Relationships or meeting someone new post op

[Trinn 139]

I date a lot (I'm not monogamous) and I had some awkwardness about the post-surgery thing. For me, it wasn't about the scars -- they're honestly tiny, and not that big a deal compared to the nearby stretchmarks from my two children! :-) However, my eating habits, that I felt awkward about on dates. Like, people would ask me out to dinner, and I would suggest afternoon tea instead, because I didn't want to spend part of a first or second date talking about why I was only eating part of an appetizer, didn't want a cocktail, didn't drink Water with my meal, etc. Or I had a friend who wanted to date me and kept talking about making me dinner at his house, and what all he would cook, and I was like, 'Uh, no, not so much with the rice and Beans..."

It's kind of awesome that one of the ways I knew one of the people I was seeing was such a great match for me was how well he took to my food choices without my making a big deal about it. At this point, he *always* invites me out to places that have good Protein appetizers, *especially* charcuterie plates. We have never talked bluntly about my surgery, but I was clear with him that I was in the process of losing weight. And he never comments negatively about my eating habits, the way some friends can be -- "Are you sure that's all you want to eat? That doesn't seem like enough. Don't you want to to order something else?" Yeah, that.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Guys, I can't find my scars anymore. Not even two years out.

Y'all need to find something else to worry about.

[♥dreamable 189]

I am also concerned about loose skin but don't know what it will look like yet as my surgery's not till June 7th. I suppose I'm just worried about telling the wrong person.

I've been pretty up front with everyone about why I'm having WLS. I just know that with my other medical problem I also had to have an operation and have scars from that too. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. It's just so hard to know if someone will be supportive or not. I have a lot of information to get out before I even think about someone else seeing me naked lol and if I really like them I don't want to scare them away.

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I remember before my surgery thinking how I didn't care what I looked like, I was going to love my body because I would be so much thinner. HAHA 7 months post-op and that's not the case. I used to love my breasts. Even though they hung down, they looked awesome in a bra and they were just great. Well not they are literally just flat sacks of skin (and i'm only 1/2 way through my weight loss!) So literally the one part of my body that made me feel sexy and that I loved, I am embarrassed by bcecause they don't even look that great in a good bra anymore.

Having said that though, I am finding other parts of my body that I am taking a second look at and going- hey that/those are pretty sexy, I like those! (Like the way my legs/thighs look in a skirt now for example).

I have been single for 3 years and am so ready to start dating again. I am feeling AMAZING after surgery already- I am still me, but i am a completely different person in a lot of ways as well.

I find a lot of men who are into me on dating sites because I work out- but I feel like they associate work out as a nice way of saying, "someone who is thin and always has been thin". I feel like it's misleading when someone just thinks I am super hot curvy girl- and then to see my without clothes on- the scars from surgery don't bother me, it's that I have a LOT of saggy skin. i mean it feels cold and kind of neat to touch- but how do you prepare someone for seeing that? Do you tell them RIGHT before you jump into bed? Do you tell them on a 3rd or 4th date? Do you never say anything? Do you put it out on the table before the first date?

LOL I probably didn't help did I?

Edited June 6, 2016 by ♥dreamable

[the sleeved plastic surgeon 23]

dreamable" data-cite="dreamable" data-ipsquote-timestamp="1465224283">

I am also concerned about loose skin but don't know what it will look like yet as my surgery's not till June 7th. I suppose I'm just worried about telling the wrong person.

I've been pretty up front with everyone about why I'm having WLS. I just know that with my other medical problem I also had to have an operation and have scars from that too. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. It's just so hard to know if someone will be supportive or not. I have a lot of information to get out before I even think about someone else seeing me naked lol and if I really like them I don't want to scare them away.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I remember before my surgery thinking how I didn't care what I looked like, I was going to love my body because I would be so much thinner. HAHA 7 months post-op and that's not the case. I used to love my breasts. Even though they hung down, they looked awesome in a bra and they were just great. Well not they are literally just flat sacks of skin (and i'm only 1/2 way through my weight loss!) So literally the one part of my body that made me feel sexy and that I loved, I am embarrassed by bcecause they don't even look that great in a good bra anymore.

Having said that though, I am finding other parts of my body that I am taking a second look at and going- hey that/those are pretty sexy, I like those! (Like the way my legs/thighs look in a skirt now for example).

I have been single for 3 years and am so ready to start dating again. I am feeling AMAZING after surgery already- I am still me, but i am a completely different person in a lot of ways as well.

I find a lot of men who are into me on dating sites because I work out- but I feel like they associate work out as a nice way of saying, "someone who is thin and always has been thin". I feel like it's misleading when someone just thinks I am super hot curvy girl- and then to see my without clothes on- the scars from surgery don't bother me, it's that I have a LOT of saggy skin. i mean it feels cold and kind of neat to touch- but how do you prepare someone for seeing that? Do you tell them RIGHT before you jump into bed? Do you tell them on a 3rd or 4th date? Do you never say anything? Do you put it out on the table before the first date?

LOL I probably didn't help did I?

I would love to see answers to your questions bcs I was asking it to myself too

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[Read2016 658]

I say have some drinks and just get busy... Live in the moment and enjoy each situation as you go... Don't sweat the small stuff

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Edited June 6, 2016 by nyteacher125

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@♥dreamable From a pre-surgery perspective - I didn't say "Hey - by the way - I am fatter than you might think and I look really bad naked" so I wouldn't mention the sagging skin post-surgery. I think if I was serious with someone - I would tell them about my surgery though (without mentioning the skin) when the time feels right. It's doubtful they will care about the sagging skin - and if they do - they are superficial DBs and you need to kick them to the curb anyway.

[lifeofblair 308]

I actually just started seeing someone recently. We had a pool day yesterday and I was super nervous. I wear a tankini, but wear bikini bottoms. He didn't seem to mind, but it definitely crosses my mind a lot. I figure if he like me he will be okay with it, but time will tell.

[♥dreamable 189]

@@♥dreamable From a pre-surgery perspective - I didn't say "Hey - by the way - I am fatter than you might think and I look really bad naked" so I wouldn't mention the sagging skin post-surgery. I think if I was serious with someone - I would tell them about my surgery though (without mentioning the skin) when the time feels right. It's doubtful they will care about the sagging skin - and if they do - they are superficial DBs and you need to kick them to the curb anyway.

That is a GREAT way to think about it. Thank you for that perspective!

[DL Crim 1]

If they are the right person and truly care for you then they will understand and support you regardless of a few battle scars!

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