How do you tell people....

[lindseyp1019 12]

I am worried about telling people about the surgery, I guess because the stigma attached to it. Although I know I'm doing what's best for me, I still feel embarrassed. I haven't told my work I'm having surgery, just requested time off. My immediate family knows, but not many other people. my husbands family is fro out of town and they don't know, they are all health/exercise nuts so I'm afraid to tell them. I don't know what to say when people start asking me how I lost all the weight. Anyone else struggling with this?

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[applejenn 173]

I have been open & honest. I feel that the stigma is because lack of education. The more I talk about it maybe the less stigma will be around it. I work with many people who have had the surgery some told some did not. The ones who did not tell, there was gossip around them being ill.

I just rather be honest.

But I understand why people don't tell. It's no ones business

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[ratchet 0]

I definitely have, first I only told my family. Then I confided in a friend from work who decided to get the same procedure. I didn't want it broadcast on Facebook or other social media as I follow a lot of acquaintances and fellow professionals in my field. I told 4 of my close friends the day before my surgery that I was having a surgery and that if anything happened to me I'd like them to know. I cried a little from the release of sharing even this little bit. One friend messaged me separately to inquire what the surgery was for as she was going into nursing. She also asked me why I decided on it, and was accepting and very supportive. I agree that there is a negative stigma and little education about the surgery. My final stance is to keep the people who know informed about my progress for support, but also to answer others honestly when they ask about my weight loss with additional education for them. My friend is a bit braver and posts on Facebook, it's a good way to get friends educated and get instant support on the progress that you post.

I'd say everyone is different and you need to do what's best for you. If you feel like you're hiding out of guilt that could also lead to setbacks in eating behaviors so be careful. It can be freeing to tell others and educate them.

However, as long as you have someone supporting you and you don't want others to know there are ways to answer the health nuts without lying. I made changes to my behaviors. Exercise, Protein, portions. Just remind yourself too that this surgery is part of a larger tool set that you needed and they didn't.

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[freelee 128]

Do what you think is right. Before I had surgery I didn't tell many people what I was going to all the appts for, mainly because I was afraid I would back out or something would stop the process. After the surgery, I have told people. I even made an announcement at work when I lost 100 lbs. I agree, people need to be educated, and I'm amazed at how sincere the questions are that are asked. Yet, I do not mention it on social media.

It is definitely a private decision, and one to be respected. You are not lying you answer people when asked how you are doing it, by replying "very low carb and very high Protein, lots of Water and exercise". Afterall, that is what we are doing.

[NewAngela 60]

I am pretty open about it, but I am lucky that I work with scientists who mostly understand the data. Once you are morbidly obese, the chances of maintaining long term weight loss is less than 5%. Unfortunately, we live in a society where obesity is not only stigmatized, it is also shamed. People assume that their experience is like everyone else's, and that body weight is can be controlled with will power. No study has ever shown this to be true. You don't owe anyone any answers, certainly not anyone besides those you are close to. Tell people what they need to know, you will be eating less and exercising more after surgery. I haven't gotten any negative reactions in person, and only one insanely negative reaction on an online forum, but once I tell someone I am just waiting for them to argue with me. I am more than happy to educate people.

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[achappex3 346]

My immediate family knows, and some close friends. But the way I look at it is this; why should I have to explain myself to anybody?

If they ask I'll tell. But I'd still be hesitant depending on the person. I figure I'd say something along the lines of "I changed my diet and exercised more," both in which aren't lies.

Like all of us, you're doing this to better yourself and live a fuller life. That's all that should matter. If they have something to say so be it. They're not doing or saying anything that can benefit your life in any way.

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[pattyoj 13]

I am not telling friends and some family. Only my parents, sister and husband know.

Is Noones business, people are quick to judge. My surgery will be Thursday before memorial. We normally have Friday and Monday off. So I'm taking that Thursday off, and the week after I'm working from home

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[Mysticpink74 50]

I'm scared of people's judgments too...I am conflicted on telling anyone outside my little circle (which is only like 3 people)....I did announce on FB that I'm "dieting" in order to shed weight for my wedding...mainly so when it comes to me losing weight they don't start asking questions....

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[mngreeneyes 674]

This is a topic that can get people pretty riled up. All in all it is your choice and your decision what and who you tell. As someone who thought she didn't know anyone who had had the surgery, it was interesting to hear from the people who have come out of the woodwork once they knew I was thinking about it!

