have a current psychotherapist? If not, I would suggest trying to find one that uses Internal Family Systems. This is what helped me to understand the part of me that sabotages and how to find out what that part really needs and wants. You can go to centerforselfleadership.org and there is a "find a therapist" function.

Thanks for replying. I do see a therapist regularly and am also on medication due to severe OCD (classified as Pure O) and anxiety. I am what she calls hyper vigilant when it comes to self awareness. I quickly recognize my issues because I am constantly looking for faults in myself. I am very much aware this is a mental challenge. I am hoping people can share with me what they've said to themselves to bring their goal back into the picture. Or what actions they've taken to have reminders present of why we all started down this path.

I do appreciate your reply and might venture a peek at the website. I am always looking for ways to help myself and anyone I can conquer their battles.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@HopeandAgony I'm pre-op but self sabotage is my motto whenever I've dieted in the past. You have to dig and find out why you want to hide behind your weight. Write a list of all the reasons why you started this journey and what you want to do now that you've lost weight. Go out and do them! You have to self talk - be proud of yourself and tell the bitch whispering in your ear telling you that you're a failure and saying"why bother?" to STFU. Stay strong!!! You have done incredible!

[cbonet 336]

As many of my posts indicate I have struggled to recognize my weight loss. My weight has been steadily holding at a number that leaves me classified as obese on the BMI chart (I've lost 80 lbs since the journey started, 90 lbs total). I am 9 months post op. Between my jacked up mentality due to real life mental health issues and the honest struggle to visually see mentally weight loss I have come to understand I am fighting an every day battle with self sabotaging behavior. The past two weeks I have been on a downward spiral...pretty much since I got into a size 6 jeans. I've been demonizing my own success by eating like a human garbage disposal suddenly. Why? Because that size 6 didn't hit home with me. I wanted it too. I even made a post about it (starting posts is an infrequent occurrence for me). But it didn't. And now I've managed to put back on 5 lbs from my lowest weight (my lowest lasted 1 day by the way - 174 lbs).

Does anyone else self sabotage? What did you do to change it? Why do we do this? How did you beat it? I'm already regularly medically treated for my mental health. I have to find a way to beat this monster without having to call my shrink every day. I plan to get back on track. Tracking my food. Avoiding the sweets. Exercising even when I don't want to.

Please share your reminders with me that you tell yourselves of why we did this in the first place.

I also self sabotage. I try to look at the patterns and eliminate it. At one point it was drive thrus. I made a no drive thru rule and if I wanted the food I had to go in. I hated going inside so I eventually stopped. Look for patterns and make a plan around them. Another one was I would blindly eat at night. I made a no eating after 8 rule and ate dinner a little later. That helped too. Good luck

Sent from my VS986 using the BariatricPal App

[HopeandAgony 566]

@@HopeandAgony I'm pre-op but self sabotage is my motto whenever I've dieted in the past. You have to dig and find out why you want to hide behind your weight. Write a list of all the reasons why you started this journey and what you want to do now that you've lost weight. Go out and do them! You have to self talk - be proud of yourself and tell the b***h whispering in your ear telling you that you're a failure and saying"why bother?" to STFU. Stay strong!!! You have done incredible!

Thank you. I've found myself repeating the "I'll start over tomorrow" and just like usual tomorrow never comes. At 9 months out my capacity seems much greater than previously. I still have restriction if I do it right (Protein first) but baked goods offer zero restriction and I've turned to them ferociously lately and I know they offer nothing.

As soon as I got into those jeans it was like something switched off and I felt like I couldn't or didn't want to do this anymore. I even stopped the majority of my exercise and that has only made my mental health worse.

You've been such a presence on this board even though you are still pre op, thank you for your support. You are great.

The struggles are real!

[HopeandAgony 566]

As many of my posts indicate I have struggled to recognize my weight loss. My weight has been steadily holding at a number that leaves me classified as obese on the BMI chart (I've lost 80 lbs since the journey started, 90 lbs total). I am 9 months post op. Between my jacked up mentality due to real life mental health issues and the honest struggle to visually see mentally weight loss I have come to understand I am fighting an every day battle with self sabotaging behavior. The past two weeks I have been on a downward spiral...pretty much since I got into a size 6 jeans. I've been demonizing my own success by eating like a human garbage disposal suddenly. Why? Because that size 6 didn't hit home with me. I wanted it too. I even made a post about it (starting posts is an infrequent occurrence for me). But it didn't. And now I've managed to put back on 5 lbs from my lowest weight (my lowest lasted 1 day by the way - 174 lbs).

Does anyone else self sabotage? What did you do to change it? Why do we do this? How did you beat it? I'm already regularly medically treated for my mental health. I have to find a way to beat this monster without having to call my shrink every day. I plan to get back on track. Tracking my food. Avoiding the sweets. Exercising even when I don't want to.

Please share your reminders with me that you tell yourselves of why we did this in the first place.

I also self sabotage. I try to look at the patterns and eliminate it. At one point it was drive thrus. I made a no drive thru rule and if I wanted the food I had to go in. I hated going inside so I eventually stopped. Look for patterns and make a plan around them. Another one was I would blindly eat at night. I made a no eating after 8 rule and ate dinner a little later. That helped too. Good luck

Sent from my VS986 using the BariatricPal App

The drive thru approach is fantastic. I wondered this morning what I could do to avoid the junk I am eating. Comfort type junk... Cookies, cakes, any chocolate I can get my hands on. We have a stocked "market" at my work and I've been going to it when stressed or bored at work. People are baking constantly lately, and I've been seeking it out. Maybe I will try a rubber band on my wrist and will give myself a good snap when I feel like eating something I shouldn't.

