holy hell **Confrontation or Enabling ?**

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Djmohr

Your post really highlights a lot of my feelings about surgery. I had a friend that had open bypass back when that was the thing. They followed no post-op instructions, even up on a feeding tube at 26. That person never saw 35. I knew was doing the wrong thing, but I didn't know to what extent. It scared me. I thought, wow I can never have surgery the risks are too high.

I had another friend that had surgery more recently, bypass. They never changed their eating. They never cooked, post-op they were on that Wendy's Chili (which is why it drives me insane that people eat it), keeping the fast food eating out mentality going. They still ate out and ordered the same types of foods, still had sugar all the time (there goes that dumping safety net theory).

At that time I was trying to lose weight on my own following a WLS post-op diet, without having surgery. It was pure hell, normal people can't eat those quantities, but I was getting desperate. I eventually just went back to low carbing Keto. This person never adopted a healthy lifestyle and just dieted after surgery using some diet plan created by their trainer.

Now almost 4 years post-op, they have regained, after never meeting or getting anywhere close to goal, although they did lose over 100 pounds originally. They can't lose now, because they having too many issues making real changes. They never cooked, never learned about nutrition. Like when they aren't eating properly, they don't log it. The days you are eating off plan are the days to really log so you can see in print what you are doing and learn from it.

Now they are at then end of the line with no options. RNY is it, there really is no revision from that and if you didn't learn to eat right when it was easy in the honeymoon period, you are screwed. Now you have to struggle like everyone else with very little support from your tool to help you. There is no malabsorption at this point to fall back on. The initial tightness of the pouch is gone since pouches stretch.

So it drives me crazy to see so many people wasting their opportunity, because you can't get this time back. I need to learn to care a little less though, because I really need the support of being involved in a bariatric community to keep my focus.

Edited July 9, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@@VSGAnn2014 @

I'm ok with making mistakes. I agree we should strive to do our best to get results.

If people recognize their mistake or reach out for support after weight gain. They have to do the work. If they choose to get back on the horse, I will cheer them on.

People that don't want to move forward...I don't invest my time.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I feel if you don't want to help in a sincere and thoughtful way keep your thoughts to yourself. If your gonna drag up others mistakes on a forum over n over again then why waste your time stressing yourselves out? Idk how long Alex is going to allow you to keep giving your 2 cents when u carry it to another post that doest involve them. I hope you get your vet forum soon. I don't see where you really want to help. Hurting people's feelings when they own up to a mistake usually makes things worse. It's easy to take disapproval from your parents and feel it again in some of these posts you call hard love. You can say it in a posotive encouraging way. If your so over it you can't keep quiet. I'm not saying this out of guilt. I'm saying it with empathy and compassion. Never make someone who comes here and admits and takes accountability feel lower then they already do. We are all people. We all are imperfect. People come here for help it doesn't have to be this way. I've learned a lot from reading here everything but I don't like what you call hard love. It's more sarcasm and str out rude at times.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

So, click on the profile of the person/people you don't like, look over to the right and click BLOCK. It's magical.

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@@PatriotFan

You posted "I've learned a lot from reading here everything but I don't like what you call hard love. It's more sarcasm and str out rude at times."

So here it is...We are not talking about personal attacks. Don't respond to trolls.

If people can't take being confronted on behaviors that will have harmful effects or outcomes.. That's fine...it's a personal choice. The only person that has to be happy with their results is them.

tough love...Some times it may hurt to hear things you don't want to hear. Its a take it or leave it situation.

[almalce 39]

I am a newbie and i just want to tell you vets that just by reading a lot of the forums has helped me a lot even at the end of June when I lost mu insurance and i had surgery scheduled for July 12th. I kept on liquids like my doctor said ( sometimes i hate it) i keep pushing as i have seen all the successful stories some highs and downs but at the end its all worth it. Im tired of this weight and hey with the support of this site i quit smoking and continue to strive. I just got a new approval from my new ins late afternoon yesterday and i was told that the wait to see this new Dr was about two weeks well what do you know im in luck someone canceled and now on the way to appointment.

