Alcohol is a hobby in my relationship. Worried. Get sleeved this month.

[Nikkipit 19]

I am new here and glad I found this group. My husband and I drink socially. I know this surgery will save my life and I am getting sleeved in May. I am worried how this will affect my relationship with my husband? I'm ok quiting drinking. But he is not. He's up for slowing down and he supports me.

Since socially drinking is a big part of our lives....what can I expect? I am working to mentally and physically prepared for no alcohol. What about him?

I'm excited to uncover other activities we share together. But nervous to let this one go. Will this change our relationship? Been married for 15 years.

Please please don't judge me.

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

[Dub 9,922]

I won't judge you......hoping you don't judge me.

Granted, everyone's sleeve experience is limited to an army of one......themselves......I will tell you how I've proceeded as far as alcohol is concerned.

I began last June with a bariatric surgeon affiliated with the area's largest hospital...a place that I'd had success with on prior orthopedic type surges to repair stuff I'd torn up being stupid.

He was firmly against three things for his patients: never again smoking, never again having caffeine and never again drinking alcohol.

I was with that program 3 months and then my insurance company played the ultimate trump card....they'd only fund wls if I went with a "center of excellence". So.....I swapped over to such a program. They are affiliated with a much smaller local hospital in town.

A couple things happened upon switching over.....I discovered that my cost would actually be lower if I simply did 100% self pay (crazy scenario....long story) and I discovered that my new surgeon was uber experienced and had a high level of confidence and approached things.....life choices of his patients.....in a very realistic way.

I told him during my two month check in that I wanted coffee. He said, "Sure...I drink two cups a day, why can't you?".

I told him during my 4 month check in that I wanted occasional mixed drinks (with skinny mixers) and that I wasn't losing the weight just to live like a monk. He paused at that and gave me a sly grin. He acknowledged that life is best when lived fully. He was very direct about his concerns with drinking. He said that my sleeve would handle it....but could I ? Would I chose to drink responsibly ? Would a couple of drinks lose me up and pave to way towards a poor food choice ? Would I begin drinking beer again (highly caloric beers were my favorites before...go figure)? He then said, "I have a couple glasses of wine when I'm unwinding sometimes....why can't you?"

I was glad to hear this and I weighed his advisements heavily. Wanting something....and then being told you can have it brought on some odd feels. It was like I really wanted to bust loose...but then once given the reins....I sorta dug in and shied away for a while.

I do enjoy drinks on the weekends. Skinny mixed drinks. An ounce or two of premium vodka on the rocks topped off with a splash of diet 5 calorie Ocean Spray is the normal adult beverage. I'll order similar when I'm going out somewhere.

I've found that the drinks do impact me harder than prior to surgery. I think a big part of that is simply due to not eating much of anything along with or after drinking. I keep a calorie tally in my head and I carve out calorie space for the alcohol calories. I don't want to let the occasional weekend enjoyment derail my weight loss. I'll only eat packs of tuna, hardboiled eggs or Protein powder shakes to get my Protein on such days.

I have learned to limit the frequency and that consecutive days of enjoyment are not well tolerated by my body. A couple of drinks on a Friday night....and then on Saturday night are it. I shut it down for the week then.

I learned the limits of what I can tolerate on two recent vacations. One was a bar hopping me-only trip to a place known for fun nightlife. I was sorta proud of how I navigated the potential perils that week. I did okay. I was faced with many temptations, yet I picked and chose wisely.

The most recent was a 7-day cruise taken with my wife a month ago. It didn't begin well for her....she was stressed out bigtime by a few delays the ship encountered at departure and a skipped port that resulted. I chose to have enough fun for the two of us that week. By mid week I was getting down with the flow of things onboard and having a bit too much fun. I shut it down for a couple days and killed it in the gym and hot tubs. I did have a big night towards the end.....and didn't fool with the stuff for quite some time after getting home.

Again....your surgeon may have different instructions than mine did. I've seen firsthand how they lay down different ground rules. I had sleeve surgery to improve my life. Being able to enjoy some drinks.....in moderation....in social situations....isn't counter to me improving my life.

My decisions and approach are not posted here as advice to anyone....simply to reply how I'm currently operating.

