Conflicting Information From Doctors/Patients And My Fears

[Valentina 2,642]

Clearly there are some people that do get the surgery, because they see it as the easiest way to lose weight.

.

Oh boy, you sure opened a can of worms with that statement! And I'll be the first to respond......I did not have surgery because it was the easy way. After 30+ years of failing to maintain any significant loss through traditional "dieting" I had surgery because it was the ONLY way. Easy is the last word I'd use to describe life after WLS.

you are clearly not ready for the kind of commitment that WLS requires. Good luck.

I am not saying you or anyone else here had surgery because they viewed as they easy way out. But the fact of the matter is that there are people who do. I don't know you can deny that. My comment is not an attack on you, so don't take it personally.

Believe me, Young man--NO ONE who has had WLS has EVER considered is "the easy way out". NO ONE! :[

--and I DO take your comment personally. Shame on you for being so callous, demeaning and hurtful!

[Hey Man 30]

Some people don't care about the negatives as long as they are thin and look good in a pair of jeans again. There is more to this just being thin, so I am not one of those people. Per my doctor - I am very healthy despite my weight and while it will catch up to me, then is more ways than one to lose weight.

Clearly there are some people that do get the surgery, because they see it as the easiest way to lose weight.

If I decide that this is not right for me - through my decision or the doctors decide for me, I will know that this is no longer an option for me and focus on another way to lose weight, which I am fine with - it will just take longer.

I need to correct a couple misconceptions here. I've only been on these boards for six months, but I can tell you that "looking good in a pair of jeans again" is not the driver for most of us. Do we enjoy it once we get there? You bet we do. But the jeans are the least of it. It's regaining our health, and regaining control over our eating, which had felt so out of control for so long. It's gaining perhaps for the first time a sense of self-respect and self-love.

As for your assertion that surgery is "the easiest way to lose weight", I assure you, choosing surgery is anything but "easy". If you haven't gotten far eough in your research to know that, you've got more work to do.

I never said it was actually the easy way out. Trust me - I have seen what my wife has going through and it wasn't easy.

It's PERCEIVED as being the easy way out, which is why celebrities do it as opposed to working out and eating better, because they can afford surgery and skin surgery following that. And then wonder why they gain the weight back.

[Hey Man 30]

@@Hey Man

I think with as much thought as you've put into this already and the the kinds of questions you've been asking, you'de actually do very well with the surgery. I can tell.

Are you being sarcastic or do you mean that? Why do you feel I would do well with the surgery.

No, I mean it. Just the idea that you're even thinking so much about it and asking questions means to me that you would be committed enough to it.

I've seen people do more research buying a car than they did having WLS. And they struggle.

That's what I am talking about -some people do more research when it comes to buying the latest cell phone over research and asking questions about WLS.

When I went with my wife for her orientation - there was a bunch of other people there and once they learned about what is required, half of the people didn't return after we had a small break.

[Hey Man 30]

Believe me, Young man--NO ONE who has had WLS has EVER considered is "the easy way out". NO ONE! :[

Clearly there are some people that do get the surgery, because they see it as the easiest way to lose weight.

.

Oh boy, you sure opened a can of worms with that statement! And I'll be the first to respond......I did not have surgery because it was the easy way. After 30+ years of failing to maintain any significant loss through traditional "dieting" I had surgery because it was the ONLY way. Easy is the last word I'd use to describe life after WLS.

you are clearly not ready for the kind of commitment that WLS requires. Good luck.

I am not saying you or anyone else here had surgery because they viewed as they easy way out. But the fact of the matter is that there are people who do. I don't know you can deny that. My comment is not an attack on you, so don't take it personally.

--and I DO take your comment personally. Shame on you for being so callous, demeaning and hurtful!

That's not true at all and there is no reason to take my comment personally because it wasn't directed at you.

[Valentina 2,642]

On this support site, when you say insensitive comments to one of us, you hurt all of us who struggle with our WLS journey every day. I for one have had enough of hurt.

You have absolutely not a single clue as to the struggles each of us have had to overcome. Yet here we are, trying to help anyone who asks for guidance and support.

The very LEAST you should do is honor this site for what it is---a support site full of heart bearing souls who are trying to reach out and offer you a hand of friendship and experience.

Maybe you could try to accept our words with a wee bit of grace and stop with the , "but he/said", "but I read that what you said isn't true", "if I hav to go through what you are, I would never have WLS".

On this day--MY opinion.

I'm out!

[Hey Man 30]

On this support site, when you say insensitive comments to one of us, you hurt all of us who struggle with our WLS journey every day. I for one have had enough of hurt.

