New relationship after sleeve surgery

[Nikki Monroe 71]

I'm curious....at what point did you tell your girlfriend/boyfriend about your weight loss surgery? What was their reaction good and bad? Why did you tell them when you did?

The guy I am dating now notices my small appetite. I always give him half of what I am eating or he notices I don't always finish my food. He made the comment the other day about being "concerned" that I wasn't eating enough food. I told him I was but that I just eat a little more often. Makes me feel like that conversation may have to happen sooner than I anticipated.



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Edited July 14, 2016 by Nikki Monroe

[Harsha 168]

Curious also, there is a guy I'm interested in and I think he is too... but I'm having my surgery next week. It makes me nervous because I'm not sure what guys reactions are to hearing about the surgery. It's one thing to be with someone already and be there for them... but another to just start dating someone. Or is it?

[KeepCalm 223]

yeaaah... my roommate is going to make it difficult for me to date the guys I want to - without them knowing about the wls because he likes to tell everyone how I had 80% of my stomach cut out to lose weight, instead of just leaving it at she had surgery (which is what my sister said to our waitress the other night because the lady thought I didn't like my salad or something as wrong with my food).

I'm cool with people knowing, but the way he says it and the tone he says it in is more him judging me and trying to put me down about it. And I want to date one of his friends after I am at a more confident space in my mind to deal with me and someone else.

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

I'm curious....at what point did you tell your girlfriend/boyfriend about your weight loss surgery? What was their reaction good and bad? Why did you tell them when you did?

The guy I am dating now notices my small appetite. I always give him half of what I am eating or he notices I don't always finish my food. He made the comment the other day about being "concerned" that I wasn't eating enough food. I told him I was but that I just eat a little more often. Makes me feel like that conversation may have to happen sooner than I anticipated.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I just tell people and don't worry about their reaction. For the most part its like: "wow, cool..." and have a lot of question because chances are they know someone who is also interested in it. I have yet to get a negative reaction from telling others.

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

Your roomie is wrong and you need to put her in check. It's not her place to discuss your surgery, your weight or anything else personal. Girl...make her get her life.

yeaaah... my roommate is going to make it difficult for me to date the guys I want to - without them knowing about the wls because he likes to tell everyone how I had 80% of my stomach cut out to lose weight, instead of just leaving it at she had surgery (which is what my sister said to our waitress the other night because the lady thought I didn't like my salad or something as wrong with my food).

I'm cool with people knowing, but the way he says it and the tone he says it in is more him judging me and trying to put me down about it. And I want to date one of his friends after I am at a more confident space in my mind to deal with me and someone else.

Edited July 14, 2016 by PrettyThick1

[KeepCalm 223]

Your roomie is wrong and you need to put her in check. It's not her place to discuss your surgery, your weight or anything else personal. Girl...make her get her life.

oh, I know he's wrong. Putting him in check though, is a fight I just don't have the energy for right now. We've already had a semi-physical fight a week after surgery and we're still working at getting 'over' that as he said a lot of mean and nasty things.

I'm just tired of fighting with him, so anytime something comes up that might lead to a fight - I just leave the room. I'm working on myself first, after I'm ohkay - I'll start the process of looking for a new place since he won't move out. Some days though, I'll admit I like the company when we get along.

yeaaah... my roommate is going to make it difficult for me to date the guys I want to - without them knowing about the wls because he likes to tell everyone how I had 80% of my stomach cut out to lose weight, instead of just leaving it at she had surgery (which is what my sister said to our waitress the other night because the lady thought I didn't like my salad or something as wrong with my food).

I'm cool with people knowing, but the way he says it and the tone he says it in is more him judging me and trying to put me down about it. And I want to date one of his friends after I am at a more confident space in my mind to deal with me and someone else.

[PrettyThick1 1,860]

Poor baby...nobody deserves that. You're going to find someone great very soon and this will all be a memory.

[SilentBotts 138]

I'm not shy about talking about the surgery at all. For the most part anyone I've talked to has been supportive/curious. It's probably a good bellwether for continuing the relationship. If he has issues with you having had the surgery not sure it's someone you would want to stay with anyway.

[justhere4theshow 462]

I would just have a candid conversation about your surgery and explain only as much as you feel comfortable explaining. If it's a serious or potentially serious relationship, I would think he/she would be very interested in your surgery and your reasons for having it. Anybody worth staying with will be glad to hear more about it. My husband was very supportive and helps me so much with exercise and my food, so it's good to have a support person in your life. Best wishes to you all!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

It depends. When I was doing online dating I always offered to let people I liked to Google me, but I warned them that some of the pictures they would find on the web were dated but the one's on the web site were recent. Some noticed the wieght loss and would ask how...until I got to know them, my answer was "I eat less and move more." But after I had been dating my SO for a few weeks and realized this was going somewhere, I just told her why I eat so little. She was glad to know it and we have been splitting Entrees ever since.

