Problems at Work

[Hiraeth 515]

I've been having problems at work with this one lady; we will call her D. She was pretty cold to me when I first started working there. Months later, her and another coworker (we will call her E) bullied me pretty badly because I used to listen to my headphones while they loudly discussed how they felt about gay people. I am a Christian, but I DO NOT agree with anyone calling gay people faggots and damning them to Hell. Only God has the right to judge them. I actually love LGBT people. They are great and fun to be around. But my coworker D called them faggots and sissies. That really bothered me, so I decided the best thing for me to do was listen to my music with my headphones. I'm not a confrontational person, so I didn't say anything. D and E claim to be Christians and read their Bibles every morning. They talk about God all the time. But I was taught that we should love each other and not judge one another. Funny thing is, whenever there's a donation round each year, they NEVER give any money. I always give at least $10 to the African American teens who want to go to college, but live in bad situations and are having a hard time achieving an education. Whenever the donation rounds come, D always turns her nose up at the thought and says, "I need this money more than they do!" (Which is not true. She will spend $10 on a box of Krispy Kreme before she ever gave her money to someone who is struggling.) Anyway, about the headphones. E always used to listen to her headphones and sing as loudly as she could. So that made me think that it was ok to listen to mine, so I could drown out my obnoxious coworkers. So when they started bashing gays again, I would put my headphones on. One day, the phone kept ringing. And instead of D getting up and answering it, she let it ring. She told E that I was listening to my headphones and not paying attention. Well, the ringing was E's mom trying to call. (Family members are actually not supposed to call on the work phone.) But E got mad at me and said she was sick of everyone not answering her calls. So I had ENOUGH! I said, "I hope you're not mad at me. I didn't hear it!" And E had the nerve to say we aren't supposed to listen to our headphones. WAIT WHAT? So all this time, she ignored us with her music, we weren't allowed to do it? Oh no, I see. It's only bad when I do it! So I straight up told them why I listened to my music. And they said, "Well that's our opinion! We can talk about how we feel!" So I told them that it's unethical to talk about religion, sexuality, political views, etc. in the workplace. And they got SO MAD. I ran out crying that day. And for about 2 or 3 months, they talked about me so much. I even heard them whisper, "That white girl ain't gonna do nothing." It hurt me pretty badly.

Finally, E moved out of our room and upstairs to take another job. I was so happy. But D was still here and I guess I felt that it was ok because now she won't have anyone to pick on me with. Well, she's still pretty cold to me. But I found out that she is unhappily married. She's also in her 50's and weighs over 300 pounds. I feel like maybe she's just unhappy with her life, so I started to feel bad for her. Well, a month later, I found out she likes dogs. I love dogs, so I felt like this was the perfect opportunity to bond with her, because I really hate when there's animosity in my space. So, I approached her and asked about her past with dogs and she was telling me how one of her dogs died and she vowed to never get another one because it hurt her too much. I felt so much sadness for her when she told me this. I felt that it was my duty to fill that void she had in her heart with another dog. I told her about getting another dog and she agreed to get one that needed help. So, I looked online for a dog in need. I found one; let's call him Z. I got this dog because he was free to a good home. The lady giving him away said she needed him gone ASAP or that she would place him into a shelter. So I told her I would take him. Well, D couldn't bring him home yet, because she was having her carpet replaced with hardwood. So I told her I would let him stay at my house for a while, until she got her house in order. I got Z his shots, got him groomed, and I kept him fed. When it was time to give him to D, I was already attached to him. My mom was even more attached. But I promised her I would find her a dog, so I gave him to her. She fell in love with him quickly. I was so happy because I felt that I brought happiness into her life. I was also hopeful that it would make her like me. Boy, was I wrong.

When I decided to get this surgery, she would argue with me daily on why this surgery was a bad idea. She would tell me that I would fail because there's a reason I'm fat. She said, "You can lose weight on your own. There's no reason to get this surgery. You like to eat, so how do you know this surgery will work? I know of many people who failed with this surgery. I even know of people who have died."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it seem like she wants me to fail? I mean, she would raise her voice at me and talk bad about me on the phone to her family! I was shocked! After what I did for her, and she still treats me this way! Well, I voiced to her that I no longer wanted to discuss this with her. But now we have another coworker; let's call her K. Well, K is awesome. She's my "boo thang"; that's what I call her, lol. She's super cool and down-to-earth. She thinks this surgery is a great idea and is even thinking about getting it because of me. Well, anytime I talk to K about the surgery, D gets VERY quiet. I even saw her have a nasty look on her face when I was talking about it.