You have absolutely not a single clue as to the struggles each of us have had to overcome. Yet here we are, trying to help anyone who asks for guidance and support. The very LEAST you should do is honor this site for what it is---a support site full of heart bearing souls who are trying to reach out and offer you a hand of friendship and experience. Maybe you could try to accept our words with a wee bit of grace and stop with the , "but he/said", "but I read that what you said isn't true", "if I hav to go through what you are, I would never have WLS".

I've changed my mind about you and having surgery. I think you are a perfect candidate for a "plexiotomy". : the surgery where the surgeon cuts out a square in the center of your abdomen, inserts a piece of plexiglass, so whenever you stick your head up your arse, you can see where you are going--like now!

On this day--MY opinion.

I'm out!

You are completely overreacting to something that had nothing to do with you and wasn't directed at you or anyone else here.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Then your body and your mind are not in sync, therefore you are not ready.

You can always do nothing.

How's that working for you????

It has nothing to do with that. Surgery of this type is not some simple decision. You can't reverse it. I think one would be stupid not to ask the questions that I am asking or have the concerns that I have.

Some people don't care about the negatives as long as they are thin and look good in a pair of jeans again. There is more to this just being thin, so I am not one of those people. Per my doctor - I am very healthy despite my weight and while it will catch up to me, then is more ways than one to lose weight.

Clearly there are some people that do get the surgery, because they see it as the easiest way to lose weight.

Once you are over 2x the normal BMI like I was for 20 years, there is no easy way to lose weight. This is still really hard.

My motivation to have surgery was health related. I went from being a healthy fat person to my health rapidly declining at a young age. I felt like I didn't have time to take chances on trying to lose weight once again without surgery.

I don't have any negatives. food doesn't rule my life anymore which is pretty awesome. All this obsessing you are doing about food, is what I was like a few years ago. Once I got to the point my health was sliding, what I could eat was the least of my concerns. I wanted to be healthy.

The improved health came first. Looking good in my new slutty clothes is just a side bonus. It is the thing that keeps me motivated because I can visibly see it every day and enjoy the benefits. Lower blood pressure while awesome doesn't pay off in the same way.

No matter how you lose weight, surgery or not, it is all a head game. You have to be in the right mental space to make it happen.

Edited April 25, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[Hey Man 30]

Then your body and your mind are not in sync, therefore you are not ready.

You can always do nothing.

How's that working for you????

It has nothing to do with that. Surgery of this type is not some simple decision. You can't reverse it. I think one would be stupid not to ask the questions that I am asking or have the concerns that I have.

Some people don't care about the negatives as long as they are thin and look good in a pair of jeans again. There is more to this just being thin, so I am not one of those people. Per my doctor - I am very healthy despite my weight and while it will catch up to me, then is more ways than one to lose weight.

Clearly there are some people that do get the surgery, because they see it as the easiest way to lose weight.

Once you are over 2x the normal BMI like I was for 20 years, there is no easy way to lose weight. This is still really hard.

My motivation to have surgery was health related. I went from being a healthy fat person to my health rapidly declining at a young age. I felt like I didn't have time to take chances on trying to lose weight once again without surgery.

I don't have any negatives. food doesn't rule my life anymore which is pretty awesome. All this obsessing you are doing about food, is what I was like a few years ago. Once I got to the point my health was sliding, what I could eat was the least of my concerns. I wanted to be healthy.

The improved health came first. Looking good in my new slutty clothes is just a side bonus. It is the thing that keeps me motivated because I can visibly see it every day and enjoy the benefits. Lower blood pressure while awesome doesn't pay off in the same way.

No matter how you lose weight, surgery or not, it is all a head game. You have to be in the right mental space to make it happen.

And I may not care about food once I see some results. But I know myself and I know that I will be more successful if I can enjoy the things I love on some level - even a very small one.

Endlessly depriving yourself is something that even doctors will tell you is not good to do. It's better to have one or two Cookies or whatever it is that you want and get it out of your system as opposed to always thinking about the cookie and depriving yourself.

You just need to ensure that you stop at the 1 or 2 Cookies or the piece of pizza. I know that I can do that. But I think depriving myself will ultimately make me want it more.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Hey Man

[2goldengirl 2,076]

What you are clearly not hearing from us is that what you know as your reality now - what foods you most enjoy, for example - may change dramatically postop. The foods you think you can't live without may be foods that simply don't interest you postop. You can't base your decision about surgery on that.

Instead, I'm going to challenge you on something. You mentioned that your wife has reached her goal, and now that she has, she would like for you to have surgery so you can both have a healthier life.

