Who has had WLS without family and friends?

[CLN.BK 165]

I know my family will not be supportive of this decision. They actually shunned someone we knew who had it and never spoke to her again. My family is very judgmental, close-minded, and "uppity." Regardless, they all live about 1,200 miles from me.

I'm pretty much on my own where I live (dysfunctional family... had to get away from everyone about 4 years ago). I have 2 friends where I live now. They have never struggled with their weight. They're great friends, but they won't understand or support my decision to "give up" and "give in" to WLS.

So, basically, I'm doing this on my own. At some point I will have to tell people, but for now, I don't want to fight that battle. I want to focus on pre-op, post-op, and adapting to a new lifestyle. I don't want stress or distractions from F&F.

Has anyone basically done this alone? How did you get through it emotionally, mentally, and physically? Support group? Therapy? These forums?

I hope I don't sound rude saying this, but I'm not looking for advice on how to get F&F on board with my decision. I'm seeking advice on how to get through this alone.

Thank you in advance :-)

Edited July 6, 2016 by CLN.BK

[trekker954 421]

I almost think it might be easier. You can prepare your kitchen they way you want. throw out junk food, only stock what you will eat. Get rid of all alcohol in your home.

you will need help getting to/from surgery and maybe a day or two post. My hospital has a monthly meeting for post op patients and there are these forums full of supporters.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

My family also lives across the country. I only told a couple of friends here where I live, and pretty much had them stay away during my hospitalization and recovery. I just didn't feel like dealing with people.

I guess it depends on what you feel like you need. I'm a pretty independent person, and people who want to hover around me and pat my hand and be encouraging -- well, they are annoying to me. So it wasn't hard for me, I appreciated being able to do it alone without people clucking over me or trying to be "helpful" by vacuuming while I was napping or something like that.

I did do a lot of reading here and other wls forums, and I made a connection with an online friend who had surgery a couple of weeks before me. That was really important for me, but it was fine that she also was a few thousand miles away.

ETA: you know your friends best, but if you are thinking they won't understand because they don't struggle with their weight, you might want to re-think that. I found that my friends and relatives who are slim and healthy have been the most understanding and supportive of all.

[Valentina 2,642]

Though it was not my intention to do so, I went through surgery, post-op and beyond alone.

I found that once I learned to rely on my own judgement and inborn instincts, I did just fine.

"One never knows how strong one is until being strong is one's only choice."

If going alone is YOUR choice, then do so.

You CAN do this.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CLN.BK - Yes you can. I was not dating anyone. My kids were in school. I work out of my house. My co-workers are "virtual." And it was great. No back stabbing. No idiot comments. I could control my diet. No one ate my food in the fridge. So look there are upsides and downsides to everything. Just look at the plusses.

[SleeveSoon 191]

I went through the process by myself. Here are some of the things that I did:

- Prior to surgery I exercised on a daily basis to get in the best physical condition that I could.

- I looked at what foods I would be eating for the first few weeks after surgery (the RD provided a list of foods) and I bought enough food for about a month.

- I got rid of food that would not be appropriate after surgery - refined carbs, fried foods, etc.

- Arranged for a ride to and from the hospital.

- Arranged for some one to walk my large dog for a few days after surgery.

- Attend WLS support group meetings sponsored by my doctor/hospital.

- Hang out on this forum.

- Log all food in My Fitness Pal.

- Exercise daily.

You can do it.

[trekker954 421]

My family has accepted my decision to have WLS and seem somewhat supportive, but geez. I have a nice big home in So. Florida, a double door refrigerator/freezer; a big pantry, other closets here and there and a old type refrigerator/top freezer in the garage. My husband lives in one side of the house and me the other (don't ask) and my adult daughter (she is saving for a big downpayment for a future home, so does not pay rent. Basically its my house that I bought with my own money.

My husband and daughter have taken over all the pantries and refrigerators. Keep in my I use to travel extensively for work and be gone far more than I was home, although that is changing soon.

So I'm trying to prepare space to put all my new shakes, food, etc that I will be eating soon. I asked my daughter to please clear a shelf for only my stuff in the garage frig. She does this, only to find my husband starting filling that space. (I forgot to tell him, its MY SPACE).

Then I got a shipment from powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury and two other shipments and realized I needed shelf space too. I asked them to relocate this overflow of food they have. I wanted this tiny cabinet (where I use to keep my hurricane supplies, but they took over with their overflow from Cosco and such). I don't want to open up the main pantry and see chocolate, Peanut Butter, syrups, jellies, Pasta, etc. Then they came down on me, that I'm on this "kick" and changing everything. UGH. I can't win in my own home!!!!!!!!

[higher 966]

@@trekker954 that's annoying. If it's your house and you paid for it just go ahead and do what you want.

I haven't told any family or friends I did this yet. I was waiting until I got approved and then I just kept waiting and then I had the surgery 2 days ago and still didn't tell anyone. I have to figure out what it is about myself that is leading me to keep my surgery a secret and deal with that but I'm not there yet. Talking about it in therapy.

So far I haven't had any issues with care. I've been happy to recover at home alone and spread out over my apartment. I was able to gradually keep only post op WLS friendly food and liquids in the house. I took a taxi to and from the hospital. I talk to you guys on here, my surgical team and my therapist.

[smallbmi 41]

The only person that knows is my husband and I travelled

Across the country by myself to get it done - do

What you need to do

[higher 966]

Yeah, I ended up keeping it a total secret. Leaned heavily on this forum- could not have managed without Bariatric Pal.

All my friends are family are incredibly supportive and positive because they all they see is me eating small healthy portions, exercising and dropping weight and they love that.

I think I saved myself a lot of trouble by keeping it to myself.