I am six weeks out...stalled for 10 days...and starting to regret my decision. Anyone else?

[KLSUMM 32]

I am like I said six weeks post op. I am on an almost 2 week stall. I am starting to regret my decision. I have found all the times I enjoyed with my kids,private time with my wife, and visits with my dad all revolved around eating. We would cook and share experiences. Now I get to watch the fun. I try to join but nothing with sugar or carbs just the Proteins. But then just a few bites because I'm full so choose which samples wisely. This is a much healthier alternative for sure. Problem is this isn't the life I had and enjoyed. Maybe enjoying life isn't so bad? Maybe it would be much shorter but it would have been a blast. Now I cook healthier for my family and they resent me for it. My daughter says "You chose to make these changes not me. I like my life and food before"

It seems to be causing a division with friends and family. In a time of emotional overload feeling so alone sucks. Not sure if this was the right choice after all.

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[Christinamo7 4,042]

well tell your family to 'suck it up buttercup'. it is GOOD for you to cook healthier for them and their tastes will adapt. when I was a kid, my parents had this attitude towards what they fixed for dinner. take it, or leave it. don't let them make you feel the slightest bit of guilt for choosing LIFE.

a second factor is that you are probably going through the hormone dump we all go through, so I can encourage you that your emotions will not always be so heady. I am 11 weeks post op and while it is true that for most of humanity, through most ages, food has always been a center of social activity, but if you continue to learn and explore you will find healthy ways, within your program to participate and be all the better for it.

What's done is done, and you may need to mourn the loss of the 'old you' so you can move forward into your new life.

[FocusOnMeNow 599]

First you are not alone. You are never alone. There are thousands of us going through this journey with you. Second, you made a decision to take care of yourself and got the surgery and for most of us it was the best decision that we ever made. Here is a tip: it's not about the food! It's about what's in your head and in your heart. And right now it sounds like your heart is hurting a little. The whole in your heart that you used to stuff with food, you can no longer cover over with more food. So you are somewhat exposed. You have to find new things to enjoy in your life besides food. You have to find a new way to relate to your friends and family and that is what you are having trouble with. No need to impose your new diet on them, although healthier cooking can't hurt anyone, except for it may take away their coping mechanism just like it seems to be taking away yours. This can leave everyone a little bit uncomfortable because without stuffing those awkward feelings down with food... You are HOLY $H!T actually feeling your feelings now OMG. It might be time to get some endogenous opioids (endorphins from exercise or hugs) instead of exogenous ones (food, alcohol, and other drugs that we all self medicate with). Yoga helps us make that mind body connection and get in touch with our bodies as well. You made the right decision. Now make some more. Do not try to force your new way of life on other people. Let them eat what they feel like BUT you don't have to be around it yourself. Instead ask them if they would like to join you outside for a walk? A bike ride? A trip to the zoo? Or anywhere you can get some exercise and some sunshine as humans were originally intended to get large doses of both every day. Have difficulty with your emotions? Try journaling. Try self help books. Try just about anything on Amazon by Brene Brown. Google Brene Brown Ted talk. Someone else on bariatric pal recommended her to me and it has changed my life. You got this. And you are never alone.

[KLSUMM 32]

I never ate from emotion. I just always met for lunch or Breakfast. Business lunches. Sunday breakfast out or home with 3-4 generations of family at the table. It's just harder now. I have started Yoga as well as hiking, swimming, and deep Water aerobics. I am filling in the time space but missing on the memories of the dining experience. I never realized that the socialization of friends and family always revolve around a BBQ or a turkey dinner. I think this emotional thing will get better once I can start lifting weights and doing some form of fight training. That will swap this sissy emotional stuff with rage and pain.

Edited May 12, 2016 by KLSUMM

[BCs 1000 364]

The weight loss will catch up with you and there will be a moment when you realise there is something you can do that you were not able to do before. Then there will be another one, and another one....

I guarantee there have been huge limits on your life that you were not even aware of, it had just become your normal.

Once you get to this point it will spur you on and your perspective on the worth of your surgery will change.

Everything is better for me now. How I walk, how I sit, how I sleep, how I drive, how I play with my kids, what I do with my spare time, how I breathe.

