Getting over the guilt

[KaiserKid 81]

How do you get over the guilt of being fat?

For those of you who used to be thin, and gradually gained weight over the years, how did you handle this?

For those of you who were overweight or obese as children, what is the point where you stop blaming your parents for "making you fat", and actually take personal responsibility?

How do you handle comments from others who simply think that if you "just put down the fork", you can lose all the weight you need?

[Christinamo7 4,042]

I have never felt any kind of guilt or shame over my body. I don't know why - although I have always had people I love around who think I am the cat's meow. that can't hurt. my husband has always acted like he won some kind of crazy good prize talking me into getting married again - no matter what my weight changed during our marriage. (it went up and down and up to a total of about 90 pounds heavier than when we married)

I did not have a problem with my weight until I was in my 30s and went to a sedentary job (was a stay home mom before with 7 little kidlets, so pretty busy and active)

when people make those kinds of comments I always point them to the statistics that almost everyone, if they are able to loose, regain and more. and that yes, I could choose to try that again, (after trying that for more than 10 years) but I am choosing to try something different this time.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@KaiserKid Maybe I'm in the minority but I don't feel guilt about being fat. I wasn't a fat kid and I feel like I didn't do anything "wrong" to get fat. It sounds as though a good therapist could help you come to terms with your issues surrounding your weight. Obesity is a disease.

[needtorecover 574]

There shouldn't be any guilt or shame about being fat. There are plenty of people out there who feel like I SHOULD feel guilty for my weight because I'm supposedly a burden to the healthcare system or they think I'm just plain gross and have no self control and am greedy or whatever.

But I know why I'm fat. I know without help I won't get healthy and fit because my body WANTS to stay fat. I feel it fighting my weight loss every day. It's a biological issue, and there comes a point when it's beyond your control.

People can say what they want about me - judgments are pretty much restricted to strangers who don't know me at all. I have plenty of loved ones who take me as I am and that helps a lot.

I don't have emotional issues about my weight... just physical. I hate not being able to keep up, having this big gut in my way, feeling tired all the time, and the aches and pains associated with obesity. I get annoyed when people tell me I'm fine as I am because I'm not. I'm mentally fine with my body and if I felt good I wouldn't try to lose weight but physically I am quite uncomfortable and fear for my health.

So there you go No guilt or shame... just uncomfortable and needing to change!

[KaiserKid 81]

@@KaiserKid Maybe I'm in the minority but I don't feel guilt about being fat. I wasn't a fat kid and I feel like I didn't do anything "wrong" to get fat. It sounds as though a good therapist could help you come to terms with your issues surrounding your weight. Obesity is a disease.

I guess I'm in the minority here! I am having the hardest time thinking of this as a disease. 99% of the people in my life would think disagree that it is, so it's hard to feel justified when no one is validating your experience.

I know why I'm fat. I was a fat kid who had zero dietary restrictions enforced by my parents, and just continued this behavior as an adult. I feel tremendous guilt for having abused my body over the years. I wish I could go back in time and yell at my teenage self "Stop drinking those Monster energy drinks, they're killing you!"

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@KaiserKid Once you have tried numerous times to lose weight without success - or lose a little only to gain it back along with a few more - you realize that it's a disease. How many skinny people do you know that drink those monster drinks - and remain skinny? Your body metabolizes sugar differently than others - you could eat the same as a skinny friend and probably still gain weight. Obese children grow up with skinny siblings - so it's not only about dietary restrictions / or lack thereof. If you have PCOS, it's even more difficult to lose weight. There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You are taking control of your life and doing something about it now - which is incredible for someone your age! I wish I did something back then.

[esskay77 785]

I don't feel guilt. Well, sometimes I feel guilty when I eat the wrong thing but I don't feel guilt over my weight. What did I do? I had surgery! I also go to a support group for food addiction. I hope to find a therapist at some point.

You need to take control of your life. Stop thinking about the past, think about the present and the future. What can you do differently today and tomorrow.

Take a nutrition class, take a cooking class, do some research on eating properly. One of my friends teaches a cooking class and I am hoping to reach out to her for some help. She has a great YouTube following (Helen's Kitchen).

It's a struggle, it will always be a struggle but you need to arm yourself with information and education. That's a big first step.

Best of luck!!

[CLN.BK 165]

@@KaiserKid

I'm with you. I feel a lot of guilt and shame over having let myself get this way. I wasn't fat as a kid or teenager. I had a very nice body, which is why I'm pissed at myself for ruining it. However, I am looking for a therapist right now who I can speak to. I need to figure out a way to move past these feelings, as well as get to the bottom of my emotional and compulsive eating.