Does anyone know why this woman hates me so much?

[Pescador 1,374]

No drama if you did not tell anyone you were having surgery. No ones business. You are sweating small stuff with people who do not matter. Life is short, figure this out, move on, and do not worry why anyone does not like you. My husband and I told 2 family members. Sigh. Best decision ever. ❤️

[Hiraeth 515]

No drama if you did not tell anyone you were having surgery. No ones business. You are sweating small stuff with people who do not matter. Life is short, figure this out, move on, and do not worry why anyone does not like you. My husband and I told 2 family members. Sigh. Best decision ever. ❤️

I didn't tell her myself. She overheard a conversation I was having with my mother. I was even in the bathroom, and she somehow heard me! I don't know if she was listening intentionally, because when I get excited, I talk very loudly. But you're right. People say that since I'm still young (I'm 25), that I will care more about what people think. They say, the older I get, I will care less about what people think. I hope this is true because, I am very extroverted and outgoing. I want people to like me. It's not a common thing for people to dislike me. I'm always so friendly and compassionate. So I guess I'm trying to make sure I'm not doing something to make this woman dislike me so much. Because, if I ever do something wrong, I try my very best to fix it. I guess you could say I put others first. Putting others first has always been something I do. It has hurt me many times in the past. But I just can't stop!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

You know they are hateful old birds but you are trying to find common ground with them and be friends. Just stop.

These sound like the hateful old biddies my mom works with. They made her life a living hell.

Do yourself a favor and just work at work and stop talking to them.

Also the next time they say something about gays, turn them into corporate HR. That is a hostile workplace.

You know they aren't your friends, stop talking to them. And for anyone else who reads this stop yelling your co-workers your business when you know you work with hateful, petty, jealous, unhappy women. Make you life easy and keep to yourself.

[Pescador 1,374]

I promise you when you get older you will have lived and learned. I love my old age, I used to think it mattered if people liked me, now I really and truly know what matters in life. Cheers to you not letting this make your life miserable!!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I agree with the above posters.

I hope you love your new dog. It is not the best idea to get a pet for someone else. That is a personal decision that someone needs to make on their own and be responsible for themselves. I am not at all surprised that it worked out the way it did.

Boundaries are very powerful tools. I know from decades of working in a variety of office environments how challenging it can be to work in close quarters with difficult people. Learning to set an enforce your own boundaries would be a tremendously helpful skill for you to learn and practice. It will also be valuable in your WLS journey.

One book you might find helpful is The One Life Solution by Dr. Henry Cloud.

[smg 471]

I don't think you should have told this person about your surgery plans. You obviously knew the type of person she was, so I am baffled by why you would've decided to open up to her.

I understand and can appreciate the fact that you found some common ground with dogs, but honestly, you should've stopped there. She's clearly unhappy and the only "validity" she gets is when she's able to make others "seem" worse-off than she is.

Honestly, if this is what you deal with on a daily basis, my best recommendation would be to either remove the problem (her - which, unless you're the boss you probably can't do), or remove yourself from the situation, (look for a new place to work).

[Hiraeth 515]

You know they are hateful old birds but you are trying to find common ground with them and be friends. Just stop.

These sound like the hateful old biddies my mom works with. They made her life a living hell.

Do yourself a favor and just work at work and stop talking to them.

Also the next time they say something about gays, turn them into corporate HR. That is a hostile workplace.

You know they aren't your friends, stop talking to them. And for anyone else who reads this stop yelling your co-workers your business when you know you work with hateful, petty, jealous, unhappy women. Make you life easy and keep to yourself.

You are so right. It's just hard to change because this is who I am. I feel bad if I ignore D. She will bring something up and if I ignore her, she will find a way to get my attention. If I tell her I don't want to talk, she will think I'm a bitch because she knows I'm always nice.

I will take your advice about turning her into HR. I've had enough of her verbal abuse.

I promise you when you get older you will have lived and learned. I love my old age, I used to think it mattered if people liked me, now I really and truly know what matters in life. Cheers to you not letting this make your life miserable!!

Thank you so much!

