Things you wish you'd known.

[MinaDina 89]

So in less than a month now I'll be taking this leap into the unknown. I'm constantly reading other people's stories and wondering how good...or bad this whole experience will be for me. I guess I'm mainly worrying about the first few weeks.

Anyone who's post op please tell me a few things you'd wish you had known before you woke up after the surgery?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I wish I had known how easy the surgery and recovery would be. It was my first surgery so I had no idea what it would be like.

[Pedro Valle-Inclan 275]

I know, it was a piece of cake

[Cervidae 2,389]

I would say the biggest thing I had no concept of before surgery and have had to learn how to deal with after surgery is how strange being in public and interacting with strangers has become. Before, my experience was similar to many obese people's experiences - people often stared with thinly veiled (sometimes not so thinly veiled) disgust, looked down their noses at me, acted irritated and grossed out by my very existence. Even the not-cruel ones sometimes openly oggled me like I was some kind of sideshow. I've even had strangers confront me, telling me to go to the gym or put down my food and "just stop eating". Being utterly ignored was really my best hope of making it through social situations with strangers.

Now, I never get disgusted stares. Most people act as though I'm just another random person, which is a huge relief and something I'm still trying to get used to. Some people even return my smile. Today at the pool, a lifeguard hit on me. Generally, these new experiences have been great. However, there is this little wounded part of me who wonders "would that nice woman have been nice when you were 200 pounds heavier?" or "would that guy have smiled/nodded back when I greeted him politely, or would he have sneered in disgust at me when I was large?" I honestly HATE that I am plagued with these thoughts and worries. I feel like I can't even believe people when they are nice, because it feels like all of these nice people would have been completely horrible to me two years ago. Why am I suddenly human to them, when I most certainly was not before? Why am I suddenly worth basic human decency? It feels like no one is actually kind deep down, because I've seen the deepest, darkest, meanest parts of people (who are normally smiley and nice) emerge when I walked by at 400 pounds. "Nice" people became cold assholes. So now I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I struggle with this whole thing, because I am, at my core, a positive person who truly loves humanity despite the cruelty I have suffered at its hands. I LOVE people and I want to smile and brighten their days, and be a little bit of positivity in a really selfish and negative world. This distrust/suspicion has been very difficult, though I recognize that this is my hangup and when all is said and done, judgment is something I never, ever want to be a part of.

I'm working on it.

Edited July 9, 2016 by Cervidae

[GinaCampbell 434]

Wish I had researched more about what "could" happen. Everything bad that could happen to me post op has and I am looking at around a year to recover. I didn't know about "food revulsion" which can lead to malnutrition, didn't know about how many have to lose their gallbladder, lactose intolerance, abscesses after surgery etc.

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[MinaDina 89]

Wish I had researched more about what "could" happen. Everything bad that could happen to me post op has and I am looking at around a year to recover. I didn't know about "food revulsion" which can lead to malnutrition, didn't know about how many have to lose their gallbladder, lactose intolerance, abscesses after surgery etc.

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What happened to you is what worries me the most. Im trying to just let it go in my mind because what's gonna be will be... but its there lingering in my mind.

[MinaDina 89]

I would say the biggest thing I had no concept of before surgery and have had to learn how to deal with after surgery is how strange being in public and interacting with strangers has become. Before, my experience was similar to many obese people's experiences - people often stared with thinly veiled (sometimes not so thinly veiled) disgust, looked down their noses at me, acted irritated and grossed out by my very existence. Even the not-cruel ones sometimes openly oggled me like I was some kind of sideshow. I've even had strangers confront me, telling me to go to the gym or put down my food and "just stop eating". Being utterly ignored was really my best hope of making it through social situations with strangers.

Now, I never get disgusted stares. Most people act as though I'm just another random person, which is a huge relief and something I'm still trying to get used to. Some people even return my smile. Today at the pool, a lifeguard hit on me. Generally, these new experiences have been great. However, there is this little wounded part of me who wonders "would that nice woman have been nice when you were 200 pounds heavier?" or "would that guy have smiled/nodded back when I greeted him politely, or would he have sneered in disgust at me when I was large?" I honestly HATE that I am plagued with these thoughts and worries. I feel like I can't even believe people when they are nice, because it feels like all of these nice people would have been completely horrible to me two years ago. Why am I suddenly human to them, when I most certainly was not before? Why am I suddenly worth basic human decency? It feels like no one is actually kind deep down, because I've seen the deepest, darkest, meanest parts of people (who are normally smiley and nice) emerge when I walked by at 400 pounds. "Nice" people became cold assholes. So now I'm trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I struggle with this whole thing, because I am, at my core, a positive person who truly loves humanity despite the cruelty I have suffered at its hands. I LOVE people and I want to smile and brighten their days, and be a little bit of positivity in a really selfish and negative world. This distrust/suspicion has been very difficult, though I recognize that this is my hangup and when all is said and done, judgment is something I never, ever want to be a part of.

I'm working on it.

I know the feeling, Cruz I've lived it too. Im already extremely caustious when dealing with strangers. As well as the weight loss I'm scared and excited to see how my interactions with people change. Its hard for me to forgive so if you treated me like crap at my heaviest, I want you keep treating me like crap when you think Im socially acceptable...sounds crazy I know.

[MinaDina 89]

I wish I had known how easy the surgery and recovery would be. It was my first surgery so I had no idea what it would be like.

I've only ever had one surgery in my life which was gallbladder removal...which was easy. This is so much more in depth. But hopefully I will feel like you afterwards.

[Aliel84 16]

I'm 8 weeks post op. What you should know is give yourself time to recover... I was forced to go back to work 2 weeks post op and it made me feel so much worse. The other thing to know is you will have feelings of regret because you'll feel bad and you will have low moments because you can't eat at first but you have to know it gets better. I feel so much better now and I know it will only get better just keep reminding yourself that.

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[GinaCampbell 434]

It's not about food for me. I don't care if I ever eat again except for nutrition. My prognosis is of a long 6 months plus recovery. That does get me down.

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[heart4god22 27]

Although I knew to some extent I would be sad I was prepared for literally mourning over this loss of a friend....I was a compulsive over eater so this was a huge huge thing for me....I'm 8 days post op and doing nicely, trying not to dream ahead and think of things I'll be able to eat in just a few weeks that's the hard part for me

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[Aliel84 16]

Wish I had researched more about what "could" happen. Everything bad that could happen to me post op has and I am looking at around a year to recover. I didn't know about "food revulsion" which can lead to malnutrition, didn't know about how many have to lose their gallbladder, lactose intolerance, abscesses after surgery etc.

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What is food revulsion? What else has happened? I'm 8 weeks post op and haven't heard of these either

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[GinaCampbell 434]

food revulsion occurs when the thought of taking in food literally feels repulsive. Not the same as anorexia but the effect is the same. I have developed an abdominal abscess, was given a near fatal dose of cyclizine, have been in and out of hospital on IV antibiotics then oral ones which has led to rapid weight loss, now gallbladder issues. Had several CT scans, back in Weds for another one.

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[Deborah Bennett 81]

So sad to hear of all your issues. Hope everything turns out ok.

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[GinaCampbell 434]

Thank you x

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