When people tell you you're taking the easy way out......

[ALittleMe0914 69]

Morning All!

I hope everyone is well. I just wanted some insight from you guys about how you dealt with telling friends/family members about your surgery. I have two younger brothers. One of them is in the military and was home on leave this weekend. I am scheduled for surgery on 9/14 but hadn't told him yet. I waited until I saw him in person over the weekend and told him about the surgery. His reaction was unexpected and I'm letting it get to me, which I probably shouldn't.

He told me that he feels like me getting surgery is a "cop out" and the "easy way out" and that if I set my mind to it, I could lose the weight on my own. He was heavier as a child, but lost 60 lbs before he enlisted, so he thinks since he did it, I can do it. (mind you, I have way more than 60lbs to lose). It was difficult to hear for me, because I have tried SO MANY TIMES to lose weight on my own and I always end up heavier than I was before. It's been a downward spiral for me and the simple act of making the decision to have surgery wasn't easy for me, never mind the surgery itself. And I know that it's not easy or the "easy way out", but I guess I just to offense to his reaction.

Did you guys ever run into someone's negative opinion about your surgery? And how did you let it roll off your shoulder?

[Frenchie1977 262]

I had to explain the same thing to my brother, this is not the easy way out. It is a complete lifestyle change that requires dedication to the change. The surgery is just a tool that helps you to make those lifestyle changes for the first year to eighteen months but ultimately it is up to you.

[lrmd 28]

Surgery to remove 80% of an internal organ is not easy. I one week post op and doing pretty good, but there is nothing easy about it!

I had a similar reaction from a family member who I have tremendous respect for and it almost made me think about cancelling surgery. Then I remembered that I'm 40 years old and this is my life and my health. Not everyone has to be supportive for it to be the right thing!

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[MsLstuart45 8]

Unfortunately, I said same thing to my husband and two years later he looks great and now I am researching VSG. Now i have to est my words and ge is getting a hood chuckle also. Amazing how things can turn on you.

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[AvaFern 3,516]

I told only three people about my surgery but I know the easy way out would have been the response of many other people. If I'm being honest with myself and you, getting surgery is absolutely the easy way out. I no longer have to spend every single second thinking about my weight, my days are no longer filled with planning diets and exercise, I no longer feel hungry and miserable when I'm thin and depressed and worthless when I'm fat, and thanks to my sleeve, I have a totally different life that I never would have had without it.

Is it easy to go through surgery and have your stomach cut out? No, not really, but it made my entire life easier as a result. I know I could have lost 100+ pounds again but I am 100% certain I could not have maintained the loss like I have. I don't need to struggle and fight any more to stay thin, and while I need to be aware of my weight every single day, it is no longer the obsession that it would have had to be if I could still eat as much as I used to. It was far easier for me to lose weight and keep it off with a sleeve than it ever was doing it "naturally". I am forever grateful for that and I feel like this is a matter of working smarter instead of harder. Why would I want to spend my entire life miserable trying to be thin when I could have surgery, spend 2 years losing weight, and then get to live a real life where weight is no longer my personal obsession? Without the sleeve my life would be much harder and I would never be able to be the size I am. If that means I took the easy way out...who cares? I did what I needed to do to get where I needed to be and the only person who gets to judge my action is me. If someone else wants to say I was a slacker and didn't work hard for it...let them! In the end, I wear a size 2 and I have an actual life again...if taking the easy way out is how I got that life, then well, good for me.

You owe no one one an explanation or justification for your choices. No one owes you an understanding of your struggle or your decisions. When you can make peace with both, comments like that will bother you less.

I took the easy way out...and I am forever thankful that my circumstances allowed me to make that decision. My life is wonderful and for the first time ever as an adult I feel like I have a future that doesn't rely on whether I am thin, and thus good enough, to deserve every bit of that future.

[Brad H 9]

I have found that there are many people in the world that judge others, regardless of having all the facts or understanding your personal journey and challenges you face. None of us entered into this decision lightly. It is a big commitment...a lifelong, life-changing commitment that I am sure no one here approached lightly or flippantly.

Only my wife and immediate family and my best friend know about my surgery and I will probably keep it that way. When I had lap-band back in 2006 (I had a sleeve revision in June), I made the mistake at the time of telling a few coworkers because they noticed I had lost some weight. I could visibly see the change in their posturing and attitude from one of support and positive feedback to the obvious "cop-out" perspective. It was not only offensive, but disappointing.

So, this time around, I am keeping it to just a close group of people that I feel like would have my back, no matter what. So far, this is working out fine. I am making it to the gym 3-5 times a week, so when someone asks about the weight loss, I tell them I am working out and making a lifestyle change. Hey...its the truth! :-)

You don't owe anyone an explanation...and technically, its nobody's business.

