I feel like my partner isn't even trying to eat better

[Foxy_lady 22]

It has been 2 months since my surgery and all of my eating habits have changed for the better. Sometimes I do slip up but my body quickly reminds me EAT HEALTHIER! My boyfriend however is eating worse and worse everyday, It is already a struggle to say no temptation and so it's even more difficult when he's eating all the foods I cannot everyday. Am I just being a brat because I can't have it and he can?

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

He is trying to sabotage you.

Think about it.

[KristenLe 5,979]

Ummm...yes. ????. You had WLS - your boyfriend didn't. If he's doing this to deliberately try to sabotage you - then that's a different story. Have you told him how much it's bothering you?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I agree.

He didn't have surgery.

[Babbs 14,681]

I never did and never will worry about what people are eating around me. This is my gig, not thiers.

When you go to a buffet, party, restaraunt, work event, or holiday get together are you going to insist everyone around you eat the way you eat?

You're going to have to get used to temptation because it's going to be around you the rest of your life. Think of it as building up your will power muscles. Keeps us honest.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Even if he didn't have surgery, if he cared and supported her, he could change his eating habits. When I have low carbed in the past my friends and family joined in to support me, because they love me.

At worst he is trying to sabotage her, at best he doesn't really care about her or her health.

WLS patients and fat people give people too many chances. That is why we have a new thread every day about people having their feelings hurt by their co-workers, friends, family, etc. People let others treat them poorly, missing all the little signs along the way that these people don't care about you.

Edited May 24, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[Read2016 658]

If he hasn't struggled with weight, he's clueless to how's she is feeling....those who don't struggle with the weight often aren't forced to think through their food choice the way those who do are forced to...

@@foxylady what ways has he been supportive?

@@OutsideMatchInside Your situation is support sounds unique and ideal...

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited May 24, 2016 by nyteacher125

[Babbs 14,681]

Even if he didn't have surgery, if he cared and supported her, he could change his eating habits. When I have low carbed in the past my friends and family joined in to support me, because they love me.

At worst he is trying to sabotage her, at best he doesn't really care about her or her health.

WLS patients and fat people give people too many chances. That is why we have a new thread every day about people having their feelings hurt by their co-workers, friends, family, etc. People let others treat them poorly, missing all the little signs along the way that these people don't care about you.

I agree with you most of the time, but this is BS. Why the hell do we expect the whole world to revolve around our diet? Ridiculous.

If someone is really serious about changing their eating habits and lifestyle, what everyone else is doing shouldn't matter. If your will power is so weak that you absolutely can't help yourself around people with "tempting" foods, then you really need to question how serious you are about having the surgery and changing your life. Let's stop acting like we have absolutely no way to resist tempting foods that people eat around us. There has to be some sort of will power involved here. I mean stop with the "Devil made me do it" crap already!

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@OutsideMatchInside I don't agree. If I had an allergy to something - I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to stop eating it as well. My sister is a vegetarian - it doesn't mean we don't eat meat in front of her. I'm the one who is morbidly obese - not my boyfriend. I eat healthier (pre-surgery) and he doesn't. I have no problem with this at all - he's certainly not trying to sabotage me (I am the one who usually buys the food he's eating). I need to take responsibility for my own issues and you can't always expect others to eat the same way. Last night for example - my BF ate 1/2 a bag of potato chips while I ate tomatoes and mozzarella. I understand there are people who deliberately sabotage others - but this is not always the case.

[PayItForward 207]

Your boyfriend didn't have surgery. You did. You can only control yourself. He has no reason to change just because you decided to change. Do what is best for you and let him do his thing.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Even if he didn't have surgery, if he cared and supported her, he could change his eating habits. When I have low carbed in the past my friends and family joined in to support me, because they love me.

At worst he is trying to sabotage her, at best he doesn't really care about her or her health.

Yes, there are those who are blatant saboteurs. I can't tell from the OP's description whether her boyfriend is one of them. I will say that it's too easy to see saboteurs at every turn and forget personal responsibility. In the end it's up to us.

In many instances, it's way unreasonable to expect those close to us to drop everything and eat as though they've had surgery. You've heard of Bridezilla? Widezilla is equally unattractive.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jeez, I have no idea what's going on. Your eating less could be triggering his own food / eating insecurities or binge-eating (if he suffers from that). Or he could be sabotaging you because he doesn't want you to lose weight. Or he could be one of those guys who just does what he does and has no idea why he's doing what he's doing. Or he could be an asshole. Or you could be hormonal. Or you could even be imagining he's eating worse because you're under typical early-post-op WLS stress.

Why don't you just ask him what he thinks is going on and see what he says?

[Babbs 14,681]

I have worked out and gone to the gym since about 5 months post op, so about a year and a half. Not once has my husband gone with me. Does that mean he's not supportive of my journey? Not one bit. He's very supportive, and always has been.

I just want to emphasize the fact that just because someone isn't doing exactly what you think they should be doing, doesn't mean they are automatically sabotaging you. Like Ann said, why don't you just ask him what's going on?

[Foxy_lady 22]

Honestly he was against me getting the WLS for the beginning, i suggested we do it together because hes also morbidly obese. He is upset that now I want to go out more and I also explained to him that it bothers me he's eating unhealthy. I guess in a way I did this surgery for both us, to set an example that we can be healthy together.

@OutsideMatchInside I do agree with you,sometimes he does make a comment saying I am losing weight too fast and that I should eat more.

@@KristenLe and @@Inner Surfer Girl you're right he didn't do the surgery, but like everything we do together I expect him to be there on my side with me not in front of me eating delicious nachos lol and he promised he would do it with me eat better and exercise with me

I can control myself, it's just difficult when I feel like I'm progressing and my partner is happy sitting on sidelines

he said it was because me losing weight and changing, but I did it to be healthier. and I am noticing how he keeps bringing food into

[Foxy_lady 22]

I honestly feel this surgery has opened a new door in our 8 year relationship and he is insecure about his eating habits. I have asked he just replies well you got surgery I didn't!

Jeez, I have no idea what's going on. Your eating less could be triggering his own food / eating insecurities or binge-eating (if he suffers from that). Or he could be sabotaging you because he doesn't want you to lose weight. Or he could be one of those guys who just does what he does and has no idea why he's doing what he's doing. Or he could be an a*****e. Or you could be hormonal. Or you could even be imagining he's eating worse because you're under typical early-post-op WLS stress.

Why don't you just ask him what he thinks is going on and see what he says?