Sooo...how do I stop "seeing" myself the way I used to be ... ?

[MrsKarenC2008 622]

I know we probably all feel or have felt this way ...

But I just had a co-worker tell me it was time I start "seeing" what others see ... and accept compliments better than I am ...

I told her I still see the before-surgery me ... and I may always see that ...

I mean I "see" the thinner me ... but I don't "feel" the thinner me ... does this make sense?

I still walk with my head down ... I still don't make eye contact with people ... I still don't smile and nod at strangers ...

I still want to hide ...

But ...

I like wearing the smaller clothes ...

I don't get my brain ...

Any suggestions or advice ... is more than welcome.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Maybe see a therapist and get to the root problem of why you feel this way and do some self esteem exercises.

How worthy you feel and how good you feel about yourself shouldn't be dependent on how you look at all. Everyone has intrinsic value.

[cindyw41 761]

I still feel like the old me too. I see me slimming but I don't feel that way.

It's crazy

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

@@MrsKarenC2008

The work never ends.... even after we hit goal.

The wight loss is fast. It takes time for your mind to catch up to a drastic change. The suggestion of a counselor/therapist is a great option. It will take time to change some inner obese person thinking and behaviors.

Wishing you the best,

Jenn

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I know people who offer serve as coaches for issues like this that affect people's professional opportunities / outcomes.

Honestly, the only way to change that stuff is to change very specific behaviors -- like making eye contact, smiling, saying hello and nodding to folks in the hallway, standing up straighter, leading with your chin (not your forehead) -- the list of these behaviors is long. It's sort of like athletic practice / coaching.

Admittedly, introverts and extroverts do NOT enjoy the same kinds of interpersonal connections with other people. I am definitely an extrovert. You might be an introvert. If you are, you'd probably rather go to work, do your job, go home and never have to have to stand up and make a presentation EVER while you're there.

On the other hand, there are plenty of introverts who've learned how to behave like fake-extroverts.

I'm certainly not saying you should be something that you're not and don't want to be. Also, please don't let some random co-worker tell you how you should behave. Yeah, that's ridiculous.

But if you think there are changes YOU would like to make, feel free to be specific with yourself about what those changes are. And then experiment -- just try 'em out.

For instance, I wore something this morning in public that would have been VERY far out of my comfort zone before I lost 100 pounds -- and nobody died. (I'll keep the details to myself for now. )

[MrsKarenC2008 622]

@@VSGAnn2014 You hit my nail on the head for sure...I always call myself a hermit ... but extrovert is the real name for it ... and I think being overweight for my whole life and having people shun you for it ... made me go inside myself and live within my walls ...

But now ... now that people actually WANT to get to know me ... talk to me ... invite me to things ... I honestly have no idea how to handle it ...

Maybe @@OutsideMatchInside is right ... it's time for counseling ... there is so much I'm missing because I lack the confidence and the skills to "deal" with it ...

And @@jenn1 is right too ... my brain is not caught up with the weight loss ... I'm only a few days away from my 1 year surgiversary ... and I've lost 165lbs!

1 6 5 ... That alone is hard to wrap your mind around ... and then throw other issues with it ...

Thank God I've not run for the brownies!! LOL

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@MrsKarenC2008

I haven't lost as much as you have but I understand how hard it can be to wrap your mind around. Even though I am thoroughly enjoying my loss of as now I know I still have a long way to go and I do not want to get complacent at this weight. So all I keep thinking about is the 50-60 I want to lose and not the 137 I have lost.

It is really hard to accept that you have lost a whole entire person and wrap your mind around it. Most people never have to do it, so we are in a special category.

One of the things that has helped me accept that I really am smaller and not deluding myself is trying on clothes

a couple times a month I go and try on clothes in dressing rooms and I I try on a lot of clothes. Tops, Dresses, Pants, Jeans. I take pictures, I look at the current pictures then I scroll back a year or 2. It really helps to see yourself in the abstract. I can accept myself as smaller much better outside of my home, and in new clothes, than in my everyday workout clothes and the lighting in my home.

Before I had surgery I never thought I was massive or unattractive. Now I look like how I felt I looked before, so it is harder to accept I really made any progress just by looks. I feel very different, much lighter and a lot more energy but looks wise, I always felt pretty and attractive but now it falls more in line with what the outside world expects.

So a lot of us have the same kind of problems, they just manifest themselves in different ways.

[catlady2012 73]

I had to have my hubby take a full length picture of me. I keep it posted on frig. Looking at it daily is helping my brain recognize the "new" me.

Sent from my XT1096 using the BariatricPal App