3 weeks post VSG and depression is AWFUL

[jessi29 12]

Tomorrow is three weeks since my VSG. My SO and I both had the surgery, he was two weeks ahead of me. Our post-op recoveries couldn't be more opposite. He is losing weight so fast, looks AMAZING, he feels amazing and has so much energy. I am losing a decent amount of weight, I look the same, I am depressed and feel very down. I can't help but feel that this surgery won't bring us closer but will eventually tear us apart. I can't help but worry that this will open so many doors for him and he will eventually choose someone else. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I can't get happy no matter how hard I try. It's like that part of me was removed with my stomach. I don't want to be like this anymore. I definitely don't want to be on medication. Someone please tell me this will go away.

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Unfortunately, he is a "he" and you are female. As a female, we store a lot of hormones in our fat and as we lose weight, we get to deal with wacky hormone fluctuations when we are rapidly losing weight. Believe me, things are not as dire as they may seem now.

Please talk to your PCP and/or your surgeon's office about your concerns. If you do not have a therapist, see if the person who did your psych clearance can see you or recommend someone.

Counseling can be invaluable for helping you learn to manage your feelings and emotions in a healthy way.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@jessi29 You're feeling this way mainly because of hormones. It's not good to compare yourself to others - but especially a man - they always lose much faster! Hopefully you are comfortable with speaking honestly with your SO about your feelings. I am sure they are unwarranted. This will open doors for you both - and by communicating and being honest with each other - hopefully you'll be going through the doors together. Please talk to your Bariatric Team about this feeling - you may just need some medication to get you through the rough period or at the very least counseling/therapy. There's no need to go through this on your own.

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

@@jessi29 As a guy who has kept in close touch with many women who have undergone the surgery, we have it easier. I tried to deny this at first, but it's supported by the numbers. However, the depression hits us just the same and is very closely associated with rapid weight loss. He may be doing great, but he may be masking the more difficult parts of this (hiding our feelings is also something we do much more readily than women). Don't get ahead of yourself...the paranoia about him leaving is probably contributing a great deal. If you can convince yourself that it isn't true, you will see a marked improvement. And one final thing: the weight loss will come...and will be more slow and steady. Freefall then stall is no way to go about it.

[jaxmom 644]

@@jessi29 You're feeling this way mainly because of hormones. It's not good to compare yourself to others - but especially a man - they always lose much faster! Hopefully you are comfortable with speaking honestly with your SO about your feelings. I am sure they are unwarranted. This will open doors for you both - and by communicating and being honest with each other - hopefully you'll be going through the doors together. Please talk to your Bariatric Team about this feeling - you may just need some medication to get you through the rough period or at the very least counseling/therapy. There's no need to go through this on your own.

This is EXCELLENT advice.

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[katesuccess 990]

I'm so impressed to see you able to put your thoughts and feelings and fears into words on this post, @jessi29 ! It's hard work doing this while with an SO, especially when you are both working on weight loss. And yes, it tanks that he's losing faster and feeling better while you're having the experience you're having. My heart goes out to you!

I have to say my initial loss was slow, and at 3 weeks I felt kind of depressed at lack of progress and at how little energy I felt and how freaking hard it seemed I was working for too little outcome. You have every right to feel the way you do. Also remember the things that pushed you to want to make this courageous decision and what gave you the strength to say you were ready to make this change. Lots of us had slow starts, and have watched people lose fast and wished it was like that for us, myself included.

Now two years out I've lost 120 lbs (about 25 yet to go) and I still am glad I did this. Lots of stalls and bumps in the road, and plenty of them about my SO too. Keep looking into your heart and knowing you're doing this for you - not to compete and not to compare.

Pat yourself on the back for every single thing you do to help yourself--instead of counting pounds and inches right now. "Yay! for you!" for every glass of Water, for every day you hit your Protein goals, for every Peanut Butter cup you pass up (okay, that's my nemesis!), for every extra step or block you walk, and for every time you do something to care for yourself. Yes, even for putting on firming moisturizer!

Hang on, lean on the great people at this site, and know we're all cheering for you!

Kate

[jessi29 12]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and kind words. It's not the progress that has me feeling this way. It's just overwhelming depression out of nowhere. I just want to know it won't be like this forever.

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Edited June 6, 2016 by jessi29

[marroyo 30]

In the beginning I also was extremely sad and depressed and found no joy. I really thought it would not get better and had regretted the surgery so much. Now almost 6 months out I feel so much better. I am not sad and depressed but have found joy again. I thought I would never feel good again and cried daily. It was really bad especially when my three kids ages 14, 11, and 8 saw me this way. But with therapy and lots of support from sites like this I was able to push through. It WILL get better in time this journey has been life changing for me and ha been one of the hardest things I have done but I am healthier now for myself and my children so I know it was the right choice.

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[jaxmom 644]

Jessi9... Are you holding a baby skunk in your profile picture??? If so, how can you be depressed? A baby skunk!!!! That's so adorable my thumbs tingle as I type!!

Sorry, just wanted to make you smile. Not at ALL trying to minimize what you are going through. Depression is tough, I know from experience. I really, really want you to know it does get better. You just went through major surgery and your body is healing. You have made a major life decision. One that is going to make you healthier and therefore likely happier. You need to be patient with yourself congratulate yourself on taking the steps to a healthier you!

We are all here to support you. If you are in Florida, can I come play with that skunk? What's it's name? I secretly hope it's Flower.

It's gonna get better. Here is a hug. O. Take care of yourself.

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[jessi29 12]

@@jaxmom yes that is a baby skunk named flower. Unfortunately he escaped from his enclosure at the farm where he lived. That was one of the best moments of my life holding him. So so cute ❤️.

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[jaxmom 644]

So it really was a baby skunk? And his name WAS Flower?

My night has been made.

I bet Flower is out there now cavorting with Bambi and Thumper.

Jessie29 thank you for making me smile. I sincerely hope you are feeling better. :)

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