Embarrassed, ashamed, scared, HELP PLEASE!

[Jennifer4118 0]

:ranger: Hello Everyone,

My name is Jennifer and I live in San Jose California. I was banded 7/31/07. This is my first post but, I have been lurking for sometime.

I am ashamed that I have to have my first post be with this problem.

I am so embarrassed that I don't even know where to start:phanvan. I was doing pretty good preOp with losing weight. Kaiser in Northern California requires you to lost 10% of you body weight. I did, with a few pounds to spare. PostOp I did pretty good with the stage 2 diet, sad to say that it only lasted 3 to 4 days before I had my first episode. Out of habit I took a bite of meat that got stuck and out of pure panic I drank Water to try to make it go down. In those few long moments I forgot everything I had read about what to do and not to do. Eventually it came up. I have had 2 more episodes like this, but i didn't drink anything to try to wash it down :biggrin1:. I am eating like before, not bad stuff, but stuff I am not suppose to, whole grain bread, rice, meat, ect. It was like the first few days postOp I was so careful about what I eat and drank. I was so proud of myself and hopeful about losing weight. I don't know what happen and I feel like a complete failure!! What if I messed this whole thing up? What if I made my band slip? What if this is not going to work for me?

I know I have to get back on track, get back in the right state of mind. I went threw so much to have this done and now I am just throwing it all away. What is wrong with me?

Do you think that I may have made my band slip? What would be the signs? Oh, I am so afraid I may have screwed this up.

I know this is up to me, I know I can make this work. I just need some one to help me get back on track. What do I do from here? How do I start with starting over? I wish I could go back to day one of PostOp and do things right. :think:think:think:think

Thanks,

Jennifer :help:

[GayleTX 1]

The beauty of the band, Jennifer, is that it is there ready and waiting to help you when you are ready. You've had a slight setback, but you haven't ruined anything. If PB'ing ruined your band, we'd all be in trouble..PB'ing and learning to eat right are part of the process. You're just trying so hard to avoid doing that again that you've gone toward the 'soft food syndrome.....stop it!! LOL! Why is it the foods that go down so easy are the evil ones that should never cross our lips??? But they are.

It will be very helpful to plan your days....your meals and your Snacks. If you haven't done so already find some good Protein supps that you love...they will keep you healthy and strong and keep hair on your head.

Then decide on some good dense Protein that you can eat without getting stuck.....I'm a year and half out and I still can't eat chicken or steak or roast; I may never be able to. But I can eat pepperoni, and shaved deli meats and crispy bacon and eggs and cheeses and shrimp and fish; I pick up a carton of chicken salad at Jason's Deli every few days. There are lots of things you can eat, especially if you cook. Eat the Proteins first, then the veggies (I still can't eat lettuce salads very well). Eliminate the white carbs (they cause the cravings that makes that soft food look so good!).

Plan your meals and your Snacks, always have something in your bag to eat on...don't ever get too hungry or too full. You can do this!! You're going to be fine.

It's also very helpful to record all your foods on a program such as

FitDay - Free Weight Loss and Diet Journal. There's just something about seeing those numbers pile up that keeps you honest....and it's pretty educational, too, about food values. I also love looking at the 'report' section and seeing that little weight graph go down, down, down!! I still use it......if it goes in my mouth it goes on fitday.

Best wishes to you..........

[Alexandra 55]

Jennifer, you've been banded for less than three weeks. If it was so easy to screw things up, NONE of us would be here today. You've just had a bit of a wake-up call, and it's going to prove useful to you in the end.

Take a deep breath, relax, and start again each new day. This time is widely known to be the hardest, before you've had a fill but after you've healed and can feel full-on hunger again. Take it easy and be good to yourself. Don't let yourself get too hungry! That way lies gorging and loss of control. Eat lots of small meals and high-Protein Snacks to keep your blood sugar steady.

You'll be fine!!

[Jennifer4118 0]

Thank you all for you replies.

I hear what you are saying. I feel better knowing I am not alone in this rut I'm in.

I was so embarrassed to tell anyone about this but you all are so kind and understanding I will not hesitate to post my problems anymore.

I heard about fit-day and signed up awhile ago. I have never used it but am willing to try.

If my band did slip, what would be the signs? Could I ask my Surgeon for a Xray or scan to check? Uuuuh! I would hate to call him and tell him what I have been doing. He was trying so hard to talk me into having the Gastric Bypass and not to positive about Banding. I don't want to here from him I told you so. I just feel like if I could find out for sure that I didn't mess it up, it would be a wake up call and a positive new beginning.

I can do this, I know I can.

Also, does anyone know a good 1,2,3 stage diet plan? The one I have is not to informative.

Thank you again,

Jennifer

[Anyalee 0]

Jennifer- I'm not banded yet, but have been reading these posts regularly while waiting for approval. It seems to me that if your band has slipped you would be feeling a lot of pain & not be able to eat anything. Good Luck!:clap2:

[Jennifer4118 0]

Anyalee,

yes, I lurked all the time. I use to read all the post about what I am going thru, but now that I am actually going thru it I can't find anything that relates. Figures.

I never thought I would be one of these people in my situation. I told myself that I would not do wrong by my band and here I sit.

I wish you all the luck,

Jennifer

[TracyinKS 7]

QUIT FREAKING YOURSELF OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. You are in BANDSTER HELL! and you may be here for a while.... until you start feeling some restriction from fills.

