ADVICE PLEASE HELP!

[Heidijenn 15]

I know i have been on here before and asked the same question, but I really need help! I have done all my pre-op appt's only have one more left. I am scared to death of making the appt. everytime I think of giving up popcorn, pizza, lobster, and anything else that tastes good and is not good for you I panic and tell myself I can't do this!!! The liquid part, I am trying to drink more Water and the most I have been able to drink in a day is 48 oz, and read stories of people passing out, being dehydrated and that scares me. I know you are all saying, you need to quit you are not ready for this and your probably right the problem is THIS IS MY LAST OPTION I can't just cut down on eating on my own so what do I do???? If I don't have it this calendar year I will have wasted all the other pre-op appt's and will have to start over in the future if I try again to do this!! I really wish I could just by like all of you and just put on my big girl panties and finish this but I am petrified please help me, Sorry so long!!! AlsoI am seeing a therapist but I don't think she can help me, I have talked to her about it and she just says I need to make this decision myself and I am thinking about it too much!! but thats what I do I obsess over crap!!!! HELP!!!!!

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@Heidijenn Deep breathe...

Okay - so you know this is your only chance at losing weight and ultimately getting healthy. What else do you need to know? Yes - you have to drink fluids (you should be now - many people who haven't had WLS pass out from dehydration too!) Yes - you have to give up eating like crap BUT you don't need to permanently give up many foods (lobster can be a great source of protein)! and those that may be an issue may not even appeal to you after surgery. If having pizza whenever you want it outweighs losing weight and being healthy - then don't have surgery. But seriously think about all of these things you are "giving up" and then think about all the things you gain from surgery - most importantly your health!

Write a list of all the things you will be able to do after weight loss and get that into your mind rather than all the sacrifices (which really think about it - they're not truly sacrifices). And I think you need a new therapist - she should be helping you to NOT obsess over this and be rational. She should also be determining if you're ready from a behavior health perspective!

Good luck on your decision!

Edited July 28, 2016 by KristenLe

[Realself 19]

I know i have been on here before and asked the same question, but I really need help! I have done all my pre-op appt's only have one more left. I am scared to death of making the appt. everytime I think of giving up popcorn, pizza, lobster, and anything else that tastes good and is not good for you I panic and tell myself I can't do this!!! The liquid part, I am trying to drink more Water and the most I have been able to drink in a day is 48 oz, and read stories of people passing out, being dehydrated and that scares me. I know you are all saying, you need to quit you are not ready for this and your probably right the problem is THIS IS MY LAST OPTION I can't just cut down on eating on my own so what do I do???? If I don't have it this calendar year I will have wasted all the other pre-op appt's and will have to start over in the future if I try again to do this!! I really wish I could just by like all of you and just put on my big girl panties and finish this but I am petrified please help me, Sorry so long!!! AlsoI am seeing a therapist but I don't think she can help me, I have talked to her about it and she just says I need to make this decision myself and I am thinking about it too much!! but thats what I do I obsess over crap!!!! HELP!!!!!

Hi there! I'm not sure if you have been diagnosed with an eating disorder or symptoms of disordered eating. I do believe there are many wls individuals who are challenged by compulsive overeating and or binge eating. I have struggled for years and I have been in therapy which is a helpful tool for me. Therapy provided me with more insight and awareness of my emotional triggers with food. If you don't think conventional therapy approaches work there is a good book called "Brain over Binge".

I also utilize a medication for binge eating disorder called vyvanse. This Is Not a weight loss drug this is a prescription medication for binge eating. This Medication really helps decrease obsessive thoughts with food and it is a stimulant so I don't have nearly the amount of cravings so therefore I feel more in control with food. I want to emphasize that this is a tool and it may not work for some but I have found it to be very useful in my journey...

I am in 3 days into my 2 week pre-op all liquid diet... I am thankful for all the tools I can get

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[FrankyG 1,450]

I have pizza all the time. It's just not pizza from a restaurant. I do a "skillet" version, using a cast Iron skillet, a carb master tortilla, organic/low carb marinara sauce, turkey pepperoni, with pizza cheese and veggies. They are about the size of a personal pan pizza, have a thin crispy crust and are lovely when you finish them up in the oven under a broiler so the cheese gets all bubbly and gets those little bits of brown. I can eat half at a meal and it's under 300 calories and low carb to boot, with some decent Protein.

You can have all the things you used to love eventually. Just better (healthy) versions, or in smaller quantities/much less often. And the big thing to realize - you may not even want most of the really bad for you foods once you relearn how to eat healthy foods, and feel and look better overall.

food issues that lead to obesity usually aren't just because a person is hungry; overeating or eating crap foods to the point of serious weight gain. Most of us have other reasons to medicate with food - low self esteem, fear, depression, using food as a reward/comfort/distraction.