It's just so hard. I had NONE of this cravings until recently. And now that I've opened the box once the cravings are out of control.

Thanks for replying. Knowing I'm not alone helps calm my own insecurities and gives me hope to continue to fight it.

[sleevedinseptember 69]

I have had some similar issues emotionally and for me it was all triggered about a month or two ago when I looked in the mirror and realized that I honestly don't recognize my face the way it is right now. I shared this at my support group too and saying it out loud with others who have been/are going through a similar process helped a bit.

I started self sabotaging because I was/am panicking that I literally don't recognize myself in the mirror. I feel the same and I am the same person but the reflection is not me or at least not as I've known myself for the last decade of my life. The therapist who leads our support group suggested that I might want to think about who I am now or can be going forward give the changes I've experienced food and weight wise.

It's hard and I'm fighting to try and accept my new self but honestly I am still a bit freaked out - I don't know my clothing size coz I haven't really bought any new clothes, my old stuff don't fit and the weight loss stalls and starts again. So I feel very much in transition and while I wanted the change it's happening faster that I can process I think.

In terms of dealing with the self sabotage, I try to be conscious of when I am making not great food choices due to emotions -whether stress, unhappiness, tiredness or whatever. I try to ask myself if the cake or chips or whatever will really resolve the problem. 3 or 4 times out of 5 I can say no and walk away or do something else. But sometimes if I've been thinking about eating something for a week or more I allow myself the pleasure of it, track it and move on. Sometimes that food is worth it taste wise other times it's not - so many pleasures of the past don't taste the same anymore or have the same pay out so I'm learning to just not bother with them. I've also realized that for me I don't make good choices if I don't eat regularly and well - Protein, good fat, complex carbs etc. and also staying hydrated.

Sorry for this long reply but your post really resonated with me because I have honestly found the mental side of post WLS life harder than the physical.

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

Edited August 21, 2016 by sleevedinseptember

[HopeandAgony 566]

I have had some similar issues emotionally and for me it was all triggered about a month or two ago when I looked in the mirror and realized that I honestly don't recognize my face the way it is right now. I shared this at my support group too and saying it out loud with others who have been/are going through a similar process helped a bit.

I started self sabotaging because I was/am panicking that I literally don't recognize myself in the mirror. I feel the same and I am the same person but the reflection is not me or at least not as I've known myself for the last decade of my life. The therapist who leads our support group suggested that I might want to think about who I am now or can be going forward give the changes I've experienced food and weight wise.

It's hard and I'm fighting to try and accept my new self but honestly I am still a bit freaked out - I don't know my clothing size coz I haven't really bought any new clothes, my old stuff don't fit and the weight loss stalls and starts again. So I feel very much in transition and while I wanted the change it's happening faster that I can process I think.

In terms of dealing with the self sabotage, I try to be conscious of when I am making not great food choices due to emotions -whether stress, unhappiness, tiredness or whatever. I try to ask myself if the cake or chips or whatever will really resolve the problem. 3 or 4 times out of 5 I can say no and walk away or do something else. But sometimes if I've been thinking about eating something for a week or more I allow myself the pleasure of it, track it and move on. Sometimes that food is worth it taste wise other times it's not - so many pleasures of the past don't taste the same anymore or have the same pay out so I'm learning to just not bother with them. I've also realized that for me I don't make good choices if I don't eat regularly and well - Protein, good fat, complex carbs etc. and also staying hydrated.

Sorry for this long reply but your post really resonated with me because I have honestly found the mental side of post WLS life harder than the physical.

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

I feel like we are the same person. I've connected with your posts before and am again doing so. I at times feel like I don't recognize myself. I often take selfies and delete them because I don't like what I see. And it's ironic because I never did before either but this new thinner face seems so long and not what I have known for so many years. My eyes seem so big now. My lips as larger too. I know that it's because they aren't being engulfed by fat anymore but that doesn't matter to me. I didn't go into this thinking it would solve my mental health problems. But I've never imagined it would be challenging to except the new me.

I have thought on 2 occasions today that "this won't make me feel better" before I ate something. One time it worked. I just have to keep trying. I haven't given up yet and I've been fighting these mental health battles for over 20 years.

Thanks for your reply. I know we can both do this. It's just not easy, but it'll be worth it.

I have about 20 or 25 more lbs that I want to lose. The dr would consider me good at 14 more because I have a ridiculous amount of muscle. It seems so small compared to where I was 9 months ago but this small hill feels like a mountain. Keep in touch. Xo

Edited August 21, 2016 by HopeandAgony

[sleevedinseptember 69]

Oh my God, agreed. Everything you're describing is exactly what I am experiencing and I too have about 20-25 more pounds that I'd like to lose. I'm a bit apprehensive about what my face and body will look like at that point but as you said, not giving up. Trying to treat myself with kindness and observing all the feelings as they come up. It's great to connect with someone experiencing similar emotions so I'll definitely keep in touch!

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

[cbonet 336]

I had a similiar situation at work and felt the same going to someones home where desserts/snacks were being served. I would fight the urge in the moment, but think about the food and then binge later. What I decided to do was carry something OK to have and that I liked in limited quantities so that I could have a treat too in those moments and not feel deprived. I chose Dove Dark chocolate squares and kept 4 in a baggie in my bag. It helped a lot. Limiting the amount was sometimes a challenge, but basically it worked