Keeping it a Secret?

[sb4dmb 4]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to know if anyone else is not telling anyone about their surgery? My surgery is Sept 7 and I have only told need to know people.

3 years ago my husband committed suicide leaving me pregnant and caring for a one year old. I was so busy I forgot to eat and ate once at night. I gained 150 pounds in 2 years. I don't have any help or support but my mother in law.

Soon after I started having major health issues. Doctors have given me multiple disease diagnosis' and then would take them off the table. (Including Lupus, Hughes Sybdrome, etc.) Basically not knowing what's wrong with me. All of my doctors have signed off and feel comfortable with me going forth with the surgery.

Last night I made the mistake of telling one friend and was immediately bashed. I purposely didn't want anyone else's thoughts or opinions because this is MY decision and I've never been more certain. I plan to continue improving my health but right now this is part of it.

I don't like feeling bad about something I feel so good about.

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[chycky 671]

I don't think you should feel bad about decision OR not wanting to share with anyone. You will find a variety of ways people have dealt with telling family http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/372775-telling-my-daughter/ or boss on this site.

I have told very few but feel supported by those who know. If you do not have that someone, you may want to rely on therapist from your surgery team (if there is one) or one in another office to help.

It sounds like you are moving forward in strong fashion from devastating circumstances. I am truly sorry for your loss. Best of luck and keep talking here!

[CLN.BK 165]

I'm not telling a soul. The only people who know are my medical team and the wonderful people here on this forum.

Adjusting to my new lifestyle will be difficult enough. I don't want to also go through the emotional turmoil of dealing with unsupportive people and their unwelcome opinions.

Will things change a year or two down the road? I don't know, but I'll cross that bridge if or when I feel the need to open up.

[SilentBotts 138]

Pre-Op I only told a few close friends/co-workers and family. I didn't really spread it around more because I was worried that I wouldn't make it through the six month pre-op checklist or would change my mind. Once it was done I tell anyone who wants to listen to the story. Everyone I've told has been super supportive and it seems like everyone already knows someone else who has had some type of WLS.

[SilentBotts 138]

I have a feeling that anyone who would be unsupportive about this decision also would have found a way to be unsupportive or nasty about losing weight with a traditional method. So screw 'em.

[Bobby'sGirl 34]

My surgery is 8/3. They only people that know are my immediate family and my supervisors.

[sb4dmb 4]

Thanks guys. I hate being secretive but this should be a joyous time. I've had enough negativity and sadness and I'm ready for the change. I'm glad I found this group.

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[SilentBotts 138]

My supervisor was actually one of the people I held off on telling specifically because I knew she would make it super weird. And wow did she. She got super freaked out, used up 5-10 minutes of a meeting with me trying to convince me to go on some kind of retreat instead.

Bobby'sGirl, on 27 Jul 2016 - 10:50, said:

My surgery is 8/3. They only people that know are my immediate family and my supervisors.

[cbeverly4u 0]

I only told close friends and family. I told my supervisor that i was having abdominal surgery. I have heard stories about people bashing the surgery and the people who get it saying it is the "easy way out" so I don't need the hen house at work to know.

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[Dub 9,922]

Telling or not telling can be a stressful decision for some folks.

How about just keeping it quiet for now.....have the surgery.......begin losing a good deal of weight.....find your stride with your new life and then decide whether or not to tell later on....once you are on course towards your goal weight.

[dsheive 100]

I told 2 best friends 1 family member. I have lost a sister because of my "secret" keeping. We were very close and we're going to be the Baldwin "the waltons"sisters some day. It's been 14 months.

Would I change my decision to tell probably not but it still hurts. When people ask how I tell them with a lot help from drs I see a nutritionist and support from family and friends.