[Kyn13 215]

So I haven't really hid it from those I'm close with in my personal life. But only with those I'm close with which is maybe 7 ppl. And I live with 2 of them lol. But one of my best friends a girl I'd drop anything if she needed she told me that very same thing, and to be honest I haven't said more than 5 words to her at any one time since. And it's not that I love her any less, it's just this is hard enough and I'm stressed beyond anything helpful and I don't need the disappointment of my best friend not even being able to be happy for me.

Being fat is killing me, and I feel like a disgusting blob. I've been like this for a long time, but not my whole life I can remember a time when I would run 3 miles a day. And wasn't considered plus size. I've tried countless times on my own and never really been able to put a dent in my weight. So honestly if this is the easy way out fuck it!!!! I'm tired of being miserable and fighting so hard everyday to just do the basics each day. When your weight gets to the point where u can't take care of ur self the way u should, who the fuck cares what anyone has against it. Agree to disagree and move on eventually if they truly love you they will still be there in the end. At least that's what I'm hoping for good luck hope he comes around some time soon !!!!

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[Sophie74656 1,572]

Only my (soon to be ex) husband, parents, brother and one close friend know about my surgery and everyone has been beyond supportive fortunately.

as far as it being the "easy way out"

countless pre op doctors visits and testing and scanning and poking and prodding

recovery from surgery

making sure you get all your Protein and Water every day

learnign what foods will or won't agree with your new stomach

learning how much you can eat so you won't throw up

dealing with loose saggy skin

making sure you exercise every day

yeah...so easy

[ALittleMe0914 69]

@AvaFern thank you for your words! You definitely put a different perspective on it, but I couldn't agree with you more.

Thank you all for your words! Ultimately, I know this decision is right for me, and I didn't made it lightly and I know it's not going to always be an easy road. But at the end of it, if I feel better about me, and I am healthy and happy, I guess it doesn't really matter what any one else thinks.

[theantichick 2,204]

Here's my response to that...

http://www.theantichick.com/2016/08/05/the-easy-way-out/

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@AvaFern nailed it. This IS the 'easy' way out in the sense that it will make it easier for me to lose all this weight that's been making me sick, literally holding me back and changing my life in many bad ways.

I'm not sure why we value doing things the 'hard' way in situations like this but value technology and tools to ease our lives in so many other situations? My husband has never said 'thanks for doing the laundry, but wouldn't it be better if you'd washed it in a stream and beat it against a rock?'.

My mother had basically the same reaction your brother did, but I'm a grown woman and told her that I was making the decision to use a tool available to me to change my life for the better. She's come around and is probably my biggest cheerleader now. Good luck to you!

[triplethreat 257]

It's not the easy way out. You still have to follow a strict diet and exercise program.

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[SalOdyssey 441]

Morning All!

I hope everyone is well. I just wanted some insight from you guys about how you dealt with telling friends/family members about your surgery. I have two younger brothers. One of them is in the military and was home on leave this weekend. I am scheduled for surgery on 9/14 but hadn't told him yet. I waited until I saw him in person over the weekend and told him about the surgery. His reaction was unexpected and I'm letting it get to me, which I probably shouldn't.

He told me that he feels like me getting surgery is a "cop out" and the "easy way out" and that if I set my mind to it, I could lose the weight on my own. He was heavier as a child, but lost 60 lbs before he enlisted, so he thinks since he did it, I can do it. (mind you, I have way more than 60lbs to lose). It was difficult to hear for me, because I have tried SO MANY TIMES to lose weight on my own and I always end up heavier than I was before. It's been a downward spiral for me and the simple act of making the decision to have surgery wasn't easy for me, never mind the surgery itself. And I know that it's not easy or the "easy way out", but I guess I just to offense to his reaction.

Did you guys ever run into someone's negative opinion about your surgery? And how did you let it roll off your shoulder?

YOU and ONLY YOU, have to be at peace with the decision to have WLS. Your family & friends can either support you on kick sand. I know that's harsh. I've tried many diets too and failed. This was done FOR ME. Not my mother, brother, or other family and friends. Luckily for me, my entire support circle has been super supportive and understanding. I wanted to reclaim the life I was losing. Most people who say surgery is the easy way out are usually uneducated about it. Maybe he should go to a support group or surgeon's visit with you to understand the process better.

Good luck!

[ALittleMe0914 69]

@theantichick Thank you so much for this! I just read some more of your blog. I LOVE it! I hope your pre-op diet is going okay!

[theantichick 2,204]

@theantichick Thank you so much for this! I just read some more of your blog. I LOVE it! I hope your pre-op diet is going okay!

Thanks! I'm trying to get back in the habit of blogging regularly, I have a lot of writing pent up that wants to get out, but I'm out of practice with the mechanics of writing.

It's going OK. I'm glad I don't have to do only liquids. I haven't been eating my "healthy" meal as clean as I could, but it's a vast improvement from where I was. I keep trying to do better each day, because I know this is just prep work for after, when "cheating" could be very dangerous.