I may change tactics one day....who knows? For now, though.....it's working. I'm down a good chunk of the weight I wanted to lose and can see reaching and even exceeding my goal. I've picked up some good habits along the way and feel I have a good plan for living lean.

I wish you the best and encourage you to seek the advice from your surgeon. Know that they may give you a firm no as my first surgeon did. I get that. They are, after all, accustomed to dealing with people who don't demonstrate self control and discipline. Why the hell would they say, "Sure, have a drink". I get that.

I'm grateful that my surgeon possessed extremely high levels of confidence in both his skills, his experience and in me. I'd sort of proven myself to him by the time we had the alcohol discussion. I'm quite sure this was a factor in his response. Had the discussion been had in the pre-op days.....he'd probably have been way more firm.

It's all about your overall goals and what you are going to do to meet them.

I wish you the best. Having a partner that is willing to slow down is a good thing. Perhaps you'll get him to join you in some other hobbies.....active hobbies.

[Christinamo7 4,042]

hopefully you can find other things to replace the alcohol with. I know for me, right now, I have a glass of diet cran grape rather than a glass of wine, and if people are around, they really don't know the difference.

let me tell you this is going to be a wild ride! but I also feel like it has saved my life. my hope and prayer is that you will be able to grow together through this. Also know that how it is in the first few months is not how it will be forever, so in the early days when you have more restrictions remind him it will not *always* be like that.

and Dub, I'm not going to quote your whole post, but thank you for sharing your story in such a detailed way. You're just the best.

Edited May 2, 2016 by Christinamo7

[DaisyAmy 561]

To be blunt, if what you drink affects your 15 year relationship, you've got some thinking to do.

We still go out often. Hubby still drinks what he pleases. I drink Water or iced tea and the occasional cocktail. It simply doesn't matter what we are drinking.

I had decided not to let this surgery rule my friends' social lives. We do whatever we choose to do and I figure it out on my end.

[shriner37 249]

There are very few absolutes in this world, and that also relates to weight loss surgery. My surgeon told me that the key was moderation. The sleeve can tolerate alcohol just fine - the question is can I consume it in moderation and still achieve my health and weight goals.

For me before surgery beer was a big piece of my social world, especially on weekends. In years past I had owned a bar for nearly a decade and drank almost daily. I believe alcohol, beer specifically, was a large part of my weight problem.

In the seven months post surgery I have learned the following: 1) my sleeve can indeed tolerate alcohol; 2) it is a 'slider' meaning it doesn't fill me up like good quality Protein does; 3) it does hit me a little harder than before, and 4) it absolutely stops my weight loss in its tracks.

For all of these reasons I keep alcohol consumption to a minimum, reserving it only for special occasions. For example I'm traveling to Las Vegas this coming weekend and will surely have a few cocktails. However I've invested too much in my weight loss journey to allow regular alcohol consumption to derail it.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@@Dub ... that is one of the best, most helpful responses on the fraught topic of alcohol consumption for WLS patients I've ever read. Thank you.

@@Nikkipit ... my personal experience with alcohol and WLS is that pre-op I was a social drinker -- having a single drink most (not all) evenings. FYI, my husband doesn't drink simply because he doesn't enjoy the taste or the experience.

Back to me ... I didn't drink any alcohol for 2.5 months pre-op or for 6 months post-op. Thereafter, I began having a glass of wine (4-5 ounces) or 1.5 ounces of single-malt scotch most evenings before dinner.

At 8.5 months post-op, I reached my weight loss goal (150 pounds). I'm now 20.5 months post-op, have weighed 135 pounds for the last 5 months and am maintaining easily. A single drink is still part of my menu most days.

I don't think everyone can safely drink post-op. It worries me a bit when I read here about younger patients (especially those in their twenties) struggling with the desire or need to drink socially with their friends in bars, as young people are wont to do. I also know what "girls nights out" are like. And they don't typically involve a single 5-ounce pour of chardonnay.

If you can handle the peer and environmental pressure in social settings like that, then more power to you. I do think you're going to find out how much you really like to drink. And you'll need to be honest with yourself about how big a role alcohol should play in your life.