You're focusing on food obsession and fears and worrying over changing something that has been a huge part of your life, but likely has caused you more grief than happiness. No matter what, change is hard and can be scary. But if you are a candidate for WLS, then you either have serious health issues exacerbated by the weight, or high enough weight alone where the doctor feels that this is the best path for you to regain your health and give you a fighting chance to relearn how to eat properly - it will give you the time to regain control so you can start over with your relationship with food.

.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

You really don't have to give up foods you love. You can probably have lobster on soft foods. Lobster is low in calories and high in Protein. Later you can make pizza with flat bread or just have the toppings no crust.

The amount of time you can't have "good" foods is pretty short. You just have to change what you consider good some.

Having WLS is not the end of good enjoyable food. I find I enjoy food far more now than in the past.

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@Heidijenn I read your post an hour ago and have been trying to come up with something to say that doesn't sound mean or harsh, because I don't feel angry, just kind of sad. I'm no expert on WLS, and I'm only in my 6th post-op week, but I could never have done this if I didn't have a positive attitude about the procedure and the outcome.

In the endless classes and support group meetings my pathway required, I met so many people who could only focus on the food they wouldn't be able to eat. It blew my mind and continues to do so...we're all candidates for this surgery because we liked food more than we liked ourselves. It's hard to be completely honest with yourself, but I sat myself down and said "you are failing at life right now, sweetie, and someone is offering you a lifeline...are you going to refuse to grab that rope because eating 20 chicken wings at a sitting is more important that living a healthy, normal life?".

And THAT is the bottom line. Do chicken wings mean more than your well-being? If the answer is yes, then walk away and go to Buffalo Wild Wings and chow down. But think about this: are there people in your world who you care about? Your partner, your siblings, your children, whoever it is that are a meaningful part of your world...can you stand in front of THEM and say "I love chicken wings more than I love you"? My weight and my inability to fully participate in my family's life has already altered the lives of my husband and children, so when I was offered this opportunity, I DID put on my big girl panties, stopped loving chicken wings more than life, and I had the damned surgery.

My surgeon offered me AND my entire family a gift, but I was the only one who could accept it on behalf of all of us. So I decided that my family, my friends, my future grandchildren and I are more important that 20 chicken wings at a sitting. What are you going to choose?

I wish you much peace and hope you're able to come to a point where the idea of WLS isn't terrifying, but is empowering instead. Please stay around and let us know how this all goes for you.

[gina171 626]

Giving up things post surgery will likely be very hard, I agree.

But have you ever given real serious thought to all the things you unknowingly "gave up" because of your weight? I can't speak for you, but as for me, my weight caused me to GIVE UP:

Feeling self confident

Being seen in a bathing suit in public

Participating in a real beach vacation with my family....my children are now 23 and 20, it's too late to ever get that back

Feeling confident and really "seen" when meeting new people

Applying for jobs I was intellectually and professionally ready for, but for which I did not look the part

Trying skiing, snowboarding, white Water rafting with my family

Feeling fully confident in intimate relations

I lost out on all these things, that's what being morbidly obese forced me to "give up." And now, I've decided I would INSTEAD rather give up all those foods that diminished my enjoyment of my life.

So.....choose what you are willing to give up.

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Edited July 28, 2016 by gina171

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Trust me, I am a foodie. I eat waaaaaaaaaay better than most. I think I can prove it.

That said, quality is much better than quantity. One or two bites of something great is better than a whole crappy pizza. That is really the decision you are making. Not "can I have this." No it is "can I eat tons of this." I have yet to find something I can't have a bite of. But I'm not making a meal of crap that made me weight 305.

[emme.vee 142]

I know i have been on here before and asked the same question, but I really need help! I have done all my pre-op appt's only have one more left. I am scared to death of making the appt. everytime I think of giving up popcorn, pizza, lobster, and anything else that tastes good and is not good for you I panic and tell myself I can't do this!!! The liquid part, I am trying to drink more Water and the most I have been able to drink in a day is 48 oz, and read stories of people passing out, being dehydrated and that scares me. I know you are all saying, you need to quit you are not ready for this and your probably right the problem is THIS IS MY LAST OPTION I can't just cut down on eating on my own so what do I do???? If I don't have it this calendar year I will have wasted all the other pre-op appt's and will have to start over in the future if I try again to do this!! I really wish I could just by like all of you and just put on my big girl panties and finish this but I am petrified please help me, Sorry so long!!! AlsoI am seeing a therapist but I don't think she can help me, I have talked to her about it and she just says I need to make this decision myself and I am thinking about it too much!! but thats what I do I obsess over crap!!!! HELP!!!!!

1st your therapist is right. This is your decision to make.

