Head changes vs. Body changes (Long)

claraluz · November 27, 2004

Carmen's post (Lioness81970) has really gotten me thinking and I feel moved to write more about my own feelings on being banded. I had surgery exactly 15 months ago today. My primary reasons for doing it were that I wanted to get healthier and I wanted to look better. I could not have imagined then that the changes I was hoping to effect in my body would be nothing compared to the changes that would evolve in my mind and soul.

I expected some psychological changes of course, but I was anticipating that they would be somewhat negative: I thought the behavior changes I would need to make would be difficult and that there might be some difficulties in relationships that could arise. It hasn't always been easy to make the needed changes, of course, and those of you who cyber-know me, know that I've had my struggles with food and exercise. And my weight loss has been slow. But I am thinner and I am healthier and I do look better and it wouldn't have happened without the band.

More importantly, however, is that I now feel so much stronger on the inside. I am more confident. I think more of myself and I expect more of myself. I also expect more from the people around me. I expect to be treated with the respect I now know I deserve. I had a couple of friendships in which I was the one doing all the work. I telephoned them. I suggested outings. And sometimes they wouldn't call me back. It made me feel bad. After getting banded, I stopped playing that game. I stopped calling them. It took over a year in one friend's case, but she eventually started calling me and we began to have the most honest and heartfelt talks we'd ever had in years of friendship. I don't see her or talk to her as much as I did before, but when we do get together, it is more real and more satisfying. I'm still working on the other one. If eventually I lose her altogether, I will be sad, but I will still have me.

also have begun to make new friends. I've met some wonderful people through this board and through other activities as well.

Prior to this last year, I felt old. At 50, I was beginning to have health problems and I fatalistically thought that it was the beginning of the end. I saw nothing in my future but further physical decline. Though I still have to be attentive and take care of myself, my health has improved and with my new-found physical and mental energy, I've taken on new activities and made plans to go back to graduate school. I now know that for me, 50 is just the beginning of the beginning.

I've struggled with depression for many years and have been seeing a psychiatrist for over ten years. Lately every time I see him, he says I'm doing better than he's ever seen me do.

The bottom line is that I'm happy now and I wasn't before. To those of you who are still thinking about getting banded, who are struggling with insurance companies, impatiently waiting for a date, or wondering how you will afford to self-pay, To those of you who are disappointed that you are losing weight so slowly, To those of you who are newly banded and are wondering what all those strange sensations mean, To those of you who are beginning to realize that the band is a complicated device with a mind of it's own, I offer my story.

Pre-surgery testing: $400

Lap-Band surgery: $14,000

Finding Nancy again: Priceless

I thank God that I found the Lap-Band and this board and all of you.

Nancy

leatha_g · November 27, 2004

That's a great post, Nancy. To me, this is what banding is truly all about: Regaining one's self inside as well as out. Somehow, in gaining the weight, we trade our true selves off.

I know that once the new year begins and I can get some of these additional surgery appointments that I've had to deal with behind me, I really do need to find myself a counselor. Although I've seen them sporadically in the past, I really do need to get to work on some of the issues which are still causing me to pick the wrong foods despite the fact that my brain knows better, among other things. I think this experience is a whole transformation which just takes time and diligence. One I'm glad to tackle and luckily, with the band, it's okay that it's a gradual process, for life!

Thank you for sharing. I wish you continued success and great new experiences with this endeavor! You've done a great job in regaining Nancy!

Iluvharleys · November 27, 2004

What a great post Nancy. I was one of the fortunate people to meet you, and I am very happy I had the chance to.

I was facinated with your work, and all of your volunteering (?) that you did also. Not only have you changed your life, but you make other peoples life better also.

Thank you for sharing your story, I found it very touching.

Theresa Marie · November 28, 2004

That is great insight that you have. You are just starting a very positive new part of your life. I have heard so many women say that their life began a whole new dimension at 50 -- more positive, more confident, less concerned about what other people thought and just focused on doing what they believed they needed and wanted to do. That is what you sound like. You are just beginning to shine and let others see your glory. I am very proud of you and think you are doing fabulous. We all have so much to offer and the one that needs us the most is us as we heal, learn to eat in a healthy manner and get out and explore the world -- a new person -- a journey of self discovery. I wish you safe and happy travels in that journey!!! Congratulations!!!! You have much to be thankful for.

HarleyNana · November 28, 2004

Aww that was so sweet and obviously from the heart! Thanks for sharing.

Vickums · November 28, 2004

Wow, Nancy. As a frustrated bandster wannabe, your post was truly inspiring. It also came at the perfect time for me.

Many thanks,

Vickie

paula · November 28, 2004

Nancy, I am one of the few that wasnt so thrilled with my band at first - we talked about this in Galveston.

But now my journey has taken a turn. After many thoughts on my dissapointment, I realized that it was due to my doctor and his staffs untruths - not my band!

Just back from my Thanksgiving "vacation", this trip made me realize a few things... I am much happier and content then I have ever been, I am no longer shy or embaressed to meet new relatives or friends, and the big one is (and I steal this one from YOU) I no longer look to see if I am the biggest person in the room.

This band has given me hope - hope for a better life, hope for a happier life, hope for a healthier life.

Funny how alot of us never realized how unhappy we were and that our weight had such a impact on this.

biggun · November 28, 2004

I love the inspiring ones. They keep me going day in and day out. I hope my band can work for me how it works for you. I already see snipits of a new and happier me and hopefully I will continue to work hard for myself and not everyone else.

Zoe · November 29, 2004

Thank you, Nancy, for your eloquent and inspiring message. It sounds as if you are just beginning a new life at 50: you've lost over 60 pounds, and you've gained strength and confidence. May the new year bring you even more insight, health, and happiness.

New Hope · November 29, 2004

Nancy, what a beautiful post - from a beautiful person! I happen to be one of the lucky ones who has met Nancy. I just had lunch with her last week. This girl is fantastic! She is truly a good person, all the way around. And I know this is not something that happened overnight - that she has always been that way. She is a social worker, positively affecting children's lives everyday, she and her precious puppy volunteer their time to brighten senior citizens' lives, and she walks a disabled man's dog three times a week. It is an honor to call Nancy my friend! I look forward to seeing just what else you have in store for us, girl! (((hugs)))