2. I eat too fast and sometimes a pb or a slime is code for my band to say.. Why did you EAT that last bite???!!!.

3. If you pb just take it easy for your next meal or two so that your esophogus doesn't get inflamed.

I am now at roughly 3.5 cc's in my band and until my last fill I didn't really feel what TRUE restriction was about......... I have it now.... and it is time for me to learn my band........ I can not eat reheated meat at all...... all meat must be juicy or dipped in ranch dressing to make it a slider.... I do not drink with meals but if I'm out for Breakfast (like I was earlier this week on vacation) I had to drink my coffee before eating to losen up my band or else I had one bite syndrome....... I've pb'd on things this week that I have NEVER had problems with before..... and it is weird....... GOOD LUCK and take it slow you in bandland baby!

[Jennifer4118 0]

TracyinKs,

Thank you! You are just what I needed. I know I was freaking myself out and needed someone to tell me to chill out. I am just going to take a deep breath and start over in the morning.

~Jennifer

PS. You look Marvelous Darling. Keep up the good work.

[juliegeraci 7]

Jennifer, I live in Gilroy. You want to meet for a drink or dinner sometime. I've been banded for 15 months and am doing great. Let me know. I can meet you in Blossom Hill area off of 85. You are doing great. Don't beat yourself up. Have you had a fill yet?

[Jennifer4118 0]

Julie,

I would love to meet! Send me an email, think you can see it in my profile? We can exchange number and meet:)! I really appreciate this.

I lived in Gilroy for a while in my younger years and my Father still does. I use to live off Day Road. I drove over there a few weeks ago and almost did not recognize the area. Downtown is looking very nice, lots of changes.

Email (just in case) Suzanne408@sbcglobal.net

[joanne1970 0]

I am so glad I read this tread Tracy hit the nail on the head for me. I have 1cc in my band and could eat anything, I want restriction but I keep telling myself it took years to put all this weight on and now I am 21 pounds lighter since June, more than I would have been without the band. I go for a fill on Monday (cant wait). We all are hear for the same reason and none of us are perfect or we wouldnt be here, I think we all deserve a pat on the back just for being banded! Yeah us!

[Daisalana 33]

Jennifer- Don't worry about slipping right now. If you 'slip up', it's not going to cause your band to slip! I was as paranoid as you are.. I 'slipped up' once or twice.. and THEN in July (3 months post-op), I got food poisoning or maybe flu on my honeymoon.. and I spent a whole 24 hours, dry heaving ridiculously.. and I just kept thinking, with every heave.. there goes my band!! I felt miserable from being sick, but I kept feeling my band just ripping out (so I thought). I was so worried.. and then during fluero at my next fill I asked my doctor to look at the band. There it was, he said in 'perfect position' and doing it's thing.

I remember during the healing process, anytime something felt 'rough' going down, I would panic that I was going to slip. It would seem it takes a lot more than that to slip

[Kat817 19]

Yep you have entered Bandster Hell....and hell it is! It is like buying a new car, and not having any gas for it!

Will power, or won't power as some call it, is all you have at this point. Some days you will impress yourself, and others you will kick yourself in the butt, I wish I had magic answers to make them all good days---but I don't. One day I would eat so well, focus on Protein and veggies, and avoid the sweets and carbs---I thought I had it figured out, then WHAM, the very next day I was eating everything in sight, and nothing healthy, and nto eating like a bandster with small bites etc. The good news is, that eventually your fill adjustments help, and along the way the brain seems to kick in more often, and the wacked out binge days get further and further apart...and eating in a more healthy manner becomes the norm. It is not an overnight revelation. Many of us fall kicking and screaming into bandster hell---and we survived it anyway!!!

It is not unusual to gain a bit of weight back during this time either, so don't freak out!

What stage should you be eating in according to your particular surgeon? If we know that we may be able to help you with some ideas.

You will be fine---welcome to the real world! Just kidding, it REALLY DOES get much better, and much easier!!!

Kat

[Bouncy Girl 0]

<p>Jennier4118,</p> <p> </p> <p>I just started to get back on track after falling off the wagon 3 weeks post op. I too was ashamed of myself. How could I go so wrong so soon I thought. I haven't been on this site for that reason. I was doing very well then I tried a creampuff and that was it. I having been craving them ever since.</p> <p> </p> <p>I made the mistake of cutting back on calories to compensate but this caused my hair to start falling out and weightloss stopped. After reviewing food journals I found I was not eating enough Protein or calories. I became so tired :tired and started to spiral into depression. How was I going to face my dietician. </p> <p> </p> <p>I wanted to crawl in a hole. Then I decided to start fresh since feeling bad was getting me nowhere. I made the decision to start taking care of myself by eating more calories and healthier foods choices. My energy and good moods came back and I started losing weight again! </p> <p> </p> <p>I had to experience this firsthand to really learn this lesson. Thank you for starting this thread, I don't feel like the Lone Ranger anymore. Take care and keep up the good work.

P.S. I lost 8 Lbs. in last 4 weeks:clap2: I'm still trying to update my ticker...:help:</p>

[tsunami1967 0]

I'm definately in bandster hell! I was bawling all night last night because I cannot seem to stick to my post op restrictions and I am not losing. I have no restriction at all! This is so hard.

Nope, none of you are alone...I know exactly how you feel.