Hang in there, all of the positive outcomes are just around the corner.

[Valentina 2,642]

I never ate from emotion. I just always met for lunch or Breakfast. Business lunches. Sunday breakfast out or home with 3-4 generations of family at the table. It's just harder now. I have started Yoga as well as hiking, swimming, and deep Water aerobics. I am filling in the time space but missing on the memories of the dining experience. I never realized that the socialization of friends and family always revolve around a BBQ or a turkey dinner. I think this emotional thing will get better once I can start lifting weights and doing some form of fight training. That will swap this sissy emotional stuff with rage and pain.

I get it.

Some WLS folks will never understand what you are feeling right now. Their journey is truly one of "yellow brick roads". I envy them.

I find that I still "mourn" the loss of memories never to be realized about the socialization of food.

Is having WLS a wonderful thing for one's health and longevity? You bet.

Will your bones and joints thank you for relieving their burden? Yep.

Will you be able to shop for smaller and more fashionable clothes? Sure.

Will looking forward to having a family traditional "feast" ever be the same? Nope.

I find that whenever I go to a food based outing with family/friends I feel like I'm "separate", "alone", --like I'm outside the group looking in--not totally fitting in like before WLS. It's like I feel like I'd rather be somewhere else--doing something instead of just sitting and eating 6oz of Protein.--trying to remember that those 6oz were from Great Grandma's favorite recipe.

I also know that we can't "undo" our sleeves. So, we have to find a way to adapt ourselves to start feeling comfortable within our family/friends groupings again. I'm just not there yet--now 5 years out.

However, since this journey that we are on is a life changing journey, I'm thinking that the journey is never-ending and I am learning with each step.

I don't know if I've helped you any, but I guess I just wanted you to know:

--that I'm out here.

--I'm listening

--I care.

and

--I get it.

Prayers going up for all of us.

[KLSUMM 32]

Well said...thank you

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[KristenLe 5,979]

Try experimenting with different recipes. If your family starts eating healthier (but still tastes great) - they will be grateful in the long run. Your daughter will not have to go through what we've all been through as obese adults. Try and find other activities you can do as a family or with friends rather than everything being revolved around food. I'm still pre-surgery but I've been trying to adjust my eating habits now before I have to deal with hormones on top of drastic changes in my social life. I went to my niece's graduation party last weekend at a really good Italian restaurant. Everyone around me ordered chicken parm with Pasta. I ordered baked fish with a salad. It wasn't nearly as good as theirs but it didn't ruin my day either and no one even realized I was eating differently. I'm also in therapy to deal with this type of issue.

[Valentina 2,642]

Well said...thank you

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You are so very welcome, friend.

I wrote it as I felt it.--still feel it.

You (and myself)- need to remember- are not alone with this "rain storm" of feelings during our WLS journey. Together maybe we can avoid being swept away by a "tsunami" of negativity.

I know "we" can.

Let's not give up on ourselves or each other----OK?

Never ending prayers going up.

[MojoCAMI 75]

Well said...thank you

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

You are so very welcome, friend.

I wrote it as I felt it.--still feel it.

You (and myself)- need to remember- are not alone with this "rain storm" of feelings during our WLS journey. Together maybe we can avoid being swept away by a "tsunami" of negativity.

I know "we" can.

Let's not give up on ourselves or each other----OK?

Never ending prayers going up.

Well said, OP, dont stop.. keep going, stalls suck I just go through one, lasted 3-4weeks...you just have to realize it did not take 10days for you to gain all the weight, its not going to take 10days to lose it.. if you remember that and enjoy each day that you have increased flexibility, increased cardiovascular and energy, you realize it was worth it..

