Unsupportive fiance

[crissyboo 63]

Recently I told my fiancé about me wanting to get gastric bypass and since then he's been unsupportive. He doesn't think I need to get it done and he thinks I'm trying to take "the easy way out". I went through this whole process about me wanting to get surgery in 2013 and I opted not to because of the people in my surrounding not supporting me or talking negatively about it. I thought then that maybe I was trying to take the easy way out, so I didn't finish the process. I was able to lose weight on my own with healthy eating and exercise and around the time that I was deciding that I wanted to get surgery the first time I met my fiancé.

I felt bad because we were staring to get close and things started to move quickly and I was lying about what "doctors" appointments I was going to and I just kept thinking what if I got through the surgery, How am I going to tell him? Whose going to take care of me when I get out?So that ship sinked quickly. Fast word three years later we're still together, but in the past 3 years I've gained the 50 pounds back that I lost. I am tired of listening to everyones opinions about me getting surgery. I feel like if I get the surgery my relationship with my fiancé will end. He just thinks so negatively about it and it sucks. My sister has reservations about it as well and she still doesn't think I should do it like my fiancé and she is in between on the support side, but she told me she will be there for me with whatever I decide to do.

I haven't told my mom or dad or my other sister about it. I don't think I want to either. Its just so hard doing this a second time around with little to no support.

[TJs_Dad2012 246]

Bail and find one true friend to help you

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[melbell2222 244]

Ugghh yeah get rid of the negative people in your life!!! If he can't support you then he never will...it will always be about him so I say go for it girl and if he can't keep his mouth shut then leave him.

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[Queenfreak 36]

I didn't tell anyone but my BFF until after I saw my doctor and started the process. I said the same thing to everyone. I have decided to get bypass surgery and no one is going to talk me out if it. My husband said I will support you. My kids were upset and said noooooo. My Mom cried and my sister tried to talk me out of it up to the day of surgery. I went from 283 to 126. I have my life back. Best thing I ever did. Your BF is feeling insecure and is worried you will leave him once you are thin. He needs to know that's not you and if he doesn't support you now you will resent him when you do loose weight for not standing behind you. He can either go with it or stay behind. Good luck

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@crissyboo How much weight do you have to lose? Maybe if your fiance goes to some informational seminars or even your Drs appt he'll understand that it's far from the easy way out. Also - less than 5% of people who lose on their own keep the weight off. That's lousy odds! I encourage therapy - for you both and separately - because if this could end your relationship - you need to determine if you should even have a relationship never mind marry. What else will he be unsupportive about? If you have alot of weight to lose - do this for YOU and your health! If he can't be supportive - he's not the person you want to be with! Stay strong!

[crissyboo 63]

Thank you everyone for your support and well wishes.

@@KristenLe I have about 200 pounds to lose maybe? I showed him the video if the procedure and nothing good came out of that because the only thing he kept talking about was me potentially being out of work, not having some to take care of me (he's a police officer so his job is too demanding to be taking off all the time), having any complications (potentially dying), Me needing to go back and fourth to the hospital(if need be) etc. Thats what I keep telling him and thinking, If he can't support me then we don't need to be together. He gets upset when I say that, but September is slowly approaching and I told him I'm getting the surgery wether he likes it or not. So you can be with me or against me.

@@crissyboo How much weight do you have to lose? Maybe if your fiance goes to some informational seminars or even your Drs appt he'll understand that it's far from the easy way out. Also - less than 5% of people who lose on their own keep the weight off. That's lousy odds! I encourage therapy - for you both and separately - because if this could end your relationship - you need to determine if you should even have a relationship never mind marry. What else will he be unsupportive about? If you have alot of weight to lose - do this for YOU and your health! If he can't be supportive - he's not the person you want to be with! Stay strong!

Edited July 18, 2016 by crissyboo

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@crissyboo I'm so sorry he's being an asshole! Your health and life are at risk and you need to take care for yourself. It's a shame he can't find a few days out of his busy schedule to be there for you in getting healthy! It would seem he doesn't have your best interest at heart! ????.

[pammieanne 269]

You need to do what you need for yourself. You are young looking in your picture, and 200 lbs isn't something to ignore. Your health will start to deteriorate, and you won't be able to do things the older you get. Now is the time to take control of your own life and do what you need to do.

Tell your fiance to support you or back off. If he loves you, then he'd be there for you, even if he can't take a bunch of time off, he can be there for you mentally. (besides, tell him sex will be through the roof after you lose some weight hahaha)

And for the record, the vast majority of WLS patients are fine by the time they are released from the hospital. Yes, it's nice to have someone there to help you, but statistically you will be healthy enough to take care of yourself for the most part.

This is about YOU, not what your fiance is comfortable with.

[RedE2Go 3]

Chrissyboo, looks as if you have gotten good advice. Good luck to you.

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Have you been engaged three years?

[Mitch1 15]

My greatest regret was not doing it sooner when I wanted to, but doing it later because I had to!!!

I wasted years living a life I didn't need to. Don't do the same and listen to all of the great aforementioned advice. He, your family and friends don't fully understand what you're going through. You do!!! Proceed...

