Wish I'd Done this Years Ago

[sissyaustin 9]

I have struggled with my weight my entie life! My birth family was a red hot mess. Father was a Vietnam War Vet and as a result became an alcholic, a very violent one at that. He beat us and was emotionally and verbally abusive. Quite the monster, but that's what war does to people! My mother was mentally ill and very young. She had 12 kids all less than 10 months apart. Unable to cope with all the abuse and all those kids with no help, she abandonded us after my father took off. I was in foster care most of my early years. The sexual abuse began then. Fortunately I was adopted at age 8. That's when the food addiction began. Fearful that I would be moved again I ate any and everything in sight thinking I may be back in a home where food was scarce. But the family that adopted me was pretty great. They were so patient with me. My files had been sealed so they really had no idea what I had endured. Due to the sexual abuse I donned the "fat suit". It was my protective mechanism to keep any and everyone away from me. At that point I was very athletic and participated in MANY sports. I wasn't really that heavy. My adopted family are all very small framed skinny folks. I'm talking size 0's with no eating issues whatsoever. I on the other hand am 5'8" with very large bones. Never been a size 0! So I was dubbed the "big" one, which is code for the fat kid! My adopted dad, who as a doctor, constantly harped about my weight. He called me gross and would take food out of my hand. My adopted mom always made me wear beige clothing and I wasn't allowed Levis jeans because "big girls can't wear those!" I know they didn't mean to be humilating and demeaning. They had never dealt with a weight issue in their family. They thought it would get the desired results. It did not. I look back and I was not even heavy just had a solid, muscular build. So I entered into the neverending food cycle. Eating when I was depressed. Being depressed because I was fat. So what did I do? Ate more to comfort myself. It was maddening. I've been on every diet known to man. Lose but gain double back and feel more like a failure everytime it happened. I always thought bariatric surgery was the easy way out. Little did I know just how wrong I was! After being diagnosed with diabetes I decided enough was enough and began to research the surgery. I made an appointment with my pcp and she thought I was an ideal candidate. My bmi wasn't high enough so I honestly didn't think I would get BCBS approval. But praise God I did get approved! My surgery was April 20th. I chose the RNY bypass because I wanted to be sure the diabetes and GERD would be resolved! This has by far been one of the most challenging and difficult things I have ever done! The assessments, classes and diagnostic testing has been grueling. I have had to take a long hard look at myself and there were lots of things I didn't like. But it's been such a freeing journey. I have had counseling over the years and I have allowed the Lord to work out many things and bring healing. Now it's time to free myself from the fat suit that my abusers have held me captive in all my life. I have allowed them to steal enough of my life and now it's time to bury them forever. I have stirred up a lot of emotions and unresolved issues during this process. I am working on those and I know the Lord will continue to lead me on this journey toward complete and total healing! I am ready to live free and unhindered! I am ready for my body to reflect the freedom my spirit is experiencing! This is not the end of my journey but it is the close of a chapter. It's also the beginning of a beautiful new one. I am hopeful and so, so grateful to the Lord and everyone who has been a part of my healing. God has been so very good to me! I am blessed beyond anything I ever thought possible and more than I could ever deserve. But that's the beauty of grace and mercy, isn't it? And that's the preciousness of my God!

Sissy Austin

[Sandra Coggins 1]

God Bless you. You are blessed.for he has guided you to understanding and now to a new body for your new soul.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Congratulations on your surgery and let us know if we can be of any help.

[sissyaustin 9]

I am only 5 days out from surgery. Post op is Wed.

Sent from my XT1254 using the BariatricPal App

[mngreeneyes 674]

Way to go. You have started your journey away from the past. Don't be surprised if it isn't a straight path. Those crazy memories will get you from time to time. As one of my support group friends likes to point out - This isn't brain surgery! You can do it. Congratulations on taking this momentous step!

pam