MORE THAN JUST THE BAND: Doing Some Headwork

[Lap_dancer 8]

At four months post-op with my band, I'm taking the next step in my journey by doing some "head work". I went into therapy a few weeks ago. Today I came across something I would like to share; I think it is relative to all of us at some point.

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From PREVENTION, "Don't Check Arrival Times, Changing your relationship with food is a journey not a destination." By Geneen Roth

If a wish-granting genie had appeared during the 17 years I was gaining and losing a thousand pounds, I would've said, "Take 50 pounds off my body immediately and make me thin. When I wake up tomorrow, let me eat ice cream without guilt and munch potato chips without seeing them on my hips within 10 minutes." If the aforementioned genie had been smart, she probably would've said to me, "Are you kidding? With all the wishes you could possibly have--being forever happy or endlessly wise or even unspeakably rich, you want to be thin?" And my answer would've been a resounding YES. I wanted your basic miracle. Just one teeny miracle.

If there is one refrain I hear constantly from people who are struggling with food, it's that they want this to be over, done, kaput. They want to wake up think tomorrow and spend the rest of their lives without a food problem.

Yup, I understand. Been there Wished that. But let me tell you the good news about that wish: It's entirely possible to break free from emotional eating. You can be someone who walks around without thoughts of food occupying the main portion of your mental life.

The bad news, of course, is that the work of transormation is up to you, and the work itself is a journey that-- uh-oh--here it comes--never ends. Rats.

Part of the challenge of dealing with food involves changing how we think about it: from a problem to fix to a path we walk. Instead of telling ourselves that we want to get rid of our struggles, we can ask ourselves how the vehicle we've chosen for the journey--our relationship with food--functions in our lives. How is emotional eating helping us, speaking for us, and expressing something we feel we can't express directly?

One of the principles of my work is that there are always exquisitely good reasons we turn to food when we aren't hungry-- and our work is to develop a kinder, wiser relationship not only with food but also with ourselves. It means being willing to consider and then exploe how we use food in our lives. It means treating ourselves with compassion, and understanding that the point isn't to arrive at some imagined destination but to have a transformative, fascinating, fabulous time arriving. And arriving and arriving.

(snip)

After she lost weight, Rebecca would go back to her dessert-laden lifestyle. Rebecca wanted help figuring out why she constantly sabotaged herself. I told her that I believe we use food for good reasons and even though it seemed like self-sabotage, I knew she was trying to care for herself in some way; it was our task to discover what that was. At first, Rebecca was only interested in discovering how to fix herself immediately; she wanted magic. She wanted instant answers. She wanted to wake up thin tomorrow. But when she relaxed and stopped focusing on the goal, she remember that when she was younger, her parents were very poor and there was never enough food on the table but there were always Cookies.

"We always had sweets because they were cheap, and my mother could feel she was giving us something we liked."

Once she realized what she was doing, she could ask herself if what she believed was actually true. And she recognized, of course, that it wasn't, and that there were other unharmful ways to remember her parents. When she stopped wnting to make the problem go away, she relaxed enough to explore the root of her eating. And she stopped being married to sugar. If Rebecca had woken up thin before understanding the reasons she was eating sweets, the sense of guilt and abandoning her family would've still haunted her.

(snip)

Think about how different life could be if you stopped emphasizing the end, the fix, or getting there and began enjoying each step of the way. If one moment was as good as the next. If the goal in life was not to fix yourself but to transform yourself.

Here, after all, is a miracle: You're already on the journey. You already know and already have everything you need to continue. Relax, breathe, be kind to yourself and everyone else. Oh, there's one more thing, enjoy the ride.

[NanaRenan 0]

At four months post-op with my band, I'm taking the next step in my journey by doing some "head work".

I think that's very wise of you. I've benefitted greatly from therapy in the past and look forward to that as an active part of my "recovery", as well.

Thanks for sharing the article. It may help me think up some points to jot down to discuss with a counselor.

[maryrose 2]

lapdancer,

Thanks so much for sharing this. What wonderful inspiration your post was. I am 4 months post-op and feeling a little "overwhelmed" and stuck.

I have been at same weight give or take about 5 lbs. for the last month and wonder if I am in rut. I know the band is just a tool and I have to put more work into it.

[Lap_dancer 8]

I decided I needed some head work when I went to the store and bought something, oh..now I remember, it was at Cracker Barrell and I purchased chocolate covered dried cherries, usually a seasonal item I buy at Christmas but now they are available year round.

I did not eat this bag at one sitting, rather, I GRAZED on them over the course of three days. They were good but when I considered all that I had put myself through, even flying to Denver from Florida to have a self-pay operation, the vastness of my actions to become healthy only to EAT chocolate? ? was a self awakening. I concluded on my own I have an addiction to food.

Admitting you have an addiction was not easy for me atleast. But I do. I suspect I've been addicted for years. I can tell you I have actually gotten a buzz off of food. I think part of the high for me was sending my body into a woozy food induced haze by way of sugar/carbs.

I sought out an addiction counselor and she had my number after about ten minutes. Right now our sessions focus on digging in the dirt and excavating the lies I have told myself. Nasty work but necessary.

I also joined Overeaters Anonymous ( OA ). I'm working the 12 steps to recovery but I'm only moving up a step until I can tell myself I have a solid acceptance of each step. So far I am on step 2.

For me the headwork is just as important as not drinking liquids with my meals, and avoiding old habits.

We'll get there!!

[OH Juli 15]

I signed back up with my councelor in January 06 when I decided to get banded. I'm still seeing her about once a month. I didn't get banded until March 07.

My relationship with her or the work or however you want to put it have been as important as my surgeon and nutritionist.

Good for you for getting the mental pieces sorted.

[maryrose 2]

Lapdancer,

Those darn choc. covered cherries! I have done similar things..and scolded myself...with the same thoughts about what I went thru to get this band. Don't beat yourself up.

I am 4 months out also.

I think this a very "hard" point right now. Almost stuck in the middle. I don't have another appt. til Oct. and I feel a little lost.

Thank you for your honesty! YOu are an inspiration.