Anyone else weary of advice from pre op or 3 months out?

[Julie norton 2,850]

Sorry, but I'm feeling a bit jaded from lots of advice and pictures of " honeymooners" just 3 months out and posting pics and advice.

Could just be me getting weary of newbies dispensing wisdom...

Want to read more of "years out " issues.

Lots of people leave and I am really hoping it is not regain... Just complacency... Look forward to those who hang in here through all of life's up and downs.... You know ...REAL LIFE!

Looking for those veteran posts here that help me through tough (and good) times.

[katesuccess 990]

I feel that way too some days when I sign on and look at 'new content'. The advice is downright scary sometimes, but mostly it feels like a tone thing. Then I switch and cruise through Rants and Raves and Vets and it's usually better.

SO - here's my recent 'years out' issue; I'm two years from my VS, and this week finally hit a number that means I'm only 20 lbs from goal, (yay!) and was surprised at some of the thoughts I've had about that:

• Not much fear about not hitting it, because I'm so much happier now with my body, that if I don't get to 145 it's just not the end of the world, but still I wonder if I can.
• Although things are going well and not too hard right now, I'm wondering how hard maintenance will be, since I've never ever managed to do it for more than about a nanosecond it seems!
• I'm knowing I may not look that good at a lower weight, and am dreading people who say not to lose any more or offer helpful council about what I should weigh.
• If it's too low for me and I go up a little bit, will I even be able to stop going up, up, up?
• All things I know rationally are manageable, and yet still provoked a gut-clench response following my immediate thrill of realizing I'm getting close.

And final issue now that I'm two years out--When the heck will it cease to interest people to talk about my weight!?! Good grief people, can we talk about Orlando, Dallas, Nice, and the horrifyingly long list of such things? Heck, I might even rather talk politics than weight in public. Sigh.

Maybe I'm just cranky because I just went to a big party wearing a cute dress that showed how successful this has been for me --in nice appropriate ways-- and I swear almost every person in the room felt the need to comment!

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am nearly 2 years post op and I am still here almost every day. I am at goal since March of this year. The road to getting to goal was so much easier than maintaining it in my opinion. Mostly because watching that scale move provided me with more incentive to keep forging forward.

That being said, I am beginning to learn new ways to remain motivating to keep my weight where it is. For the next year at least it will be gifting myself plastics along the way. If I maintain, I get to have work done.

In terms of advice given out by folks that have yet to experience WLS or are just a few months out. You have to take it with a grain of salt. We were all there once and as for me, I focused only on what my medical team provided and then assessed what I read on line. I asked lots of questions, and shared my learnings.

For me the one thing that frustrates me like crazy is when some newly post op is looking for permission to do exactly what they shouldn't and another newbie gives them permission. It isn't helping anyone and in fact a bit of tough love can shake you into reality. It is my biggest pet peeve and about the only thing I will get seriously peeved about.

If you are looking for permission to do something you know you shouldn't do or if you are the one handing out the permission you can be assured I won't keep my mouth shut. It isn't doing anyone any good and let's be honest we don't need to be coddled, we need to be told the straight skinny.

Someone asked me about whether or not Brachioplasty is painful. If you read all the BS from the docs on real self, they will tell you that their is discomfort and you will be back to work in a week or less. They don't tell you it hurts like you just slammed both your arms on a hot stove and held it there for about an hour. They burn like hell. They don't tell you that as soon as you do any activity the swelling increases and you can feel your arms bulge and they don't tell you that there is a ton of itching or tickling in your arms as the nerves begin to heal. Guess what, ask me and I will tell you what I know based on my experiences.....you will get the real deal whether you like it or not. I say this as I sit here with two ice packs tucked under each arm pit almost all day long for the last 12 days. LOL!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Great topic, @@katesuccess ....

Yesterday I saw my therapist. And next month (August 2016) is my second surgiversary.

BTW, I started seeing my therapist just over two years ago when I told him I was committing to see him for three years: (1) the year of losing weight, (2) the year of maintaining weight, and (3) the year of boring real life. I found a therapist at the urging of my primary care physician who, a year before I had WLS, told me he'd support me in having WLS, but that he thought I really, really, really needed to spend time in therapy to understand better why I was so piss-poor at caring for myself. (He'd seen me lose/gain/lose/gain/lose/gain ... you get the idea ... for many years.)