[RoscoColetrain 103]

I am like I said six weeks post op. I am on an almost 2 week stall. I am starting to regret my decision. I have found all the times I enjoyed with my kids,private time with my wife, and visits with my dad all revolved around eating. We would cook and share experiences. Now I get to watch the fun. I try to join but nothing with sugar or carbs just the Proteins. But then just a few bites because I'm full so choose which samples wisely. This is a much healthier alternative for sure. Problem is this isn't the life I had and enjoyed. Maybe enjoying life isn't so bad? Maybe it would be much shorter but it would have been a blast. Now I cook healthier for my family and they resent me for it. My daughter says "You chose to make these changes not me. I like my life and food before"

It seems to be causing a division with friends and family. In a time of emotional overload feeling so alone sucks. Not sure if this was the right choice after all.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Don't let the stall get under your skin. Take a look at your exercise/food/water schedule and make a small change. I refuse to weigh tues-sun because I'm stuck at a desk and tend to retain cankle weight regardless of what I'm eating, or how much I'm exercising. Some times I find that I'm actually not eating enough and that slows me down. Sometimes it's not enough Water. etc. Experiment a little. Keep notes.

This surgery is a tool. Like any tool, you have to use it to get proficient in its use.

As for the rest.... Presumably when you made the choice to have the surgery you looked at what life was going to be life being big enough to qualify to have it. And I think you're deluding yourself thinking it would be a blast. Sure, maybe you would have just dropped dead at a fairly young age leaving a very happy family and friends to party at your funeral. Anything is possible.

More likely is that you would spend years and years slowly moving from "Tying my shoes is a real pain" to "Nah I don't really feel good, you all go ahead I'll just stay here. "

From the Dr saying, "We're going to put you on X medicine", to "Ok X medicine isn't really controlling that anymore, we're going to move to Y meds and those may cause you to have an oily burning discharge", to the Dr saying "Cardiac rehab is on mon-web-friday, you'll need these meds for the congestive heart failure so you don't drown in your own fluids, and we're going to go in through your femoral artery and try to put a stent in the aorta but there is a serious risk of dissection." Or maybe, "We just can't seem to get this infection under control, with all the necrosis I'm afraid it will have to be removed."

Saying things like, "I'm sorry hun it's not you, it's the beta blockers. No really of Course I still find you sexy". Or to your daughter, "I wish I could help you move but I'm just not able". "Don't worry, I'm sure the people at the Oncology lab know what they're doing. It's 20xx, they can whip this."

I don't mean to be an ass. I'd love to gobble up a stuffed crust pizza with extra cheese and every bit of meat known to man, with a side of bread sticks and a 2 liter of mt dew just as much as the next guy. The things I say up there are things I was pretty sure I would be saying at some point, or was already saying and hearing in some cases.

On the family part, I don't know. Maybe sit and think about why you did it. Then sit them down and explain it to them. It's no more f air for them to sabotage you than it is to insist that they eat carrots wrapped in leaves and call them bunny dogs.

[RoscoColetrain 103]

Dang double posts. :|

Edited May 12, 2016 by RoscoColetrain

[pinklantern 23]

I feel the same way. Alone.

[miss_smiles 192]

I am 7 weeks out, and I just went to a group therapy session for post op patients, with my number one problem being the social divide I now feel from friends and family. EVERYTHING revolves around food, or alcohol for me. Just think that it will eventually get better, and you made this decision for YOU to be healthy and happy, and nothing can get in the way of that. Stay strong and happy because the same reasons you had this surgery in the first place are still there, you just need to look back and find the strength to bring them back to light. I am going to a festival this weekend, with LOTS of alcohol and food, but fuck it.. because I know I will still have fun. I realized I was part of the problem dividing myself from others- changing your way of thinking may help - and it never hurts to explain how your feeling to the fam. If they love you they will understand.. Good luck!

[SunnysonsMomma 12]

I have been dealing with these kinds of thoughts, I'm pre surgery right now, but I wonder what my life will be like without being able to binge eat all the foods that I do now. What I have been trying to do before the huge shock wave hits is to try to change things up now. Keep in mind that although your family may resent your healthy choices it's better for them. I wish that my mother had cared about my health when I was young instead of feeding us whatever we wanted, I could be living a different life right now. Eating healthy doesn't have to change the way you love food or the taste. There are so many healthy recipes that are healthy and if not then portion sizes. Obviously after the surgery those sizes are drastically different but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy those. I hope that you and your family is able to stay strong together and support each other during this time but no you did not make a bad decision, you chose your health over food and that is something to be proud of.