People Meeting the New You

[JamieLogical 8,708]

So, my husband and I are divorcing. As part of this process, I'm trying to "put myself out there" and meet new people. I have begun to do that. But this is really the first time where people are meeting the thin me who never knew the fat me. And it definitely makes for an interesting dynamic I hadn't experienced before. I don't really have a question here. Just interested in your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

[summerset 5,265]

Can you pinpoint the difference?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I'm the same me, I just don't take up as much room, I no longer float well, and snuggling is a priority as I am perpetually cold.

[Valentina 2,642]

So, my husband and I are divorcing. As part of this process, I'm trying to "put myself out there" and meet new people. I have begun to do that. But this is really the first time where people are meeting the thin me who never knew the fat me. And it definitely makes for an interesting dynamic I hadn't experienced before. I don't really have a question here. Just interested in your thoughts and experiences on the topic.

Jamie,

Moving on is a wonderful but scary journey all in its own. I wish you nothing but happiness and contentment.

Have YOU taken time to get to know and love the "thin you"? Have you become best friends within your own skin (now that there's less )?

I mention that because once YOU realize what a dear and special woman you are within your own self then others will also see it --shining from within.

Enjoy your "alone" time. Enjoy living alone--getting comfortable and strong within yourself.

Then----

GO AND GET'M!

Prayers going up for you.

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

people are meeting the thin me who never knew the fat me.

@@JamieLogical

i moved to a different area/neighborhood in Syracuse, NY (you are Rochester, right??)

i was at my GOAL weight and lookin' good

no one in my new area knew that i ever was fat. (seems like a lifetime ago!)

i fit in as a "normal" person! (of course what is normal)

(107 lbs down - goal!!! that's great!!!)

have you told any "newbies" you lost all that weight

kindof like an icebreaker??

i remember you earlier mentioning problems/issues with hubby

this can be a trying time (i went through it yearssss ago)

good for you on starting your new social life

it is a little scary - but i think you will be fine, and do great!!!

enjoying all your posts - i can tell you have a great personality !!!

take "things" slowly, don't jump into anything

you go girl!!

good luck

kathy

[JamieLogical 8,708]

So far I haven't told any of these new people about my surgery, but the amount/types of food I eat has come up a couple times. The amount of time I spend exercising has been a BIG topic of conversation, since it really does impact heavily on my schedule and availability. I *think* I've mentioned having lost weight to a couple of people, but not how much.

[gpmed 623]

@@JamieLogical Best of luck to you as you begin putting yourself out there again!

My boyfriend of nearly three years broke up with me a few weeks after my surgery. I took about six months off to concentrate on myself and my health before I decided I was ready to date again. I had some of the same thoughts you're having.

It was really interesting to date as a much thinner person. I loved that I didn't feel the need to give a disclaimer about my weight when I met someone online and scheduled a date in person. I could comfortably post full-length photos of myself on my profile.

I'm still losing. I have maybe 30 pounds to go? I'm unsure how much loose skin will affect that. I'm sticking with the plan and waiting to see what my body does. That said, I haven't had plastics and I do have loose skin. I also have very fair skin, so my scars are still very visible, even after nine months.

I worried some about when to tell a new partner about my surgery. I went on several dates with a guy visiting my city on business. He was curious about why I was eating so little. I just said I'd eaten earlier and stuff like that. He wasn't around long enough to get into all the details.

I ended up telling my now boyfriend on our first date. I'm a private person so that's really unusual for me. Somehow I just knew it was okay. He didn't judge me one iota. In fact, he thought it was awesome. He's very supportive and encourages me to continue putting my health first.

Exercise also has a heavy impact on my schedule. During the week, I wake up an hour and a half early several days for long walks with my dogs. I also work out for an hour to hour and a half almost every evening. By the time I get home, shower, get ready, feed my dogs, etc, it's 8 or 9 p.m. and I'm tired! We spend a lot of time together on the weekends and we're working things out for during the week. I'm just really happy to be with someone who thinks I'm a badass for all the work I've done/am doing!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@JamieLogical

I'm surprised so many people comment on how you eat or you running. When I am in your neck of the woods, it seems like so many people are active and eat healthy. When I was in the Finger Lakes there were so many good low carb options at every restaurant and so many people seem to lead active healthy lives.