If anyone knows a good therapist in Brooklyn or Manhattan, feel free to share.

[esskay77 785]

What type of therapist works with food issues? How do you find one that deals specifically with these?

If anyone knows a good one in Boston, I would love to hear about it.

[CLN.BK 165]

What type of therapist works with food issues? How do you find one that deals specifically with these?

I'm trying to figure out the exact same thing!

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@esskay77 Is there one associated with your Bariatric Center? My Program has all the support available - nutritionist, psych, social workers, physiologist, surgeon, etc. all within the same facility/program. I had my psych eval by the psychiatrist who referred me to the psychologist for therapy (biweekly for 3 months). They also have Support Groups for emotional eating but I preferred the one-on-one.

Did you have surgery in Boston?

[KaiserKid 81]

What type of therapist works with food issues? How do you find one that deals specifically with these?

If anyone knows a good one in Boston, I would love to hear about it.

Hey! Make that two for Boston! Nice to see someone else from my area.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@KaiserKid Where are you having surgery?

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@@KaiserKid

I have had several issues spring their ugly head in this process. Working them out with a counselor was the best gift from my sleeve. It's good to address issues about our weight. Behavior change is so important for sucess. Learn to forgive and love yourself.

As for people that comment about your weight. We live in a judgemental society. We are told we are not enough by the media and people around us. We are sold by ad's that we must live up to someone else's standard of beauty. The only person that gets to define you is YOU! Be your own Awesome.

I no longer invest my time in negative people that want to tear you down. The same people will find another negative trait to comment on after you lose weight. Keep yourself surrounded by people that support you.

[Candygyrl 637]

How do you get over the guilt of being fat?

For those of you who used to be thin, and gradually gained weight over the years, how did you handle this?

For those of you who were overweight or obese as children, what is the point where you stop blaming your parents for "making you fat", and actually take personal responsibility?

How do you handle comments from others who simply think that if you "just put down the fork", you can lose all the weight you need?

So... I'm what they call a "new fat". I primarily gained weight in my late 20's I think after I gave up and let myself go LOL!! No seriously I usually lost baby fat after having children within 6 mos. I was very cognizant of maintaining my body and was very vain about my body because it had always been something glorified by others since I was at least 10. I would hear comments "oooh girl you are going to be a force to be reckoned with when you get older", "you have such a cute shape" "your body is sick". I was voted best body in high school, and I wasn't even an athlete!! So I was conditioned to put a lot of worth into my figure. I received lots of attention from men and women alike and my body seemed like a very attractive quality.

When I gained weight after my first child I had a uncle criticize me on the day of my cousin (his granddaughters) wedding saying " LOOK at how FAT you've gotten. I can't believe you let yourself get like this you used to have a BEAUTIFUL figure, you were a knockout, now look at you. You fat just like yo mama!!" I was Mortified!!!!! I went on my first diet (Atkins). I lost about 60lbs within 5 months. Back to my high school weight.

I maintained a body acceptable to society standards until about 28 or 29. I developed PCOS. My gift was also my curse. the problem was, I was married and always found myself in a little trouble. My husband was very insecure and could not handle the fact that I got lots of attention and was very popular with friends. I also got into trouble with the boys quite often and in an effort to protect myself from myself I created a weight barrier. The problem was-- this time-- I went too far!

Over time I became more and more withdrawn from society. I was ashamed to be around family or run into old friends. I was certain they were talking about me behind my back, how fat I'd gotten, how I used to be... I was ashamed to hang out with my friends because I felt guilty for letting myself go. I closed myself off and became a recluse. My life is work and family nothing else. I didn't travel, I didn't attend social events because I was ashamed of myself. I pretended that I was ok with it. I faked confidence but the truth was my super power was gone and I realized at the end of the day... that was what I relied on. That's what got me through life. I had no substance, I mean sure I was a good person but some people only see whats on the outside. OR it could have been me. I shut everyone out.

Anyways... I'm rebuilding. I know who I am now. I hear people change when you lose weight. Well they can keep right on moving the ones in my life right now, are the ones who will be in my life 1 year from now.

No one ever chastised me for being overweight. I think deep down they all knew. No one (family) ever made comments or teased me, that mean uncle died a few years ago. I did however blame my husband for making me fat. He kept feeding me. Never said "hey babe lets lose weight together" at least Not until I was a Goodyear blimp! I was soooo angry!!! I said what does it matter now!!! my life is over!!!! I blamed him so much, that I think he believed it was his fault too. He did admit to being jealous of all the attention I was getting, and my conceited attitude, But the one thing I do have control over, is what I put in my mouth. I MADE ME FAT. I feel guilty about that. (((sigh))))