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[Jesm1029 101]

Recently I told my fiancé about me wanting to get gastric bypass and since then he's been unsupportive. He doesn't think I need to get it done and he thinks I'm trying to take "the easy way out". I went through this whole process about me wanting to get surgery in 2013 and I opted not to because of the people in my surrounding not supporting me or talking negatively about it. I thought then that maybe I was trying to take the easy way out, so I didn't finish the process. I was able to lose weight on my own with healthy eating and exercise and around the time that I was deciding that I wanted to get surgery the first time I met my fiancé.

I felt bad because we were staring to get close and things started to move quickly and I was lying about what "doctors" appointments I was going to and I just kept thinking what if I got through the surgery, How am I going to tell him? Whose going to take care of me when I get out?So that ship sinked quickly. Fast word three years later we're still together, but in the past 3 years I've gained the 50 pounds back that I lost. I am tired of listening to everyones opinions about me getting surgery. I feel like if I get the surgery my relationship with my fiancé will end. He just thinks so negatively about it and it sucks. My sister has reservations about it as well and she still doesn't think I should do it like my fiancé and she is in between on the support side, but she told me she will be there for me with whatever I decide to do.

I haven't told my mom or dad or my other sister about it. I don't think I want to either. Its just so hard doing this a second time around with little to no support.

Im sorry for your situation i did what was best for me i wasnt comfortable in my skin and i had diseases and felt like i was to young to be having these things and i dont mind tellinf everyone when they ask me what you did i got wls and i work out now 5x weekly and am sticking to my plan so this one was for me i chose to live a healthy life but i needed this motivation this extra help if i were you i wouldnt let what everyone else thinks stop me and this shouldnt be a reason for your relationship to end but i wouldnt hide it from them either

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[Heather I 500]

Do you want to have children down the line? Gestational diabetes and 10-lb babies 2x over here back-to-back. I controlled my diet for the babies perfectly and had great pregnancies, but now my kids are 2.5 and 3.5, and my knees crunch, I'm winded, and I feel like a lumbering oaf trying to run after them.

I can't fit on the slides or swings to play next to/with them. I could barely fit onto the parent and child ride at the local amusement park, and I know I don't fit on the adult seats.

I'm the heaviest mom at daycare, and it sucks. I feel invisible to the other moms because I'm the frumpy mom right now.

Your fiance seems pretty self-absorbed to me; it's all about HIM and how HE *may* be inconvenienced. I think he's showing his true colors now and it's good to take a good, hard look at how supportive he will be down the line. It's not just WLS in your future.

If you DON'T get sleeved, there's joint replacement surgeries potentially in your future and other medical complications. Possibly bedrest with pregnancies -- you just never know what life has in store for you.

If he's not going to be helpful NOW, when you are still mobile and young to have WLS, how is he going to be in the future, as you age, carrying 200+lbs?

Don't waste the best years of your life overweight, blowing out joints, missing out on fun, sexy times with your partner, and enjoying life with potential children. It sucks being on the sidelines of your own life. Your family can stuff it.

Grab that brass ring and go for it! If he comes around; great. If not, consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet with a potentially narcissistic baby.

[crissyboo 63]

We've only been engaged for 7 months.

Chrissyboo, looks as if you have gotten good advice. Good luck to you.

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[crissyboo 63]

I think about that all the time. I want to have kids, multiple actually. But I refused to raise a child when I am unhealthy. He knows about all the complications I may face, and he seems to be coming around. I don't think he'll ever agree with me having surgery, but he'll stay by me because he loves me. He just doesn't think I need to do it and we can do it on our own (all his words not mine). I've tried before, but it seems like more than ever now it's harder. My PC just diagnosed me with pcos and, Ugh it just seems like there's always one thing after another. I will remain positive and strong because that's how my parents raised me to be, but it just sucks getting bad new back to back.

Do you want to have children down the line? Gestational diabetes and 10-lb babies 2x over here back-to-back. I controlled my diet for the babies perfectly and had great pregnancies, but now my kids are 2.5 and 3.5, and my knees crunch, I'm winded, and I feel like a lumbering oaf trying to run after them.

I can't fit on the slides or swings to play next to/with them. I could barely fit onto the parent and child ride at the local amusement park, and I know I don't fit on the adult seats.

I'm the heaviest mom at daycare, and it sucks. I feel invisible to the other moms because I'm the frumpy mom right now.

Your fiance seems pretty self-absorbed to me; it's all about HIM and how HE *may* be inconvenienced. I think he's showing his true colors now and it's good to take a good, hard look at how supportive he will be down the line. It's not just WLS in your future.

If you DON'T get sleeved, there's joint replacement surgeries potentially in your future and other medical complications. Possibly bedrest with pregnancies -- you just never know what life has in store for you.

If he's not going to be helpful NOW, when you are still mobile and young to have WLS, how is he going to be in the future, as you age, carrying 200+lbs?

Don't waste the best years of your life overweight, blowing out joints, missing out on fun, sexy times with your partner, and enjoying life with potential children. It sucks being on the sidelines of your own life. Your family can stuff it.

Grab that brass ring and go for it! If he comes around; great. If not, consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet with a potentially narcissistic baby.

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