Stigmas

[ava32 48]

I'm 23 and halfway through my required 6 month weight loss. If insurance approves, I should have my surgery in August.

Being young how do you deal with the stigmas or judgment of "not losing the weight on your own"? As I'm getting closer to the finish line, a lot of anxiety and doubt are kicking in and I'm feeling guilty about getting surgery. I recently got a job working at a hospital, and it has become difficult hearing the 20-somethings discussing training for marathons or belittling people who've had bariatric surgery. When that happens I try to block it out.

How have you guys pre & post op dealt with the negativity/stigma of being "young" and having bariatric surgery?

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Honey, I'm so much older than you (70). So I've not been in your situation.

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that kind of fat-shaming. But it's part of life, I suppose. If you're really ready for the bariatric surgery solution (and you know if you are or aren't), you just have to keep your own counsel and have faith in your decisions. Don't EVER apologize for your well-considered choices. NEVER! You don't owe explanations to random acquaintances about your health choices.

FYI, I am on the down low about WLS. I simply didn't want to have to put up with catcalls from the peanut gallery from those who don't understand anything about the disease of obesity or about WLS.

[LRHillian 5]

Hunny....let me tell you. I am a nurse and I don't care what people say...I will tell them until they walk in my shoes then they can talk.....you don't have to tell anyone. It's none of their business.

Weight loss surgery is not easy as people think it is.

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[Read2016 658]

Just say you have been on a Protein diet... People have opinions, what people needs to learn is they don't need to share all of them.. Deciding to have surgery is a big step, you need support not doubters... Tune them out, as they say haters are going to hate.

Btw I'm 45 and struggled with weight for what seems like 45 years that has the stigma's too. I just think had this surgery been more widely known about when I was 23 I much rather have lived with the stigma of being told why did you have surgery.

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Edited May 10, 2016 by nyteacher125

[ava32 48]

Thanks for the replies so far. People have already been questioning my food choices and I just tell them I'm eating more Protein.

I'm a pretty private person so I plan on keeping my surgery under wraps with coworkers. I still haven't figured out how to ask for leave from work. Btw, I'm having surgery at the same hospital where I'm working. I got the job AFTER choosing the weight loss center.

[kaitlynm 335]

People who think WLS is the easy way out don't get it. It still comes down to eating healthy at a drastic restriction and working out for it to be successful. Someone made the comment to me this weekend about the pounds just melting off and it makes me mad. The pounds are not melting off, I'm working extremely hard to lose those pounds. She doesn't even know I had surgery. To me the greatest benefit of the WLS hopefully will be the help it provides with keeping it off.

Just ignore what other people say. It is your journey and you should use whatever tools you have available to set you up for success.

[ava32 48]

People who think WLS is the easy way out don't get it. It still comes down to eating healthy at a drastic restriction and working out for it to be successful. Someone made the comment to me this weekend about the pounds just melting off and it makes me mad. The pounds are not melting off, I'm working extremely hard to lose those pounds. She doesn't even know I had surgery. To me the greatest benefit of the WLS hopefully will be the help it provides with keeping it off.

Just ignore what other people say. It is your journey and you should use whatever tools you have available to set you up for success.

Thanks for your advice. I'm slowly getting to a place where I don't care about the opinions of others, especially regarding my choice to get surgery.

I still haven't told a lot of people close to me because I fear their judgment or they will try to talk me out of it.

[DaisyAmy 561]

You are doing what's best for you - what will keep you healthier for the rest of your long life. It simply doesn't matter what anyone else's opinion is! I wish I had had your strength to do this when I was your age.

[lifeofblair 308]

I was 23 when I had mine. Only two people knew that I was having it: my mom and my friend. I just told my coworkers that I was having surgery. Some noticed the food and figured it out afterwards, but thankfully they were nice about it. I told my best friend after the fact and she's so helpful when we are together making sure I can find something healthy to eat. When I tell people I find out that they know people that had it and it did wonders so they are nice about it b

[kalinicoled 18]

I'm 23 and halfway through my required 6 month weight loss. If insurance approves, I should have my surgery in August.

Being young how do you deal with the stigmas or judgment of "not losing the weight on your own"? As I'm getting closer to the finish line, a lot of anxiety and doubt are kicking in and I'm feeling guilty about getting surgery. I recently got a job working at a hospital, and it has become difficult hearing the 20-somethings discussing training for marathons or belittling people who've had bariatric surgery. When that happens I try to block it out.

How have you guys pre & post op dealt with the negativity/stigma of being "young" and having bariatric surgery?

I kind of just had to be honest with myself and it helped me deal with and realize why I am making the decision I am and be more confident in that decision. I think its important to realize there is no one way to live we all have our own custom stories and struggles and how we handle things is differently. Whatever the reason you are choosing to do the surgery don't be embarrassed about it the way I look at it is this it is your life and you are making a really hard choice to better yourself when you could have just done nothing and who knows maybe you'll be one of those 20-somethings talking about training for a marathon soon maybe not but enjoy the moment and enjoy the decision to be healthier regardless of age or what other people think this is a new era the era of you girl so enjoy it! Also if you need a buddy I'd love to chat I should also be having my surgery in august.

