I'll try to be brief....I just need to vent

[her1981 448]

A couple weeks ago, my sister in law was at my house going through my old clothes to see what she could fit and was saying how great I looked. I told her how great the sleeve has been for my health and really my overall happiness. She goes on to say, well idk about getting the sleeve because I don't want all that loose skin.... I'm thinking ok, you'd prefer to walk around with all the fat-filled skin???? And for the record, other than my arms, I look pretty good. Then she goes on to talk about all the stuff she doesn't wanna give up.

Keep in mind, she's about 5'3 and 380 pounds. I'm pretty sure she has sleep apnea. She falls asleep at the drop of a dime and is tired from doing virtually nothing. You can hear her breathing when she's just sitting or standing still. She's bottom heavy and her legs are like tree trunks. The don't appear to bend.

Anyway, she got into a car accident and couldn't fit in the machine for the mri. She called me talking about how mortified she was, and asked me to help her lose weight. So we talked about eating right and what she can do to get started, but she has not made a single effort to improve her eating habits - talking about how "expensive" it is to eat healthy. I went to see her yesterday and she had just eaten an entire bag of chips and then ate a Chipotle bowl and then fell asleep within 10 minutes of eating it. I just sat there in awe.... So after she was asleep for about 30 minutes, I just left.

I shutter to think that was me a year ago. I wonder if I was ever "that bad". I probably was. It was so hard to watch. I'm glad I made the choice to get sleeved.

[lovelymilena 40]

Congrats on making the right decision and being happy with it. It's sad that your sister in law doesn't want better for herself. Oh well *Kanye shrug*

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[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

So happy for you, @@her1981 , that you've taken control of your body and your life.

Respect!

And respect to us all.

[borg/assimilated 576]

@@her1981,

That episode with your sister in law surely reinforced why you made the decision to improve your health through WLS! Sometimes it truly saddens me to see people live like that.

[hamoudi 108]

Something like that happend to me also one of my friends is 350 pounds. He saw me the other day told me wow you look soo good what did you do i was like th gastric sleeve and and i was like i do recommend it for you. Then he tells me i cant give yup eating. I tell him then fix your eating then is 6 meals a day and no fatty stuff. Then he has the guts to tell me u where as fat as me and didnt have any other opportunity to lose weigth so you turned to the sleeve then i tell him if i haven sleeve i would of gave myself maybe 4 years and i would of died. Soo think about that do you wanna died ...lmfaoo i crieddd when i left ! Dont listen to what poeple have to say and take care of yourself its you against the world goodluck ☺.

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[Daisee68 2,493]

@@her1981 - That story breaks my heart and reminds me all to well of me. I remember having all the same reasons for not wanting WLS for at least 10 years before I did it. I remember how very hard it was to get started eating better because the prospect of losing so much without surgery was just too overwhelming so I would run back to my old friend, food. I remember being denied a kidney stone procedure at a certain place because the bed wouldn't hold me and how I cried and cried. I remember calling around to places to see the weight limit on their MRI table and CT table so I could safely go to a place without being mortified and made to leave. I have empathy for your SIL. I was her and I never wanted forget that. Be kind and gentle with her and pray she will find a way to eventually lose the weight - whether thru WLS or other means. Just be there for her when she wants to talk about it. Everyone has to come to terms with their weight and frankly their food addiction in their own time.

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[ready?set.go 39]

She can loose weight naturally or with WLS the loose skin will still be there... I don't understand people thinking the skin is related to the op?? It's related to ur size post op and the fact that u have lost the 'filling' lol give her time and let her see ur success and she may come around, try to be supportive, she might be stuck in a mental health loop

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[AmberSarbree87 8]

I hate to hear that she is not putting her health as a priority. A lot of times, people are comfortable being heavy because that is all that they know. I know that I keep looking at myself saying "What am I going to look like?" I've never been under 200 lbs and I am afraid my family will think something is wrong, but she has to get over that. Eventually she will get tired of those crazy looks, and everything that we have all been through. She has to want it for herself, you can't want it for her.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@ready?set.go It is just an excuse people have because it is something visible. And lots of the low self-esteem people whine about the loose skin constantly. Like loose skin is no fun, but there are so many other good things, even if I can never afford to have my skin removed, it was totally worth it. Life is just overall better. Still, it is the one thing that people can complain about that no one has a good solution or come back for. When you think about it objectively, is as shallow as a puddle.

