Feeling lost without food for comfort

[Megall9 268]

Is it always going to be about food? When panic and anxiety hits, is food always going to be the first thing I think of for comfort? I am on my pro op liquid diet as my sleeve date is May 9th. Less than two weeks away! But today my family got hit with the news that my husband got laid off from his job. His job that he spent almost the last decade at. The job he was insanely good at. The job that we rely on to pay the mortgage and his car payment with. No notice, it was completely out of the blue. He is upset, of course, and so was I. All I could think of was how I wanted to eat my sorrows away. I didn't though, I didn't fall off my liquid diet. But it makes me wonder, when the bad times come, is food always going to be my first thought? How do you cope when something bad happens?

[Christinamo7 4,042]

you can train yourself to look for comfort in other ways. walking, yoga for stress relief, epsom salts baths, manicures and pedicures, crochet or knitting, kick boxing. but it will take time. food is really good at this job, and it takes a while to learn new habits. make the most of your post op time to find what works for you.

[Daisee68 2,493]

I am almost 11 months post-op and still struggle with the same thing - though it is MUCH better than it was this time last year. I am still seeing a therapist and we talk about it every time I see her. She reminds me that I turned to food for so many years, that I cannot expect that to go away so quickly. She assures me it won't be like this forever. I got laid off in December for the first time in my life. I was really good at that job and they are losing business because I am gone, but I am still upset about it. I am so very thankful that I had the surgery last year (in June) or there is no telling how much I would have gained during the last few months! You are recognizing it and that is the first step. It will take time but it will get better!

[KristenLe 5,979]

I'm going to counseling to help with emotional eating before my surgery. I am sorry about your husband losing his job - that sucks. It happened to me in 2013 and I was in shock. Things worked out in the end but it's a financial and emotional struggle. Hope things are better soon. Stay strong!

[FrankyG 1,450]

I started walking every time I was stressed out or having anxiety. I've walked TONS in the last 6 months.

Exercise is great for relieving stress so I was told, and it turns out in my case, it was true thank goodness.

I also crank up a song (or three) that is super upbeat and dance and sing along to it when I'm feeling really down. I do this when I'm alone or at least where I can go do it in a room where no one will walk in on me since I'm sure I look like a crazy person, but it really does help.

So sorry about your husband's layoff. I hope he finds something much better soon!

(and a big congrats to you for not slipping off the wagon when hard times happened. Be proud of yourself - you rock!!)

[Stevehud 1,790]

I use guitar, ive been playing for a year now, when i get stressed i turn up the amp a bit and play angry. I also rely on my wife, she is the best for me and a hug some cuddling and a good show on tv helps. Ill keep good thoughts coming your way for your husband. May he find a wonderfully rewarding job soon.

[Megall9 268]

Thanks for the support, today has been a very trying day. It took everything I had in me to not stop at McDonalds on my way home from work and eat my feelings. My friends and family and you have helped calm me down so that I could come home, and give all my support and love to the one who really needed it today.

He did get a severance package that will see us through alright until he lands a new job. With his skills and the companies in the city that are hiring right now I would be very surprised if he isn't in a new position by the end of May. We discussed things, and he has tonight and tomorrow to lick his wounds. The weekend we will spend sprucing up his resume, and he will hit the ground running on Monday. I'm so proud of him for already putting his ear to the ground for a new job, because it's all too easy to let depression in to get the better of you in a situation like this.

I am emotionally exhausted after today, but not physically. I do need to start upping my physical activity, especially with surgery so close. I have the Les Mills Combat DVD that I might bust out tomorrow, and get rid of some of the anxiety that is just below the surface.

[Kindle 8,667]

Two years postop and sinking farther and farther into the darkness of depression, I finally sought the help of a therapist. A lot of shit happened in those two years and without food and alcohol to comfort me, I finally hit the wall.

Everyone has given very good non-food suggestions on how to deal with stress. Find what works for you, but if you are find yourself struggling, don't hesitate to seek professional help. I know it literally saved my life.

Good luck with everything.

[BBweightlossjourney 49]

Thanks for the support, today has been a very trying day. It took everything I had in me to not stop at McDonalds on my way home from work and eat my feelings. My friends and family and you have helped calm me down so that I could come home, and give all my support and love to the one who really needed it today.

He did get a severance package that will see us through alright until he lands a new job. With his skills and the companies in the city that are hiring right now I would be very surprised if he isn't in a new position by the end of May. We discussed things, and he has tonight and tomorrow to lick his wounds. The weekend we will spend sprucing up his resume, and he will hit the ground running on Monday. I'm so proud of him for already putting his ear to the ground for a new job, because it's all too easy to let depression in to get the better of you in a situation like this.

I am emotionally exhausted after today, but not physically. I do need to start upping my physical activity, especially with surgery so close. I have the Les Mills Combat DVD that I might bust out tomorrow, and get rid of some of the anxiety that is just below the surface.

Im sorry to hear about your Husband.. Things will get better soon.. I too experienced a lay off from a company after 10 Years.. I now have the best job ,but I wouldnt have know it ,if I wasnt laid off and had to find something else (Thank God ) .. It is difficult at first but you seem very supportive and that sounds like what he needs. Keep up the good work !! Your going to pull through this a more stronger couple and hey who knows an even lighter ,healthier more happier Marriage as the result !! Win win !!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

To your original question -- "When panic and anxiety hits, is food always going to be the first think I think of for comfort?"

Based on my experience, no, it won't -- with a caveat.

No, it won't -- but only if you train yourself to respond differently to stress.

Habits are powerful things. And the only way to break them is to consistently, repeatedly, over a long period of time NOT respond to stimuli in the ways you used to and, instead, to develop new responses that are much healthier and more satisfying for you.

It takes practice. The good news is that is all it takes -- practice.

Good luck to you, your husband and your family. It sounds like he will be a great catch for some new company. This could be the start of something wonderful for you all.

[crazygoose 190]

There's no horrible feeling like feeling powerless/helpless. I cannot imagine the stress you are going through but just stay strong and you're a champion for not stopping by Mc Donald's. Don't give in and this is just one of those sucky tests life just likes to spring up on people, it's testing your well-being, your finances, your diet, your family, etc. To fight the feelings of helplessness, maybe you can try to be proactive. Support your husband if you can, maybe help him look for another job, sit down search, gather your resources, find out what's available in your area if you get short on bills and food. Not to be all religious fanatic here, but if you believe in a higher power then pray if that's something you do. For comfort lean on your family/friends a little maybe try to come up with a positive hobby or project to take your mind off of things.

[jane13 2,256]

@@Megall9 like others have said maybe it's a new door opening (a new job). You are handling this very well despite being just 10 days out from WLS.

You and the hubby are a team!

<<<<<<<<<sending positive vibes your way>>>>>>>>>>

[umaru 5]

Sorry to hear about your husband's job loss. It's hard not to grab a pint of ice cream and watch a movie at times like these.

I recently started reading a book called "Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life" by Steven C. Hayes, PhD. It's really helped me sort through this type of emotional / mental struggle.

To summarize, our language ability as humans can cause a lot of our suffering. It's important to be careful with our choice of words when we talk to ourselves. It's also important to know that we can place distance between ourselves and our thoughts. Our thoughts are merely an ongoing process of relating things (evolution has given us this big advantage over all other species), so we should take our thoughts with a grain of salt. Do not ride your "mind-train".

Imagine you were a fish in the ocean. They don't know they're in water; they just swim. We are like fish swimming in our thoughts. Thoughts are like Water to us. We can not help to think, it just comes naturally, like fish swimming in Water. Sometimes that water is a icy cold, swirling into a cyclone. Sometimes that water is warm and calm on a beautiful summer's day (next to a tropical beach, probably!).

One technique to bring distance between you and your thoughts and become aware of the water you're swimming in, is to use mindfulness techniques to "de-fuse" you and your thoughts. Here's one that I really like:

Close your eyes and imagine you're sitting on a large warm rock next a gently flowing river. You see fallen leaves that drift away in the water. It's a sunny day. The birds are chirping. The air is fresh and you can feel the sun's rays on your face. Now, keep basking in this imagery for at least 5 minutes. When you catch yourself thinking other thoughts, bring yourself back to the large warm rock next to the river. Place whatever you were thinking on one of the fallen leaves and let it drift away in the water.

I find that doing this exercise everyday (whether I'm having a bad day or a good one) really helps me organize my thoughts and keep me grounded.

I hope it helps you as much as it has for me!

Hugs,

TT

[Megall9 268]

Thank you so much everyone, your support has been amazing! Today we are both feeling much better. He has been in touch with some people about references, and already had someone ask him for his LinkedIn profile. He didn't have a LinkedIn profile, but he sure scrambled to get one ready lol!! The wife of one of our friends is a professional resume writer and adviser, and we are fortunate enough to have her help so he can present a well constructed resume.

He was toying with the idea of taking the summer "off" but I am gently pushing him to get back into the game asap. I worry that if he takes the summer off he will get himself stuck in a rut and it will be hard to go back. Not to mention, he wasn't the only one who was laid off. All the offices, here, and international, were hit with lay offs, so if he waits too long all the "good" positions will be snatched up by his former co workers.

Our family has been very supportive as well, and whatever happens, happens. I know in my heart that we will be alright, and that he will find something soon. Maybe, like you say, something better is just waiting around the corner.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I think you guys are making all the right decisions and taking the right actions.

Sounds great!

Very best to you both.