I'll close with the question my psychologist asked me a few months ago when I raised the subject of alcohol use: "Why do you drink?" I told him I enjoyed the tastes and the celebration of high-quality alcohol. (He knows I'm a "social drinker" -- defined for women as having no more than a single drink/day and 7 drinks/week.) He responded that he would become concerned if my alcohol intake increased as an emotional response to events in my environment. (And trust me, I do currently have some "events in my environment" -- as most of us do and will always have.)

That's my story -- for now. As @@Dub said, things could change.

[Dub 9,922]

Thanks @@VSGAnn2014

Your post rings true and spot on.

I like how you've approached your enjoyment of it, too.

[jane13 2,256]

@@VSGAnn2014 and @@Dub - BOTH of you responded PERFECTLY!!!!

I fell the exact same way.

And Dubs opening statement about judging was something I just addressed again.

[Nikkipit 19]

Oh my gosh!!! I am so AMAZED with the support and information. I literally cried at each post. I'm not someone who reaches out so I feel very humbled. Actually this is my very first post.

It's good to know others have shared this experience and your input is invaluable. We don't live near family....we are actually across the world from the US. So the support system we have is just us.

It's good to know that I can still be socially involved and have a drink much much later after I heal.

I am excited about this new journey and I know (hope) I can focus on a healthier lifestyle. I think I can even drag my husband along.

THANK YOU!!!!!

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

[Nikkipit 19]

I won't judge you......hoping you don't judge me.

Granted, everyone's sleeve experience is limited to an army of one......themselves......I will tell you how I've proceeded as far as alcohol is concerned.

I began last June with a bariatric surgeon affiliated with the area's largest hospital...a place that I'd had success with on prior orthopedic type surges to repair stuff I'd torn up being stupid.

He was firmly against three things for his patients: never again smoking, never again having caffeine and never again drinking alcohol.

I was with that program 3 months and then my insurance company played the ultimate trump card....they'd only fund wls if I went with a "center of excellence". So.....I swapped over to such a program. They are affiliated with a much smaller local hospital in town.

A couple things happened upon switching over.....I discovered that my cost would actually be lower if I simply did 100% self pay (crazy scenario....long story) and I discovered that my new surgeon was uber experienced and had a high level of confidence and approached things.....life choices of his patients.....in a very realistic way.

I told him during my two month check in that I wanted coffee. He said, "Sure...I drink two cups a day, why can't you?".

I told him during my 4 month check in that I wanted occasional mixed drinks (with skinny mixers) and that I wasn't losing the weight just to live like a monk. He paused at that and gave me a sly grin. He acknowledged that life is best when lived fully. He was very direct about his concerns with drinking. He said that my sleeve would handle it....but could I ? Would I chose to drink responsibly ? Would a couple of drinks lose me up and pave to way towards a poor food choice ? Would I begin drinking beer again (highly caloric beers were my favorites before...go figure)? He then said, "I have a couple glasses of wine when I'm unwinding sometimes....why can't you?"

I was glad to hear this and I weighed his advisements heavily. Wanting something....and then being told you can have it brought on some odd feels. It was like I really wanted to bust loose...but then once given the reins....I sorta dug in and shied away for a while.

I do enjoy drinks on the weekends. Skinny mixed drinks. An ounce or two of premium vodka on the rocks topped off with a splash of diet 5 calorie Ocean Spray is the normal adult beverage. I'll order similar when I'm going out somewhere.

I've found that the drinks do impact me harder than prior to surgery. I think a big part of that is simply due to not eating much of anything along with or after drinking. I keep a calorie tally in my head and I carve out calorie space for the alcohol calories. I don't want to let the occasional weekend enjoyment derail my weight loss. I'll only eat packs of tuna, hardboiled eggs or Protein powder shakes to get my Protein on such days.

I have learned to limit the frequency and that consecutive days of enjoyment are not well tolerated by my body. A couple of drinks on a Friday night....and then on Saturday night are it. I shut it down for the week then.

I learned the limits of what I can tolerate on two recent vacations. One was a bar hopping me-only trip to a place known for fun nightlife. I was sorta proud of how I navigated the potential perils that week. I did okay. I was faced with many temptations, yet I picked and chose wisely.

The most recent was a 7-day cruise taken with my wife a month ago. It didn't begin well for her....she was stressed out bigtime by a few delays the ship encountered at departure and a skipped port that resulted. I chose to have enough fun for the two of us that week. By mid week I was getting down with the flow of things onboard and having a bit too much fun. I shut it down for a couple days and killed it in the gym and hot tubs. I did have a big night towards the end.....and didn't fool with the stuff for quite some time after getting home.

Again....your surgeon may have different instructions than mine did. I've seen firsthand how they lay down different ground rules. I had sleeve surgery to improve my life. Being able to enjoy some drinks.....in moderation....in social situations....isn't counter to me improving my life.

My decisions and approach are not posted here as advice to anyone....simply to reply how I'm currently operating.

I may change tactics one day....who knows? For now, though.....it's working. I'm down a good chunk of the weight I wanted to lose and can see reaching and even exceeding my goal. I've picked up some good habits along the way and feel I have a good plan for living lean.

I wish you the best and encourage you to seek the advice from your surgeon. Know that they may give you a firm no as my first surgeon did. I get that. They are, after all, accustomed to dealing with people who don't demonstrate self control and discipline. Why the hell would they say, "Sure, have a drink". I get that.

I'm grateful that my surgeon possessed extremely high levels of confidence in both his skills, his experience and in me. I'd sort of proven myself to him by the time we had the alcohol discussion. I'm quite sure this was a factor in his response. Had the discussion been had in the pre-op days.....he'd probably have been way more firm.

It's all about your overall goals and what you are going to do to meet them.

I wish you the best. Having a partner that is willing to slow down is a good thing. Perhaps you'll get him to join you in some other hobbies.....active hobbies.

I have read your post probably 5 times!!! Thanks for the honesty. I needed it. You should write a book. Your writing style made me smile. I don't drink caffeine or smoke...so won't have to worry about those habits.

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

hopefully you can find other things to replace the alcohol with. I know for me, right now, I have a glass of diet cran grape rather than a glass of wine, and if people are around, they really don't know the difference.

let me tell you this is going to be a wild ride! but I also feel like it has saved my life. my hope and prayer is that you will be able to grow together through this. Also know that how it is in the first few months is not how it will be forever, so in the early days when you have more restrictions remind him it will not *always* be like that.

and Dub, I'm not going to quote your whole post, but thank you for sharing your story in such a detailed way. You're just the best.

Thanks!!! I'm ready to live another 40 years differently. I'm 43..

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

To be blunt, if what you drink affects your 15 year relationship, you've got some thinking to do.

We still go out often. Hubby still drinks what he pleases. I drink Water or iced tea and the occasional cocktail. It simply doesn't matter what we are drinking.

I had decided not to let this surgery rule my friends' social lives. We do whatever we choose to do and I figure it out on my end.

Good point!!! Thanks!

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

[Nikkipit 19]

There are very few absolutes in this world, and that also relates to weight loss surgery. My surgeon told me that the key was moderation. The sleeve can tolerate alcohol just fine - the question is can I consume it in moderation and still achieve my health and weight goals.

For me before surgery beer was a big piece of my social world, especially on weekends. In years past I had owned a bar for nearly a decade and drank almost daily. I believe alcohol, beer specifically, was a large part of my weight problem.

In the seven months post surgery I have learned the following: 1) my sleeve can indeed tolerate alcohol; 2) it is a 'slider' meaning it doesn't fill me up like good quality Protein does; 3) it does hit me a little harder than before, and 4) it absolutely stops my weight loss in its tracks.

For all of these reasons I keep alcohol consumption to a minimum, reserving it only for special occasions. For example I'm traveling to Las Vegas this coming weekend and will surely have a few cocktails. However I've invested too much in my weight loss journey to allow regular alcohol consumption to derail it.

Thanks for the information!!! I was thinking I could never ever have a drink again.

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

[Nikkipit 19]

@@Dub ... that is one of the best, most helpful responses on the fraught topic of alcohol consumption for WLS patients I've ever read. Thank you.

@@Nikkipit ... my personal experience with alcohol and WLS is that pre-op I was a social drinker -- having a single drink most (not all) evenings. FYI, my husband doesn't drink simply because he doesn't enjoy the taste or the experience.

Back to me ... I didn't drink any alcohol for 2.5 months pre-op or for 6 months post-op. Thereafter, I began having a glass of wine (4-5 ounces) or 1.5 ounces of single-malt scotch most evenings before dinner.