@@her1981 I have wasted so much time talking to people over the past year about losing weight. One friend admitted they just weren't willing to make the changes flat out, and they would give up carbs over their dead body. She was considering surgery but when I explained after surgery you are following a high Protein, low carb diet, she wasn't interested. (Why do people think you have surgery and still get to eat the same??!?!!?!!?!?!!?) Okay, girl. Do you, at least she is honest.

Another friend pretends like they want to make improvements and change, but they are years out from Bypass, never followed any plan and just gaining. They can't make any real lifestyle changes.

Even though we might love these people we aren't responsible for them, they have to come to surgery in their own time.

These moments can remind us, especially those of us who still have a way to go, how far we have come. I just keep thinking about how far I still have to go, and not celebrating how much I am have improved.

Pat yourself on the back @@her1981

Edited July 10, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[kmorri 1,689]

Very sad story but we can't make the decision for someone else to get healthy.....It's something they have to do themselves..

It is very hard to watch indeed. Thankfully you've made the right decision for you. Keep up the good work!

[Hannah83 214]

I'm sorry to hear that re:your sister. The thing is no matter the way one chooses to become well in any area the person themselves must want to get better we cannot want it for them. I used to cut my body to shreds but thanks to God's help and Mercy -----> http://mercymultiplied.com/2016/03/hannah-2013-graduate/ I changed because I chose to.

It's the same with weight loss or a deadly habit or even something that is 'good' but takes up too much time.

You get my point dear one.

The sleeve for me is a bit like when I went to Mercy, a kick in the right direction. It's more then that actually, it's a jumper cable start in the right direction.

I've done soul searching, prayed about it, am bringing my father to my last appointment with the surgeon (she's great) so that he himself can see what is entailed and to ease his concern because he is my dad.

I've prepared for this life change for about a year and one month, so it's not something that I haven't been prepping for and not known what I'm doing. Surgery is major, but I am tired of having back aches when I workout and lift weights. I love working out, and cannot wait to get back into slowly lifting at some point afterwards! I won't be yawning on my way out of the gym anymore, I won't miss that!

All of this to say, chin up. Your example could affect your sister as you constantly stay the course and when you mess up get back up. I am here support wise as are many others here.

I recommend looking into a bariatric support group if the surgeon and team have one where you are at. Local help from folks in the same boat help tons. I've been going about two months now the 1st Tuesday of each month. The topics have been funny actually but I've gotten emails of others and have accountability with them.

Take care.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@hamoudi -- that's a rough story.

I applaud how you handled that scene. You met him where he went. And you stood up for yourself and your decision.

Again, respect!

[Djmohr 6,965]

Change is very difficult and unless your head and heart are both in it, it won't happen.

It took many years and much damage to my body before I finally decided I was ready to really change.

I like to think of it like the "Camel's back". For me the thing that broke the camels back was a serious life threatening diagnosis of stage 3 kidney disease.

Maybe your SIL will get there maybe she won't but she has to get there on her own. I am just thankful that you got there and you are doing fantastic!

Congratulations!!!!!

[BestDayEver 418]

I'm always amazed when people say it costs too much to eat healthy. I've saved a lot on my grocery bill by not buying soda, chips, beer and packaged Cookies. If you buy produce in season and look for the sale items, it's a lot less than processed foods. Also, I cook most of my own meals so I save a lot by not eating in restaurants. The expense of healthy foods is always an interesting excuse.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@BestDayEver It does cost more in restaurants but not if you cook real food at home. A lot of people flat out don't know how to cook real healthy meals and don't understand nutrition.

Eating at Panera (even though a lot of their calories are too high etc at least they use real food) is more expensive than eating at Rally's or Checkers.

Until we get back to teaching people how to cook, and more about whole foods, this is always going to be the response.