I agree with the above posters.

I hope you love your new dog. It is not the best idea to get a pet for someone else. That is a personal decision that someone needs to make on their own and be responsible for themselves. I am not at all surprised that it worked out the way it did.

Boundaries are very powerful tools. I know from decades of working in a variety of office environments how challenging it can be to work in close quarters with difficult people. Learning to set an enforce your own boundaries would be a tremendously helpful skill for you to learn and practice. It will also be valuable in your WLS journey.

One book you might find helpful is The One Life Solution by Dr. Henry Cloud.

Well, he isn't my dog. D actually has him. I got him for her. I didn't decide to do it without her permission. She was excited about getting him. She even thanked me. It felt amazing to finally have her like me. But it was short-lived. She's back to being cold to me.

Thanks! I will look into that book. It sounds like something I need.

I don't think you should have told this person about your surgery plans. You obviously knew the type of person she was, so I am baffled by why you would've decided to open up to her.

I understand and can appreciate the fact that you found some common ground with dogs, but honestly, you should've stopped there. She's clearly unhappy and the only "validity" she gets is when she's able to make others "seem" worse-off than she is.

Honestly, if this is what you deal with on a daily basis, my best recommendation would be to either remove the problem (her - which, unless you're the boss you probably can't do), or remove yourself from the situation, (look for a new place to work).

I did not tell her about my surgery. She overheard a conversation I was having on the phone with my mother, while I was in the bathroom. When she asked me about it, I did open up to her. I thought maybe she was going to be supportive because she had the gall to ask. But dang, I had no idea that she would pry into my business just to bash me! I didn't think someone who claims to be a Christian could be so bitter!

You are so right about how she feels better when she makes people seem worse off than her. I know she's insecure. I want to help her, but I just don't think I can. I tried when I got her the dog, but she's still so mean to me.

I want to find another job, but this job is perfect for me when I go back to school. I'm going into Nursing and 6 hours out of my 8 hour shift consists on me just sitting at my desk. It's the perfect job to have while I study. And I know she's not going anywhere. She's been working in this job for over 17 years. She's lazy and not too bright. In order for her to move up to another job, she has to take a test. Well, I realized over the years that she can't even spell the most simple words. So I highly doubt she will get a promotion. Looks like I'm stuck in this Hell-job for at least another 2 years. :/

[JohnGraySmiley 88]

Don't share anything personal with her. It seems she has issues and likes drama just like so many ppl at so many jobs. Keep playing your music and stay positive. I'm so private about my surgery very few ppl know. Like, my family and 5 of my closest friends maybe....It seems like you are a nice person so I'm happy your "boo-thang" is there to keep you smiling as long as 'D' doesn't poison her! ????

Sent from my Z936L using the BariatricPal App

[Daisee68 2,493]

I didn't read all the responses, but my 2 cents, this woman is likely unhappy with her life and her weight and easier take it out on you than see the flaws in her own life and deal with them. I have found a lot of people that are "against" the surgery are the overweight ones and I feel like it has a lot to do with their fear to conquer and take control like you are combined with the conviction that they should be dealing with it themselves and perhaps some frustration that they can't afford to do it. Not making excuses for her, and it isn't fair that she treats you this way but maybe if you can see her in that light (as you did when your heart broke for her about losing a dog), then maybe your heart will hurt for her in this vein too.

Still, I am sorry you are dealing with it all! Makes for a miserable day! Hoping she gets transferred away from you soon so you don't have to deal with it!

[Hiraeth 515]

Don't share anything personal with her. It seems she has issues and likes drama just like so many ppl at so many jobs. Keep playing your music and stay positive. I'm so private about my surgery very few ppl know. Like, my family and 5 of my closest friends maybe....It seems like you are a nice person so I'm happy your "boo-thang" is there to keep you smiling as long as 'D' doesn't poison her!