At 8.5 months post-op, I reached my weight loss goal (150 pounds). I'm now 20.5 months post-op, have weighed 135 pounds for the last 5 months and am maintaining easily. A single drink is still part of my menu most days.

I don't think everyone can safely drink post-op. It worries me a bit when I read here about younger patients (especially those in their twenties) struggling with the desire or need to drink socially with their friends in bars, as young people are wont to do. I also know what "girls nights out" are like. And they don't typically involve a single 5-ounce pour of chardonnay.

If you can handle the peer and environmental pressure in social settings like that, then more power to you. I do think you're going to find out how much you really like to drink. And you'll need to be honest with yourself about how big a role alcohol should play in your life.

I'll close with the question my psychologist asked me a few months ago when I raised the subject of alcohol use: "Why do you drink?" I told him I enjoyed the tastes and the celebration of high-quality alcohol. (He knows I'm a "social drinker" -- defined for women as having no more than a single drink/day and 7 drinks/week.) He responded that he would become concerned if my alcohol intake increased as an emotional response to events in my environment. (And trust me, I do currently have some "events in my environment" -- as many of us do and will always have.)

That's my story -- for now. As @@Dub said, things could change.

Thanks!! I enjoy drinking. We mainly drink at home on the weekends ans grill etx. I live in a foreign country so entertainment is limited. It's going to be strange to figure out what do to now on the weekends. Sounds awful....I know.

Good to know I can still be a social drinker if I want. Although I know my taste for it may change after surgery.

Thanks for your honesty!!!!

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

@@Dub ... that is one of the best, most helpful responses on the fraught topic of alcohol consumption for WLS patients I've ever read. Thank you.

@@Nikkipit ... my personal experience with alcohol and WLS is that pre-op I was a social drinker -- having a single drink most (not all) evenings. FYI, my husband doesn't drink simply because he doesn't enjoy the taste or the experience.

Back to me ... I didn't drink any alcohol for 2.5 months pre-op or for 6 months post-op. Thereafter, I began having a glass of wine (4-5 ounces) or 1.5 ounces of single-malt scotch most evenings before dinner.

At 8.5 months post-op, I reached my weight loss goal (150 pounds). I'm now 20.5 months post-op, have weighed 135 pounds for the last 5 months and am maintaining easily. A single drink is still part of my menu most days.

I don't think everyone can safely drink post-op. It worries me a bit when I read here about younger patients (especially those in their twenties) struggling with the desire or need to drink socially with their friends in bars, as young people are wont to do. I also know what "girls nights out" are like. And they don't typically involve a single 5-ounce pour of chardonnay.

If you can handle the peer and environmental pressure in social settings like that, then more power to you. I do think you're going to find out how much you really like to drink. And you'll need to be honest with yourself about how big a role alcohol should play in your life.

I'll close with the question my psychologist asked me a few months ago when I raised the subject of alcohol use: "Why do you drink?" I told him I enjoyed the tastes and the celebration of high-quality alcohol. (He knows I'm a "social drinker" -- defined for women as having no more than a single drink/day and 7 drinks/week.) He responded that he would become concerned if my alcohol intake increased as an emotional response to events in my environment. (And trust me, I do currently have some "events in my environment" -- as many of us do and will always have.)

That's my story -- for now. As @@Dub said, things could change.

Thanks!! I enjoy drinking. We mainly drink at home on the weekends ans grill etx. I live in a foreign country so entertainment is limited. It's going to be strange to figure out what do to now on the weekends. Sounds awful....I know.

Good to know I can still be a social drinker if I want. Although I know my taste for it may change after surgery.

Thanks for your honesty!!!!

Sent from my GT-I9190 using the BariatricPal App

As someone who is not a big drinker I would like to add my 2 cents.

If the thought of my partner drinking or not drinking is enough to put a strain on my relationship, then it might be worth it to talk to a counselor about 1) the relationship, and 2) the alcohol.

Any substance or activity (food, drug, behavior, etc.) that has that much power over either of you has too much control over your life in my opinion.

I am not saying that you should or shouldn't drink, but if any change is enough to cause issues then you may need help dealing with that change.