Think of this. Your wife has no doubt, radically changed her relationship with food, if for no other reason than having to account for foods that no longer agree with her post-GBP. And she lives with a husband who at the age of 45 is seriouly obese and who shows more interest in hanging on to his wings and pizza than he does in investing in your mutual future. When your health fails due to your obesity, who do you think will be left taking care of you? She will.

WLS changes relationships. some for the better, some for the worse. Maybe what you need to listen to is why she wants you to conquer your food issues. Leave the word "surgery" out of it if you like, but understand that the imbalance between you is growing, and in your hands.

[Hey Man 30]

What you are clearly not hearing from us is that what you know as your reality now - what foods you most enjoy, for example - may change dramatically postop. The foods you think you can't live without may be foods that simply don't interest you postop. You can't base your decision about surgery on that.

Instead, I'm going to challenge you on something. You mentioned that your wife has reached her goal, and now that she has, she would like for you to have surgery so you can both have a healthier life.

Think of this. Your wife has no doubt, radically changed her relationship with food, if for no other reason than having to account for foods that no longer agree with her post-GBP. And she lives with a husband who at the age of 45 is seriouly obese and who shows more interest in hanging on to his wings and pizza than he does in investing in your mutual future. When your health fails due to your obesity, who do you think will be left taking care of you? She will.

WLS changes relationships. some for the better, some for the worse. Maybe what you need to listen to is why she wants you to conquer your food issues. Leave the word "surgery" out of it if you like, but understand that the imbalance between you is growing, and in your hands.

I acknowledge what you are you saying and you are right. But while she has done an amazing job and got to her goal weight - she will still have a handful of chips and she loves these:

http://www.darefoods.com/resevoir_storage/products/pWqP2fxPdWEdkGUCVcDKGRWJ92O0sUBh5nOxkmnr.png

They are probably what helped her get to her goal beyond the food she was eating regularly, because wasn't feeling deprived. She was 350 and is now 190. If one needs a crutch to help get them to their goal, I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as it's reasonable.

If you don't need an Oreo every day for example to feel human while you eat healthy for the rest of the time - that's great. But even on regular diets they say it's not good to completely deprive yourself if you want to be successful, so why would it be beneficial after WLS?

[Babbs 14,681]

@@Hey Man

Losing weight is such a SMALL part of WLS. It's actually the EASY part.

We get very short sighted as newly sleeved or bypassed patients. It's all about the scale, how fast we are losing, stressing about stalls or small fluctuations in out weight. But the main thing we should be focusing on is how we can change our eating habits enough to keep the weight we lost off and live a healthy, happy life.

At almost 2 years out, I can eat SO MUCH MORE than I could even a year out. I find myself over eating frequently, and have to actually force myself to weigh and measure most of the time to prevent it. I feel almost like I didn't have surgery at times. ESPECIALLY when it comes to snacking. I have to be very mindful.

This is the reason I am choosing to eat edamame instead of chips for a snack, or eat a chocolate Greek yogurt as opposed to a cookie or two or three (because that's what it will end up being)

I couldn't utilize moderation before surgery, so what makes me think it will work for me now that I feel like I can eat almost normal amounts of food? It won't. If I did a cookie here and a few chips there, I guarantee it won't stop there because I don't have my precious restriction and lack of hunger to count on anymore. That leads to weight gain. Ask anyone who has gained weight back, they will be the first ones to admit it.

Like I said, it's not the amount of food that makes us successful, it's ultimately what we choose to eat that does when the honeymoon is over.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

If you don't need an Oreo every day for example to feel human while you eat healthy for the rest of the time - that's great. But even on regular diets they say it's not good to completely deprive yourself if you want to be successful, so why would it be beneficial after WLS?

What people are trying to explain to you is that you can eat other things and not feel deprived. I don't eat Oreos for example, never have they are trash. I like real baked goods made from scratch. I still make baked goods from scratch, they are just sugar free and low carb. If I want something sweet and fast I can grab a Protein bar, the Oh Yeah One bars taste like candy, with 1g of sugar and 22 g of Protein.< /p>

If you change your relationship with food you don't feel deprived. The biggest part of losing weight is a mental fight.

Long before I had surgery, I gave up alcohol, just for personal reasons. I don't drink and I don't feel deprived because alcohol doesn't interest me. When I drink in a social situation, I just take a few sips and stop because I am bored. It just doesn't interest me. Like cheap men, I'll pass.

Edited April 25, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

There is conflicting information because Everyone is different, and there is no real answer to your questions....for you. You have no way of knowing how your body will react to surgery until you're there.

My experience has been, yes, I can eat spicy good just fine. No I can't drink carbonation. It's not that I'm not supposed to, it's that I CANT. the bubbles have nowhere to go so more than a sip or two is painful. And no, I never lost a strand of hair. Didn't take any supplements, just got in all my Protein and Water and never stressed about it. But you have no control over it. It's just gonna happen it not.