2ndly I'm sorry honey, I really don't think you're ready for this surgery. I would love to say go for it but I honestly feel that if you have this much of an issue getting yourself to break the chains that are enslaving you to the foods that ruined you, then you are not read for this journey just yet.

It sounds like you need to work on a lot more than your weight. I am not saying that mean spirited. I'm saying that kindly. I have contemplated this surgery many times and I'm glad I never went thru with it before because I was mentally not ready. I doubted so many things about myself and I have gone to hell and back in the years since I first thought about the surgery. I would have likely gained all the weight if I had gotten the surgery when I originally planned on it. I have learned so much about food and diet and most importantly about myself. I think you know the answer to your question and you don't want to admit it. Please take this as serious as you can. Once you do it you can't undo it and if you're not willing to give up the foods you need to give up then you're not going to be successful either way. I wish you the best.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[kmorri 1,689]

@@Heidijenn I read your post an hour ago and have been trying to come up with something to say that doesn't sound mean or harsh, because I don't feel angry, just kind of sad. I'm no expert on WLS, and I'm only in my 6th post-op week, but I could never have done this if I didn't have a positive attitude about the procedure and the outcome.

In the endless classes and support group meetings my pathway required, I met so many people who could only focus on the food they wouldn't be able to eat. It blew my mind and continues to do so...we're all candidates for this surgery because we liked food more than we liked ourselves. It's hard to be completely honest with yourself, but I sat myself down and said "you are failing at life right now, sweetie, and someone is offering you a lifeline...are you going to refuse to grab that rope because eating 20 chicken wings at a sitting is more important that living a healthy, normal life?".

And THAT is the bottom line. Do chicken wings mean more than your well-being? If the answer is yes, then walk away and go to Buffalo Wild Wings and chow down. But think about this: are there people in your world who you care about? Your partner, your siblings, your children, whoever it is that are a meaningful part of your world...can you stand in front of THEM and say "I love chicken wings more than I love you"? My weight and my inability to fully participate in my family's life has already altered the lives of my husband and children, so when I was offered this opportunity, I DID put on my big girl panties, stopped loving chicken wings more than life, and I had the damned surgery.

My surgeon offered me AND my entire family a gift, but I was the only one who could accept it on behalf of all of us. So I decided that my family, my friends, my future grandchildren and I are more important that 20 chicken wings at a sitting. What are you going to choose?

I wish you much peace and hope you're able to come to a point where the idea of WLS isn't terrifying, but is empowering instead. Please stay around and let us know how this all goes for you.

Love this!!! Great advice.

[Christinamo7 4,042]

The thing you need to know? I am satisfied when I eat - even without all the junk that used to taste so good. You will still enjoy food and you will still enjoy life. It's really ok.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Christinamo7 4,042]

Trust me, I am a foodie. I eat waaaaaaaaaay better than most. I think I can prove it.

That said, quality is much better than quantity. One or two bites of something great is better than a whole crappy pizza. That is really the decision you are making. Not "can I have this." No it is "can I eat tons of this." I have yet to find something I can't have a bite of. But I'm not making a meal of crap that made me weight 305.

Yes yes yes!! This. Fellow foodie.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Trust me, I am a foodie. I eat waaaaaaaaaay better than most. I think I can prove it.

That said, quality is much better than quantity. One or two bites of something great is better than a whole crappy pizza. That is really the decision you are making. Not "can I have this." No it is "can I eat tons of this." I have yet to find something I can't have a bite of. But I'm not making a meal of crap that made me weight 305.

Yes yes yes!! This. Fellow foodie.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[katiecem 24]

I am going to say I don't think you are ready for the surgery but from a different perspective than most. I had WLS 7 years ago and I was not ready. I think I knew it at the time but I was desperate. I chose the Lapband because it was not permanent - first red flag that I was not ready. I went through all the classes and support groups telling myself that I didn't really have to follow the rules because the rules were all made for the bypass not the band- big red flag. Of course, I didn't see the red flags at the time because I was not being honest with myself.

Despite the lack of full committment, I did ok with the band at first, lost 60 lbs but then between complications and lack of committment, over the last 4 years I gained all the weight back and then some.

Then I got to the desperation point again and began to think of WLS again. I started the process with the same blinders on but fortunately between therapy and just getting really real with myself, I am now committed to whatever it takes to be the best sleeve patient ever, to be honest with myself and get help from my team when I need it.

I hope you can get to this place too.

Edited July 28, 2016 by katiecem

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@katiecem - That is a very interesting and good perspective. Thanks. I don't think I've seen it presented like this todate.

[Andrew0929 1,101]

Your concerns are very common and ones that many of us can relate to. I questioned my ability to achieve long-term success after being sleeved and still do on occasion.

However, things change after the surgery. My cravings for junk food somehow disappeared and were replaced with cravings for healthy food. I still don't get it but love it nonetheless.