Coming out as poly

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Last week I came out to my 72 year old mother (who lives with me), as being poly. I told her that the one guy I'm dating is married (his wife pretty much set up our first date), and the other one I'm interested in, has a live-in girlfriend of a number of years. She immediately jumped to, "there will be jealousy and your heart will get broken." I tried to explain to her what poly was about (in my world, as there are a lot of different types). All in all, it went a lot better than I expected and it's easier not having to be vague and secretive anymore.

The thing about my poly is, I can take it or leave it. Having a full-time relationship that meets all of my needs is great. I'm not in one right now. Having more than one part-time relationship that together meets all of my needs is great.

The one person that I know right now that I would consider getting to know better, and would like to explore a single, full-time relationship with is in a traditional, monogamous marriage. So unless his situation changes or someone just FREAKIN' LIKE HIM comes along, I'm good with where I am now.

A couple of days after coming out, I picked up a book about open relationships that will be discussed at a poly book club meeting that I'm going to attend. Mom asked if she could read it when I was done. Color me SHOCKED!

No real question here, just sharing a part of my life that I've kept under wraps.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

It's not who you love, but how you love that matters.

[Queen of Crop 1,104]

I have been in a polyamorous relationship for 2 years....I'm married (for 25 years) to a wonderful man, and he has a partner of 2 years who I like very much. I just celebrated my one year anniversary with my partner; the four of us get along very well. It's a little complicated at times, but so are monagamous relationships and ours is very loving and respectful. After 25 years of marriage, my husband and I love each other very much, be we have found in our partners very important aspects that we never had with each other. Like you said, there are many different forms of this type of life. But for us, it's working. Good luck and always keep an open mind.

[Cervidae 2,389]

Hello fellow poly person. Though I'm in a monogamous relationship right now and for the past 4 years, but that is beside the point. Just gotta do what makes you happy. Glad you're having a decent experience during your coming out!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

This is going to be an interesting cultural discussion. The Supreme Court's ruling on homosexual marriage started a ball rolling that will be tough to stop down the line (see this evocative Slate article: http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2013/10/16/is_polyamory_a_choice.html?wpsrc=theweek)

I was initially very appalled about this idea until I read: Sex at Dawn (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7640261-sex-at-dawn). Interesting take away, when men have sex outside marriage their testosterone level increases, which increases longevity and actually makes for better sex with the spouse. I think the poly lifestyle is a much better option than leaving a spouse you love, giving away half your stuff and ripping up the relationships with your kids.

For a funny, though interesting fictional book is Nookietown (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25663809-nookietown). I think the author looked well at the pluses and negatives of the idea. The biggest problem is "s*ut shaming" from other women who look at at this as a threat (IMHO because they feel threatened and are projecting their insecurities on others, but that's a different discussion).

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

stupid technology

Edited April 25, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Dear Shocked,

You had me nervous for a moment, thinking you were about to come out as made of synthetic stuff. What a relief to know you were referring only to polyamorousness and polyamory. Your mother is cool. She didn't scream and run away. She merely expressed concern for your heart. Do me a favor and don't be surprised by her on account of her age. Anything else, fine, but not her age. As I'm closer to it than to yours, I can say that 72 is not the same as clueless.

Go forth and polyply. Or something.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I should have said more about her age. She has gotten more and more conservative as she has gotten older.

I have a cookbook called "Intercourses" - the subtitle is "an aphrodisiac cookbook." Here: http://intercourses.com/book.htm

I bought it for the beautiful photography (is that like saying, "I read penthouse for the forums"??). She pitched such a fit about me having "a disgusting book" in the living room that I put it away.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@Sharon1964 - what did you think of the edible massage oils?

[Sharon1964 2,530]

@@Sharon1964 - what did you think of the edible massage oils?

Better than a mouth full of Vaseline or baby oil. LOL.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@Sharon1964 - what did you think of the edible massage oils?

Better than a mouth full of Vaseline or baby oil. LOL.

That is almost like condemnation by too faint praise.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

That is almost like condemnation by too faint praise.

Okay, how about this... if your mouth is going to be where the oil has been, it's not a bad deal. Would I say it's awesome? No... I prefer things to be more... "natural".

LOL.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Barnum lives.

I'm making a wild guess here. Our fair Sharon is one of seven people who bought the cookbook and the other six were relatives and friends of the genius who put it together.

Another wild guess. Sharon never has prepared a recipe from the book. Neither have the relatives and friends.

I promise I've never heard of this book. The fact that I've been eating asparagus like crazy the past month is only because they are seasonal and local. Asparagus is like eggs and cheese -- a reason to live.

Edited April 26, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Sharon1964 2,530]

@@WLSResources/ClothingExch

I bought it for the naked people covered in food!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Naked people? You mean I missed them? Hold the phone, I have to click the link again.

No wonder your mother was scandalized, you rascalette.

(I have an old edition of The Joy of Cooking and the line drawings make me blush.)

Edited April 26, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch