Dating and excess skin

[MayMarie 349]

I'm interested in hearing people's experiences getting exposed with new partners after WLS. Do you bring up your excess skin before getting in the buff? How has it been received?

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I don't talk about it. Men don't disclose their flaws, I'm not going to start off handicapping myself for no reason. Never received a comment on it.

It just isn't an issue. I get more comments on not stuffing myself at dinner, or from the cheap ones the implication I am wasting their money.

[melbell2222 244]

I think if you hold yourself as a confident woman, lose skin won't matter. Men don't question unless you ask. Or he is a jerk which that is a wonderful sign of saying peace lol

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[MayMarie 349]

I have always been confident naked, even at my biggest. It was always what you see is what you're gonna get. Now what you see on the outside isn't quite what you get unwrapped.

[gowalking 10,790]

How old are you? I ask because I'm just a few weeks shy of 58 and men my age or older are just so damn happy to be getting some, the last thing they care about is some excess skin. If you are considerably younger, it might be more of an issue just based on youth and inexperience. (Their's, not yours)

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@MayMarie

I know what you mean. I was confident naked at my largest also, because there was no hiding really what was underneath.

Now in clothes I look on the larger end of regular sized but under the Shapewear and flattering clothes there is a different story.

Still men don't complain. Like I said they will comment on how I eat not how I look naked.

Luckily everything on me is shrinking except my boobs so they take most of the attention.

Men don't care about some things as much as we think.

[MayMarie 349]

How old are you? I ask because I'm just a few weeks shy of 58 and men my age or older are just so damn happy to be getting some, the last thing they care about is some excess skin. If you are considerably younger, it might be more of an issue just based on youth and inexperience. (Their's, not yours)

I'm 24 and what you described is what I fear.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@MayMarie

If someone can't accept you as you are then they are not meant for you. You can't force people to accept and like you.

The right guy won't care about the skin, he will be there for you as a person.

The one thing I liked about being fat was I knew that guys were really interested in me as a person. Men used to compliment me on my personality and other attributes as well as my face. Now I just get compliments on my looks and it is harder to know if they are really interested I me as a person or me as an acquisition.

Don't let the skin hold you back from dating, just be cautious about who you date and when you choose to be intimate.

[MarciaN 391]

I was fearful of this also. I am probably more uncomfortable with the skin than my now fiancé is. I did not know him before surgery so he has only seen the "new me" skin and all. If you are with the right person they will be making love to you (rather than just having sex) so it won't matter.

[gowalking 10,790]

How old are you? I ask because I'm just a few weeks shy of 58 and men my age or older are just so damn happy to be getting some, the last thing they care about is some excess skin. If you are considerably younger, it might be more of an issue just based on youth and inexperience. (Their's, not yours)

I'm 24 and what you described is what I fear.

I understand your concerns but I'll let others reply as I can't give advice or make suggestions for someone your age as I obviously am seeing this through my filter as a middle aged woman. Good luck sweetie.

[goblue9280 481]

As I guy, I don't think my expectation would be for the girl to bring up any physical "faults" (probably not the right word) she thinks she has... in fact I'd probably find it a bit off-putting that she brought it up as I'd be thinking "does she really think I'm that shallow?"

That being said it's going to come down to the type of guy you're dating... by the time you get to the point of taking off your clothes, I'm guessing you'll know whether it's a narcissistic douche that may have an issue with it... in which case you probably shouldn't be taking off your clothes anyway, lol.

[SweetPotato 142]

I've been dating and having sex since losing weight and haven't mentioned the loose skin or weight loss. no-one else has mentioned it, either. Honestly, they just seem to be in to the having sex...i've walked around naked and my loose skin is on full display. I'm 36:)

Edited July 25, 2016 by SweetPotato

[sprocket 104]

I agree with @@OutsideMatchInside (and some others). You rarely hear men apologizing or explaining their bodies, but women often feel compelled to do so.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I've been dating and having sex since losing weight and haven't mentioned the loose skin or weight loss. no-one else has mentioned it, either. Honestly, they just seem to be in to the having sex...i've walked around naked and my loose skin is on full display. I'm 36:)

If you are confident men don't care. I swear.

[Valentina 2,642]

If you are at the point of a sexual relationship (notice I said, "relationship", not just "hooking up for an hour"), then I believe that a couple should know each other.

Their communication should have included important experiences in their lives. Have WLS and everything that journey includes certainly would be a mentionable life experience.

A long lasting relationship has to have a solid foundation of truth and compassion.

If all you want is a night of meaningless sex, then "there's your sign".

I believe you are worth more than that.