365 days to a new me

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

DAY 4

17 days pre-op

CW: 346

I am entering the zone now. Hunger has seriously decreased and my energy level is starting to rise. My body is adjusting to being on shakes 24/7 and with 11 pounds of Water weight gone (WTF!), I feel slimmer already.

This is all becoming more real to me with each passing day. I had a bit of analysis paralysis last night trying to plan for post-op. Of course I went to my crazy place and got completely overwhelmed. I am feeling a little better now, but it is overwhelming. Taking things one day at a time has never been my strong suit.

So a little about me- I am 38 yo, wife, mother of 3 boys (toddler to teenager) and business exec. I work about 60 hours a week and travel several times a month. My life is nuts and it is REALLY hard to prioritize me. For example, today, I got up to walk on the treadmill, but then a colleague called and asked to meet before our team meeting and yada yada yada, I am still sitting here in front of the computer. No ones fault but my own, but I have to really get some discipline if I want to be successful.

Another revelation I had yesterday is how much I want to change my life and not just my weight. It is a chicken/egg scenario- I need to change my lifestyle to change my weight and I need to change my weight to change my lifestyle. Lately, I feel like I have been too focused on the weight piece of my journey and not the other aspects that need to change. I am thinking about putting up the scale and focusing my energy on the other activities I want to work on. If I am eating, drinking, and active the way I am supposed to be, the weight will come off. And how much or how fast is not in my control outside of those inputs. So maybe I should just skip the scale.

I don't know. Lots to think about. This is such a major life change I want to make sure I approach it the right way to be successful!

I vote for putting away the scale. I do much better when I focus on what I can control: Water, Protein, Vitamins, exercise. The scale will take care of itself.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

DAY 10

11 days pre-op

CW: ???

11 days out and today is my birthday! I am officially on the one year count down to 40 where I give myself the best gift of all- a new body. Had a great day. Went to dinner with my husband and youngest son, where I took advantage of the lean meat and veggie option my surgeon allows. I try to stick to liquid most days but if a girl can't have a grilled pork chop on her birthday, when can she have one?

I don't know how much I weigh today. I decided to only weigh in Wednedays and Saturdays because I was starting to get obsessive with the scale. You guys know how it goes- weigh in the morning. Then again that night. Maybe step on the scale a couple more times just to make sure the scale is working right and you haven't lost more weight than you originally thought. Feelings of elation if it is lower than expected. Sadness if it is higher. Spending time retracing your actions the day before making sure you didn't mess up... It is exhausting just writing about it. I have found that weighing in everyday is great when I am trying to maintain, but terrible when I am trying to lose. Apparently that hasn't changed for me in the past two years.

Anywho. In a great head space. Very ready for my turn to join the losers bench... "Red rover, red rover let ME come over!!!"

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Happy Birthday!

[joannct1 59]

You can do it, hugs

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[Chrysalis77 66]

DAY 12

9 days pre-op

CW: 339

Feeling kind of down today. Less motivated and excited about the surgery. For the past few weeks I have been in a state of heightened anticipation waiting for the surgery and suddenly I just feel overwhelmed by the enormity of what I am about to do- and more importantly the unknown. I am a super control freak and a planner by nature. Not having any guarantees is upsetting. I am not feeling confident in my ability to make a lifetime commitment to healthy eating and exercise. I am so tired of fighting with my bad habits and desires. The reality that I am taking such a drastic step, such risk and that fight still won't end is depressing. I just finished the Emotional First Aid Kit: A practical Guide to life after Bariatric surgery. It was an excellent book. Very insightful and a little tough love-y in a good way. But it did outline all of the challenges people face after surgery. The head, heart challenges. And so much of it was hitting home. It just kind of freaked me out.

On top of that, i have an enormous load on my plate at work. I am on a trip all next week. I am trying to prep for two weeks off. Plus prepare my family, my house, my self. Ugh. Very overwhelmed.