Sent from my Z936L using the BariatricPal App

Thank you so much! I am actually worried that she will poison K into thinking I'm a bad person. D and K are both black women, and where I live, there's a lot of racism going on. K is more a solid person than D is because she doesn't allow much drama to pierce her life. But it still worries me because she may convince her that I'm prejudice. And the reason I think that is because, in the beginning, D and the other coworker who recently moved out of the room, were being VERY prejudice towards me. They would say "This white girl this, and this white girl that..." And I was shocked! So, I told my superviser about what they said. He talked to them, which made them even more angry. So now it's like they're trying to make me look like the bad guy. I grew up thinking that only white people were prejudice because of what I learned about the time of MLK. I actually sympathized with the black community. I mean, I was a huge supporter of giving the run-down neighborhoods a chance because I thought they were being treated unfairly. But, as I grew up, I realized that I was hated by so many black people. I was bullied relentlessly by them. I was verbally and physically abused by them, as well. Anytime I was bullied, 80% of the time, it was because I am white. I was so hurt to know that no matter how many times I spoke up for them, they could treat me this way. And I STILL to this day am not a racist. One of my best friend's is black. And he has accomplished so much in his life. God knows I'm proud of him. He's actually far more intelligent than I am. I guess the people who hated me were just raised badly.

[JohnGraySmiley 88]

Yes, there are bad, bad ppl in any group of ppl. Don't relate their meanness to their skin color....they are just meany weenies! ???? Typically mean ppl are very tender and are mean due to so many insecurities. I see right through it...It bothers me at times, but I usually know the real deal without them saying it...

I'm glad you aren't racists...because I'm nice and I'm brown! ????

Sent from my Z936L using the BariatricPal App

[Hiraeth 515]

I didn't read all the responses, but my 2 cents, this woman is likely unhappy with her life and her weight and easier take it out on you than see the flaws in her own life and deal with them. I have found a lot of people that are "against" the surgery are the overweight ones and I feel like it has a lot to do with their fear to conquer and take control like you are combined with the conviction that they should be dealing with it themselves and perhaps some frustration that they can't afford to do it. Not making excuses for her, and it isn't fair that she treats you this way but maybe if you can see her in that light (as you did when your heart broke for her about losing a dog), then maybe your heart will hurt for her in this vein too.

Still, I am sorry you are dealing with it all! Makes for a miserable day! Hoping she gets transferred away from you soon so you don't have to deal with it!

I actually clapped my hands when I read this, LOL! It's because you are 100% correct. I believe that maybe she knows she needs to change and she is afraid to get the surgery. She also has a mechanical heart valve and having this surgery is way too risky for her. So maybe she's bitter because she envies the fact that I was able to have the surgery with minimum risk? She says all the time, "I need to change. It's a mind thing. So, when you have this surgery, you'll have to change your ways. But you can do that without this surgery." I have to disagree with her on part of that. Yes, you do have to change your bad eating habits. But, this surgery was designed to help people change their habits. They make your stomach smaller so you don't feel as hungry as you did when your stomach was big. That alone can help people make the right eating decisions. I myself think of fattening food now, and I think GROSS! I already want to eat better.

Yes, there are bad, bad ppl in any group of ppl. Don't relate their meanness to their skin color....they are just meany weenies! Typically mean ppl are very tender and are mean due to so many insecurities. I see right through it...It bothers me at times, but I usually know the real deal without them saying it...

I'm glad you aren't racists...because I'm nice and I'm brown!

Sent from my Z936L using the BariatricPal App

I agree completely. When people say black people are mean because of who they are, I try to tell them otherwise. It's culture, not color. I have so many black friends that I would take a bullet for without hesitation. One of my best friend's, Nick, is of mixed race and gay. So that's why bashing gay people is such a sensitive topic for me. If they only knew him and would give him a chance, they would know that he is not a horrible person, nor is he "dirty". He is wonderful and I love him dearly. He's so fun to be around and I am blessed to know him!

LOL Meany Weenies! That made me laugh! XD

[Sleeve it to Beaver 187]

Let's call her B! She is miserable. Kill her with kindness. Tell her nothing. You owe her nothing.

Focus on positives in life and at work. Use that to improve yourself. You will do great!

HW: 281.5 on 10.30.15

SW: 245.7 on 6.1.16

CW: 206 on 8.6.16

[Hiraeth 515]

Let's call her B! She is miserable. Kill her with kindness. Tell her nothing. You owe her nothing.

Focus on positives in life and at work. Use that to improve yourself. You will do great!

HW: 281.5 on 10.30.15

SW: 245.7 on 6.1.16

CW: 206 on 8.6.16

LOL! "Let's call her B" I see what you did there!

I do try my best to kill her with kindness, but it's hard to not let her cold ways get to me. I will try harder. Thank you. <3