Did people's treatment of you change as you lost weight?

[SarahSleeve 170]

I've been overweight my entire life. There are very few people who have known me any other way, just family members (including my husband). who saw me basically starve myself to be thinner before a big event in high school. Other than that, I've been above 200lbs for the past 20 years, most of that closer to 250+.

I have a few close friends I spend time with, and I consider myself a friendly person so in general people are kind to me and I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone. But I always get the feeling that they would rather be somewhere else (not the friends, the other people) - because who wants to be seen with one of the very few obese moms around (Small town - active town, I'm not kidding when I say I'm one of very few obese moms in my kids' groups, if not the entire town). I've always figured I was the 'safe bet' - no one is threatened by the fat girl. That could just be my own perception though, I've never had the highest self-esteem.

I wonder how people will change how they treat me as I lose. I don't expect much different from my close friends, they are amazing and I love them all greatly. But those casual relationships. And I also wonder how new relationships will be different - first impressions and all.

I also worry about my kids. I've ranged from 300lbs when my first child was born to about 225 five years ago, back up to 270 now. They've never seen me thin. Will it freak them out? I still haven't decided if I'll even tell them the gory details of the surgery, or just tell them a different reason for the hospital stay and recovery (hernia maybe?). They're still pretty young, they don't know how to keep things like that to themselves. Which I understand. But will me changing that drastically that quickly cause them distress? I know me staying overweight is likely to cause more problems for them, but I do still wonder how it will affect them. I'm hoping they'll be excited, that they'll be happy that I'm no longer the fattest mom on the sidelines. Not that they ever complain, but as they get older, it will only get harder for them.

I don't plan to tell anyone other than my mom and husband about the surgery. I may decide to tell my ILs, but honestly they don't need to know so I figure it's my business. HOW do you keep it quiet? I'll be losing 100+ lbs in 1-2 years, after being fat so long. People will probably guess what I did. But how do I respond to those inquiries?

Bah. Lots of changes coming my way in the next year. Kinda freaking out here!

But also excited.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

People will treat you differently, I believe because you very likely will act differently. I think change is a normal part of the massive weight loss story.

My sons don't even remember me obese, they adapted faster than siblings or other people who were used to me being overweight.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

From what I've seen here about how kids react, they do just fine. A year in their lives is nearly infinity, so I predict they'll just get used to you. To wit, I remember reading one mother's post here in which she said her kids looked at pix of her when she was heavy and said, "We don't remember when you looked like that."

Re the other people in town ... if your townsfolk have a dominantly fit/active lifestyle, I predict you'll find a lot of new friends. Fit, active, slim people have been the most supportive of my new bod. Heavy folks are the ones who lean in and whisper, "Aren't you getting too skinny?"

No matter how it plays out initially, a few years post-op, you'll be more comfortable with your slimmer, healthier body and lifestyle. And others will be getting used to it, too.

P.S. I've lost 100 pounds and weigh 135 now. I'm 20.5 months post-op.

[Christinamo7 4,042]

it's going to be interesting to me to see how I change, but also how different groups of people perceive me.

I was not heavy growing up, or as a young adult. So as the weight comes off when I go home on vacation - how will that people group respond vs. people in Tennessee who have only known me obese? I am just curious.

It is akin to being known as the woman with 7 children for so many years, but now that all but one are grown as I make new friends they do not perceive me in that way - and are shocked! (don't know why?!?) to learn I have 1. children who are almost 30 and 2. so many of them!

these things have helped me to take myself less seriously, so that's a good thing.

[Noname22 175]

People will treat you differently. Some of the people who you think will be supportive, will not be. Vice versa. I am not one of the people who has had surgery that claims I have not changed. I know for a fact that I have, I am proud that I am not the same person I was before surgery. With newfound confidence, people will notice...you will be more approachable than before.

I am right at 4 months post op, I have lost a total of 95 pounds so far. My son who is three, has adjusted fine to my change in appearance. He is enjoying his active mom, it feels nice to not be sitting on the sidelines.

I have learned to be open with people about the whole surgery process. When people ask, I tell them that I had surgery but I always make sure to tell them that I also joined the gym and I bust my ass there several days a week. I think it helps to be upfront, to me it keeps people from being too many questions. I know being upfront about it is not for everyone though, some people would rather not. I respect that.

Change is coming for sure, but in the most absolute greatest way possible. Hang in there and just go with the flow.

Good Luck to you!

[MrsLucas 27]

I have to be honest here. Years ago I was much bigger and lost a dramatic amount of weight on my own. I have always had a little weight on me. In a 2 year span I ended up dropping down to a size 8 jean and medium tops. I have rather large breast so I couldn't go any smaller on tops.

When I was fat, EVERYONE was my friend, everyone trusted me and no one felt threatened by me. It wasn't until I lost my weight that I lost some of my female friends. All of a sudden, apparently due to my significant weight loss and more attention being paid to myself, I was no longer the person I was before in their eyes. It wasn't until they saw me gaining attention that they lost interest in being my friend.

I know I changed. I changed for the better. When I was larger I didn't want to do anything. I was too embarrassed and it hurt my body to stand for long periods of time. When I lost the weight, My personality really shined and I was confident and happy for the first time in a really long time.

People will get jealous. Not just of your looks...But your happiness and confidence. The only advice I can offer you is to not let it bother you. Just keep being happy and confident. The people you may lose over your weight loss you do not need in your life anyway!

[Sophie74656 1,572]

People will treat you differently, I believe because you very likely will act differently. I think change is a normal part of the massive weight loss story.

My sons don't even remember me obese, they adapted faster than siblings or other people who were used to me being overweight.

I think this

I have notices some people being friendlier to me but I think a lot is because I myself am happier in general

[WorkinOnMe 596]

Totally different experiences for me than those above. Aside from one "friend" who had RNY a few years ago and was not overly successful in her journey, NONE of my family, friends, or co-workers have treated me any differently. Am I different? Yes, a bit. I am more confident & stand up for myself more than I ever did. But my morals & values have not changed, so I firmly believe that at the core I am the same person deep down. I would say the only real differences I see are in how strangers treat me ... they are more openly friendly and seem to notice me more than when I was a "fat kid". I guess that doesn't really bother me though. They aren't the people I choose to have in my day to day life so I don't pay much attention to strangers responses.

Edited May 4, 2016 by WorkinOnMe

[WorkinOnMe 596]

** DELETED MULTI POST **

My apologies ... not sure why the computer went on the fritz like that and kept posting over and over!

Edited May 4, 2016 by WorkinOnMe

[reree6898 1,164]

In my experience I have been treated differently by people outside my group of friends and family. I think though that in part is due to how I've changed as I've gotten smaller. I find that I am smiling a lot more because I am just happier in general and more energetic and more open to greeting people as I pass them on the sidewalk. I don't walk with my head hung down anymore. As for the kids since they see you every day it will not seem so drastic as it would be if they only saw you once in a while even though you will lose quickly. The kids will adapt just fine. Best of luck to you!

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

I agree with @@CowgirlJane people are attracted to your positive energy.

Can we agree that children can be brutally honest about your appearance and weight? I was in an elevator when a little girl said " mommy I'm glad your not as big as that" We live in a judgmental world. It's not just children that have comments about weight.

After weight loss:

People look me in the eye. I'm not invisible anymore.

I have more opportunity at work.

People who would not give me the time of day..Now want to be friends..Lol (they don't get to do that)

The opposite sex shows interest.

People have been more helpful.

Women don't like it when I talk to their husband/boy friends..(They have nothing to worry about)

I seem more valued now that I'm an acceptable package. I'm still the same person on the inside.