Is your surgery a secret?

[Sugary Sweetheart 97]

i told everyone, but that is just my personality. I respond to stress by oversharing and refusing to shut up about it! I have a two-week pre-op diet and my goal is to not make every conversation about Protein shakes! There is not any one way to respond, every person needs different things.

I'm lucky cause I work with a lot of nurses and they are mostly currious about the medical stuff whithout much judging. Sounds like your co-workers need a lesson boundries. Maybe find a good comeback for the jokes?

@@Jessica Singleton

I'm like you. I over share what I'm going through and with anyone who's interested.

I'm not worried about their chatter behind my back or the comments they might make, perhaps because I don't care about their opinion.

This is MY Journey... what I do and how I feel about it is my concern and nobody elses.

[graham99 6]

Yes, my sister and I had the surgery. We witnessed people that have got the surgery get bullied about it. We had to keep it to ourselves. People don't care about other people's feeling. It was hard. It's isn't the easy way out. Some people just don't understand and say the worst things. We don't want to hear it. We want to be normal.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Valentina 2,642]

Yes, my sister and I had the surgery. We witnessed people that have got the surgery get bullied about it. We had to keep it to ourselves. People don't care about other people's feeling. It was hard. It's isn't the easy way out. Some people just don't understand and say the worst things. We don't want to hear it. We want to be normal.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Welcome to both you and your sister to the "Losers' Bench".

There are many members here who care very much about your feelings. I promise we do.

We as a group understand what you are going through at each level of your WLS journey. Most of us are of kindred spirit and supportive nature.

When you have a concern or even a rant, post it. There will probably some member who has experienced the same issue and can advise or at least share in the experience.

There will be times when you will be meant with a member who for the lack of a better expression is a wee bit cranky. Try to think of them having a bad day and just ignore them. There are many more supportive folks here than "snarks".

We care. We really do. WLS journeys are individual, yes, but when joined with other with similar experiences, the journey is that much more joyful.

Again, I welcome you. Keep posting and letting us know how you two sisters are doing and what you're up to.

Prayers going up for you, new friends.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

It's not the jokes, no one has made any jokes about it. It's just the constant questions and judging. I don't want reminding about it all the time. I like to talk about work at work (well sometimes!!) not my surgery or diet at every tea break. At social events, I like to talk to my friends about what they've been doing, holiday plans and so on, not my surgery or diet. I just want it to be normal for me to eat a bit less and lose a bit of weight without the Spanish Inquisition every time I eat or drink something. It irritates me more than anything.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This was a HUGE reason I kept my surgery to myself.

I am a mom to two great teenagers. I have been happily married for 21 years. I have a fabulous goldendoodle. I am a 2nd degree black belt and a certified martial arts instructor. I volunteer at a womens' shelter. I play the guitar. I own a successful business. I work with autistic children and kids with Down's syndrome. I love Old School Rap and can perform Rapper's Delight in it's entirety. SOBER. I love talking to strangers. I am the VP of my HOA. I am PTA president, Choral Booster's VP and head theater mom at my kids' schools. I love dogs, hate cats, save turtles and run screaming from spiders. I was a beach lifeguard, a sorority girl and an only child. (Explains a lot, huh?) I Zumba, deep Water fin and ski double blacks. I drive like a douche bag even though my vehicle is a minivan because I am always in a hurry. (At least I own it.) I hold the door for people and I can recite pi to the 56th digit. I used to teach emotionally disturbed kids until the parents drove me nuts. I was a theater major before I was a psychology major, before I got my degree in communications/psychology and my master's in education. I am a brown Mexican but don't speak Spanish. I am a great cook but a horrible baker. I love to read and I love reality TV. I drive with the radio off because I enjoy the silence. I could go on forever but I am boring myself.

I have a lot more interesting things to talk about over WLS. Why on earth would I make that the definition of me? People can't help but ask about it, I have no desire to be the inspiration of that discussion. It was bad enough that people had to "confess" every extra calorie or missed workout to me while I was losing out of a bizarre "guilt".

I'd rather be any of the above over the former fatty/WLS lady.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

perhaps it would be a good idea to evaluate how you share these ideas. I have seen the people you speak of. they don't usually stay around very long - but you have been here long enough to not get down on that level.

I love that some people choose to share! No doubt you are doing a great service to some people who may need the enlightenment. I applaud your efforts, sincerely.

That said, after four years of many reincarnations of this thread, I am prepped and ready to hear how I am a liar, how I am ashamed of WLS, how it's my **duty** to educate others, etc.

MY POST:

Not all sharers do the above, but I can already see it rearing it's lovely head. Just putting it all on fast forward. I'd hate for someone who is unsure about the whole decision to share/not share feel "shamed" (popular word on this site) to do so if they are not comfortable with it. You can always share later, you can never unshare.

you know what, I tell anyone just about anything - and that does not mean I care a fig about what you do or do not tell anyone else.

I simply tell people I eat less (truth), move more (truth) and follow a low carb diet (truth). No "stories" to remember, simple and to the point, and 100% factual.

