Any tips on shifting the body image to fit the new body?

[VDB 800]

Yes, after one year, have a transformed body, still have a ways to go but am so much healthier, it is amazing.

My problem is fairly common for WLS patients. I can't seem to shift my self image, the picture in my head.

For example:

• Before, I could not just reach down and pick something up off the floor. I used a grabber. Now, I can just reach down and pick it up, but I rarely do because in my head, I am still too fat to do it. I still reach for the grabber.
• I still think that people out around town (small town, everyone knows everyone else) still stare at me and think "Man, he is so fat", but realistically I am now only about 40# overweight and due to huge frame and height, don't look all that fat. People may still stare but it is primarily because I am a very large man who walks around with a very attractive yellow lab!
• Before, I had to have a platform under my easy chair and had a very hard time getting up out of the chair. Now, I just get up, but each time I get up, still mentally prepare for the great effort even though there is no great effort, I just get up like a normal person.

Is this (for you older people) just 40 years of being fat and all those habits, or do you think I should get some professional help. For you who have experienced this, did it get better over time?

Thanks in advance, you "Pals" always come though for me when I need help.

[shriner37 249]

No real tips but I know how you feel. For me it's body image and self confidence. I never had the mobility issues you mention but always thought of myself as 'fat and ugly' and so therefore shied away from many social settings, dating, etc. When I did try I was either ignored or immediately categorized into the friend zone.

I'm a bit over halfway to my goal and looking in the mirror now I see a build that isn't a lot different from the average guy my age (mid 50's). Not where I want to end my journey but definitely not grotesque or unique. However, I'm so conditioned to being rejected, treated as that 'fat friend' or just ignored that in my mind I'm still 'fat and ugly' and someone no one would want to go out with. As another example I always shied away from cameras and photographs, as I didn't want to see myself. That is another hard one to overcome.

The exercise portion of my weight loss regimen has been lacking of late, and I hope that pursuing a full program of cardio and resistance training can not only reshape my actual body, but also my mind's image of it.

I'm working on these mentally as well and hope that as my weight loss journey continues I can overcome the image and develop the necessary self confidence. If I can't improve this on my own it will be something worth seeking counseling, as I want to achieve the full benefit of my weight loss efforts.

Edited April 24, 2016 by shriner37

[gowalking 10,790]

I've never shied away from telling my friends here on this site that I went into therapy after losing 100 lbs. I did not recognize myself, nor did I trust that I would fit in places I never did before..or fit into clothing sizes I never fit into before. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you think you would benefit. With all due respect to those posters who say all they changed was the outside, I know that this much of a change to my outside, impacted the core of me greatly. I don't mean that my core values and beliefs changed, but my attitude, bearing, and approach to others changed enormously. I had to learn to live like a normal person after living with everything being about my weight and mobility issues for such a long time. Good luck...let us know how things go.

[James Marusek 5,244]

I think it will get better over time. I am almost 3 years post-op RNY gastric bypass. I never really focused on body image either before or after surgery. But I find it is a lot easier to exercise now. I perform a fair amount of physical labor and I think that helps. At 67 years old, it feels good to cut up a downed tree into firewood and hoist logs that weight 70 pounds into my utility vehicle.

[RickM 1,747]

It mostly just takes time. For quite a while you will think 'I can't fit through that narrow space' or 'let's get a table because I can't fit in a booth' (my wife, 11 years out from her WLS, and I often wind up shoving the table back and forth, if it's not nailed to the floor, because it's too far away from either of us). When she was 4-5 out, she told me after an event with people who never knew her before that she was thinking 'these people don't know who I really am.....wait a minute, I'm still me!'

So yes, it is a common thing since our body image has been with us for so long (and even those younger experience it for some time - see their reflection in the windows as they walk down the street, thinking 'who is that stranger following me?')

