Alone on this new journey.......

[Fettchick83 70]

Almost a week out and I have lost the support of the only person that matters to me. I feel lost, scared and hopeless. I'm full of so much uncertainty between the long time realities of the surgery and now my relationship. I just want to be basked in comfort right now and I have nowhere to turn, well towards a human at least. I'm not sure what to think. My entire self is in a state of shock. This surgery was supposed to enhance my life and now I feel like it's taking away from my life. Could I be experiencing buyer's remorse or am I truly depressed? In the process of trying to be enough for myself, I lost the person I thought would be there to be part of and support my journey. Now I'm alone, with this new foreign friend (vsg tummy).

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[maria1026 8]

I'm truly sorry to read your post. Although support is a huge asset; you must know you can still do this. This forum is a huge support system. Also the clinic you attend will have a support group. Please be strong and best of luck to you.

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[Fettchick83 70]

I'm truly sorry to read your post. Although support is a huge asset; you must know you can still do this. This forum is a huge support system. Also the clinic you attend will have a support group. Please be strong and best of luck to you.

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Thank you for your kind words.

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[newstacey 18]

First, big hug to you. I'm so sorry you lost your support. It is not uncommon to feel buyers remorse. But it can feel worse and overwhelming when you don't have support. Keep in mind (hopefully) this journey is about you and for you. It is unhealthy to be in a relationship with another person who doesn't support you. (I know, easier said than done.) So it's time to start over and be the best you can be for YOU.

If you can find a local support group to get to when you're physically up to it, please go. They can be a source of great friendship and inspiration.

You are not alone.

[con con 142]

I can certainly commiserate with you. My relationship of 15 years just ended. Devastating? Without question. But we did this for ourselves and with that find your personal strength and self love to guide and support you. We will be fine. This happened 4 days before my birthday. I cried for a week. But as with anything it does get better. Just try and comfort yourself.

[AvaFern 3,516]

If it makes you feel better at all, if you learn how to be your own support in the times when you feel most alone, you find a certain type of power that isn't developed in any other way.

I can walk away from anyone- not because I want to be alone and unloved, but because I know my value and I know that if I am anything less than happy with someone else I am entirely capable of being very happy, very well taken care of, and very comfortable entirely by myself. You are never truly alone when the best person that can ever take care of you is you.

When I was a kid my dad told me that the way he knew that my mom was "the one" was because she was the only one who was better at taking care of number one than he was. It's been 33 years now and my mom is still taking better care of number one than he does, lol. I figure until I find that person, I'm doing just fine taking care of number one on my own. It may not seem like it right now, but you will be better off being able to do that as well and doing so when you are most miserable makes the rest of the path seem quite easy in comparison.

[Fettchick83 70]

First, big hug to you. I'm so sorry you lost your support. It is not uncommon to feel buyers remorse. But it can feel worse and overwhelming when you don't have support. Keep in mind (hopefully) this journey is about you and for you. It is unhealthy to be in a relationship with another person who doesn't support you. (I know, easier said than done.) So it's time to start over and be the best you can be for YOU.

If you can find a local support group to get to when you're physically up to it, please go. They can be a source of great friendship and inspiration.

You are not alone.

Thank you. I will search for a support group! It feels like only those that have walked the life understand how it feels.

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[Fettchick83 70]

I can certainly commiserate with you. My relationship of 15 years just ended. Devastating? Without question. But we did this for ourselves and with that find your personal strength and self love to guide and support you. We will be fine. This happened 4 days before my birthday. I cried for a week. But as with anything it does get better. Just try and comfort yourself.

Was it because of thr surgery? I'm not sure what makes the love stop. Is it the fear of change? And happy belated birthday!

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[con con 142]

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

[cindyw41 761]

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

The NFL nut in me is screaming "who is it" but I've calmed down lol well sort of.

Back to this post it's hard learning who our true friends are and relationships shouldn't come with conditions. As hard as it is to start over sometimes it's the best thing for us. We never realized how toxic or wrong a relationship is till we step away and see it with new eyes. Thankfully I went through this surgery with a man that loves me no matter what, did he agree with me having it done..No but he didn't alienate me either. He was there at the hospital and now reminds me to eat or exercise. Today he made the comment that he got a new wife without even trying. There is someone out there that loves you for you. Don't settle for anything less

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Edited June 16, 2016 by cindyw41

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@Fettchick83 I think you might find this book helpful. Sorry about your relationship - stay strong and true to yourself!

https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Kit-Practical-ebook/dp/B0054RXXS0?ie=UTF8&btkr=1&redirect=true&ref_=dp-kindle-redirect

Edited June 16, 2016 by KristenLe

[con con 142]

The difficulty is after 15 years and we were each other's best friend and now dealing with this curve ball....Honestly the dating scene is not something I want to even tackle. It will just be me and my cats!!!

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[Fettchick83 70]

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

I admire your strength. Your right you can't change him, but you can change yourself and you have and you will continue to grow. Yourjourney in life still has so many great things, just hang on and enjoy the ride. Love will find you again.

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[Fettchick83 70]

Thank you. I've been pondering this to the death over this and the one thing that is off where he is concerned is I have a very close friend who is an nfl player. He knows I primarily have male friends always have. I'm the only girl and youngest of 3 brothers. Tomboy through and through. Out of no where he continued to be aggressive where this friend is concerned. Wanting me to eliminate him from my life. That is hysterical to me. No one not even him can dictate who will be my friend. Maybe it's because my friend is number one in his position in the NFL. Seems like jealousy to me. I was willing to discuss so we could move past this. He said no. So now I'm left with the strong feeling I've been duped. He has been with me at my heaviest, encouraging me, loving and supporting me then this.for some unknown reason he believes I cheated on him. That isn't in my nature. I can't change him. I'm not going to plead with him. He wants to have s chat tomorrow. Jury is still out.

The NFL nut in me is screaming "who is it" but I've calmed down lol well sort of.

Back to this post it's hard learning who our true friends are and relationships shouldn't come with conditions. As hard as it is to start over sometimes it's the best thing for us. We never realized how toxic or wrong a relationship is till we step away and see it with new eyes. Thankfully I went through this surgery with a man that loves me no matter what, did he agree with me having it done..No but he didn't alienate me either. He was there at the hospital and now reminds me to eat or exercise. Today he made the comment that he got a new wife without even trying. There is someone out there that loves you for you. Don't settle for anything less

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Thank you for your wise words.

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[B1essed1 61]

It may not look like it, it may not feel like it, but I assure you ....

This is a blessing in disguise. When you're truely loved unconditionally, no surgery or circumstance could make him stop loving you. If he's willing to take a chance on losing you to another man, then he's definitely not the one. I know this hurts so much right now but you will find the strength with in you to move past this. *Hugs*

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