Having Doubts

[HanSolo1977 261]

I don't know whether it's starting a new job or what but my confidence about getting surgery has eroded and I'm kinda back in the "Should I do it or not" camp. Hell of a time for this to happen... I see the surgeon for my consult on Thursday. That may be part of it. When I leave I'll have a date.

I've lost 50lbs eating more like I will need to after surgery. I'm grappling with the way life will be after surgery and wonder if I want to go through all the changes; especially after I've had success. However, the reason I've made changes is so that I can prove to myself and to the program that I can do it. If I pivot away from surgery, I'll likely just end up back where I was because I'll start drinking with meals again, drinking diet soda and caffine, eating burgers and fries and all those other things that contributed to my weight.

I go to support group and I see how confident all the people are and I don't feel confident. Am I making any sense?

To top it all off, This American Life this week is about being happy overweight.

[KristenLe 5,979]

Happy but will they be healthy? Write a list of why you want the surgery and what you want to do once you've lost weight. Can you sustain the current diet without surgery? I know I won't myself so whatever I've lost will be found again soon if I don't go through with surgery. It's hard to be happy when your weight is making you unhealthy!

[Christinamo7 4,042]

I was convinced that my obesity would end my life prematurely. do you feel like you can live a normal healthy life span at the weight you currently are?

because honestly, most people who loose weight gain it back and more. this is a powerful tool to give you an edge with those odds.

the thing I hear consistently is that people only wish they had done this sooner. You are at a fork in the road, and need to decide which way you want your life to go.

[Valentina 2,642]

Friend, if you didn't have doubts, you wouldn't be "normal". Everyone does--or at least should-question themselves before having WLS. It is life changing.

Why not discuss ALL of your doubts and concerns with your surgeon when you see him next.? Listen to what he thinks after hearing all of them (make a list so you won't forget any).

Consult with your NUT and your therapist. If you don't have either of these two professionals---get them. They are (in my opinion) essential for a success WLS journey.

Talk, discuss, ask and then repeat all of those things, until you KNOW . --AND when the time is right, you will know.

Good luck and best wishes for a successful life's journey--whatever it is to be.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

The thing is I'm sure we have all had weight loss success before. We've all been on diets that worked for a time but then we gain it all back. I known that i have had many times where I would drop 50lbs....but a few months later i gain it back and then some. Do yu truly think thst you can make a lifelong change and stik to it without the assistance of the surgery?

I would say go to your consultation and talk to them. If it's your first visit you're likely not getting a date right away. Go to a couple of appontmenta. Set a date if they give you one. You can always cancel it later

[higher 966]

The fact that you already lost 50 lbs eating the way you will after surgery makes me think that you will have enormous success with surgery and for life. Wow. Well done! They say those who lose weight preop do the best at keeping the weight off.

Edited June 22, 2016 by llsp

[MissKay 329]

@@Valentina is right. If you didn't have some doubts, you wouldn't be normal.

@@HanSolo1977 Mine started one I started the pre-op diet. I kept thinking about the fact that I could never go to a party and get a 'regular' plate of food. That I won't be able to finish a hamburger. That I couldn't ever be a real foodie like I've been and wanted to be. I grew up poor, and we barely had food on the table. My weight gain was thanks to me wanting to eat things I couldn't afford before + my PCOS. So all this swirled around in my head, and I really doubted that having an irreversible surgery was the right choice. I was terrified.

But then I bit it all back, I took a deep breath, and I reminded myself WHY I was doing this. To ensure and hold myself responsible, so I could by the cute clothes without paying nearly twice as much. So I wouldn't cringe whenever someone wanted to take a picture of me, and so I could actually have the opportunity to have kids and be there for them as they grow up.

Leading up to surgery, you're going to doubt it, second guess it, everything. What it comes down to is whether you can hold yourself to your current diet and keep it going and keep it off (I never could). Or if you need that insurance.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I don't know whether it's starting a new job or what but my confidence about getting surgery has eroded and I'm kinda back in the "Should I do it or not" camp. Hell of a time for this to happen... I see the surgeon for my consult on Thursday. That may be part of it. When I leave I'll have a date.

