Relationships or meeting someone new post op

[Jobey 177]

Hi, I don't know if this is anything other people think about but here goes. How do you single gals out there deal with explaining scars and your new body to somebody new?? I used to be pretty confident before my epic weight gain and now I'm wondering if you choose to tell a new man in your life or if you lie??

I have no intention of jumping into anything for quite a while, but eventually would love to. I broke up with my ex about a 1.5 months ago when I had some other medical issues and he was unable to be supportive and turned out to definitely not be the person I thought he was.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Christinamo7 4,042]

I'm not single but I think it depends I think a lot on what your own personal comfort level is with other people. I wouldn't want to have someone see where the scars are that I couldn't tell them about my surgery or other medical issues.

although, I think once I get a little further out the scars will probably not be very noticeable.

is the WLS something that you generally keep a secret from everyone else? because that is probably going to factor into your decisions here.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

I am more concerned with loose skin than the tiny barely visible scars. I think that if you feel there is a potential for a long term relationship then you should be honest about surgery

[Jobey 177]

I am also concerned about loose skin but don't know what it will look like yet as my surgery's not till June 7th. I suppose I'm just worried about telling the wrong person.

I've been pretty up front with everyone about why I'm having WLS. I just know that with my other medical problem I also had to have an operation and have scars from that too. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. It's just so hard to know if someone will be supportive or not. I have a lot of information to get out before I even think about someone else seeing me naked lol and if I really like them I don't want to scare them away.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Christinamo7 4,042]

I tend to go with the general rule that

1. when people show you who they really are (good or bad) it's a gift. then you know what you've got.

2. believe them the first time they show you who they are/

so, if someone turns out to not be supportive - it will be good to know, even if it hurts. and hopefully they will show you who they are long before this is an issue.

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

I feel like I want to weigh in on this (from a male perspective) but will wait til I'm on the laptop rather than the phone...

It'll be worth the wait tho!!!

Stand by...

[FabFemale 233]

I'm single and am waiting to date until after I've reached my goal. I haven't hold many people about my surgery (5/2). I do think that I'll wait to see if the man I'm with had potential to be someone long term. Scars I'm not worried about. They usually don't ask. Lol. I had a lump removed from my right breast which left a nice scar. Never heard a comment. So don't worry about that stuff. Your confidence will be so high after you reach goal. You'll know who to tell and who not to. But know your worth being with someone who won't judge you.

[Wolfgirl78 266]

I had the sleeve 4 years ago. I only started dating about a year ago and in a relationship. My scars don't show. I pointed them out to my bf one night because he asked about them and I had trouble finding them. I guess to tell or not to tell varies person to person. For me, I saw this relationship I was in as a long term thing so I told. I was more worried about having to explain why I can still eat so little than scars. TMI warning, I was never concerned about my excess skin until we had naughty time in front of a mirror recently. Omg I need a boob lift and Tummy Tuck

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

[KristenLe 5,979]

I have similar scars from gall bladder surgery and it was never brought up. Although - if I was single and in a serious relationship post WLS - I'd tell the person. It's an important part of my medical history. I certainly wouldn't make something up.

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

Ok...

Have laptop, will share...

I'm not sure if what I say is what you were getting at but it kinda fits with your post..

I'd also like to preface this with the following -

What I'm about to say is simply my opinion...

I'd not be so bold as to assume I was speaking on behalf of all men...

My opinion...

Mine!!

As a guy, there's a better than average chance that I'd not really notice your (anyone's) scars..

No, not because I'd be distracted by various other naked parts (tho that'd help)..

But I'd not notice for a different reason...

As I was discussing a few days ago with someone VERY special, when I'm looking at someone who I'm attracted to, I don't notice their (self-perceived) 'faults'...

You've a 'crease' above your eye when you smile? - I didn't see it. I was looking at your eyes...

You've a dimple that sometimes shows up and sometimes doesn't? - I didn't notice. I was focused on the way your smile lights up everything around it...

You've a few little scars on your belly? - I had no idea. I was admiring your feminine curves and wondering why you weren't kis...

Well...

You get the idea...

In my opinion, it's a female thing to notice such things in yourself, as well as in others...

It's not necessarily a bad thing..

It's just a thing...

I certainly don't mean this in a nasty, sexist way..

I just mean that we're different, guys and girls..

As a guy, I notice the parts of 'you' that I like..

As a girl, you notice the parts of yourself that you don't like...

So ultimately, I'd not worry about what to say..

Chances are, it will never really be an issue...

^{If it does get asked, have a cool story planned - Pirate knife fight, shark attack, mongoose invasion.. That kinda thing..}

^{Guys like a scar with a cool story...}

Good luck to you and your 'somebody new'...

***I told you it'd be worth waiting for!!!

[Jobey 177]

I get that and thank you for giving me a guy's perspective And I'm defs jumping the gun as there is nobody new as yet, but I would like there to be eventually.

I could actually say I was in a knife fight as I have another 2 knife sized wounds on my back too lol

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

@@Jobey

There you go!!

Look at you getting your sh*t sorted...

Good luck to you in your next knife fight!!

[jintycb 721]

Oh Jobey. Stop fretting honeybun. If it makes you feel any better I had my left kidney removed when I was 16 and it left an 18" scar down my left back/side. This was in the dark old days before keyhole surgery. To be honest, even when I was young, single and was able to attract the opposite sex it never once crossed my mind that it would put anyone off me.

I had a full and varied love life (no you ARE NOT getting any details!!!!!) and scars were rarely, if ever, a topic of any protracted conversation, a passion killer, something that put guys off or anything negative at all. I now have a scar where my right hip has been replaced, a scar where my rotator cuff was repaired and one where my cartilage was repaired, and of course, my sleeve scars. They don't bother me (or my husband) either. The only thing that is slightly concerning me is that, at my age, 59& 3/4 for anyone who might've remotely interested, my shin is not tightening up as quickly as I would like. Think I might have to try some arse face cream called 'Preparation H' on my stomach KF. I actually went and bought some the other day but have yet to try it on my bags under the eyes!

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

Arse Face Cream...

It cures what ails ya...

[Read2016 658]

@jobey... I'm pre-op and single...on a dating break at the moment... Most likely your going to be with someone who has a scar or a birthmark etc... Dating should be fun... I'm think seeing scars is better than looking at rolls of fat... I'm sure as our weight goes down, our confident will go up and we won't even give the scars a second thought.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App