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[Chrysalis77 66]

Thank you @@Inner Surfer Girl

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[Chrysalis77 66]

DAY 14

6 Days pre-op

Sooooo I had both a NSV and a stark reminder of why I am on this journey today. First I put on some pants I haven't worn since I started my pre-op diet and they were really loose. Like- probably should have them taken in soon loose. I am also starting to notice a difference in my face which is exciting.

Now on to the bad- beyond having to buy two airplane seats in Southwest and then explain to everyone who wanted to sit next to me that the seat was "reserved" and beyond having to ask for a seatbelt extender... Today I had to call down to the front desk a request a change of hotel rooms for a handicap room. The toilet in the bathroom of my very nice hotel was wedged tightly between the sink and the shower, with not more than an inch on each side. My hips could not comfortably fit and since I am staying for three days I had to ask for a new room.

I would be completely demoralized except I know I am doing everything I can to change my future. Next time I am in town I will not need special accommodations!

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[Chrysalis77 66]

DAY 13

5 days pre-op

Was in the HBO store today and bought a tshirt. Naturally I picked up the XXXL. It occurred to me that maybe I should buy I smaller shirt since I will legitimately be losing weight soon but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't think I really believe this is about to happen!!

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[Chrysalis77 66]

Day 20

1 Day pre-op

Sooooo tomorrow is the big day! I am finally starting to get a little nervous- thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Praying I am a person that is grateful I made this decision and not one who regrets it. Praying I don't have any complications. Praying the pain is bearable. Praying I lose weight steadily and am not a slow loser. Praying- just praying. This time tomorrow I will be on the other side. Anyone reading this please say a prayer for me too!

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[forever changed 39]

Good luck

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[judy vsg 126]

Prayers and hope to you!

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[Chrysalis77 66]

DAY 23

3 days post op

Still in the hospital but I made it. Thankfully. The past couple of days have been rough. As much as I tried to prepare, I really didn't think it would be as hard as it has been. The pain has been more than I anticipated (I've had two c-sections). The nausea hits me without warning. The pain meds keep me so drowsy I can't get my fluids in. I have been as mess. But things are looking up- they have me on two rotating pain meds, auto nausea meds which has allowed me to work on my fluids and walk around. So as rough as it has been- I am optimistic for the future. Just keep sipping. Just keep sipping. Sipping sipping

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[jaynamy3 122]

I Love reading your updates. You are going to fly through this year and not even recognize yourself!! Can't wait to be where you are.

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Congratulations and welcome to the other side!

[Chrysalis77 66]

Day 24

4 days post-op

I finally got to come home today. We finally found a cocktail that kept the pain and nausea at bay - which made my blood pressure come down. Taking a shower was amazing. Laying in my own bed- phenomenal. I do kind of miss the relative peace and quiet of hospital though. Having a toddler around is the opposite of calm. My husband is doing a great job of occupying him, but he wants mommy mommy mommy.

I did well on my fluids today. Not up to the recommended 48 oz but more than yesterday and I did get 50 grams of Protein. I will try again tomorrow. I created a little check box calendar to help me track my progress (and because I love checking things off lol).

All in all, today was much better than yesterday and hopefully tomorrow will be even better!

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[Chrysalis77 66]

Day 25

5 days post-op

Today was better than yesterday. Probably due to getting 10 hours of sleep in my own bed last night. Working on my fluids- 40 oz and 53 grams of Protein so far. I am sooooo relieved I still like Protein shakes. That has made it much easier to get my nutrition in.

I also started "exercising" again today. And by "exercising" I mean walking on the treadmill at .5 miles per hour, clutching the side rails for 10 mins. I was clearly careful not to over do it, but I thought it important mentally that I stay on top of the exercise habit I have worked so hard to create. I read that once you skip as little as one week of workouts, it may take up to 6 months to get back in the habit again. No way! I plan to make the most of my honeymoon period. So even if I have to crawl on the treadmill for 5 mins, I will keep up with a dedicated exercise time.

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