To top it all off, This American Life this week is about being happy overweight.

First off, you can cancel the Thursday appointment right now. You can choose not to see the surgeon as you can choose not to have surgery. You have that freedom. Consider yourself unburdened.

Now answer the questions, "What do I want to do?" and "What do I most want for my life?" I hope that helps you focus. You may well have named the jitters-maker -- that leaving the appointment with a date means that surgery is real rather than something off in the haze. You are the one who must make the decision. Yes, you'll have to make significant changes in your daily life to succeed for the long haul. It's a trade-off. If you believe that you'll be better off for making the trade, there's your answer.

This American Life and Ira Glass are over rated. Nietzsche's the one. Just kidding, but not about TAL or Glass.

[Djmohr 6,965]

Congratulations on your initial weight loss. That is not easy to do, especially the older we get and the more screwed up our metabolism is. Remember obesity is a metabolic disease.

I lost weight so many times in my life from different diets and exercise. At first it was easy. I tried a low fat diet and lost 60lbs and got back to a normal weight for my height. I gained it all back and added more. I then tried Jenny Craig, Atkins, Slimfast and trim spa. I lost 60 to 80lbs each time then gaining it back and adding some more until I weighed 310. By that time my metabolism was so screwed up that I could not lose anything. I was never a big eater but it was about eating a crappy diet. I was actually a 310lb malnourished adult. Crazy isn't it?

Anyway, I share this simply to get you thinking about the reasons why you were even considering it in the first place. If you think you can lose it and keep it off then great! You should do that for sure.

If you think you will revert back to old overeating and eating the wrong diet then you likely need a tool to help you to not gain it all back.

Either way, you really have to change the way that you eat forever to get healthy. I do not think there is any way around that and for me, I knew I needed a helping hand.

The best of luck to you, I hope you find the healthy life you are looking forward to.

[Bama2012 76]

I just had my procedure done June 8th. I had my doubts just like you and everyone else. If I had to I would do it again tomorrow. I needed this tool like most of us. Great start to your weight loss you will do great.

[anniebanana 167]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I backed out of surgery after getting approved back in 2011. Oh, how I wish I could go back and have a re-do. I lost 72 pounds with a personal trainer but you can guess what happened. It all came back. That being said, you have to be on board with this, so do some soul searching and make sure you are confident enough in your decision before you have the surgery. Good luck!

[needtorecover 574]

I got approved for surgery in 2012 and I panicked and cancelled it. It's very natural to be scared. I was mad at myself for "needing" surgery to lose weight. Felt like a failure to myself and told myself I could do better than that. I was scared I wouldn't be able to have a baby if I had WLS. I tried to lose weight on my own. Failed. Got pregnant and had my baby. Then decided I'm done with trying to lose weight on my own and I am so glad I had the surgery.

You need to be ready for it. If you're discouraged because you're gritting your teeth through your pre-op diet, believe me when I say it gets better! You won't always feel like that. WLS takes away a majority of the agony that goes along with dieting. food cravings still happen but they're not nearly as intense as they used to be. I still WANT to overeat, but I don't because it hurts if I try. It's much different than before. If I tried to limit my calories to 1800 I'd be crawling out of my skin after a few weeks and then binge like there's no tomorrow. I'm plenty satisfied with that amount now and usually eat less than that over the course of the day and don't have any trouble. Weight comes off readily.

And this is just with the lap band (the gentlest procedure). The sleeve and bypass are even more powerful. Try to keep that in mind because I know it's hard now but it won't always be this hard, you know?

Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

[HanSolo1977 261]

Thanks everyone! The responses really put things into perspective. I'm continuing down the surgery road. My wife actually said "You've worked so hard for it, it would be a bummer to cancel it" I've been kinda worried a bit lately about her reaction to everything