feeling guilty about not sharing entire truth about weight loss

[ForLfKlovr 45]

Prior to surgery, my dr. and I discussed responding to questions about my weight loss. I felt sure I would tell everyone who asked how I lost weight. But that hasn't been the case and I feel somewhat like a poser. I shared with my family and close friends before surgery or just right after. I have also shared with a few co-workers when they asked but don't always. We all know how difficult losing weight is and when folks ask me how I did it - especially folks that are overweight and express their desire to lose weight - I feel guilty when I don't share the whole truth. I tell them that I am focused on eating Protein, then veggies and exercising. But, I know that for me I couldn't have lost this weight just by doing those things - surgery was a HUGE factor in my weight loss. I am unsure why I am hesitant to share - and now I don't think that I could go back to those folks and say - oh by the way...I wasn't completely honest about how I lost all my weight... I know it isn't my "responsibility" to spout the benefits and share the idea of WLS with those hoping to lose weight but can't help feeling guilty for not being honest about my success.

Has anyone experienced the same? If so, how do you deal with "guilty" feelings?

[libby43 136]

Your health is your personnel business . You don't need to share your surgery with anyone. Don't feel like it's a lie because you choose not to tell every person . That's your right!!! At times wished I could go back and not tell anyone about my surgery. When we give out personnel information to people. Some of these people feel they can ask all type of personnel question that's not their business . But I have myself to blame for that but quickly set them straight now. Good luck !

[Thucydides 250]

@@ForLfKlovr I can relate, because I have had similar thoughts. In the end, I decided to only tell some close friends and family members. It is not that I am ashamed of having had the surgery, but I decided that I did not want to deal with the recurring questions and judgment that I thought was likely to follow revealing it more widely.

My thinking is this: the surgery did not remove a single pound of what I need to lose. It gave me a tool that has helped me to stick with a sensible eating plan that has caused me to lose weight. I could probably still down a pint of ice cream in a sitting or graze on junk food throughout the day, even with the surgery. Instead, because I avoid those things, stick to my Protein goals and carb limits, and get a lot of exercise, the pounds are coming off. Since these are all personal choices, I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation.

[jendolly 8]

For me, I have told people that I was planning on, then having, then recovering from the surgery. I figured I was huge to begin with (344 at the start )so at some point people would notice a difference. I am four months out and 77 pounds lighter and I do indeed look different...still big but not as much. Personally I don't care if people think I took the easy way out or whatever hogwash they have heard. It's not easy...I th I nk especially not when you have a family to run, but I digress. Tell who you want, or don't. Make up crazy stories if you want like you are on a pinecone and ice cream diet and it's amazing, or don't. It's your body, your health, you are what matters, to heck with them.

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[BestDayEver 418]

This is a tough one. When friends or family ask I tell them I had wls. When the gal that does my nails asks, it just seems awkward to give details, I really don't know the woman all that well, so I just explain the diet I'm on and exercise. I don't have coworkers so that just takes out a large number of people I don't have to explain it to. The further out I am the less I want to explain it to anyone.

[Christinamo7 4,042]

I am a pretty open book. my WLS is not a secret. that being so, I have told anyone who I thought it would help them to know, or would help me for them to know.

sometimes when people say you're loosing weight quickly I just say thank you. it is on purpose. (because I had a cancer scare last year and people worry) if they do not know that about me I just say thank you and move on. if they are truly interested in knowing how or what - then if it seems appropriate I tell them more.

you don't have to tell everyone everything. That being said a lot of us (me included) feel like posers shopping for clothes in the regular sizes. I think some of that may be just a part of the process of adjusting to the new us.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Uh ... the longer out you guys get, the more you're going to appreciate just how "diet and exercise" the WLS journey really is.

Just sayin'.

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

I haven't told anyone other than my family and 1 close friend... and i don't plan to tell anyone else.

For me its not that i am ashamed, i just don't need the additional pressure and judgement from people.

When i had the band previously i told the world... and i regretted it... there was too much pressure. .. i would get judged... like if i ate something naughty, if i hadn't lost enough weight, if i attended a social function the people would watch to see what i was ordering and what i was eating.

I got sick of being labelled the wls person, everything revolved around my food and weight loss

.. i was not seen as me anymore.. but as the fat friend/colleague/acquaintance who got skinny and took the easy way out.

This time around i decided i would only tell the people closest to me and that i know will love me for me... not for my size.

I decided that i would tell the truth.. i am eating low carb, smaller portions and exercising.

I do not need anyone invalidating my hard work this time around.

Don't feel guilty... its your body, your choice and what you do is no ones business

[Clementine Sky 708]

There's a difference between lying by omission and simply keeping personal matters private. It's your prerogative to share what you wish, and with whom. Everyone keeps something or another to themselves, or at least they should. If you'd struggled with Constipation you probably wouldn't feel compelled to tell everyone you encountered about the changes you made to improve your bowel movements, because that's TMI. If you want to tell everyone who inquires about your weight loss, or to share about it on your social media, that's your perfect right. That's not a morally superior choice to keeping it private, though. Both choices are perfectly valid and perfectly ethical. The only ones who actually need to know you had surgery are those who are either personally and directly impacted by it or giving you medical care, such as a spouse if he's helped to finance it and is your support person, or your doctors. That's it.

I had the VSG last August, and to this date the only ones besides my physicians who know about it are my parents who accompanied me for the surgery and my husband. Not my brother, not my best friend since I was 11, not my colleagues, students, or neighbors. My parents and husband have provided me with all the emotional support I need. I'm not an ambassador for weight loss surgery and feel no obligation to share about it with others. WLS isn't a new-fangled procedure few know about, and we're therefore compelled to provide education for. Those who are interested in having it can find information on their own. I didn't decide to have WLS because of someone else telling me about it. My reproductive endocrinologist recommended it to help me with fertility because other patients my age (early 30s) and size (14 at the time, with a BMI much lower than normal for the VSG) have benefitted from it. If I told people about my surgery, I'd then have to explain my reasons for it, which would entail explaining PCOS and my struggles with conceiving. That's raw and private. We all have our personal reasons for wanting this surgery, and we are perfectly entitled to be as public or private about them as we desire. When people have asked me about how I've lost weight I've told them the truth - I logged my food to become more aware of what I'm eating and make responsible changes, and I bought a bike and started using it to commute to and from work to add in enjoyable exercise to my day. I also tell them I consulted with my endocrinologist and followed her medical advice.

Edited June 4, 2016 by Clementine Sky

[Sophie74656 1,572]

I don't think HOW someone looses weight is anyone else's business. The important thing is that you lost weight.

Having surgery has been the best decision I have ever made and I am very thankful for it, so why go telling people who might say something negatve about it

so far only one person has actually asked me HOW I lost weight and I answered that I am eating less, which is not a lie at all

[ForLfKlovr 45]

Thanks everyone for sharing! It is awesome to have a way to discuss things that come up for us during this journey!