I kept it pretty close to my vest, especially at work. I am now 5 months postop and I still haven't put it on Facebook. I have lost more than 70 lbs so its pretty obvious something is going on and if someone asks, I will tell them, but I am not going out of my way to share, or haven't. This is changing this weekend because I am training for the Twin Cities Marathon in October to raise $$ for clean Water for people in Africa. One of my reasons for doing it, besides to do the marathon, is my gratitude for having clean Water available to me everyday through this journey. As part of my fundraising appeal, I plan to mention my surgery and water drinking. That will inform a few people who haven't been told. I anticipate a few will be upset that they didn't hear earlier, but they are ones I might never have told!

My family and closest friends knew before surgery and that was all that I felt necessary. I even asked my brother not to tell his wife because I didn't want to deal with her condescension. She's a size 2 after 4 kids! (and just like that). I was very selective about who I told before surgery and even up until now because I didn't want to deal with the attitudes of the naysayers.

Regardless of what you chose, it is entirely your decision and one you shouldn't regret either way. You are doing this for you. Tell or don't tell, it doesn't take away from the fact that you are taking control of your life!!

Way to GO!

pam

[mostly10 6]

I've been struggling with this too, especially considering how open I normally am with online friends and acquaintances. initially I only told two of my closest friends I was even considering it, to get their thoughts on it. they were very supportive and listened to my reasoning and accepted my choice.

once I was accepted to the surgical team, I made a custom friends group on Facebook where I only added ~10 people whose opinions I trust, and whose support I've relied on in the past. I can then update to those friends only as things happen, and I can ask for advice from smart and honest people who won't either judge or tell me what I want to hear.

the only family that knows right now is my mum. in large parts because I need her help to get to/from appointments (I don't have a car) and I will need someone to look after my dog while I'm admitted and the couple of days after thr surgery. my sister (my only other close family member) has been a size 0 all her life, and Idon’t feel comfortable yet that she wouldn't judge me for my choice. she's expressed concern about my weight before, but I'm not sure she thinks weightloss is good at any cost.

I think that I'll probably "go public" about my surgery a few days before it happens. not because it's anyone elses business, but because I'm an honest and open person and I don't believe in perpetuating the stigma of "fat = ugly & lazy". I just feel better telling people and being honest than I would telling half-truths.

~~ nell.

[limesqueeze23 43]

Oh my gosh, I am having the same problem! I have told my parents and they are wonderful and supportive of me but I haven't said anything to my fiancées family. They are all very fit and love exercising. My future mother in law is a very avid cyclist and she has said things about my weight to my fiancée, but never to me directly. She is a very nice woman, and very loving towards me but I always feel like my weight has been such an awkward subject hanging in the air. I am so afraid to tell her and have her say the typical response of "we'll have you tried blank exercise" or "have you tried blank diet". I just love her son so much and I want her to be proud to have me as a daughter in law.

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[Tommy Joe 113]

I've been telling everyone at first , I guess I was wanting confirmation that I was doing the right thing. I haven't had anyone be very supportive. But now I'm doing the bypass and it will take care of my horrid reflux. food gets stuck in my throat. I get acid back if I forget my pantoprazole, which I take twice a day. Surprisingly all of my current Dr were supportive and wished me well and will continue to care for me which is awesome I think. I tell people I'm having this done to take care of my acid reflux and Barrets esophagus. I currently have a very slow growing tumor in my kidney and getting in shape and healthier will help with that as well. I'm doing this for me.

[mostly10 6]

I've been telling everyone at first , I guess I was wanting confirmation that I was doing the right thing. I haven't had anyone be very supportive. But now I'm doing the bypass and it will take care of my horrid reflux. food gets stuck in my throat. I get acid back if I forget my pantoprazole, which I take twice a day. Surprisingly all of my current Dr were supportive and wished me well and will continue to care for me which is awesome I think. I tell people I'm having this done to take care of my acid reflux and Barrets esophagus. I currently have a very slow growing tumor in my kidney and getting in shape and healthier will help with that as well. I'm doing this for me.

I'm sorry people close to you haven't been suportive. if this is something you want, and your doctor thinks it's a medically safe choice, then it's the right choice.

~~ nell.

[bsweetness 25]

Treat it like a pregnancy, everyone will have their opinion but only you know what's best for you and what you can handle. I wouldn't be embarrassed by your getting a tool to help you live a healthier life and they should want you to be healthier. Good luck on your journey.

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[jean1968 3]

I'm actually very surprised with how many people are honestly interested in the procedure themselves. They ask me questions for themselves and their loved ones. I'm more than happy to tell them the good and bad that comes along with surgery.

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