[JamieLogical 8,708]

@@JamieLogical

I'm surprised so many people comment on how you eat or you running. When I am in your neck of the woods, it seems like so many people are active and eat healthy. When I was in the Finger Lakes there were so many good low carb options at every restaurant and so many people seem to lead active healthy lives.

There is definitely a very active community here and everyone I've been meeting up with is big into staying active. A lot of hikers and cyclists especially. I just think most of them are active by a matter of course and not training for anything specific, so they are used to a more flexible schedule. Whereas, with my marathon training, I have to be more strict than most of them are used to seeing.

I'm making it work though. I've actually been really successful at meeting new people and staying active this last little stretch. I have plans every single night this week! Got home from a visit to a friend in DC on Sunday and ended up doig dinner and a movie with a couple of people. Last night I had a stay-in movie date with someone. Tonight I have my Hill Runs Meetup (we run up an down a ridiculous hill for an hour because we hate ourselves, apparently) THEN a movie with a coworker. Tomorrow I have a Game Night Meetup at an ale house. Thursday I'm meeting a different coworker after work to go hiking. And Friday night I'm doing a Pub Crawl!

[ausmith 374]

@@JamieLogical

I'm surprised so many people comment on how you eat or you running. When I am in your neck of the woods, it seems like so many people are active and eat healthy. When I was in the Finger Lakes there were so many good low carb options at every restaurant and so many people seem to lead active healthy lives.

There is definitely a very active community here and everyone I've been meeting up with is big into staying active. A lot of hikers and cyclists especially. I just think most of them are active by a matter of course and not training for anything specific, so they are used to a more flexible schedule. Whereas, with my marathon training, I have to be more strict than most of them are used to seeing.

I'm making it work though. I've actually been really successful at meeting new people and staying active this last little stretch. I have plans every single night this week! Got home from a visit to a friend in DC on Sunday and ended up doig dinner and a movie with a couple of people. Last night I had a stay-in movie date with someone. Tonight I have my Hill Runs Meetup (we run up an down a ridiculous hill for an hour because we hate ourselves, apparently) THEN a movie with a coworker. Tomorrow I have a Game Night Meetup at an ale house. Thursday I'm meeting a different coworker after work to go hiking. And Friday night I'm doing a Pub Crawl!

You sound like your doing everything right. Don't stress about what may or may not happen enjoy this time. Good Luck

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

[Melissabotrl 3]

I am also starting the divorce process. Very scary as I have been married for 27 years. I will be a new "normal" for me, but will be nice to make decisions for myself. Forgot what that was like! lol

[JamieLogical 8,708]

It's definitely been an experience! I didn't know what to expect, since it's been a long time since I was single. The dating world has certainly changed a LOT with all these dating apps and cell phone.... not my cup of tea! And there's the fact that I'm no longer in my early 20s....

But so far so good. I am navigating it all pretty well.

[gowalking 10,790]

Like anything else, dating has its ups and downs. I didn't date after my second marriage ended in 2003. I focused on my kids, my job, my friends. Then I got seriously overweight and over time, had mobility issues. I actually started dating again about two years ago and was in a relationship for nearly a year. When it was good, it was really good, but when it ended, it was very hard. What I have learned this time around, is that I don't have to divulge my WLS or my former size unless I feel like it. At my age, the loose skin is not all that terrible and most guys in their 50s and 60s are so happy to have the possibility of an intimate relationship that they are not holding out for a taught lean 20 something. The challenge is finding someone who I can connect with on an intellectual level and with similar interests to mine. I don't mean to sound stuck up but I prefer walking through a museum rather than walking the beach. Unless that beach happens to be on an island in the Pacific of course...