Spouse unable to deal with changes

[glitter eyes 1,398]

You are still in the early stages of healing and adjusting to your new stomach. Everything will probably get easier as your healing progresses.

My husband and I still go out to eat and I always find something on the menu that fits my meal plan, or I will just eat off his plate.

The exciting thing about weight loss is it can open up the door for so many new adventures and you can do them together as a couple.

My husband and I have so many new hobbies; kayaking, camping, hiking, working out at the gym together, jogging. It had been so much fun to explore new activities. I am even gonna try to learn to play golf so I can go when he plays.

Good luck to you both and I hope everything settles in to a new normal and y'all can begin new adventures together! Keep us posted

[Cindi_Augustine 99]

I think considering couples therapy is a smart idea. Relationship issues are like icebergs, 90% below the surface. Many spouses worry that a slimmer, sexier mate might leave them because they have more options. Some people feel guilty or embarrassed when they stay overweight but their mate gets slim. Significant weight loss IS life-changing and it's not unusual for family members to worry that things will change, or they will get left behind.

Of course, I don't know you or your hubby but this is food for thought.

[hbrhonda 108]

UPDATE: We stopped in Vegas on our way to Utah to go riding. Didn't drink alcohol because we still had driving to do. We had an amazing time. He laughs at my portion size. We did eat out just about everyday. We chose his meal together from the healthier options, then he allowed me to take my share. Commenting along the way that he won't ever miss 2 oz of his meal.

I think the biggest part of my dilemma was I thought he wanted to lose weight with me and I was supper frustrated that he wasn't willing to change. I am coping much better with the advice that I chose this surgery, My life will forever be changed. He didn't have this surgery so he doesn't have to tool. I was getting all stressed out trying to help him eat healthy, reminding him to not drink. SCREW that!! He is a big boy, if he wants things to stay that way, why should it stress me out. I now say "I am heading to the gym" and off I go. If he tags along fine, if he watches TV fine.

Eventually he may get on board but for now it looks like life as usual at least for him. I am down 30 lbs!!!!

[#9grammy 274]

Oh my that was an awesome message you left.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@hbrhonda That's the attitude! I'm so glad you decided to go and had a great time! Continued success to you!

[justhere4theshow 462]

So glad to see the update! I am happy for you. Sounds like you're going to be just fine!

[smg 471]

I had not considered any of this prior to surgery and was surprised that, the day before surgery when I was signing my consent and waiver forms that there was a form stating that what I was doing would cause significant changes in my life and that could also effect my marriage. Basically it was a waiver stating that if I get divorced I agreed not to hold the surgeon responsible which made me realize that apparently this is a much larger problem. I did discuss this with wife and was actually concerned for a brief period because, like so many others on here, a lot of our social life revolved around food, whether it be eating out, parties, BBQs, etc.

Luckily, it has not had a negative effect thus far and the effect has been extremely positive. My confidence has returned, and it has improved every aspect of our relationship. We still eat out and I have not found a restaurant (we stay away from fast food....it's just bad all the way around imo) where I couldn't find something suitable. Even if they don't offer a "small plate" portion, I have no issues whatsoever eating asking for a to-go box. In fact, for the first time since surgery I was craving a Hamburger and we went to a up-scale restaurant and that's exactly what I ordered. I had 2 bites...lol....and the rest lasted me for 2 more days until my son finally finished it off. Most of the time, however, I opt for something a lot lighter, such as a Soup or a salad, or a small piece of grilled or steamed fish/chicken, along with veggies or fruit as a side. Breakfast is easy as well. Scrambled eggs or an egg-white omelette are on every Breakfast menu so I haven't had any issues.

You mentioned Las Vegas. I live in Las Vegas and have a second home in Reno so we are constantly surrounded by buffets. I have gone to a few since surgery and, again, have not had any issue finding something suitable. Sure, you're certainly not going to get your money's worth, but if you're gambling, you shouldn't be paying for your buffet anyway! If you are receiving comps for meals, ask your casino host for comps to restaurants that offer healthier alternatives. Stay away from the "deli" restaurants and opt for the higher end places. If you do go to the delis, stick with soups/salads, or ask for sandwich meats without the bread. Most will make it for you and just charge you for the sandwich. Vegas will do what they can to make you happy in most cases because they want you to be happy...so you keep gambling

If you want to venture off of the strip there are some wonderful restaurants that will cater to both of you. There's a place called Skinny Fats that has been an absolute gem in my family. They have 2 versions of every meal....one that is healthy, and one that is traditional. It's a wonderful idea and the food is extremely good. Check it out...

Aside from everything, communication is the key. Talk to your husband....let him know how you feel and try and get him to tell you how he feels. Once the issues are out in the open it will be much easier to tackle and work through. Best of luck to you!