As James suggests, as you recognize the positive functional changes that have been made, they start to displace the long ingrained body image. The more things that you realize that you can now do that you couldn't do as "the fat guy" the more that old body image fades, but it does take some time.

It mostly just takes time. For quite a while you will think 'I can't fit through that narrow space' or 'let's get a table because I can't fit in a booth' (my wife, 11 years out from her WLS, and I often wind up shoving the table back and forth, if it's not nailed to the floor, because it's too far away from either of us). When she was 4-5 out, she told me after an event with people who never knew her before that she was thinking 'these people don't know who I really am.....wait a minute, I'm still me!'

So yes, it is a common thing since our body image has been with us for so long (and even those younger experience it for some time - see their reflection in the windows as they walk down the street, thinking 'who is that stranger following me?')

As James suggests, as you recognize the positive functional changes that have been made, they start to displace the long ingrained body image. The more things that you realize that you can now do that you couldn't do as "the fat guy" the more that old body image fades, but it does take some time.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Great topic @@VDB . Thank you.

I just calculated that you now weigh only 69% of what you weighed when you started out. And at your goal weight you'll weigh 57% of your original weight.

That's exactly where I am now -- 57% of my original weight. I started out at 235 pounds nearly 2 years ago and have lost 100 pounds. I now weigh 135 pounds and have been at this weight for some time now.

When we lose that much body mass a lot of things have to change. For instance, I don't have all that mass to throw against stuff I'm trying to heft (brush, tree limbs, tools, furniture, luggage, multiple bags of groceries, children and pets, etc.). So now I'm learning to use different techniques to lift things -- with my knees and back instead of just my shoulders and arms. I'm learning to approach physical tasks using different angles, learning "a more strategic touch" by investigating what else besides brute force will conquer the physical task at hand.

Then there's the fact that your body's center of gravity is shifting all over the place as you lose weight. If you're not steady on your pins all the time, then welcome to the club. Only now, a year after reaching goal, am I beginning to get my proper land legs back.

Then, of course, there's the fact that I look so much different -- to myself and to others. I wear size 4 jeans now, not size 18-20 jeans. I look so much younger than I did two years ago. I don't suffer from body dysmorphia in regard to my appearance. I think that having huge mirrors in our master bathroom on two sides of the room have helped in this regard. I'm reminded a lot of what I look like.

Then there's the issue of how I move -- not lumbering from side to side, like all overweight women move to some extent, but in a straight line, feeling the freedom to swing my arms more since I walk so much faster than I used to.

And then there's my new posture -- now I'm mindfully standing up straight, shoulders back, tits out, neck straight up (not forward), head up. This new way of presenting myself -- even if only to the mirror and to myself -- helps me inhabit my new body comfortably.

Then there's the bit about how much slower my heart pumps and how much more deeply I breath and how much more fully I exhale. The old obesity conditions of not enough oxygen and too much carbon dioxide coursing through my body are no longer with me, and that means I now experience much less low-grade anxiety.

Oh, and now my underwear and clothes aren't as tight as they were two years ago, which also helps me to breathe better and lowers my physical anxiety.

So many changes we're going through! I've used yoga and stretching exercises to help me physically notice how much my body has changed. I call it "rolling around on the floor." I think you can pretty much make up your own exercises -- just find the parts that are tight or different or that you're proud of and see what you can do with those body parts now.

And I strongly recommend meditation -- whatever kind(s) help you relax and be comfortable. Although perhaps you do all this stuff already.

As others have said, I think time helps us adapt to our new bodies and new looks. But in the meantime, what a trip this is!

[VDB 800]

Thanks everyone, GREAT perspectives and thoughts. My 32 year old daughter told me the other day that I was still walking like I did like before, still moving like a fat guy. When I watched myself on video doing my TED talk recently (talk about putting your body out there for thousands to view), I was pleased how relatively skinny I looked, but also realized my posture was still like it was when my bones were weighted down with that excess weight... I like the idea of building more muscle and getting more in shape, and focusing on posture...