No shame in my game. (That's usually the next thing "tellers" start throwing out there.)

(Oh. And no, it's not my duty to educate other fatties on the joys of WLS. That will be after the shame part.)

END MY POST.

The thing is, my WLS likely saved my life. and I am grateful. I don't feel I have a "duty" to share it with others - but if I can do someone a good turn who may be interested, so be it. what's the point in going through garbage in my life if I can't use it to help someone else out?

When you say things like labeling a group "tellers" you imply that everyone who tells their story is of that same ilk. rather than saying something like "some who tell" do this or that - where as there are probably a lot of people who do not tell who DO struggle with shame, and embarrassment as reasons to not share (I believe to their own detriment as most of this battle is in our minds and emotions) but I do not assume, and try very hard to come across as not assuming that *everyone* who chooses not to tell is in that group. some people are just very private, and others have their own reasons for not sharing.

when you lump a whole group of people together like that what we say in the south : "you were showing your a$$". and no one cares to see that even if you bedazzle it.

Ya know... I just reviewed this thread because I was genuinely puzzled at how you took me as so argumentative. I even messaged a few people and asked their opinion because it was not my intent.

You called me out for a sweeping generalization and I immediately apologized because I HATE categorizing all people into one lump. Then I noticed the bolded above...

I feel much better about myself. Clearly you missed it.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It's not the jokes, no one has made any jokes about it. It's just the constant questions and judging. I don't want reminding about it all the time. I like to talk about work at work (well sometimes!!) not my surgery or diet at every tea break. At social events, I like to talk to my friends about what they've been doing, holiday plans and so on, not my surgery or diet. I just want it to be normal for me to eat a bit less and lose a bit of weight without the Spanish Inquisition every time I eat or drink something. It irritates me more than anything.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This was a HUGE reason I kept my surgery to myself.

I am a mom to two great teenagers. I have been happily married for 21 years. I have a fabulous goldendoodle. I am a 2nd degree black belt and a certified martial arts instructor. I volunteer at a womens' shelter. I play the guitar. I own a successful business. I work with autistic children and kids with Down's syndrome. I love Old School Rap and can perform Rapper's Delight in it's entirety. SOBER. I love talking to strangers. I am the VP of my HOA. I am PTA president, Choral Booster's VP and head theater mom at my kids' schools. I love dogs, hate cats, save turtles and run screaming from spiders. I was a beach lifeguard, a sorority girl and an only child. (Explains a lot, huh?) I Zumba, deep Water fin and ski double blacks. I drive like a ****** bag even though my vehicle is a minivan because I am always in a hurry. (At least I own it.) I hold the door for people and I can recite pi to the 56th digit. I used to teach emotionally disturbed kids until the parents drove me nuts. I was a theater major before I was a psychology major, before I got my degree in communications/psychology and my master's in education. I am a brown Mexican but don't speak Spanish. I am a great cook but a horrible baker. I love to read and I love reality TV. I drive with the radio off because I enjoy the silence. I could go on forever but I am boring myself.

I have a lot more interesting things to talk about over WLS. Why on earth would I make that the definition of me? People can't help but ask about it, I have no desire to be the inspiration of that discussion. It was bad enough that people had to "confess" every extra calorie or missed workout to me while I was losing out of a bizarre "guilt".

I'd rather be any of the above over the former fatty/WLS lady.

You hate cats?!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

It's not the jokes, no one has made any jokes about it. It's just the constant questions and judging. I don't want reminding about it all the time. I like to talk about work at work (well sometimes!!) not my surgery or diet at every tea break. At social events, I like to talk to my friends about what they've been doing, holiday plans and so on, not my surgery or diet. I just want it to be normal for me to eat a bit less and lose a bit of weight without the Spanish Inquisition every time I eat or drink something. It irritates me more than anything.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

This was a HUGE reason I kept my surgery to myself.

I am a mom to two great teenagers. I have been happily married for 21 years. I have a fabulous goldendoodle. I am a 2nd degree black belt and a certified martial arts instructor. I volunteer at a womens' shelter. I play the guitar. I own a successful business. I work with autistic children and kids with Down's syndrome. I love Old School Rap and can perform Rapper's Delight in it's entirety. SOBER. I love talking to strangers. I am the VP of my HOA. I am PTA president, Choral Booster's VP and head theater mom at my kids' schools. I love dogs, hate cats, save turtles and run screaming from spiders. I was a beach lifeguard, a sorority girl and an only child. (Explains a lot, huh?) I Zumba, deep Water fin and ski double blacks. I drive like a ****** bag even though my vehicle is a minivan because I am always in a hurry. (At least I own it.) I hold the door for people and I can recite pi to the 56th digit. I used to teach emotionally disturbed kids until the parents drove me nuts. I was a theater major before I was a psychology major, before I got my degree in communications/psychology and my master's in education. I am a brown Mexican but don't speak Spanish. I am a great cook but a horrible baker. I love to read and I love reality TV. I drive with the radio off because I enjoy the silence. I could go on forever but I am boring myself.