Anyway, as we've all seen / heard from those who are further out than you and I are Year Three can be a real bugaboo! @@Julie norton -- you're such a long-time vet (you're 8 years post-op) that you've seen and heard it all, I bet. Anyway, I expect that Year Three won't be like Year Two, during which I learned to maintain pretty easily for me. I've been at 135 pounds (from 133 - 137) for the last 6 months -- but mostly at 135.

So back to my therapist, I reminded him of where we are -- entering The Year of Boring Real Life. Actually, it's not all that boring. Lots of changes here: Since WLS, hubby has had cancer and been through two rounds of chemo, a round of radiation and is now going through more radiation. I've retired. We've moved twice. My mother died. Hubby's dad died. We lost an adult child to a stroke. We lost two pets to disease. Sounds terrible, doesn't it?

Actually, it's not been as terrible as you'd think. We've learned so much about acceptance, adapting, trusting, resilience, and being present in this moment and not ruminating. Believe me, we aren't "there" yet, but I truly believe we're both in a better place spiritually and psychologically than we were five years ago. Life sometimes does that to you.

I don't think this post was even responsive to either of your posts. In any event, thanks for posting and listening.

Anybody want to say anything else?

P.S. Just saw your post too, @@Djmohr . Thanks for the straight scoop about brachioplasty.

[katesuccess 990]

Oh my gosh- thank you both, @Djmohr and @@VSGAnn2014 - this is so helpful, and I feel in good company with such thoughtful and seasoned vets as you.

Ann, I'm so sorry for the grief, illness and roller coast this time has been for you, and I'm in awe of how beautifully you are living from your depth and strength, and not from some of those other options. The therapeutic route is so powerful, and so often dodged or overlooked because it's really hard work. Heck even finding a good therapist you like working with is hard work. Nice to hear the story of it working so well. What an inspiration you are!

Djmohr, awful that it's so painful - and that they don't give the straight story often about how bad it might be! Thanks for your honesty. I've been feeling quietly sorry for myself because my financial life doesn't allow for even the possibility of doing it (unless of course I win the lottery, which will be especially unlikely since I don't buy tickets!). The pain sounds pretty lousy, so I should at least take heart that I won't have to live through the ouch-part, just my flapping bat-wings, droopy kangaroo pouch-like thing and my thigh skin running down my legs, (chased only by my saggy breasts).

I backslid last summer on vacation and gained 25 lbs--I was horrified and stopped myself, and am now finally past the low weight from before my lapse. No longer feel like I'm "re-losing" the same pounds anyway. I'm worried about maintenance some, since for me to lose has meant being super rigid about my macros staying consistent every day. Granted I like that it's working, just not sure how much the motivation will flag once it's to stay the same instead of see the reward of weight loss.

I'll count on you all for guidance! Thanks for starting this conversation @Julie norton - so glad we can ask you Super-Vets to weigh in on these longer term things.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I do want to be very clear......even though there is pain with plastics for me, it is absolutely positively worth it.

Pain, burning and itching included. I would do it again in a heartbeat and intend to. I just want people to know that rarely do you go through surgery without some discomfort and in some cases real pain.

And if I am asked I will tell you what I know based on my experience and not what I am guessing or reading somewhere.

Some doctors love to tell you it is not so bad, I know my spine guy is one of them. No big deal......my ass. LOL then afterwards they admit they might have not given you the real deal.

[jess9395 5,449]

I'm in that three year place and yeah it's more of a struggle to maintain for sure. I've gained 10. No more. And gone up and down those 10 for about six months and am trying to decide whether those 10 are worth the struggle. I'm still a size 4, I can still do everything I did when I was 135. My original stretch goal was 150 so I'm still 5 lbs below that. But damnit I liked 135 better.

As for brachioplasty... Please don't assume people aren't giving the straight scoop. Just like with WLS we are all different. I had itching, but very little pain and no burning. Not sugar coating it. That just honestly wasn't my experience. I was back to mostly normal 2 weeks post op and had brachioplasty, Tummy Tuck and Breast lift/aug. I guess I'm just a good healer. I'm very sorry that hasn't been your experience

[Valentina 2,642]

I do want to be very clear......even though there is pain with plastics for me, it is absolutely positively worth it.

Pain, burning and itching included. I would do it again in a heartbeat and intend to. I just want people to know that rarely do you go through surgery without some discomfort and in some cases real pain.

And if I am asked I will tell you what I know based on my experience and not what I am guessing or reading somewhere.