[Elle09 157]

Congratulations on your decision, I think people who make an informed decision to have wls are brave! I have not been 23 for a while but what I will say what I know now I would have made a decision to have surgery a long time ago, but there is a time and place for everything and I am truly glad I made a decision to have the surgery.

Having the surgery is allowing me to lose the weight on my own I just have a tool, I have recieved some good nutritional guidance to assist me in this journey and I have addressed some overlooked health issues through this process. I don't feel guilty I feel empowered.

I think at any age people deal with some negativity surrounding weight loss surgery and I chalk it up to ignorance.

My decision to have wls was about me and my quality of life. I would tell you make the best decision for you and feel good about your decision and ignore the negativity.

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[SunnysonsMomma 12]

I'm 23 and halfway through my required 6 month weight loss. If insurance approves, I should have my surgery in August.

Being young how do you deal with the stigmas or judgment of "not losing the weight on your own"? As I'm getting closer to the finish line, a lot of anxiety and doubt are kicking in and I'm feeling guilty about getting surgery. I recently got a job working at a hospital, and it has become difficult hearing the 20-somethings discussing training for marathons or belittling people who've had bariatric surgery. When that happens I try to block it out.

How have you guys pre & post op dealt with the negativity/stigma of being "young" and having bariatric surgery?

I'm barely in the beginning of my 6 month diet and haven't really told anyone. My fiance knows but even if he was against it, I would still go through with it. I know one co-worker that had WLS but luckily no one talks bad about her. I think the coworkers that you are talking about have a problem with fat people in general not just WLS patients, they sound like pretentious snobs lol sorry but those are the kind of people that live to make others sad or honestly have no self-esteem. My mother always taught me to not care what others think because no matter what you do people will always have something to say. At the end of the day you are doing this for YOUR health and if those haters move on to a different job and you never seem them again it won't affect you so don't let them have a place in your mind now. (I'm 23 now) Plus a big reason on why I am happy about having it now is because I know myself and I know that even if I were able to lose this weight i would still be struggling and yoyo dieting for the rest of my life, I don't want to do this when my life has passed me by and hating myself for not doing it sooner.

[bubbarush 5]

Hey im 25 started my process when i was 23, of course people was like that im cheating in addition to trying to convince me that i can do it naturally. but thats because they dont know the whole story. if i could do it i would but obviouslsy there is a level of disconnect with me and natural weight loss. my close friends understand and support me because they know i am doing it to be healthy thats the number one reason, looking slimmer and skinny is just a benefit of a choice that im making to be healthier.

often times people think that getting wls is just to look better but why would i sacrifice my way of life just to look a certain way. i have had to explain to many people that wls is different than plastic surgery of a bbl or Tummy Tuck its a training mechanism to a healthier lifestyle

[ahappycamper 81]

Hi, @@ava32!

I really am sorry to hear you have to deal with fat-shamers at work. That's got to be all kinds of stressful. Tuning it out is definitely the way to go! (Though, I don't know that I'd have that much restraint and grace, honestly.)

I told a very small handful of people I'm close to, but they were carefully selected. Not even my brother knows. Right now I'm a full-time student, so I don't have to deal with co-workers but I won't be telling any of my professors or classmates. My health is nobody's business unless I want to make it so. Please don't feel pressured to tell people if you don't want to. People are nosey and will probably ask what kind of surgery you're having when you ask for time off, but you're not obligated to inform them. All you have to say is that you're having surgery to explain why you need the recovery time off and if they ask what it's for, you can tell them you prefer to keep your health and medical details to yourself. There is no shame in being quiet about it. They don't have to like it, they just have to respect it.

As far as dealing with the stigma of not losing it on my own, maybe I'm an outlier here, but I don't really care? I've been fat since I was probably 9 years old after a trauma triggered my weight gain. I picked up habits from family and voila, here we are. I was 11 when I went on my first diet, not self-imposed. I've tried at least once a year, had some successful times, and used a number of methods, but nothing worked. I always gained it back.

There have been COUNTLESS things I've missed out on because of my weight. Because of my weight, I don't really live anymore. I have been simply existing for the last 20 years. It's felt like being trapped behind a plate of glass while watching everyone else live their lives. I'm adventurous and actually enjoy working out, hiking, running, outdoorsy stuff, but for the most part, I can't because of my back and knee pain.

What I want most in the world is to one day have a family. Someone I love, kids, dogs, etc. I want to really be there in the moment instead of in my head worrying about the pain, how hot I am, how I look, my shorts riding up or cutting into my tummy, etc. I don't want to pass my eating habits or lack of activity and enthusiasm to my future hypothetical children. That is something I would feel guilty about. I do not at all feel guilty for taking advantage of better living through science and medicine.

Having the surgery doesn't mean there's no work involved. Figuring out your diet, managing that during your busy life, making a commitment to working out...those are things you will be doing after the surgery. The very same things someone would be doing who did not have WLS. You'll be doing just as much work as they will. The only difference is that for people who have WLS, doing those things on their own have already proven to not work. The surgery gives you a tool to help it work. It gives you a boost, but it definitely isn't work-free. Please stay true to what is right for you and don't let the obtuse, judgemental opinions of anyone else drive you away from staying true to you.

You are doing this for you, not for anyone else. Your opinion is the only one that matters here.

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