I have a lot more interesting things to talk about over WLS. Why on earth would I make that the definition of me? People can't help but ask about it, I have no desire to be the inspiration of that discussion. It was bad enough that people had to "confess" every extra calorie or missed workout to me while I was losing out of a bizarre "guilt".

I'd rather be any of the above over the former fatty/WLS lady.

You hate cats?!

I hate cat boxes. I had a neighbor who had 8 cats and 2 cat boxes. She would have me pet sit when she vacationed and cleaning up was DISGUSTING. I shouldn't blame the cat, but that neighbor. And she paid me, not in cash, but in houseplants. What 10 year old wants a HOUSEPLANT!!??!!

[bobbyp 20]

Im telling everyone Im having surgery to transition. And i am, from unhealthy to healthy. Its not my fault if they automatically think Caitlin Jenner. Im telling you, nothing shuts them up like that!

abrezar la vida

[Kindle 8,667]

@@Shaydi.Laine

Yes, I make better food choices, I take my Vitamins, I do all those things I need to do to maintain my weight loss, blah, blah, blah. I know I am ultimately responsible for my success, but I could not have lost this weight and kept it off without surgery. And neither could anyone else on this forum. I'm simply giving credit where credit is due. My conscience dictates what I am comfortable telling others and everyone else should do the same.

[Valentina 2,642]

@@Shaydi.Laine

Yes, I make better food choices, I take my Vitamins, I do all those things I need to do to maintain my weight loss, blah, blah, blah. I know I am ultimately responsible for my success, but I could not have lost this weight and kept it off without surgery. And neither could anyone else on this forum. I'm simply giving credit where credit is due. My conscience dictates what I am comfortable telling others and everyone else should do the same.

Oh dear lord, I'm really not -- I've genuinely missed it and I certainly wouldn't ask if I knew the answer. You are correct. I am above that. Please feel free to tag me next time you see this happen. I would honestly appreciate that.

I can't imagine why it would be WRONG to tell the world if one chooses to. I'd be happy to shoot down that logic just as I am happy to shoot down the logic that it's wrong to keep it to oneself. I've never understood ANYONE who thinks their way is the ONLY way or the BETTER way or the RIGHT way for anyone other than themselves.

I think you are reading me completely wrong, but that's certainly your right. Here I was thinking you are I were having an honest, friendly discussion from both viewpoints. Clearly I was, again, incorrect. Apologies.

Is anyone else willing to enlighten me why reasons some non-tellers disparage tellers for doing so? I don't need specific examples/research. Simply the logic behind it. THANKS!

you're just looking for a fight, you can't possibly have read the same threads I have and not seen people put down or slam all people who tell in a group. Truth is I would not have reacted to your labeling the whole lot of us as "tellers" in a very disparaging way if I hadn't seen the same behaviors from others. if you choose to believe one side is completely appropriate and not in any way defamatory to the other side so be it. stay in your happy 'one way street' place.

Really? You've seen someone who doesn't tell people about their WLS put down or insult people who do tell? What was their reasoning?

It seems to me that this one is (to my knowledge) a one way street.

I certainly am not going to go looking for past examples to point it out to you because it just isn't worth my time. I called you on it because as a host and veteran there is a higher expectation on you than on others.

Look into your own mind/conscience, -- within yourself lies your answer.

Prayers going up.

@kindle: exactly! I tried (in vain) to get your (and my) point across:

Look into your own mind/conscience,--within yourself lies your answer.

I was reprimanded for my opinion--which mirrors yours. Let's see how your opinion is received. I strongly agree for it is the same as mine.

Prayers going up for more open minds.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Prayers going up for people who use their religion for passive aggressive purposes.

Your God might approve, but mine certainly would not.

[Valentina 2,642]

Prayers going up for people who use their religion for passive aggressive purposes.

Your God might approve, but mine certainly would not.

You don't know me nor my beliefs.

May God forgive you for your mockery of me and my prayers.

Prayers going up--especially for you, LipstickLady.

PS: Is this enough, Alex Brecher??

[Guest sydneyjonno]

A couple of colleagues knew I'd been off for an operation and wouldn't stop asking me what it was I'd had done. I've told them I've had the first stage of my sex change!!! None of the have asked another question since. They were just annoying me so I thought I'd send them down the wrong path for a laugh. I will tell them it was for GERD / hernia or something I guess, they know I've always been on some form of diet and I've lost heaps of weight before and regained it, this time, the weight loss will appear to them as no different, hopefully I'll just keep it off this time

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited June 9, 2016 by sydneyjonno

[CelesteMarie 129]

Like Kindle, I don't post it on social media, but if people ask, I don't hide it. No big deal. People are gonna talk anyway. I would rather have the support, and I get it.

Good things come to good people.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Prayers going up for people who use their religion for passive aggressive purposes.

Your God might approve, but mine certainly would not.

You don't know me nor my beliefs.

May God forgive you for your mockery of me and my prayers.

Prayers going up--especially for you, LipstickLady.

PS: Is this enough, Alex Brecher??

Where did I say I was talking about/to you?

Please. Block me. I seem to distress you.