I guess you just have to ask yourself if you want to be thinner and healthier even if you can't drink soda or eat spicy food or if you go bald. My answer was yes. If your answer is no then perhaps surgery is not for you, cause you can't take it back. Besides, surgery alone will not make you successful. It's not JUST about Portion Control. There are a lot of lifestyle and diet changes you must commit to....forever.....or the surgery will be a waste of time and money.

What she said ^^^^

I find it a little disheartening when people think they don't have to change their eating habits just because they can eat less. This thinking is why over 50% of people gain some or all of their weight back. The hardest part of this whole process is realizing our love affair with food really has to end. It really has to turn into more of a respect for food by understanding what we eat can either make us or break us. Mindful eating, not eating less, is they key to our success. Understanding that is half the battle.

What you say here really speaks to me. I'm scheduled for my sleeve in June, and I didn't decide to make this enormous leap until I was ready to give up my love affair with food. I have to put food in the place it deserves to be, fuel for my body, instead of a source (sometimes THE source) of happiness. I've forced myself to stop reading cookbooks, watching cooking shows, etc. and to read about travel and activity and to spend more time in my garden and less time in my kitchen. While I'll still cook and enjoy it, I have to completely change the way I interact with food and the way I use food in my life. It's daunting to think of a life without the companionship of food, but I think I'll have a lot more life to live if I make this change.

[Hey Man 30]

@@Hey Man

Losing weight is such a SMALL part of WLS. It's actually the EASY part.

We get very short sighted as newly sleeved or bypassed patients. It's all about the scale, how fast we are losing, stressing about stalls or small fluctuations in out weight. But the main thing we should be focusing on is how we can change our eating habits enough to keep the weight we lost off and live a healthy, happy life.

At almost 2 years out, I can eat SO MUCH MORE than I could even a year out. I find myself over eating frequently, and have to actually force myself to weigh and measure most of the time to prevent it. I feel almost like I didn't have surgery at times. ESPECIALLY when it comes to snacking. I have to be very mindful.

This is the reason I am choosing to eat edamame instead of chips for a snack, or eat a chocolate Greek yogurt as opposed to a cookie or two or three (because that's what it will end up being)

I couldn't utilize moderation before surgery, so what makes me think it will work for me now that I feel like I can eat almost normal amounts of food? It won't. If I did a cookie here and a few chips there, I guarantee it won't stop there because I don't have my precious restriction and lack of hunger to count on anymore. That leads to weight gain. Ask anyone who has gained weight back, they will be the first ones to admit it.

Like I said, it's not the amount of food that makes us successful, it's ultimately what we choose to eat that does when the honeymoon is over.

But as part of our new eating habits - shouldn't we learn and understand moderation? Shouldn't we learn to be able to have a handful of chips or a cookie or two and that's satisfying enough?

Are we really changing our food habits by simply avoiding foods. Sooner or later, we are going to be invited to a birthday party for example and I think it's important that we learn to have a small sliver of cake and be satisfied with that as opposed to what we would have normally eaten at a birthday party or Christmas dinner or whatever.

If this works for you - great. But wouldn't you like to have your cake and eat it too so speak. Be able to treat yourself once in a while and be satisfied with a paper thin slice as opposed to half of the cake. Do you really think eating a cookie or two will result into you eating 30 Cookies at one time or do you think that you can probably stop at 2 Cookies, because you are happy with the weight you have lost?

I guess I just have a big problem wrapping my head around avoiding foods out of fear. I want to eat healthier, but I also want to learn how to eat in moderation.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Since you don't know me you don't have the context for my remark. I was over 300# had sleeve in Dec 2011 and have been maintaining 150# loss for some years now. I don't actually believe you have to give up those things permanently. My personal experience and some observations of others is you've got to be pretty "all in" to make your goal and get well established in maintenance. If you aren't pretty committed, regain is a real possibility. I eat some junky food too, but during weight loss and during establishing maintenance I was careful. Now years later I remain diligent. I felt like for me, I had to be at the point that saving my life is way more important than(fill in the blank) food.< /p>

So the real question is. .. is getting to a healthy weight more or less important than buffalo wings and diet soda? I am not saying you can never have them again...but if you had to choose between a healthy weight and crappy food - which would it be?

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The answer is a healthy weight, but I don't think that one has to make such a choice. Yes, at 450 pounds - I am too far gone, but there are millions and millions of people at healthy weights that enjoy buffalo wings for example and maintain that healthy weight through proper eating, moderation on "bad" foods and exercise. I want to be one of those people eventually.

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