[nyseness 76]

Good question I was wondering too b/c I don't think I will tell anyone. I'm a very private person and if someone tends to probe too much I normally distant myself.

[AvaFern 3,516]

I tell no one I am dating because it is none of their business. I also chose to only tell my three best friends and to this day (almost 3-years post-op) those are the only people that know. I had plastics, so I don't have the scars on my stomach, but if I did I would just say I had my gallbladder removed. The placement of the scars is a bit different, but 99% of men are not going to know that or be paying enough attention to care.

I did not date until I had reached goal and had most of my plastics procedures done because I knew it would be a distraction. My boyfriend then made comments that I did not eat a lot and my response was...do you like having a hot gf? Right? Well then no, I don't get to eat ice cream, it's kind of part of wearing a size 2. It irks me when men comment on what I eat, which the vast majority never do. At any rate, the few times someone says something I just say...I had a big lunch, I'm just not really hungry today, I drank way to much Water before dinner, I'm saving room for dessert later (which I then conveniently forget to order), or any variety of perfectly valid excuses.

The only person I will ever tell about surgery is maybe someone I am in a long-term, serious, almost getting married relationship with. My prior surgeries are none of their business. Everyone has secrets and mine is nothing that is ever going to hurt anyone not to know. Relationships are not always about someone knowing every little secret detail about you, particularly those that have no relevance on the relationship. Your new boyfriend has secrets too...in the same way you respect his right to keep them, respect your own right to keep yours to yourself until if and when you may choose not to. Simply dating someone does not mean you have to tell them everything, or even anything, about your life that you might not be ready to talk about. Have a good time with your new man, eat how you want to without feeling the need to justify yourself, and if and when you feel like you are comfortable, maybe tell him, maybe don't, either decision is entirely valid and only yours to make.

[Nikki Monroe 71]

Curious also, there is a guy I'm interested in and I think he is too... but I'm having my surgery next week. It makes me nervous because I'm not sure what guys reactions are to hearing about the surgery. It's one thing to be with someone already and be there for them... but another to just start dating someone. Or is it?

I think it makes a difference. For me, I am 9 months post op so he only knows me in my smaller size and I am 20 lbs away from my goal weight. Plus, I think it depends on the closeness of the relationship which I think will make a difference in the response and support of them finding out you have had an weight loss surgery. Hope that makes sense.

[Nikki Monroe 71]

I tell no one I am dating because it is none of their business. I also chose to only tell my three best friends and to this day (almost 3-years post-op) those are the only people that know. I had plastics, so I don't have the scars on my stomach, but if I did I would just say I had my gallbladder removed. The placement of the scars is a bit different, but 99% of men are not going to know that or be paying enough attention to care.

I did not date until I had reached goal and had most of my plastics procedures done because I knew it would be a distraction. My boyfriend then made comments that I did not eat a lot and my response was...do you like having a hot gf? Right? Well then no, I don't get to eat ice cream, it's kind of part of wearing a size 2. It irks me when men comment on what I eat, which the vast majority never do. At any rate, the few times someone says something I just say...I had a big lunch, I'm just not really hungry today, I drank way to much Water before dinner, I'm saving room for dessert later (which I then conveniently forget to order), or any variety of perfectly valid excuses.

The only person I will ever tell about surgery is maybe someone I am in a long-term, serious, almost getting married relationship with. My prior surgeries are none of their business. Everyone has secrets and mine is nothing that is ever going to hurt anyone not to know. Relationships are not always about someone knowing every little secret detail about you, particularly those that have no relevance on the relationship. Your new boyfriend has secrets too...in the same way you respect his right to keep them, respect your own right to keep yours to yourself until if and when you may choose not to. Simply dating someone does not mean you have to tell them everything, or even anything, about your life that you might not be ready to talk about. Have a good time with your new man, eat how you want to without feeling the need to justify yourself, and if and when you feel like you are comfortable, maybe tell him, maybe don't, either decision is entirely valid and only yours to make.

Thank you for this! I didn't plan on telling him anything about it until we are engaged and/or married. I think the only way it would come up sooner is if something serious happened that would force me to tell him.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Thank you for this! I didn't plan on telling him anything about it until we are engaged and/or married. I think the only way it would come up sooner is if something serious happened that would force me to tell him.

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If I got engaged to someone and he hadn't told me he had had such a life-changing surgery, I would re-evaluate whether I really knew him at all.