Some doctors love to tell you it is not so bad, I know my spine guy is one of them. No big deal......my ass. LOL then afterwards they admit they might have not given you the real deal.

Ha! I can relate to your sage recollections.

I remember being in the end stage of labor with my 10# daughter. I went "natural" so had no pain meds (doctor convinced me it was best for the baby----arse hole! ).

I remember my OB saying, "You'll just going to feel a little pressure now, Dear".

Pressure????? It felt like he was pulling a rabid Rottweiler through a knot hole!!!!!

I have never forgotten that line----" You're just going to feel a little pressure now, DEAR".

I guess there's a reason why surgeons do their best work when their patients are asleep.

[Djmohr 6,965]

@@Valentina

LOL! You crack me up!

I remind both my boys frequently they didn't offer epidurals when I had them. Pressure my ass!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Well, it was my experience that things got really real after about 3 years. I suppose there are lots of reasons, but it is harder, I am hungrier, I am tired of mindfulness/diligence. All I know to do is keep at it.

People who are within the first year or two sometimes struggle as well, but MOST of them find it relatively easy once they get over how little they need to eat. Since most don't WANT to eat that much it is pretty good deal. Anyway, I understand your weariness but I would turn it around - the problem isn't all the posts from people who are preop or recent WLS patients, the problem is the lack of participation from long timers.

Honestly, there are plenty of long timers around here, it is just... what else is there to say? sigh.

Having said that - I am still normal sized, still happy as hell with my weight loss and maintenance, just wish it were easier. - much like I wish life were easier.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

I am open to "newbie" advice. Even though they may not necessarily have 1st hand experience or long term experience, there still can be a lot of merit to their answers based upon their research or other people they spoke with who are further along post WLS. As with anyone's answers, "veteran" or "newbie" it is still sometimes best to research further (or ask a healthcare professional if necessary).

As far as "veterans" are concerned, maybe they have answered many of the same questions numerous times before, such as "are 3 week stalls normal", "I am not getting enough Protein, what are good sources of protein", "how much Water should I drink", etc., so they don't reply as frequently.

[katesuccess 990]

I do want to be very clear......even though there is pain with plastics for me, it is absolutely positively worth it.

Pain, burning and itching included. I would do it again in a heartbeat and intend to. I just want people to know that rarely do you go through surgery without some discomfort and in some cases real pain.

And if I am asked I will tell you what I know based on my experience and not what I am guessing or reading somewhere.

Some doctors love to tell you it is not so bad, I know my spine guy is one of them. No big deal......my ass. LOL then afterwards they admit they might have not given you the real deal.

Oh I would absolutely do it, @@Djmohr, in a heartbeat! If I ever win that lottery.... now if I did, I'd know the real scoop too.

[Julie norton 2,850]

I truly appreciate this forum for the absolute honesty from seasoned vets!!

It is one place I can hear the real deal from those that are going through trials and tribulations of long term post WLS and plastics.

Thank you djmohr for the reality post. I almost yelled at the dr at a follow up visit from my TT.... (I recall saying " I've had two kids over 9 lbs and you never warned me how much pain I would be in in the first week ". ) He seemed surprised... Bet he never had a TT !! ( I later found out the staff are asked to speak in quiet tones at his practice..... ) I'm sure some eyebrows were raised... Oh well... Truth comes out of me loudly I suppose when I'm in severe pain.

Yes, I would do it again, but with a knowing mindset...

Anyway, I'm thankful for the banter here. I'm thinking years out of WLS, it is really up to us personally to continue this road to stay at a healthy weight.

I notice now I say I had a good month. Or I can have a better month... No more day by day playbook that was in my head for years.

Enough of my ramble

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@VSGAnn2014 - BTW, I started seeing my therapist just over two years ago when I told him I was committing to see him for three years: (1) the year of losing weight, (2) the year of maintaining weight, and (3) the year of boring real life.

That is great. I actually did the same thing when I went through my divorce and the guy was great through this process too. That might/should be added to the checklist of things people should consider before doing this.

I just went to my doctor's appointment today, and I am up 4 pounds from when I saw him six months ago. He didn't freak out, but I sure as heck did. That is unacceptable in my book. But, I looked at my food and exercise log and realized, very understandable because I have not been working out well and I'm not paying attention to what I'm eating. DUH

Now, do I care about the advice of a pre-op? NOPE. UNLESS it is freaking stupid. Then I will CARE. Other than than that, rote stuff is fine.