What i want to say is please continue to do what you guys are doing as you are helping a lot of us newbies that really want to succeed and sometime have our moments

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[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@LipstickLady

So, click on the profile of the person/people you don't like, look over to the right and click BLOCK. It's magical.

Absolutely magical...

[LipstickLady 25,682]

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@LipstickLady

So, click on the profile of the person/people you don't like, look over to the right and click BLOCK. It's magical.

Absolutely magical...

DID YOU JUST BLOCK ME!!!?!??!?!!

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@@VSGAnn2014 @@LipstickLady

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

@@LipstickLady

I would miss your slaps to the side of my head. I got my big girl panties on. No need to block you.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

@@VSGAnn2014 @@LipstickLady

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

@@LipstickLady

I would miss your slaps to the side of my head. I got my big girl panties on. No need to block you.

LOVE TAPS. LOOOOOOOVE TAPS.

[Daisee68 2,493]

This may be a bit off-topic and I am NOT giving freedom to those who intentionally do themselves harm / disobey instructions, but.... Does anyone think that any of this "I can do whatever I want" is related to the increase in the number or surgeries and lack of care / instruction on doctors' part? I have heard that ANY general surgeon can perform bariatric surgery after completing a "workshop" (Or whatever that might be called). I feel like there are too many doctors out there trying to "get rich quick" off of this and not really investing in a "program". Additionally, doctors are finding ways to do it cheaper and cheaper (partly by not having to staff a team of people to have a complete "program"). I even went to someone who was a "Center of Excellence" and left because the NUT was absolutely horrid and never available. They had an RN on staff you might be able to reach but the surgeons were basically contracted to just do the surgery. (My point being that I don't think "Center of Excellence" designation is all it is cracked up to be.) I am just not sure doctors are helping patients see the seriousness of this procedure.

Anyway, I know I digressed but every time I see folks who don't know anything about post-op instructions, it worries me that the doctor(s) never took the time to educate them. I did a lot of my own research (including this site) and was still completely overwhelmed with remembering the info. Thank goodness for this website and then my intense desire to make this work and seeking out counseling and a viable NUT on my own. Without those 3 things, the "tool" as we like to call it would have been completely useless.

Regarding the rest of this conversation, I concur with most of you. The odd posts of very early post-ops seem mostly suspicious to me. If it appears to be a valid question and no one else has answered, I try to offer and opinion; otherwise, I try to just move on. I am immensely grateful for the information and advice I have received from the vets on here and want to pay it forward as much as I can but I have found myself of late a bit exhausted with some of the questions.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@VSGAnn2014 @@LipstickLady

many people (out of shame) don't reconnect with support after weight gain. They feel they failed. Mistakes are made. My hope is they get back on the horse.

I don't want them feel that they will be beat down for mistakes on this site.

I don't think people should feel beat down for their mistakes but when people ask them simple questions on what they have been eating they immediately get defensive and never provide the details on what they have been except. Responses are like "not eating what I should" "some carbs" " a few crackers" "[insert stolen whatever while packing kids lunch]". Never any details. They aren't seriously looking for help, they are just looking for other people that have regained to whine with.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Daisee68

Everyone in America has to have insurance now. 37 states cover Bariatric surgery as an essential service which means insurance can't deny people that meet the guidelines.

Credit has opened back up and foreign Drs are aggressively advertising to American patients.

So there are more people having surgery outside and inside the US.

There are also so many people with BMIs over 40, that basically don't have any waiting period for surgery, because America is so fat.

And yeah, America is just so fat that a large chunk of the population qualifies for surgery.

So there is a massive influx of people having surgery, and it isn't stopping any time soon. The Sleeve is a fast and "easy" surgery. A doctor can do 10-12 a day easily.

WLS has become a for profit business. Welcome to the new norm.

[SalOdyssey 441]

What would help this site tremendously are some moderators.

[Wolfgirl78 266]

Nah, we don't need no stinking MOD's. Keeping us down, making us follow rules and such

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